Who I am now
by Nocturnalux
Summary: Izaya loses his memory. Shiki takes him under his wing and soon becomes indispensable to amnesic Izaya. Yet the one person that stirs Izaya's memory just so happens to be Shizuo.
1. Chapter 1

**Pairing: **Shiki/Izaya

**Prompt:** Izaya loses his memory and Shiki is the one who finds him. He can still be an informant and do his regular work. And because Izaya meets Shiki first (or Shiki saves him) Izaya is more attached to Shiki than before.

* * *

><p>At first Shiki thought that it was another of Izaya's antics. He knew full well that Izaya, as useful as he was, was prone to fits of mischievous behavior. It was just one of those things to keep in mind when dealing with Izaya. Normally Shiki would steer away from such an unpredictable element but Izaya's good points more than outweighed his occasional detours from sanity.<br>So when Shiki found Izaya blinking uncertainly and walking down a street with a puzzled expression, he was sure that something was up.  
>"What are you doing this side of town?"<br>Like any yakuza worth his salt Shiki could not help but be territorial by nature. To him the entire city was divided into a grid of power players and areas of influence. Izaya jumped and looked left and right then behind.  
>"Are you talking to me, sir?"<br>Shiki narrowed his eyes slightly.  
>"'Sir'?"<br>"Izaya, stop fooling around."  
>Normally Izaya was not foolish enough to let his trippy ways affect his business relationship with Shiki but there was something a bit off.<br>"Izaya...? Could it be that you know me? I can't remember anything- I've been looking through my clothes for a cell phone but-"  
>He snapped into silence and stood with eyes that were far too wide and a look of frozen panic spelled all over his features. Shiki lighted a cigarette and gave him a good hard stare that he could see intimidated Izaya to no end.<br>"Come with me. And you better not be up to a prank as usual."  
>Izaya hesitated. The goons that shielded Shiki caught his attention.<br>"Don't worry, we can talk over there."  
>Shiki gestured to a café and Izaya relaxed immediately. He joined Shiki across a table and ordered green tea. Shiki was still not completely convinced and decided to test him.<br>"It's a shame that you should lose your memory just now. I just received intel about a way of awakening your package."  
>Izaya tilted his head to the side and sighed.<br>"I knew it, I'm not an honest and upright citizen. All this talk about 'packages', it sounds shady."  
>And Shiki embodied 'shady' to respectably groomed shady but still.<br>"You don't know what I'm talking about?"  
>Izaya shook his head slowly. He held the cup with both hands and looked into the green liquid where a single stem floated upwards.<br>"All I remember was waking up in an alley, alone. I walked around and was looking through my pockets for a clues as to who I was- and what had happened- when I found a knife- and then I got too scared to ring anyone up on the list. And couldn't go to the police either."  
>Izaya's hands began to tremble and the tremor ran up his arms until his entire body was shaking. He took a deep breath and blurted,<br>"But you seem to know me and not be hostile so I figured I could talk to you. Also I don't think you'd be shocked about switchblades."  
>Izaya glanced at Shiki's cuff. Shiki wore well tailored suits at all times and made it a point of honor to always wear long sleeves but Izaya had caught a glimpse of tattooed skin just flickering underneath the gold watch. By now Shiki was half-convinced that Izaya was not faking it.<br>"I see. So what do you think I do for a living."  
>Another hesitation. Izaya lifted his eyes, gulped to steady himself and said.<br>"Yakuza."  
>"Ah."<br>Shiki managed the silence that followed. Then produced his cell phone.  
>"For starters let me show you that I do indeed know you."<br>Izaya nearly fell off his seat as his own phone began to rang and he picked it using only the tips of his fingers as if he was afraid it would contaminate him.  
>"'Shiki'."<br>Izaya picked up the phone just to make sure and sure enough, he could hear the man sitting opposite him both in person and directly into his ear.  
>"That's me."<br>Izaya put aside the phone and looked rather stunned. A television hooked in a conspicuous spot delivered a special report about a teenage girl that had been found dead, police was still trying to identify the body. He pointed to it.  
>"This city is getting more dangerous by the second."<br>Izaya glanced at the screen. The news was on repeat stating again that authorities were still trying to confirm the identity. Izaya was simply wan.  
>"Yes, Shiki-san, who exactly am I?"<br>It was then that Shiki knew without a shadow of a doubt that Orihara Izaya had indeed no idea of how to answer this question.


	2. Chapter 2

And it gave rise to another question, namely what Shiki was to do with Izaya. Shiki considered what to say.  
>"You're Orihara Izaya. An informant headquartered in Shinjuku. About the best one in Tokyo, too."<br>Izaya's eyes widened considerably, making him look so much like a child that Shiki was momentarily uncomfortable.  
>"An informant? I sell information to the highest bidder, no doubt. It makes sense that I should know you, then. Unless I owe you money?"<br>Izaya paled as he asked this. His worry was so naked, extremely off character. Shiki kept seeing that he was dealing with a whole different person.  
>"You don't owe me money. We have a work relationship."<br>A profound sigh on Izaya's part. Relief as he smiled half apologetically.  
>"I was afraid you were about to dump me in Tokyo Bay or something. Can I ask you what organization you work for?"<br>Izaya leant closer to the table and a distinct flare of curiosity lit up his eyes.  
>"The Awakusu group."<br>"The name doesn't ring a bell."  
>Shiki could see Izaya gathering his concentration to remember something, anything. Izaya tapped a ringed finger against the table and suddenly asked for a piece of paper and a pen that he slid across to Shiki, asking,<br>"Could you write it for me, please?"  
>"Let's get you home first."<p>

Shiki could tell how reluctant Izaya was to board the sleek fogged window black car and so they ended up taking a taxi to the Shinjuku address. Izaya gaped slightly at the building and gaped a lot at the vast apartment.  
>"The key actually fit. So I live here? I must be in rolling in dough!"<br>Izaya actually dashed to the panoramic window and then back all the way to the lobby again, having kicked off his shoes rapidly so that he could explore this new realm that apparently belonged to him and all. Shiki was amused as he saw Izaya take in the modern overly expensive and minimalistic black leather sofas, the rest of the unobtrusive furniture that lent the living air an air of an office, the checkered board on which random pieces of chess mingled in happy promiscuity with pieces of _go_, the well tended plants, the smooth desk dominated by a massive computer monitor placed in front of the glassy surface of the wide window. He paid closed attention to the bookshelves running the full length of a wall from floor to ceiling.  
>"You charge a pretty yen, yes."<br>Izaya whistled.  
>"Oh my, by the looks of it I am a smart fellow."<br>Shiki had to smile. He wondered if Izaya was trying to overcompensate for the great void in his memory by sponging as much information as he could. Izaya skipped to the entrance where he spotted a punch-in machine.  
>"And what is this?"<br>"I think it's for your secretary, Yagiri Namie."  
>"I have a secretary? Great! So you've been here before?"<br>"A couple of times."  
>Shiki followed Izaya down a passage to the main bedroom. Izaya stood on the threshold for a while, biting his lip as he contemplated the black silk sheets and that were neatly tucked in a big bed that stood right in the middle of the chamber. There was a folded laptop in a corner and Izaya passed it as he opened a closet, rummaging through its contents.<br>"No girl's clothing so no live in girlfriend. And there is a lot of fur."  
>"It's your trademark, I think."<br>Izaya guided him back to the living room as if he was sinking into the role of proprietor and settled on a sofa as he gestured Shiki to take the opposite seat.  
>"Shiki-san, could you tell me how I became acquainted with you?"<br>The question in itself was neutral enough but the way in which Izaya asked it, loaded with the implication that he wanted to pursue this relationship, told Shiki that Izaya could still be useful. Before Shiki could answer Izaya bounced to his feet.  
>"Where are my manners, I should offer you something. I'll make some tea. Now where is the kitchen again?"<br>Izaya smiled ironically as if his lack of knowledge about his own home was rather amusing. Shiki pointed at another passage.  
>"That way, third door to the right."<br>"Thank you. I'll be right back."  
>But Izaya took more time than the exactly necessary for boiling water. If need be he could simply state that he had had to look for the tea apparatus. Izaya needed this pause to think for himself.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

He made Shiki tell him the directions to the kitchen to see just how well Shiki knew the inner geography of this hyper posh apartment. And apparently Shiki knew it very well. It made Izaya wonder just how much time Shiki had spent in this place and if some of it had been spent in the bedroom. It was very dangerous territory he was treading but somehow he enjoyed the spur of excitement that urged him onwards to learn everything about his own life. And Izaya could not deny the immediate flicker of attraction as he laid eyes on Shiki. But it was a card best not played for the time being.  
>Izaya returned to sit himself opposite of Shiki and placed a cup in front of him with dutiful solicitude. Shiki found it amusing.<br>"Where was I, ah yes. How did I become acquainted with you, Shiki-san?"  
>For once Izaya was curious and overtly so. It was a first for Shiki. That Izaya was a creature driven by curiosity and that he relished it immensely was something that Shiki could not have failed to register but Izaya was as guarded as he was enthralled with a lust for information. Shiki knew full well that Izaya often exhibited an almost childish glee over the strangest of things but that was part of Izaya's veneer and hardly something to go by. It occurred to Shiki that this was a surprising opportunity for uncovering just who Orihara Izaya was.<br>"You approached me. Shortly after you graduated from high school, I believe."  
>Izaya whistled.<br>"My, how bold of me. Shiki-san, the yakuza is a pyramid-like organization, is it not? And I suspect you stand very close to the apex. So, can I know just why you bothered to listen to who I am sure was a scrawny teen?"  
>Shiki realized that Izaya was enjoying this. Against all odds. Until Shiki was reminded of the caliber of the man he was dealing with. Gathering data was so engrained in Izaya's blood, probably sent endorphins into its flow, that he defaulted to it naturally.<br>"It seems like you remember how the yakuza works but there is one thing I should tell you. More than collecting debts or badgering shop owners into paying protection money the key to it is managing people. And I could tell just by looking at you that you had something to offer. Which I took."  
>Izaya's eyebrows arched at the not too subtle implication. Shiki wondered if he would ask about it.<br>"I see. And I suppose I have a long list of enemies?"  
>"Actually, no. Plenty of people hate you but you say yourself that you only have one. But it's a very bad one."<br>Izaya leant forward.  
>"And that is?"<br>"Heiwajima Shizuo."  
>Izaya froze on the seat. He remained in perfect stillness long enough to worry Shiki and then just as suddenly jumped to his feet and proceeded to pace up and down rapidly.<br>"Heiwajima Shizuo, Heiwajima Shizuo, Heiwajima Shizuo-"  
>"Remember anything?"<br>Izaya halted and reached for a sheet a paper, pen in hand.  
>"Not quite. But I've heard the name. I am sure of it. Heiwajima Shizuo."<br>He wrote it down with slow and almost delicate stroke, his calligraphy almost artistic as if the name was an aesthetic object to be contemplated. Shiki decided to try something.  
>"How about, 'Yagiri Namie'?"<br>Izaya was still studying his own writing.  
>"Who? Never heard of her. "<br>A key turning on the locked front door went by unnoticed to him. Shiki got up.  
>"You'll hear of her now, I am sure."<p>

And indeed Namie was standing in front of them soon enough. Izaya smiled with a hint of uncertainty.  
>"I don't suppose I'm lucky enough to have you as my girlfriend, right?"<br>"I must say you that your humor will forever be beyond my comprehension."  
>He sighed.<br>"Ah, it would be too good to be true, of course."  
>Shiki wondered how much Izaya meant this tirade. What interested him the most was that Izaya had clearly no recollection of her name but could write Heiwajima's perfectly well and without as much as the faintest echo of hesitation. More, Izaya should have remembered her name since he had just read it but clearly some lingering impression of Heiwajima blocked that out from his immediate awareness.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

"Shiki-san, we were not expecting you today."  
>It was Namie's way to letting Izaya know that he should leave silly antics for later and attend to the job at hand first, whatever that was. Shiki explained what had happened and was not surprised to hear her say,<br>"I had nothing to do with it. I do know of procedures for erasing someone's memory but this was not my doing. I can contact some of my people and see if they can help."  
>Izaya remained very placid as if someone else was being discussed instead of himself. Shiki could not help wonder if it had crossed Izaya's mind that maybe this amnesia was deliberate and maybe of Izaya's own doing.<br>"I would be very thankful. Now, can you tell me precisely how you came to work for me and what exactly you do?"  
>Apart from the almost apologetic appraisal of her physical allure Izaya shifted to serious assessing her. Here was a very beautiful woman with a distinctive glint of intelligence in her eyes that hinted to a ruthless attitude. And judging by the way she carried herself in a short skirt and well-fitted shirt she was most definitely comfortable in her skin. Izaya suspected that it might be because she simply did not care for her beauty at all.<br>"I approached you to find my brother who was missing at the time. You found him for me. At the time I was having some issues with the company I was running so you recruited me to do preliminary data analysis, arrange topics by priority level and doing miscellaneous tasks that need be done."  
>"That's considerably more than what I'd expect from a secretary."<br>Namie smiled for the first time and Izaya found himself wondering if her duties also included bedding her. If so it was just as much on her terms as on his, of that much he was sure.  
>"A normal secretary wouldn't fit you. Your work methods are rather unorthodox."<br>Izaya was very interested in seeing that she took it all in stride. Clearly Yagiri Namie did not get surprised easily and was used to thinking on her feet.  
>"Ah, that must be the best way of getting information. Speaking of which, I don't suppose you'd know the passport to that?"<br>He gestured in the general direction of the computer that he proceeded to turn on.  
>"I have no idea. You change password regularly and as far as I know, it's a random combination each time."<br>"And here I was hoping that it would be my birthday. Then again, what is my birthday?"  
>He directed the question at her, the password box suddenly ablaze against a dark screen.<br>"May the 4th."  
>Izaya settled on his favorite swivel chair and slowly spun around. Finger interlaced in one of his contemplative moods.<br>"This is quite a predicament. It would be for anyone but so much more so for an informant. Without memories I have no ammo and that makes me a very easy target. Right now I'd say that I am the lowest rung in the food chain."  
>But Izaya did not at all sound that way. Namie smiled again and Izaya realized how happy he was to have her on his side.<br>"I can of course brief you on the most important matters and do a who-is-who. But there are things that only you know."  
>Izaya turned to Shiki now. The reason why he was having this discussion in his presence was to make it clear that he trusted the yakuza.<br>"Shiki-san, will you help me?"  
>"I have an idea."<br>"I am all ears."

Shiki's idea struck Izaya as strange at first but he understood its point readily enough.  
>"You'd employ me as a host for a while to get me used to dealing with people and go get my skills back on track. I like it. I believe I'll do just that."<br>"You might have to dye your hair to avoid recognition. But I'm sure you'll blend in no time."  
>"Am I that charming?"<br>Only Izaya could be playful about this situation.  
>"It's best to keep this under wraps, it'd be bad if it became public knowledge. I wonder if we should tell Kida."<br>Namie looked at her cell phone in a questioning way.  
>"And Kida is?"<br>"He works for you. But he's more of a freelance agent. I cannot tell for sure that he will not leak this to enemy parties."  
>Izaya beamed. There was something exciting in having her talk dangerous business in such a matter of fact tone.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

True to her word, Namie provided her laptop where after going through a very tight system of passwords she showed him rows of neatly arranged folders. As if anticipating what might be on his mind she said,  
>"Don't worry, no one but you and I could possibly understand this. I'll tell you the code, think that you can remember it?"<br>She almost brushed shoulders with him as they both sat side by side on the sofa.  
>"My ability to retain information has not suffered. I simply can't remember anything about myself."<br>Shiki kept to the background but he paid very close attention. She nodded as if this was to be expected but was still reassuring. Namie gave him the code and Izaya almost expected there to be a code to the code.  
>"Here."<br>"I suppose that the information contained in this is crucial and very helpful?"  
>"Crucial, yes. But I am afraid it will not be too helpful. As you can imagine most of the information is not recorded in any way, this is just a collection of data that can be used mostly for blackmail purposes. It's just raw material, so to speak."<br>"Eh? Very clever. And is all of the information here actually true?"  
>Her smile was cool and piercing.<br>"No. About 60% of it is dummy info. So that even if you bypass all the security measures you are still likely to fail. Not to mention that the forged intel has its uses as well."  
>Izaya whistled again.<br>"I must say, I am impressed with myself and with you."  
>"It was your idea."<br>"But it goes to sure that I know how to recruit. Namie, thank you for standing by my side."  
>Shiki perked his ears at this. There was a note of genuine gratitude that he found almost disturbing. Perhaps Shiki had become too used to seeing Izaya as the sly bastard that only trusted people as far as he could use them. Namie blinked but gathered herself rapidly.<br>"I can arrange a meeting with an expert on memory related issues for this afternoon. We will consider what to do next after we hear his opinion."  
>Shortly after she left and Izaya was alone with Shiki, the silence widening between them. Then Izaya utterly surprised him by jumping to his feet, his voice almost childish.<br>"Say, can I see it? Your tattoo, I mean. You have one, don't you? _Irezumi_, not your average tat. Funny that I should remember the name but yet could not even remember my own."  
>Izaya did not skip as he did when he was all bouncy but he approached Shiki with a slow tread, almost predatorial. Then seemed to catch himself and retreated to his careful ways, taking a literal step back.<br>"Sorry, that was too forward of me."  
>And Shiki could see that Izaya actually meant it. Otherwise Shiki would not have removed his sleek white jacket and undone the shirt until the impressive display of ink on skin was visible on his well toned body, smooth strength fully under his control, each movement charged with quiet power. Shiki was very amused as Izaya gasped aloud. At length he found his voice even if it sounded far too awed.<br>"It's a tiger...must have hurt a lot, getting it done."  
>Shiki had to consider if something like imprinting was happening here. After all, Shiki had been the first person to establish any kind of contact with an Izaya who knew nothing. Either way there was an emotional connection that Shiki knew was very new. Izaya retracted his hand almost bashfully, fingertips all too close to brushing Shiki's shoulder blades.<br>"It won't bite you. You can touch."  
>Izaya hesitated and looked very much like a little boy. In attempt to save face Izaya tried to smile his awkwardness away but his experience was too limited for it to carry him through this strange hurdle. Strange but not completely unexpected. There was a moment in which it was patently obvious that Izaya was considering his options without coming to a viable solution. Izaya merely traced the design, barely touching at all and all too aware of physical contact.<br>"Does it go on...?"  
>Izaya regretted asking right away because Shiki removed his pants and stood in naked glory without as much as batting an eyelash. Izaya tried to mimic his unaffected ease but an annoying blush defeated the effort altogether. So he gave up on putting on a façade and granted Shiki a shy smile.<br>"Sorry, I just got curious. I hope that you won't have to kill me now I've seen it."


	6. Chapter 6

"You're too useful to be disposed of."  
>Izaya could not account for the jab of pain of being labeled in such an utilitarian fashion. He did his best to overcome it by rationalizing out loud. Shiki dressed as Izaya expounded.<br>"Yes, I suppose that you'd need someone like me. An outside to the system, I mean. Correct me if I am wrong but virtually everyone in the yakuza is entangled in one web of complicity or another. All those chains of loyalty, both vertical and horizontal and the conflicts that I am sure derive when the two collide, not to mention the cutthroat nature of the business itself. You wouldn't want a yakuza informant but someone who is a free agent."  
>"You got the gist of it right."<br>Izaya smiled as if this was a compliment.  
>"I expect to remain very useful to you in the future as well."<br>Shiki took his time retrieving a pack of cigarettes from a drawer.  
>"I gather that I keep those around for you? I am sure I'm not a smoker myself."<br>And Izaya almost asked if he would find another pack in the bedside drawer and if so what exactly that would entail. Izaya swung over and took Shiki's lighter from him, lighting the cigarette that Shiki held between two fingers.  
>"You'll do great as a host."<br>Izaya chuckled.  
>"Heh, I shall try my very best."<br>It was with cool detachment that Shiki saw Izaya consider to ask the grand question about what exactly was the relationship between the two of them. As much as this situation inconvenienced Shiki, he could not help but be most interested. At intervals Izaya became transparent and the mechanics of his mind shone through. Shiki was too calm a man to let the rush of power get to him but there was something highly appealing in having Izaya depend so much on him. More, to have Izaya truly trust him. It could very well be a first for Orihara Izaya.

The expert did not want to tell Yagiri Namie that he was at a loss so he worded it very carefully.  
>"At the moment we cannot give an accurate diagnosis. Amnesia can be caused by all kinds of factors and only with observation can be proceed. For the time being Orihara-san should just surround himself with familiar objects and frequent places that are part of his routine. It is perfectly possible that he will simply recover his memories at any moment. At any rate there were no physical complications nor brain damage."<br>Izaya was relieved at this but Namie was less than impressed.  
>"Keep working at it. This has top priority."<br>"Of course we will keep Orihara-san under scrutiny. Weekly check ups are required."  
>They emerged from the office and Izaya giggled.<br>"'Under scrutiny' sounds so naughty. I'm not too sure I like it but I'll play along. Not much of a choice. So, give me the who-is-who. By the looks of it there is no ready made cure and I won't sit twiddling my thumbs waiting for my fabled memories to come back."  
>"I was hoping it would not come to it but fine, I'll do that. But keep in mind I don't know everyone that counts."<br>"A shame I was such a secretive fellow."  
>The meeting, for it could be called nothing else, took place in Izaya's living room.<br>"First, your sisters."  
>Izaya blinked rapidly.<br>"Sisters? I have family...?"  
>It sounded rather absurd.<br>"You have two younger siblings, twins. Mairu and Kururi."  
>Namie handed him a picture and he whistled.<br>"So that's how he knew for sure. Shrewd, very shrewd. So, these sisters of mine. Do they know what I do for a living?"  
>"Marginally. You don't hide the fact you're an informant but they are to be kept unawares of any details."<br>Izaya studied the two girls very fixedly. One with pigtails and glasses and something of a mischievous smile; the other was very serious looking and wore a gym uniform that was both weird and somehow very fitting. He could tell by the comfortable way they posed in front of the camera – the girl Mairu making a V sign and flinging an arm around the girl Kururi's shoulder – that they were very close. Izaya could see no way of possibly being a part of the tight knit unit of kinship before him.  
>"Not identical. Do I get along with them?"<br>Namie hesitated very briefly.  
>"To some extent. I believe that you don't allow yourself to be much of a brother to them because it would be too dangerous for them."<br>"Ah. How laudable of me. And selfish, too."


	7. Chapter 7

Namie had no comment on this because she agreed.  
>"At any rate, they won't expect you to be in contact all that frequently so for the time being you need not worry."<br>Izaya took a moment to consider that his family life was apparently a complete shambles. He was surprised at himself at how little emotion he had over it. A brief flare to regret. That was all.  
>"Okay, who is next?"<br>A lot of people as it turned out. And Namie had detailed information about virtually all of them and Izaya paid close attention, absorbing every detail almost without discrimination. Later he could decide on an hierarchy but for the time being he focused on learning all he could. Namie fixed him Japanese green tea as they took a break.  
>"By the looks of it I don't have many actual real friends. Just a lot of contacts. Oh well, I suppose that is perfect for an informant."<br>But Izaya could not help being a bit depressed. He fixed a somewhat longing gaze on the liquid surface in his cup. Namie timed her next move very carefully.  
>"And this Heiwajima Shizuo."<br>Izaya jolted violently, the tea spilling as he put down the cup to pick up the picture with shaky fingers. In perfect resolution a large blonde man in a bartender outfit could be seen in profile, cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth. Sunglasses hid the eyes but Izaya still felt as if he could feel an antagonistic personality emanating from the 2D image.  
>"I know him. I'm sure that I've seen him before."<br>Namie lifted an eyebrow. It was interesting how even his sisters caused not even a hint of recognition but Shizuo caused an immediate reaction. Izaya studied the photograph up close, holding it with both hands and then suddenly slapping it down on the table, face down. He turned a tentative smile at her.  
>"Sorry, it's just that it's a bit too much. I can't explain it but this Shizuo person is someone that I can't handle. Somehow I know that."<br>Namie made a mental note to ask the memory expert about this. It might be important.  
>"You two have something of a history."<br>"Apparently he's my enemy number one."  
>"Can you remember anything about him at all?"<br>Izaya stared steadily at the blank side of the picture as if his eyes could see the image by a sheer act of will. Slowly he shook his head, a frown robbing him of his usual smooth attitude.  
>"No, but I get a feeling about him. That this man is very dangerous to me. But I hardly think he's one to scheme."<br>Izaya was a strange mix of fear and speculation.  
>"Heiwajima is not a mastermind by any stretch of the imagination. No exceptional intellect here but what he does have is superhuman strength."<br>"Strength? As in physical strength?"  
>"Yes."<br>She produced the laptop again and played some footage of Shizuo doing his usual damage by rampaging through Ikebukuro, vending machine held above his head and taking aim at Izaya. Namie was curious to see how he would react and was not disappointed. Izaya's eyes widened and he smiled at the end of it. Namie could see that he was shaken by seeing Shizuo in action but Izaya did not seem afraid anymore.  
>"And I have been dodging attacks of this nature for quite a while, it seems. This Dotachin person, would he know how this feud began in the first place?"<br>"Either him or the illegal doctor who introduced you to Shizuo."  
>"Then again there might be no reason. No reason at all."<br>Namie allowed him to sink into thoughtful silence for a while. At length he spoke.  
>"Any theories as how he became this strong? And surely there are some side effects."<br>"I'd have to run some tests and it would hardly be practical. But there are indeed quite a few side effects. From the hospital reports you managed to steal his strength takes a toll on his body particularly when it comes to bone density and articulations."  
>Izaya smiled anew, slowly.<br>"In other words, he's not invincible. Good. And you say I framed him?"  
>"I don't know the details but it seems so."<br>Izaya giggled.  
>"Monster Boy must know of it, too. Wonderful."<br>"What are you going to do about him?"  
>"For the time being nothing at all. I'm sure there is a slot for him to fill in whatever plan I have been perfecting. I'll trust Orihara Izaya."<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

With perfect timing Shiki knocked at the door as soon as Namie left.  
>"Hi there, Shiki-san. I do call you that normally, right?"<br>"You do."  
>Izaya nodded as if this was reassuring. Shiki could almost see him piecing whatever he could together in an effort to rebuild his life and bring it back to what it used to be. He allowed for silence to fall between them so that Izaya could set the pace. Many people disliked Izaya's loquacious ways but Shiki knew that Izaya could be silent. Shiki enjoyed these moments of peace, Izaya musing away in his never ceasing schemes and Shiki more often than not studying him. Then Izaya would deliver some pearl of wisdom and not always slyly either. If Izaya was a man that valued information he was also one plagued with questions and there were times when these piled on him like a physical burden that needed be shifted. But questions were also what drove Izaya onwards.<br>Most enjoyable of all was when Izaya was so deep in thought that he forgot all about putting up a performance.  
>"I think that I will take you on that offer of yours."<br>"The host club deal?"  
>"Yes. It will keep me from going rusty, at any rate. One way or another I will prove useful to you."<br>Shiki lit a cigarette. He wondered just how aware Izaya was to the undertones that kept slipping into his speech patterns. Either way Izaya was at his most serious and earnest. He still took refuge in being flashy and glib but the heart of Izaya's nature seemed more exposed than ever. And that was to always be guarded and striving for control over his environment. Of course this was supposed to come across as a smooth operation that merely amused Izaya but in reality he was as committed and engaged in this pursuit as possible. Shiki quite liked this new overt earnest attitude. It was refreshing. Also, one of the things that made Izaya bothersome to deal with on occasion was precisely this tendency to be too apparently nonchalant. At least this was Shiki's take on it.  
>He would rather Izaya showed his true colors then sliding along complicated charades of smoke and mirrors to hide where his true passions were. And Shiki might get to see just that. It meant something else, that Izaya trusted him more than ever. Which was intriguing and highly interesting and Shiki could not help wonder if it might also not be just as profitable.<br>"Alright. I can get you to start this Friday."  
>Izaya laced his fingers together and almost sighed.<br>"I am in something of a predicament. I clearly am very rich indeed but the money in my wallet was not much and currently I cannot actually access any of my accounts since I do not know the codes. I will talk to my bank managers, not surprisingly my money is spread wisely across many a bank, and arrange for new codes but it will take time. Such things must be done in person and I will need to bring documentation along. In other words, until that situation clears I am forced to rely on Namie's financial help. Such a bother."  
>Shiki blew a long tendril of smoke.<br>"You're saying you won't ask me for a loan?"  
>Izaya chuckled.<br>"I know better than to do that, yes. I am very much aware of what the interest rates are with people in your line of work and have no desire to be charged a leg and an arm."  
>Shiki was pretty sure that the actual matter had nothing to do with interest rates at all. It was Izaya's way of showing his independence.<br>"I expect that Yagiri-san will charge you interest too."  
>"Heh, indeed. Indeed she will. Do you know much about my personal life?"<br>Izaya switched gears suddenly.  
>"Not really. You do talk a lot but more often than not the things that you actually say shed no light on yourself."<br>"Yes, that figures...by the look of it I have no friends to speak of – although there is a girl who is very fond of me, it seems – I keep my family at a distance and am dedicated to my job with something akin to uncanny intensity. So I was just wondering...was I a happy person?"  
>This surprised Shiki a lot.<br>"I can hardly say."  
>"Yes, of course."<br>Shiki was puzzled now. Izaya seemed half lost in a reverie.  
>"But I can tell you that you were bent on being as happy as you possibly could."<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Izaya smiled weakly.  
>"Thank you. For making it seem like I wasn't something of a failure as a human being."<br>The confessional tone was as unexpected as the actual purport of the words. Shiki smoke some more in silence.  
>"Is that how you see yourself?"<br>"Right now? Somewhat. I wish-"  
>But Izaya caught himself. Shiki did not press him. Allowing Izaya to pick up the thread of conversation again.<br>"If you were in my position, if you lost all of your memories, what would you do? I mean, would you try to recapture your old self or make a brand new start at life?"  
>"I like who I am so I'd want that back."<br>Izaya became very thoughtful, almost dreamy. It was one of those moments when Izaya abandoned the lines of normal reasoning and took a leap into what might be either genius or insanity or perhaps both. Shiki knew that Izaya kept such epiphanies private per rule but Shiki had been elected into a role of confident. And was almost surprised at himself to realize how comfortable he was that way.  
>"If memories make us what we are, then being a yakuza boss is integral to the being 'Shiki'. Without it identity is threatened. If that is so then who exactly am I now? I- can't say."<br>Izaya trembled slightly.  
>"You can pick another path if you want. Nothing is forcing you to remain an informant."<br>"Just like nothing forced me to take this path in the first place? Yes, I suppose. Have you ever heard 'a life without regrets'? I'm not too sure that's a good thing. If you never make mistakes then you will never be able to actually grow. So that if you think your life is without regrets it might very well mean that you haven't lived much and lost many opportunities along the way."  
>Shiki finished a cigarette, snubbing it on the ashtray as he contemplated Izaya. It occurred to him that this was precisely what Izaya needed to curb the streak of immaturity that so often crippled Izaya's efforts. There was that tendency not to admit a false step and an almost obsession with flaunting intelligence. Shiki had often thought that Izaya might very well screw himself over by being compelled to blurt out some crucial bit of brilliant reasoning at the worst possible moment for effect. As fond of Izaya was of secrecy, to the point of paranoia, he was still driven to tell things that were perhaps best left untold. Contradiction was part of Izaya's personality, after all.<br>"Interesting point of you."  
>Izaya smiled a bit shyly.<br>"Sorry, I'm just ranting. I do like the sound of my voice."  
>"And you always did as far as I know."<br>Izaya sighed deeply. Shiki realized that Izaya was absolutely exhausted.  
>"That's good. I mean, that I was that was before as well. I don't want to become a brand new person, I don't want to start anew. I am Orihara Izaya and I want to remain that way. To me it is important- maybe even vital- that I remain who I <em>am<em>."  
>"You couldn't be happy otherwise."<br>Shiki got up.  
>"Are you leaving?"<br>"You should go to sleep. You're tired."  
>"Wait- do you have to leave- I mean-"<br>Izaya faltered into choked silence.  
>"Do you want me to stay?"<br>"I don't want to be alone. But that's not enough a reason, I'm sure. Besides..."  
>"Besides?"<br>Izaya shifted from foot to the other. Took a deep breath. Considered his options. Then,  
>"Look, I don't want to beat around the bush and I'm sure you know this already- I am attracted to you and can't exactly help it. So when I say I'd like to stay it can be construed...in a way I did not intend but at same time I did intend it. I'm not being very coherent."<br>It was obvious how difficult it was for Izaya to say all this. Shiki found himself admiring him.  
>"It's fine. You can be too coherent for your own good every now and then, in your own way."<br>"I'll walk you out as a proper host. Since this is my apartment. And you're welcome here any time."  
>Shiki brushed his fingers through Izaya's hair. Hardly touching. Izaya felt lighter as if a pressure had been removed from his heart. It was only when Shiki left that a feeling of deflation filled him. For a horrible moment he understood why there were people who chose to turn their backs to the world and become shut-ins. They were simply too overwhelmed by reality and its demands. Then the mental claustrophia passed.<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

He straightened himself and took a deep breath.  
>"But not me. I'm stronger than that."<br>Izaya gathered power from bringing out these words. He studied his apartment anew. By all accounts he was a successful individual but he could not help but feel that true triumph depended on how well he managed this crisis. As the cliché went he could only try his best but to Orihara Izaya that was not enough. He was bent on surpassing himself. As drifted to the wide panoramic window he thought to himself that the sky itself could be within reach if only he made a go for it.

"Welcome, Michiru-san. You look lovely tonight. As ever."  
>Izaya smiled beautifully. Michiru-san just so happened to be an overweight bejeweled woman whose frilly dress barely contained her voluminous body. He already had a lighter ready to apply to her cigarette and produced it with such a fluid turn of the wrist that one barely saw it. With an ambling step he escorted her to a chair and sat in front of her, staring with just enough intent to appear most interested without it being too showy.<br>From the back of the club Shiki studied the scene and his interest was not feigned. As he predicted Izaya was a hit as a host. That clients should flock to him was not surprising but the persona that Izaya had adopted was not exactly what one would expect from him. Izaya was now nodding, eyebrows lifting in awe at whatever platitude he was hearing and then leaning forward just slightly to make sure he caught the rest.  
>His host act was not based so much on being smooth but on a perfectly balanced mix of naivety and natural charm. Nothing overly sophisticated. Shiki thought that Izaya would simply up his own personality and perhaps tone it down a bit but Izaya chose to change himself to fit what the client wanted. And that was very telling in many ways. First of all, the fact that so many women liked this routine of semi-innocent told that playing on maternal instincts paid off even in such a shady setting. But there was more to it. As fake as it was, it did not seem so. Izaya appeared genuine and that was what every single host Shiki had ever met lacked.<br>Shiki turned to Izaya's clothing now with an appraising eye. A slightly shiny purple shirt, a more flamboyant version of his fur jacket in the same color, the many silver rings strewn on slender fingers. It was a thought out attire and one that only Izaya could pull off as natural. In the end they had decided not to dye his hair but there was no need for adding spurious details to an image that was as tailored as the well-fitted pants. Just now the conversation swerved to this very topic.  
>"My, Psyche. How do you manage to look so dashing always?"<br>"Ah, the clothes they make me wear in this place. I hardly recognize myself in them. I only hope I do not look too flashing."  
>Izaya sealed the apologetic note with a shy smile.<br>"Nonsense! You look delightful, absolutely delightful."  
>Shiki had to agree. And here was an important part of Izaya's winning formula: this dash of half coyness, as if he was not precisely aware of the effect he had on women and needed to be brought to see it. How Izaya managed to combine this with the overall impression of confidence was a mystery even to Shiki.<br>The night was winding down so Shiki decided to wait it out to have a chat with Izaya. So he could see the rest of the performance. Izaya served many a champagne glass but he barely drank any himself, he merely dipped his lips on occasion. And Izaya did a lot of listening, nodding, head tilted to the side every now and then. Then he broke into a brilliant smile as he received a most generous tip, did a graceful bow and escorted her out with most convincing wishes of seeing her again very soon.  
>Izaya was about to join closing down when Shiki intercepted him.<br>"Why 'Psyche'?"  
>"It sounds erudite and foreign. Women tend to like at least the pretense of intelligence so if one is to opt for an alias I might as well make it vaguely mysterious and smart sounding."<br>Izaya handed him the bundle of bills.  
>"That's yours."<br>"Allowing to work here is already a favor."  
>"I wasn't the one smoozing the lady, take the money."<br>Izaya laughed.  
>"Shiki-san, I cannot possibly imagine you smoozing anyone, let alone Michiru-san."<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

"You've been doing very well."  
>Izaya beamed and blushed to a pretty shade of pink that made him look like a little boy all dressed up in fancy clothes. Shiki thought that it was cute in a way. He led Izaya to a comfortable if sparsely furnished office that looked much larger by being surrounded by walls of glass that gave a panoramic view of the entire club. Izaya guessed that it was one that kind of window that is only transparent on one side and he was right. He identified a frieze of mirror surface running the top of the club as being precisely this. It was his first time in the room and he was rather excited.<br>"I must thank you for letting me work here."  
>"I'm the one who should thank you. You're about the most profitable asset in the entire club."<br>Izaya's smile was stellar and without artifice.  
>"You were very right, this was the perfect occupation given how things are. A host isn't expected to have a past and one can learn so much about people! So many different clients, all of them are unique in their own ways and all of them tell me <em>everything<em> I want to know."  
>The smile grew sharper and almost wicked. Shiki liked it. A lot.<br>"You have a way with them. But are they really that interesting?"  
>As far as Shiki could tell costumers were sources of money to be explored and a good host was who knew how to best worm his way into fat purses. Shiki knew that to do this one needed some qualifications as far as looks went and while he did not recruit hosts himself he had seen enough of them to be something of an expert in male beauty. And Izaya ticked all the boxes in that regard.<br>Izaya was now giggling.  
>"Absolutely. One has ideas about the kind of girls that go to these places. Rather lonely women locked in loveless marriages and in need of some entertainment. One may feel sorry for them for they do come across as pathetic. Except it is not quite like that and in some cases not at all. Michiru-san, for example, is the one who picks the stocks in which her husband invests. Oh, she's not lying about it either. She let it slip almost as an afterthought so she did not mean to boast. And she's not the only one. Plenty of these women wield a lot of power. Quite a few are attractive, too. Their social progression tells so much about our society. Accents tailored to muffle the original ones are telltale clues and give me much to work with. Rags to riches stories, hidden motives, all served for my pleasure. I love this job."<br>Shiki produced a Cuban cigar and wondered at Izaya's glee. Izaya was so unmasked about it that Shiki thought about how he was known to skip about when very happy. Perhaps he was about to do so now. Shiki had never seen it first hand. In fact, Shiki was realizing just how guarded Izaya usually was around him. And without the memory loss Shiki would never have a chance of seeing Izaya so open. More interesting perhaps, so vulnerable.  
>"You seem a natural at it."<br>"It's like a confessional, a host club is."  
>Shiki cocked an eyebrow and used a rather Medieval looking instrument to cut off the end of his cigar. Izaya watched in fascination and shuddered.<br>"How so?"  
>"Do you use that to chop off people's fingers? Sorry, that was a silly question."<br>It amused Shiki greatly.  
>"You were saying? About confessionals? Can't say I see the connection."<br>Izaya switched from childish curiosity to honed intelligence in motion.  
>"At first glance a host club seems the exact opposite of a confessional. After all, host clubs are all about glamour, sex and attraction while confessionals are drabs affairs about guilt and mortification with spiritual trappings. But at heart they are exactly the same. In both cases people are free to talk, to unburden themselves of their deepest secrets, with no consequences in the real world. The priest and the host do not count as actual human beings and so they liberate the penitent and the costumers respectively of shame. More, a host club and a confessional by their very nature are disconnected from the real world. They are fantasy places and whatever happens there will stay there."<br>Shiki smoked thoughtfully.  
>"You have a point there."<br>Izaya leant forward and joined the tips of his fingers together.


	12. Chapter 12

Shiki noticed that Izaya had failed to light his cigar. Probably too engrossed in speaking out his thoughts and Shiki remained silent to motivate him to carry on.  
>"But is it really without consequences at all? The act of sharing information never is. Just by talking these women gain a kind of power that can very well backfire on them. Because while it's true that the hosts themselves will never interact in the same social circles, the club makes sure that does not happen, the women themselves make a connection with the real world by returning to it after each session."<br>Shiki wondered if all this talking Izaya was currently doing would not have the exact same effect.  
>"You're very popular. Won't gain you any friends with the rest of the guys."<br>Izaya giggled. It sounded innocent enough if not for the ring of mischief.  
>"True. I wasn't expecting to. But the guys can be very interesting as well. The greatest problem with a host environment is that I can only tackle the female gender. Dealing with the other hosts is difficult because they are clearly hostile...then again one can find out quite a lot about people when they're full of hate."<br>Which may explain why Izaya riled Shizuo at every single opportunity.  
>"Do you have some sort of secret? The other guys were saying that your act is different and they can't figure out how it works."<br>"Secret? Not at all. It is very simple. I listen. I _really_ listen. And remember. That is all. When Michiru-san tells me that her puppy Fluffy is sick and that she has to take it to the vet I keep in mind to ask about poor Fluffy next time she comes by. You'd be amazed how well it goes!"  
>Childish glee. Izaya nearly bounced.<br>"Doing that with all your costumers can't be easy."  
>"I keep individual files on them all. In my head. As things stand now I know way more about Michiru-san and company than I do about myself. Ironic."<br>Izaya tried to come across as offhand and nonchalant but in this he did not succeed. It made Shiki want to toy with him.  
>"They'd probably fall off their seats if they knew that you're a virgin as far as your memories go."<br>Something of a gamble, it was possible that Izaya had decided on getting some sexual experience but it was obvious by his reaction that it was not the case. Izaya blushed and nearly stuttered. Having breached the subject of his attraction to Shiki he was set on avoiding any further references to anything even remotely related to it.  
>"I'm sure they'd be shocked. It might be funny to see."<br>But Izaya looked more terrified than amused at the thought.  
>"I can take care of this second virginity for you."<br>Izaya did flail considerably and shifted so much on the couch that he creased his perfectly fitted pants.  
>"Shiki-san, er, that's a bit..."<br>Shiki produced a cell phone.  
>"I can ring up one of our girls. Special treatment, on the house. We keep the standard high when it comes to our professional girls."<br>The look of absolute disappointment was priceless. Izaya tried to smile it away but he all too aware that it showed.  
>"Oh, no need for that. I mean..."<br>"It's just a suggestion. I'm sure you can find someone that catches your eye in our catalogue."  
>This was a crucial moment. Shiki waited out. At length Izaya replied.<br>"I don't suppose you can find someone with a full back tiger _irezumi,_ a taste for expensive suits and cigars, and a running an entire underground empire?"  
>Shiki smiled and chuckled. A rare sight.<br>"That's rather particular of you."  
>"Is this the part when I'm sold overseas?"<br>Very slowly Shiki took a drag. The finest Cubans demanded time to be fully enjoyed.  
>"There's a market for that. You'd fetch a good price, I'm sure."<br>Izaya started despite himself.  
>"My mind is more useful to you than your body."<br>Shiki timed his next move and sat next to Izaya.  
>"Not always."<br>It was not something Izaya had an answer to. After interval of silence, awkward on Izaya's part and smooth on Shiki's, Izaya forced himself to say something and to establish eye contact.  
>"Shiki-san, I know that we work together...do we also sleep together?"<br>"What do you think? It might be a good exercise for you to figure that out."  
>"I can't be sure. I do know that no one else would know about it so there's no source I can pry for info."<br>"Except me."


	13. Chapter 13

Izaya swallowed.  
>"Except you, yes. I should be able to find out something like that."<br>But Izaya did not look all that thrilled about that prospect.  
>"Finding out will be a good opportunity to sharpen your skills."<br>Izaya chuckled bitterly.  
>"Shiki-san, getting into people's head is fun for me. But it is not at all fun having to discover things about myself, things that <em>make<em> me that I don't know at all- sorry, I am just tired. What time is it, must be pushing on three AM."  
>He made as if to get away with all the grace he could muster which was almost none. Shiki grabbed his arm, detaining him easily since Izaya only widened his eyes without making an attempt at resisting. The tension was almost a visible thing emanating from Izaya. Shiki took a deep drag and placed the cigar lightly on Izaya's mouth.<br>"There you go, an indirect kiss. Young people rave about such things."  
>Izaya laughed, decompressing. He studied the cigar with curiosity.<br>"Shiki-san, saying such things makes you come across as an old man. And this is very expensive, isn't it? Ah, luxury. I should go back home now. I still have some research to do before hitting the sack."  
>"Research on Michiru-san?"<br>"Not exactly. But who knows, this city is filled with endless possibilities. Anyone can remake themselves here. I can feel it in the very air. Maybe Michiru-san will turn out being a huge power player."  
>"That would be good for you, wouldn't it?"<br>"Oh yes. Be friendly with people in high places. Be friendly without actually having any friends to speak of."  
>And on this note Izaya returned to his large and very empty apartment.<br>"_Tadaima_. Heh..._okaeri_! Orihara Izaya, party of one."  
>He slumped on the sofa, tossing away the fancy jacket and sighing deeply. He wondered if he should take up Shiki's offer and get a professional girl for a night just to flush out the burden of virginity and get it over with. It was not as if he was gay after all. Izaya did not need memories to know that his sexual orientation was fluid. He could probably get a pretty girl without even having to pay but somehow none of these options pleased him.<br>"Is he just toying with he...I can't tell for sure. Too emotionally involved, I guess. Maybe that is why I never made any friends. If I had bonds with other humans then I'd not be able to manipulate them as I see fit with no regard for them."  
>This train of thought led him to Saki. Apparently a girl who was under his tutelage. Izaya shivered despite himself. Namie did not know the details, Kida Masaomi did, but Izaya knew enough to be aware that there was a lot of ugliness on his part in the whole affair. It was one thing to play games by gaining knowledge on people but it was a whole different thing to know himself to be callous enough to cause a world of pain to children. He flopped on his back, eyes fastened on the ceiling that was still unfamiliar. Talking to himself did not even sound all that disturbing since he was addressing a part of his person that was so unavailable to direct scrutiny that in a sense it might as well be a different person.<br>"I must have rationalized it in some way. Unless I had no sense of conscience whatsoever, if that is so then I wouldn't have one now. I must have shifted the blame by simply not interfering too much. At the crucial moment I simply did not act and as such I was not the primary agent. It could have been avoided _if_ others acted in a way not comprised in my scenario as they could have done. Except...except I knew they wouldn't, that's what I do, I find out how people would react and then allow them to do precisely that in such a way to suit my purposes."  
>He laughed. It echoed hollowly.<br>"I'm a horrible person. But still, it's who I am. It's my nature and I cannot help it. Of course, it's a given...but doesn't that mean that I'm just like all those I've been stringing along? I'm not standing above anyone and I'm very lonely."  
>Self-pity was not something he could afford but he could not avoid it either. He turned on his laptop and hit the usual chat rooms. He had done this before, of course, and in the dead hours before dawn there was hardly any traffic but he suddenly longed for some sort of feedback.<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

[What do you think about Orihara Izaya? The informant]  
>He tossed the question into cyberspace and considered it himself. If he were to meet someone like Orihara Izaya, which is to say if he were not Orihara Izaya, what would he do.<br>"I'd probably stay away from him. I seem to leave a trail of pain in my wake."  
>This led him to Heiwajima Shizuo. It was not someone he at all wanted to consider. In fact, it made him positively ill. He could not help but think that his past conduct toward Shizuo was nothing short of suicidal.<br>"If I was going to provoke him and make such an enemy out of him I should have found a way of making sure I could kill him. But no. And now I'm stuck."  
>Irritation welled up inside him and it was aimed solely at his own folly. Out of sheer frustration he flung himself in the swivel chair and attacked the computer. He tried typing randomly. The password assumed the mental weight of a barrier between himself and information.<br>"Let's try, 'Orihara Izaya rules/is god/is amazing/is the shit'. Variations of the motif."  
>No one had directly told Izaya face to face that his ego was beyond inflated but he had caught the gist of it anyway. It was the word on the street at any rate and Izaya gave it credit in this case. After all, Namie had hinted at it in her cool manner and Shiki had implied it heavily. Then again, Shiki had implied many a thing that Izaya did not feel confident enough to pursue.<br>The monitor remained black and closed off to his best if albeit sudden efforts.  
>"Oh well, at least it hasn't self-destructed on me. But I bet there's unlimited tries to this. To drive absolutely <em>insane<em> whoever tried to crack the password. That sounds like something I'd do. I wouldn't do the actual 'driving into insanity', I'd let people do that to themselves. Just a few nudges, here and there...how easy it is to manipulate humans...first I find out what it is that makes them tick, then I undermine them by using their own desires, motivations, emotions against them- and gloat at how smart I am. Or maybe...not just about how smart but how unaffected I am. Yes, unaffected...funny, I don't feel unaffected now."  
>Izaya smiled sadly at the irony of it all. It was now that he could not remember these people that he had harmed that he was concerned about them. Or perhaps not in them but in what their suffering meant to his character. It might be an intellectual form of being selfish. Izaya spun on the chair. He felt a bout of disgust at everything he represented and halted so suddenly that his body was nearly propelled out of the still rotating chair. It surprised him that he should feel so critical of the person he had been. After all, Izaya had decided to remain Izaya and not to deviate from the core of his personality.<br>But a new awareness was opening up his eyes and almost against Izaya's will. He realized with perfect clarity how without guidance he was. Of his own doing, too. Having crafting a pedestal from which he could pull his strings he made it impossible to have someone who could ever reach out a helping hand. This naturally led to Shiki and it was with difficulty that Izaya could suppress a sob at the sheer intensity of feelings that overwhelmed him like a physical mass sweeping him away. Perhaps the reason why he had never connected with anyone before was because he had never had to truly rely on anyone for support.  
>He remained ambivalent. There was something absolutely delightful (and he could not help but giggle, the adjective reminded him of Michiru-san and her hollow praise) in accepting all that Shiki was doing for him but on its heels the need to reciprocate and make himself useful imposed itself with something akin to duty. And of course Shiki fully counted on it. Izaya was so deep in thought that the doorbell caught him completely by surprise and startled him into blank fear. Images of Shizuo crashing through the door flashed across his mind before he regained enough possession of his faculties to check the cameras.<br>His visitor was not Heiwajima Shizuo. But in a way it might be as bad. Kida Masaomi stood just outside the front door. Izaya considered pretending that he was not at home but somehow he could not bring himself to do that. So he took a deep breath and opened the door.


	15. Chapter 15

"Hello, Kida-kun. What brings you here?"  
>Izaya sounded as friendly as he could. And he meant it, too. He even used Kida's family name least he came across as too familiar. But of course it was all to no avail. It only lasted a split second but the glare in Kida's eyes could not be mistaken for anything other than unadulterated loathing. It lasted only the briefest of moments. Izaya felt queasy. He was not prepared to face such an intensity of hatred directed at him.<br>"Namie-san told me to report to her without bothering you but I didn't get the order directly from you. So I figured I'd double check."  
>Izaya had only seen pictures of Kida and these always featured a bright kid bouncing away and carrying others along with the silly antics so prone to his age. The reality before him was much too different and painful to Izaya. Kida was furtive, guarded and very obviously suspicious. It was a look far beyond his years and Izaya found it too sad.<br>"Oh, right. Come on in. Want me to fix some tea or- something."  
>Kida stood in pure antagonism mingled with a need to endure what was most definitely an ordeal. And Izaya hardly knew how to handle the disturbing bout of pain that assailed him.<br>"No need for that."  
>Kida's report was short but hit all the important points. Izaya barely heard anything but he paid close attention to the recitation in itself. Dark smudges under the eyes were the only hint to exhaustion that Izaya could guess in this kid standing before him, all wrapped in so much of a mess, and immersed in a private world of hurt. Izaya opened his mouth to tell him the truth, that he had no recollections whatsoever of what had happened but it was not a viable option. Basically because it would not have meant anything to Kida. Instead he said,<br>"Thanks, I'll put this information to good use."  
>"From now on should I report to Namie-san?"<br>"For the time being."  
>Izaya wondered if Kida's real reason for dropping by concerned assessing the reason behind this change in their work relationship. He decided to explain.<br>"We are doing a rotation of sorts-"  
>"I don't care. It's your business anyway."<br>"True but we do work together-"  
>"That's why I asked. Clear instructions are better but I don't want to know too much about what you're planning. I'll be going now."<br>"Are you sure you don't want...something to drink."  
>The door closed behind Kida. Not with a slam but with enough emphasis. Izaya looked around his vast apartment in something of a daze. Pleasing people was so much better than this. But it had made him used to being liked. A veneer of affection without any real depth but still it was a warming simulacrum of the actual thing. And the petty jealousy of his co-workers at the club could be termed amusing.<br>Izaya sank into the sofa. In a way this interview had been an anti-climax. He half expected Kida to rail at him, viciously even, some explosion to voice the tension. Izaya anticipated a conflict of sorts, instead he was served deeply ingrained hate that grew all the more for its not being expressed. It disturbed Izaya greatly.  
>But there was more to it. Perhaps it was Izaya's keen instinct for deciphering all things human for he sensed in a way he could explain that Kida's issues were primarily linked to a profound sense of self-loathing. And Izaya was unsure whether he was relieved or bothered that it was so.<br>He closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep. It did not work.

"Namie-san, did it ever cross your mind that I was strange?"  
>She slid a cup of coffee in his direction and seemed to give it some thought.<br>"I suppose. The thing with the board games and your rants always seemed strange to me. To be honest, at first I had my doubts as to whether I should work for you. Your methods are off whack. But they work and that settled it for me."  
>Izaya was in earnest here but Namie was hardly so.<br>"Is that all that matters? The ends justify the means?"  
>"Pretty much. It's one of the things I like about you."<br>Izaya nearly asked her if she would think the same if he just so happened to sacrifice her precious brother to his next scheme but held his peace. Instead he relaxed into a brilliant smile.  
>"What are the other things, may I ask?"<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

"You are competent for all your eccentricities, your predictions are accurate and you pay well and on time."  
>"Ah...thanks. I guess."<br>She lifted a single eyebrow.  
>"Is something wrong?"<br>"No, nothing."  
>Namie had settled at her laptop but she now put it aside and confronted him directly.<br>"I heard that you've met Kida. Is that why you're like this?"  
>Izaya smiled weakly.<br>"I just...have my doubts as to some of the things I've done."  
>She reached for the phone and was already dialing.<br>"Your memory loss must have affected you psychologically. I can arrange a professional-"  
>"I'm taking a break now."<br>He meant to catch some air but ended up going for a meandering walk. His past sit ill with him and all the darker for being only half perceived. Part of him wanted to disconnect himself from it but he knew it could never be. His assertion to Shiki, that Orihara Izaya would remain Orihara Izaya, did not crumble. But it made him all too aware that there were amends to be made and of how impossible it was to get about them. More than anything he was troubled by his limitations.  
>Izaya did not see his current situation as a privileged insight into his identity. Such a perspective required him to not be involved and was by default cancelled out. He sat on a bench and pulled his hood up. To will himself away from his worries he lost track of his thoughts in the ceaseless tides of people passing to and fro. It was very soothing.<br>At length he got up and headed to the nearest library. Izaya stayed until closing hours, sending a message to Namie so that she would not wait for him, and researched all he could on memory loss. That he had failed to do so up to this point surprised even him. As soon as he delved into the wealth of information he felt uplifted. Cases of personality changes were not uncommon in people who suffered from amnesia. Of course, Izaya wanted to go against the grain as he always did. But it reassured him considerably. Other things alarmed him.

That night at the club Izaya had to make an effort. It did not show except during breaks. Then he grew listless and downward depressed. Shiki was not even around. Izaya stayed late as usual to close shop. Not out of any need but out of dedication. Same reason why he deposited his tips in Shiki's hand. He was marginally aware that it was quite possible that he clung to Shiki to fill in the gap in emotional warmth.  
>Izaya was just pulling down the grid when a long black car stopped in front of him. His heartbeat took an unreasonable leap as Shiki rolled down a fogged window.<br>"Hop in."  
>He took a seat so as to keep a polite distance. The car had been silently gliding along the empty night for a while until Izaya asked the obvious.<br>"Where are we going? My place isn't in this direction."  
>"We're going to my place."<br>From the confusion of emotions that assaulted Izaya the only one he could properly grasp was anxiety mingled with expectation. He needed to gain a firmer notion of the ground he stood on. After all, it was not the first time in the experience he could remember that he let desires run away with him. And Izaya learnt from mistakes.  
>"I have work early in the morning so I do not think I can stay long."<br>"Just stay over, then."  
>Izaya swallowed to get rid of a knot forming inside his throat.<br>"Do I do that usually?"  
>"Every now and then. And we've arrived."<br>Izaya was led into a vast apartment. Sparsely furnished but there were those typically Japanese items one associated with the yakuza. Pretty engravings of elaborate calligraphy, a silver tripped fan and there was even a tiny shrine adorning a wall. Izaya's natural curiosity kicked in as he spun around the room.  
>"Do you live alone, Shiki-san?"<br>"Pretty much. So, what happened? And sit down."  
>If anyone else gave him such an order Izaya would not feel even remotely inclined to comply but he had no problems doing so now. Partially because Shiki was commanding in himself but also because Izaya wanted to talk.<br>"I've just been thinking. About consequences to my actions. How I affected others in horrible ways and what that says about me. If we are what we do...then..."  
>He trailed off.<br>"So it's come to that."


	17. Chapter 17

"Yes. I keep telling myself that my amazing plan – whatever that was – will make everything right- but I know it won't. If it works it'll be wonderful for me but that's about it. Everyone else...doesn't really matter much."  
>Izaya did not want to bother Shiki with such gloomy reflections but he was rather dispirited at the moment. Shiki let him dwell in forlorn silence for a while.<br>"By the way, it's well past midnight. So happy birthday."  
>Izaya started in such obvious surprise that even Shiki smiled.<br>"Oh, it's today. It slipped my mind entirely. I mean, I forgot even _that_ and then so many things happened that I forgot again...but I suppose it doesn't matter either way. It's not as if I have anyone I can invite to a party or anything. Odds are no one will remember."  
>Trying to sound offhand without entirely succeeding.<br>"I remembered."  
>Shiki was very deliberate. It amused him how Izaya blushed with happiness like a little boy receiving an unexpected present.<br>"Thank you, Shiki-san. It means a lot-"  
>Shiki kissed him with unexpected tenderness. It only disarmed Izaya even further. Shiki half expected him to jump off the sofa but instead Izaya remained very still as if afraid to even move.<br>"Is this my birthday gift?"  
>"Think of it that way if you want. But it may be settling for too little."<br>And here it was, the seductive anticipation that Izaya used so well. It made itself evident now by certain relaxation of his limbs as if his body readying to entice.  
>"Are you saying that you have more to offer, Shiki-san."<br>"You tell me."  
>Izaya giggled nervously and jumped to his feet, stretching.<br>"That was my very first kiss. As far as I can tell, that is. So it's rather important to me."  
>Shiki took his own sweet time on purpose so that Izaya had every opportunity of averting his advances. The next kiss was longer and deep. Izaya was aware of his clothes being expertly removed and of being swept to the bedroom. But all this was happening to him in the same way catastrophes befall one. Except this was very much welcomed by Izaya.<br>He felt stripped of control entirely as Shiki touched him in just the right way. The bed creaked slightly with their added weight, Shiki pinning him down without even breaking a borderline harsh kiss. Shiki's dominating nature found expression in sex as in everything else. It meant that Izaya was free to float, gasping for breath, on the tide of stimuli that shot through his nerves.  
>Pain, pleasure, and the world in a swirl.<br>And afterwards Izaya scurried to light the cigarette Shiki was bringing to his lips.  
>"You may be spending too much time at the club. It's starting to become automatic."<br>Izaya's smile was not polished as it befit a host, though. His naked body was slippery with sweat and he was relaxed in a haze of his afterglow. Shiki studied him coolly. Izaya seemed both refreshed and tired, childish glee tingling his attitude. Hardly the smooth philosophizing that usually followed sex.  
>"Humans are Pavlovian creatures at heart, Shiki-san. But this isn't work. Apart from work I only do this for you."<br>Shiki lifted an eyebrow at this. Izaya was in earnest, his smile a soft pretty shade that Shiki could not quite place. He wondered just when Izaya's eyes had gained this light.  
>"You can sleep in bed, if you want."<br>"And here I was sure you'd kick me to me sofa."  
>"Feel free to take the sofa if you'd like."<br>Izaya giggled anew and made himself comfortable on the sheets.  
>"Shiki-san, you're actually an old fashioned kind of guy, aren't you? Smoking after sex, for example. The way your place is decorated. I like it, it's so different...pretty cool, Shiki-san...pretty cool indeed..."<br>And with this piece of wisdom Izaya drifted to sleep, the smile lingering on and growing dreamy. Shiki watched him for a long time. Then he pulled the blankets so as to cover him. Shiki resumed his vigil and wondered.


	18. Chapter 18

Izaya woke up to an empty bed and sighed. He would hurt the whole day to come, that much he knew. He could still feel Shiki's scent hanging in the air like more than a phantom presence and he even fancied some of his warmth was still perceptible.  
>"Happy birthday, Orihara Izaya! Don't you feel so mature now that you turned 24! Oh yay, a shame I can only remember three weeks out of those years! Wheee...okay, that was creepy."<br>He was hoping to find Shiki still about the apartment but knew it would not happen. Izaya showered after finding a note that told him he could do so, as well as avail himself to any food he found and not to snoop about. Which immediately sparked Izaya's inborn curiosity. But there was no actual conflict. Izaya could not spy on Shiki anymore than he could shake off apprehensions or take to the sky by flapping his arms. This image made him chuckle.  
>But he felt hollowed out.<br>Izaya fixed himself some sparse meal since he did not want to impinge even more on Shiki's generosity. There was no reason for him to check his cell phone, Izaya did it out of professional scruple. As it turned out there was a message. Sent precisely at midnight. Izaya was so surprised that he read it out loud.  
>"'Orihara-san, happy birthday. I hope I was the first to give you my congratulations. May you have a wonderful day. Yours, Saki.'"<br>Izaya stared blankly at the phone. He both wanted to delete it and forget all about it and rush to the hospital where against all reason a girl that should hate him had been kind enough to remember a date most forgot. Acts of good will toward him normally only amused Izaya and did not make him more inclined to sympathize with the parties involved. True sympathy was a quality he lacked on an emotional level. But things were very different now that he had no prior references to fall back into. He could not default into nonchalance.  
>In the end there was no actual choice for he had no other viable option. Izaya slipped into his far too flashy clothes and checking his watch hurried lest he missed visiting hour. As he moved through the preposterously large metropolis, his attire a strange note of nightlife against the sea of suits, it occurred to him if the great riddle of free will was not simpler than was speculated to. Ultimately one's character, background and all that made one oneself made it impossible to pursue certain actions. It placed him in a particularly distinct position for his former experiences have been razed flat.<br>He jostled amidst the morning rush that was dying out but still petering small crowds he felt an irrevocable sense of being cut off from the flow of humanity. Not by standing over it in self-bolstered superiority but isolated and stranded between two points, unable to reinvent himself completely and equally unable to reconnect seamlessly with his former self. Izaya stopped in a spot that Kida was all too familiar with. He wondered what Saki could possibly gain from his interaction with her.  
>Izaya also would spun on his heels and hurried away but it was not something he could do. He barely noticed the odd looks thrown his way. Izaya read her name by the door twice before knocking. All he had to recognize her by were photographs and as much as he trusted his visual memory, he wanted to make sure that he was in the right place. He knocked.<br>"It's open. Orihara-san, I didn't know you were visiting me today. I'm glad I can tell you happy birthday in person."  
>Izaya was taken aback. He half expected and was bracing himself for a scene of hysterics but the girl before him was serene through and through. Her joy was real enough but it too expressed itself through a filter of calm that Izaya did not associate with someone as young as her. And certainly not with someone with such a dark past. Izaya stood awkwardly enough but realized that he could smile.<br>"Thank you."  
>She produced a small package neatly wrapped in shiny paper and topped with an elaborate bow.<br>"Happy birthday, Orihara-san."  
>Izaya took it from her small hands and turned it over.<br>"It's almost a shame to rip it open."  
>Saki studied him quietly.<br>"I like your new clothes."  
>"Oh, thanks. And thank you for this. Just my style."<br>It was a pretty silver ring inside a cushioned mini box as befit jewellery.


	19. Chapter 19

Izaya removed one of his old ones to replace it with the new ring and suddenly realized how much he did love it. Something new and unfettered by the past. A small token that belonged to him exclusively.  
>"I thought so. I ordered it ahead of time but I was afraid it would not get here on time."<br>"Wasn't it expensive?"  
>"It is fine, I saved."<br>"I see."  
>Izaya could not keep still. Oppressive restlessness was upon him. She watched him pace up and down with the quiet smile that Izaya found so disruptive to his own peace of mind. And then he decided to simply tell her. Saki's eyes widened and she folded her hands anew.<br>"I'd appreciate it if you kept it to yourself."  
>"I won't tell anyone. It means a lot that you would visit me when you've lost your memory."<br>Of course Izaya would never have visited were it otherwise.  
>"I'm sorry I forgot you."<br>Saki shook her head.  
>"It's fine. It is not your fault, Orihara-san. Even if you seem a bit different you're still the same person."<br>Izaya looked around as if to find a place to hide. That she was so sweet troubled him more than anything and he had the distinct sense that there was an inversion of power roles taking place. It crossed his mind briefly that it could be at least half deliberate on her part. But he trusted Namie's assurance that Saki was his one loyal ally that would stand by him regardless of what happened.  
>"Tell you what, you can go for a stroll now, can't you? I'll wheel you around the block. It's a lovely day outside and it'd be a shame for you not to enjoy it. Besides, fresh air and seeing people will help you recover so much faster. What do you say?"<br>Izaya was already getting the wheelchair ready. Saki blinked three times in surprise but gathered herself into peaceful happiness right away.  
>"I would love that."<br>Izaya hesitated slightly before propping her on the chair. He could call a nurse to do this but the need to atone plagued him almost like physical pain.  
>"I'll pick you up, okay?"<br>"Okay."  
>She was very light in his arms and unresisting. Izaya was glad that he could station himself behind the handles and thus no face her directly.<br>"Hey, have you been eating properly? You're still growing up, you must eat to become strong and healthy."  
>They emerged into the sunlight. It was already hot and light shimmered blindingly. Saki laughed, the sound silvery amidst the buzz of the city.<br>"Orihara-san, you're acting like my father now."  
>His hands tightened on the handles.<br>"I'm your guardian- oh look, ice cream. What's your favorite flavor?"  
>"I'll have whatever you'll have."<br>Izaya placed the chair in a shady place and bought two vanilla chocolate cones. On his way back he bought a wide straw hat with a pink ribbon.  
>"Here. It's been a while since you've been out so it's best to wear this."<br>Saki adjusted the hat and sampled the ice cream.  
>"Thank you. Orihara-san, you haven't forgotten everything."<br>"What do you mean? I don't remember anything about myself, about other people, about my past."  
>He kicked himself inwardly. The last thing he wanted was to burden her with his issues.<br>"But you still know what makes people tick."  
>It made Izaya both touched and uncomfortable. She knew him better than he had thought possible.<br>"Tell you what, let's just focus on letting you enjoy the sights and nevermind the rest."  
>She smiled beautifully. Izaya wheeled her around the hospital but then steered into livelier streets. Having informed the hospital personnel beforehand he had some time to spend with Saki. He was thinking on what to do next and keeping track of the return route when the sound of thunder reached him. The ground shook under his feet and he had to steady the chair with all his might.<br>"Earthquake?"  
>"Worse. Heiwajima Shizuo. You should run away, Orihara-san."<br>But Izaya could do no such thing. For one, there was no time. Shizuo burst into his field of vision, swinging a traffic sign in a hectic arch that swept a small crowd out of his path. Izaya froze, panic giving way into blank horror. He could only think that whatever this Shizuo was, he was surely not human. Shizuo's stampede focused on one point, his eyes flashing with fury.  
>"I-ZA-YA-KUN!"<p> 


	20. Chapter 20

And then Shizuo was dashing in his direction. Izaya did not think. If he had given it any thought at all he might have acted otherwise. But at the borders of his tunnel vision he caught Saki's shape. It lasted only for a split second but that very momentary quality made her seem even more fragile as if she too existed only for the shortest of time before being inevitably obliterated.  
>Izaya stepped in front of Shizuo, kicking the chair with the back of the heel in just the right way to send it off Shizuo's trajectory. Izaya jumped over the sign pole and by the time he landed the switchblade was already in his hand and ready to take aim.<br>"Your grudge is with me. So leave the girl alone, she never did you any harm. It's me you hate, isn't it Shizu-_chan_? So come and get me. Right here, right now. Before I slice you open."  
>He could not look back and check on Saki but he could hear someone from the gathering crowd wheeling safely away against her protests. Izaya's legs nearly folded beneath his. The plan was to attract attention to himself so now was the time to make a run for it. From what he had been told Shizuo was bound to give chase. And even as Izaya's mind ran ahead of over the blueprint of this part of city as to maximize his chances of survival, he remained terrified.<br>Izaya locked his eyes on Shizuo's and prepared to make a dash for it. If it came to close combat he was as good as dead but there was timing to making his escape. Shizuo seemed to hesitate for a moment. Then he jammed the sign post into the concrete, one end sticking into the air like a pipe jutting from the ground.  
>"What the hell you doing?"<br>"Telling you how great of an idiot you are, for one."  
>Shizuo frowned.<br>"You acting all weird. Are you really Izaya? Sure looks like it but those frilly clothes are weird."  
>"I just so happen to have a fashion sense. And unlike some people I change my outfit every now and then."<br>Shizuo stared at him long and hard. It seemed to last a life time. He pointed the sign at the retreating wheelchair. With so many people jammed together progress was slow.  
>"Who's the girl?"<br>Izaya leapt so as to block Saki from any attack from Shizuo's part. By now his mind had processed that he was acting in the most suicidal fashion and that it was absolutely unreasonable to persist. But his new ring glittered in the sun and he knew he could not avoid this. Even as fear nearly unhinged him on the spot.  
>"Like I said, that is my business alone. You got a problem with me, not her."<br>Izaya was not even sure if he was afraid for himself or for Saki. Until the thought occurred to him that if he wanted to hurt someone he would crush a person precious to that him or her. It is part of that knowledge of human beings that Saki alluded to and it puts everything in a new light. Suddenly Izaya sees his own behavior as potentially more dangerous to Saki than anything else. He dared glance behind his shoulder then and like a nightmare in which things happen in slow motion the chair was still in sight. Izaya shifted his attention to Shizuo who seemed to be waiting for something.  
>"Wheel that chair out of here <em>now<em>! Hurry up already!"  
>Izaya's voice sounds near desperation even to himself. He is sure that he has just lost now. If Shizuo were to hurl the pole at Saki there was nothing that Izaya could at all do. And so he prepared to take aim to throw his blade at Shizuo in the hopes of hitting him squarely in the eye. Shizuo had lost his glasses somewhere along his rampage, making it easier for Izaya to land a hit. Izaya wished he had two knives to seal the deal.<br>To Izaya's absolute surprise Shizuo moved the pole to herd the crowd away from Saki's exit route. She turned around to grant Izaya a beautiful smile. Izaya lowered his blade.  
>"When did I say I wanted to hurt the girl? Don't go judging others by <em>your<em> standards."  
>Izaya realized that this was exactly what he had done. To his immense relief the human pack obeyed Shizuo's command and soon enough Saki was nowhere to be seen. Izaya tried to shrug his emotion away.<br>"Who is to know what you'll do when you go all crazy?"  
>"You're worried about her. Could it be that you wanted to protect her...? Are you really Orihara Izaya?"<p> 


	21. Chapter 21

Izaya took a step back. With Saki safe Izaya's fear receded and transitioned into something else. He realized that he was actually offended at this. It was ridiculous but there it was.  
>"Who else could I possibly be? I <em>am<em> Orihara Izaya."  
>Shizuo seemed to muse.<br>"Maybe it's some sort of trick..."  
>"Ah, that is exactly what it was. A trick and you fell for it."<br>But Shizuo was not convinced.  
>"I don't believe it."<br>"Why not, Shizu-chan? It wouldn't be the first time I pulled the wool over your eyes."  
>"Yeah but you don't put your ass on the line. Something's weird."<br>Izaya was becoming increasingly nervous. As if on cue Tom turned a corner and arrived on site, his step leisurely enough. He was used to following Shizuo's trail of destruction and knew by now that it was best to keep a distance until Shizuo's anger wound up.  
>"Shizuo, are you done? We have to get back, oh Orihara-san."<br>It was the distraction Izaya so desperately needed. In the time it took Shizu to look at Tom, Izaya spun on his heels and sprinted, turned into an alley and disappeared. Even after he was well out of the danger zone he kept running. He felt that his cover had been blown and that disaster was impending. It was by sheer force of will that he brought himself to stop and he had to lean against a wall to catch his breath. Izaya composed himself, emerged from the dimness of the narrow alley into the day.  
>Izaya was surprised to realize how much he had run. He was in a different part of town and needed to scramble for a sense of direction. Disorientation washed over him but he did not want to use the GPS service lest he ended up too dependant on machines. To a city creature as Izaya geography needed to become part of his inner mapping. He even avoided looking at any signs until he had some idea of where he was.<br>He walked into café, splashed cold water on his face in the restroom and drank some juice. His hands trembled slightly. As he was now he could hardly face Saki at all and for an alarming moment he needed to call Shiki. Izaya waited until it faded into mere wanting. He understood that he had to be alone and think through his tumultuous confusion. There are things that only he could sort out and this was one of these.  
>Having reached that resolution he remained at a loss. Shizuo's words resounded in his mind and forced Izaya to reflect on his own action. Memory loss or not, Izaya knew himself to be very driven to survive and not the kind to risk his life for the sake of others. Yet he had done just that. It did not occur to Izaya that he was becoming a better person but simply that he was becoming a different one. He caught a glimmer from his new ring and turned it over, holding the metal as if it was a delicate treasure. And then realized that it was precisely that.<br>He turned his thoughts to Shizuo now, reluctantly. His latent memory, or shadow of a memory, was stirred. He did not need to rely on the information he had acquired second hand through Namie and files to know that Shizuo had played an important part in his life as the embodiment of all that opposed him. It was painful that strive as he might to hunt for a glimpse of a memory regarding Shiki, he failed but Shizuo had imprinted his presence into Izaya's, somehow.  
>It made Izaya wonder if Shizuo was not connected with his amnesia. Angles to explore were Izaya's professional saving grace. Even if he was mistaken it would not be a loss of time. For one, it would put his fear into perspective since he would have to tackle it head first. And second, it was better to pursue something than simply wait for his memory to return of its own accord. Investigating Shizuo would take much careful plotting and Izaya was eager to devote himself to it.<br>To past grievances he knew of and the general feeling of antagonism that he could not escape Izaya added the fact that Shizuo had ruined his birthday and Saki's outing. It was absolutely unforgivable. If wishing someone dead could have an effect then Shizuo would have died. And there was more to it, Izaya blamed Shizuo for forcing him to acknowledge some disturbing changes in himself.


	22. Chapter 22

He nearly jumped off his skin as his phone rang. By the ringtone he knew that it was his sisters. Izaya let the phone ring for a long while and almost did not pick it up. He took a deep breath before finally picking it up and was still unsure of what salute to use when a rapid voice on the other side took care of that for him.  
>"Izaya-nii, today is your birthday. So I thought you might do something useful for a change. Do you know about hobbits?"<br>Izaya was completely confused. He was dimly aware that he did not even know which of his sisters he was talking to and for a distressing moment he could not even tell them apart in his mind. In his confusion he forgot all about the pictures he had seen and defaulted to 'twins' as 'identical siblings'.  
>"Hobbits...?"<br>"Hobbits, hobbits. Like in 'the Lord of the Rings'. In the books hobbits give presents on their birthday so you should too."  
>"Ah..."<br>"So, we want new smartphones, I'll text you the technical details and a Blu-ray collection of Hanejima-san's movies."  
>Izaya was suddenly very tired as well as annoyed. He tried to remind himself that this demanding voice was his sibling, his own flesh and blood, but it remained nothing but a demanding voice.<br>"You want me to give you presents on my birthday?"  
>"That's the gist of it."<br>"Can't you wait for your birthday?"  
>"Assuming you'd actually remember it. You didn't remember last year, or the year before, or the year before that-"<br>"I got it, I got it."  
>"So you'll get our stuff?"<br>"Alright. Is that all?"  
>He felt empty and exhausted beyond belief.<br>"Wait a sec, Kururi wants a word with you."  
>There was some confusion on the other side and a different voice spoke. Much softer.<br>"Izaya-nii? Happy birthday."  
>He had to muffle the phone to keep the sudden bout of sobs to be overheard. It was such a small thing but it meant the world to him. It elevated the kind voice to the status of a real person who had a connection to him.<br>"Izaya-nii...? Is something wrong?"  
>"No, nothing. Thanks for remembering. And I'm sorry that I forgot- your birthday. It won't happen again."<br>"The best thing is, if you remember mine you'll remember Mairu's too."  
>Izaya did not think it was all that good but he was not about to contradict her.<br>"Sure, of course. I'll send your gifts over."  
>A slight hesitation before the reply came.<br>"Oh, okay. I just thought you'd like to meet since it's been a time-"  
>Garbled noises and then the voice switched again.<br>"Use express mail so that it gets here faster."  
>So much for twins being akin, Izaya thought. Then again all of his data was unanimous in that the sisters were not at all similar. But clearly they stuck together and he was the outsider. That it was so of his own device was no consolation.<br>"Will do."  
>"You better. We'll be waiting. Kururi says bye."<br>And just like that the connection was cut. Izaya was tempted to call again and remind Mairu that the gifts would arrive much faster if he were to deliver them in hand but he knew it would be to no avail. He was much more tempted to give Kururi a call and see if he could work on a connection there. In the end he did neither.  
>Instead he waited and sure enough the details arrived via text message soon enough. Izaya bought the phones and decided to throw in a bonus in the shape of matching straps. He had to stand on tiptoe to reach the movie collection and was about to ask for assistance when an arm retrieved it for him.<br>"Thank you- _you_!"  
>Izaya prepared to dash for before him stood none other than Heiwajima Shizuo.<br>"Not gonna hurt you so chill. Is that for your sisters?"  
>Izaya was still not convinced.<br>"None of your business."  
>After so much dodging Izaya now opted for a quick retreat without actually making a run for it.<br>"I can get you an autographed copy.  
>Izaya was torn. He imagined how great an impression this might cause, perhaps Mairu would even give him the time of day. Shizuo caught up with him.<br>"Like I thought, you have changed."  
>"I'm in a hurry so don't stand in my way."<br>"Since when do you buy stuff for your sisters?"  
>His fear of Shizuo eclipsed on the spot. Izaya hardly knew what he was about to say before the words rushed out of him.<br>"Why do they like you so much? It's not fair."


	23. Chapter 23

Shizuo did not miss the undertone of genuine discontent. He was used to Izaya indulging in bemused complaints that only served to aggravate Shizuo who suspected that to Izaya everything was too much a joke to even get upset about.  
>"You want the autograph or what?"<br>Izaya reached a decision. He produced his wallet out which he extracted a bundle of bills.  
>"Here, get me the autograph."<br>"You're paying me?"  
>"Got a problem with that? What, you don't accept dirty money made at the expense of people's misery?"<br>Shizuo blinked, taken completely by surprise and studied him anew in silence. Izaya had a keen feeling that he was coming across as ridiculous, he bristled all over in a fit of reinforced anger. He had to take a deep breath to steady himself and regain lost ground. He did so by adopting his trademark sly smile and dismissive shrug that clearly indicated that Orihara Izaya was above everyone, too elevated to stoop down to actually get involved.  
>"My, such silly notions of honor and respectability. It is amazing how they persist even in someone like you who lives in the underbelly of society. There is a name to this phenomenon, what is the word I am looking for, ah yes. Hypocrisy."<br>Izaya's smile gained an edge but Shizuo still stared him down unflinchingly. Much to Izaya's dismay.  
>"Let's go somewhere else. Too crowded here."<br>Izaya wanted to walk away in a detached and most elegant manner but he was afraid it might expose his fearful apprehension. And because he could not afford that he found himself sitting on a bench next to Shizuo. Izaya perched on the other side of the seat as distant from Shizuo as possible and he picked a spot next to the park's exit so that he could jump into the street and let the bustle of the city sweep him away into secure anonymity.  
>Shizuo pulled an old cell phone and Izaya resisted casting furtive glances in his direction, instead he settled to craft an illusion of blasé ease. He still wanted to bolt and would readily do so if it came to that. But only if it came to that. Because he knew that it would damage his street credit to do otherwise.<br>Orihara Izaya only fled when the danger was so immanent that he could pull it off with utilitarian grace. If he were not so occupied with keeping tabs on Shizuo he would have begrudged his old self for clinging to potentially deadly habits such as confronting Shizuo in the first place.  
>It was a particularly ironic case of hypocrisy, all things considered but for once Izaya was unaware of irony.<br>"Kasuka? It's me. Can you sign some DVDs for the Orihara sisters? It's 'Mairu' and 'Kururi', in that order. 'kay, see you later."  
>"How much do I owe you?"<br>"I like the girls so keep your money. Kasuka will drop by my place later to sign the stuff."  
>"Do you like Mairu better? Since you insisted on putting her name first."<br>"Not really. It's just that Mairu would like that way and Kururi won't care either way."  
>"Ah, what do you know. Looks like you know them better than I do-"<br>Betrayed into speaking the truth, too late to retract it but still unable not to bite off further compromising words.  
>"Dunno about that but I listen to them."<br>"How wonderful of you."  
>For all Izaya knew Shizuo only bothered being friendly toward the twins out of spite for him. In this Izaya defaulted into suspecting the worst out of his nemesis. At the same time the explanation exonerated Izaya from neglect. It was a twofold consolation and Izaya was shaken enough to believe it for strictly emotional motives.<br>"What's up with the gifts? Some occasion?"  
>Izaya considered an elaborate lie about Mairu and Kururi throwing him a birthday party and how he decided to thank them with this treat, dropping in a pointed way that Shizuo was obviously not invited, what a shame but it could not helped, it was a family event after all. He abandoned the plan immediately. Shizuo would see through it and either way he would surely talk to the girls and the truth would only make Izaya seem pathetic.<br>"Hobbits."  
>"Hobbits…?"<br>"As in 'Lord of the Rings' hobbits, the kind that give presents on their birthday."  
>"So today's your birthday, huh."<p> 


	24. Chapter 24

"If you must know it, yes. Which reminds me, I have things to do. "  
>Izaya leapt to his feet, he did not want to prolong this any longer.<br>"What's going on here? You're acting weird. Even for you."  
>"Whatever do you mean? I am not particularly fond of your company ."<br>"I'll send the girls the DVDs-"  
>"They're <em>my<em> sisters, not yours."  
>Shizuo blinked.<br>"You dying or something? Is that why you're having this sudden change of heart? Got some deadly disease or some shit?"  
>"Wouldn't you love that. I'm out of here."<br>Izaya strutted away, damage control.  
>"If you want to give them yourself drop by my place."<br>"No thanks. I'll stay away from your den."  
>Izaya did not bother turning around.<br>"Better that way for me but the girls would like to receive stuff directly from you."  
>"Tough luck."<br>He ducked into a crowd with almost a sigh of relief. Izaya wandered almost aimlessly, his only focus being to drift as far away from the park as he could. Then he decided he needed to visit the hospital again. But first he purchased something. Izaya climbed the wall easily and had no problems working his blade into the window latch so that he could slip into the room.  
>"Hi there, Saki."<br>"Orihara-san!"  
>He felt his awkwardness keenly. Izaya hurried to produce a wrapped box that he handed to her.<br>"For me…?"  
>"Ever heard of hobbits?"<br>"From the Lord of the Rings? Oh, right. I get it now. They give presents on their birthday."  
>Izaya nodded, stress ebbing away under her quiet joy.<br>"You're stealing my thunder here. I was supposed to tell you all about the hobbits and their peculiar habits."  
>Her brand new hat was placed in a chair close at hand so that she could look at it whenever she wanted.<br>"It's the second thing you give me today. Oh! A smartphone!"  
>A warm feeling filled him.<br>"I'll put my number on speed dial, if anything happens, anything at all, you can call me. Any time. And if the hospital people give you hell just tell them your guardian says it's fine."  
>She clutched the phone with both hands.<br>"I already know it by heart."  
>"Which is more than I can say, I forgot all about numbers, combinations, the whole lot. And now I better leave before some angry nurse catches me."<br>Izaya put the number on speed dial either way and bounced over to the window.  
>"Thank you very much."<br>He was already climbing over the sill.  
>"Oh, one more thing. When you're discharged you can move in with me if you want. Give it some thought, no pressure."<br>Izaya easily slid down to the street below. His footing was as sure as his resolution. It was the right thing to do and something he would never have done if not for the memory loss. Whether it was a blessing in disguise Izaya did not quite know. He thought about situational ethics, made a few more selective purchases and headed for the club.  
>Izaya took his part-time very seriously. Always the first to arrive to help tidy up the main room and see that the champagne bottles were chilled and the glasses balanced on intricate glittery pyramids. There were ice buckets to attend to, final touches on the décor and Izaya had even devised a new sleek illumination system with subdued colors that slowly blended one into another to create a cozily surreal experience. Going above and beyond the call of duty.<br>He let himself in and immediately was on alert. The room was pitch black and made eerie by the mirror. His fear switched to absolute surprise as the lights came alive and a sprinkle of confetti fell on him as two girls he recognized sprang on him.  
>"Happy birthday, baka-nii!"<br>"Happy birthday, Izaya-nii."  
>"What are you girls doing here…?"<br>This first encounter with his sisters was so unexpected that Izaya forgot all about his many issues with them.  
>"I invited them."<br>"Shiki-san…?"  
>They dragged him to a seat and unceremoniously forced him to sit. Mairu even sat on his lap as if he was a seat himself, much to his discomfort.<br>"Shiki-san invited us over. And since you got nifty autographed copies of Kasuka's movies I figured I'd forget how much of an idiot of a big brother you are."  
>Izaya had no idea how they knew about that but for the time being it did not matter. He was swept into the bustle of the moment.<p> 


	25. Chapter 25

"It is our first time in a host club. I'm a bit nervous."  
>Kururi looked around apprehensively.<br>"I closed the club for the night so you ladies need not worry."  
>Izaya was stunned at Shiki's gentlemanly ways.<br>"Listen to the yakuza and let the champagne flow!"  
>"You're underage, no bottle for you."<br>Izaya took the champagne from Mairu."  
>"Hey! Not fair!"<br>"Izaya-nii is right, no drinking."  
>"What-ever."<br>Mairu rolled her eyes dramatically. Izaya chuckled. He was not sure of what Shiki had told them to account for his being here but Izaya decided to simply trust him. His presence made Izaya considerably less nervous. Izaya could chat with his sisters without being paralyzed by apprehension. To his surprise he found mannerisms in them that he shared. In an attempt to piece back a cohesive sense of identity Izaya had studied his own facial expressions at length as well so he recognized it easily on someone else.  
>The experience was a strange one. Izaya felt displaced as if he was floating in midair and spinning at the same time. He was tempted to down a bottle of champagne but he decided against it. Already he was almost giddy. His sisters were no longer figments of a past that was not his but real girls whose warm bodies were casually pressed to his in innocent familiarity. It was a confirmation of kinship, normally teenage girls would never act so carefree around him. Briefly, he wondered just how Saki felt about it. But now was not the time to consider such matters.<br>"-so I took her bra and hid it. Served her good!"  
>Mairu beamed at this bit of wisdom.<br>"Bullies can be so annoying."  
>This was Kururi's version of events, more subdued. Izaya shifted a bit uncomfortably.<br>"Do you girls have bullying problems?"  
>"Nothing we can't handle."<br>"Still, Mairu…keep me informed, okay? I mean it."  
>She frowned, surprised.<br>"Gee, we've survived just fine without nii-chan's protection so far. It's not like we need you."  
>But Izaya believed that the bravado was hollow. He straightened up and looked into their eyes.<br>"Next time they bother you let me know. I'll see what I can do."  
>Izaya flashed the blade in front of their widening eyes. Shiki wondered at it. At length Mairu whistled.<br>"You're suddenly cool, baka-nii! Who are you and what have you done with our good for nothing brother?"  
>Both sisters stared him down and Izaya's disorientation climbed a notch. The horrible suspicion that they knew everything mingled with the consciousness of being acting a part of sorts. His smile was watery and a pale shadow of the radiance he so easily cast as a host.<br>"It's the new clothes. What do you girls think?"  
>"Flashy, won't help you mingle in a crowd, that's for sure."<br>"You look great, Izaya-nii."  
>Izaya actually blushed.<br>"So, I don't suppose you guys got me anything?"  
>"You can enjoy your company, be very glad for <em>that<em> and count yourself lucky."  
>"We ran out of allowance already."<br>"Stingy parents, you know how they are."  
>Izaya of course had no idea. He was not looking forward to meeting his parents, their parents to be more precise, and apparently that would not become an issue anytime soon if ever. Izaya did not know if he was relieved or disappointed.<br>The party was a lively one with Izaya finding Mairu's sarcastic retorts much to his liking (even when addressed at him) and realizing that Kururi was a sweet girl. But something was bothering him.  
>"By the way…why are you wearing your gym class outfit?"<br>"It's comfortable."  
>"She always wears it."<br>"Ah…I see."  
>Mairu rolled her eyes behind the glasses.<br>"Don't tell me you just noticed it now?"  
>"Of course not."<br>Mairu leered at him with a mischievous smile.  
>"Looks like you're getting mighty friendly with Shiki-san."<br>Izaya's flush returned and deepened. He coughed in an attempt of coming across as too mature to even answer but was all too aware that he failed.  
>"Izaya is very useful."<br>"Oh, I bet he is!"  
>She giggled girlishly, Izaya was at a loss. Kururi came to the rescue.<br>"It's okay, Mairu is just being…well, Mairu."  
>This provoked Mairu into jumping on her sister and gleefully squeezing her breasts.<br>"Boob attack!"  
>Izaya had to laugh. The party was a success of the crazy kind. Later, he stood on the curb as a car of Shiki's organization drove them away, waving.<p> 


	26. Chapter 26

"Shiki-san, thank you."  
>"Let's go to the office, I have a job for you."<br>Izaya became alert immediately.  
>"An informant's job?"<br>"Yes. It's what you are, isn't it?"  
>"Indeed it is."<br>Izaya was keenly aware of added responsibility. It sobered and elated him at the same time. Shiki noticed how intent Izaya was throughout the brief. Normally Izaya seemed breezy even on such occasions, so much so that if Shiki did not know better he would have discounted Izaya altogether. But now the façade of smoothness was cast aside completely and Izaya showed his concentration nakedly. Shiki found it charming in a strange way.  
>"I understand. I will do my best, Shiki-san."<br>Izaya's phone rang and he made as if to turn it off.  
>"Take the call, it might be important."<br>Izaya hesitated.  
>"It's Mairu."<br>"All the more reason to take it."  
>"Thank you, this won't take long."<br>Shiki removed himself to a polite distance. But he was planning on listening to the side of the conversation that was available to him. His curiosity was whetted.  
>"Mairu, this better be important. Did something happen?"<br>"That's what I want to ask. Are you dying or something?"  
>Izaya blinked. All he knew of Mairu pointed to her being on the insane side of things but he could not make heads of tails of her now.<br>"Dying? Of course not. Now that was random."  
>"You're acting mighty weird. All of a sudden you're giving us the time of day. Just wondering if you were about to kick the bucket."<br>"Well I'm not, thank you for your concern."  
>"You better not go and die on us. I mean it. Not that <em>I<em> would care but it'd make Kururi sad and I won't have that."  
>"Right. Anyway, I am as healthy as it gets. And I'm in a middle of something, I'll talk to you tomorrow."<br>"Okay. And you better not be lying."  
>"Goodbye."<br>Izaya sighed as he ended the call. Then he perked up.  
>"Shiki-san, do you know about hobbits?"<br>"Can't say that I do."  
>It was the answer Izaya expected and the one he wanted.<br>"Hobbits are short stubby folk with flat furry feet. More importantly they are known to give presents on their birthday. It's an interesting case of self-serving generosity since they only have to give once a year and yet are bound to receive many presents all year around, their social group being on the largish side. Anyway, to keep the hobbit spirit I bought you something."  
>Izaya was almost grave as he presented polished cuff links in a velvet case and a sleek tie. Shiki inspected the items.<br>"I can always use more of these and this is top quality stuff. Thanks."  
>"I noticed that you use cuff links, it's part of my job – or more, part of my nature – to notice details. The little things tell a lot about someone."<br>Shiki was amused.  
>"What do the little things tell you about me, then?"<br>"Well, that is- that you project an image of discreet elegance that matches the way you are in charge without having to make a show of it."  
>"Interesting."<br>Izaya positively beamed.  
>"I'll start working on the case right now."<br>And indeed Izaya seemed ready to rush back home to tackle his many resources.  
>"It can wait until the morning, get some sleep first."<br>"But I can start now."  
>"No need for that. I want you well rested before you start. No point in doing it otherwise."<br>"I'm not tired, though."  
>Shiki considered Izaya's altered state anew. This eagerness mingled with almost childish stubbornness was completely new.<br>"It can wait, Izaya. It's getting late, you can crash at my place."  
>That sealed it. Izaya was happy to comply. Later, Shiki stayed up and watched Izaya sleep by his side. Izaya never stayed long enough after sex. Just long enough to deliver a few lines about some abstract topic or another and then out the door after a quick shower. It was a token of their sexual relationship: casual encounters that satisfied both parties without demanding anything.<br>Shiki was very much aware that Izaya as he was now, happily curled on his side, was entirely faithful. It was a strange feeling. Fidelity was something foreign to Izaya and it would have remained thus if not for this unlikely memory loss. Shiki had always thought Izaya to be interesting but he now knew him to be likable as well.


	27. Chapter 27

There used to be a self-sufficiency to Izaya that virtually isolated him from normal human affections. More than once Shiki had thought that Izaya was unable of feeling love even if Izaya fully understood its workings. Perhaps because Izaya was so wired to understand as opposed to actually be affected by emotions. But there was more to it. Izaya was so content in himself that there was no space for anyone else to possibly intrude.  
>This had most definitely changed.<br>It placed Shiki in a potentially touchy situation. Particularly if Izaya were to push for Shiki to reply to this fidelity in kind. Shiki wondered if Izaya was about to do such a thing. He thought it highly unlikely. While Izaya was normally too independent to even consider making such a claim he was now too bent on being non-intrusive to ever curtail Shiki's freedom.  
>Shiki wondered how it would be like if Izaya were to prove him wrong. Next to him Izaya cuddled closer and mumbled something. Shiki ran fingers through Izaya's hair. There was something oddly compelling in this.<br>Shiki was not one to be drawn to protecting the helpless, after all that would hardly do in the yakuza, but Izaya's naked vulnerability was touching. Probably because Izaya's new handicap did not turn him into a weak person, instead Izaya fought back. And that was something Shiki admired.  
>He was turning these musings over when his phone rang.<br>"Hello, Yagiri-san. Yes, he's with me. And he's fine. I understand. If I must say it is odd for you to be so concerned over him. Indeed. If there isn't any pressing matter I'll tell him to contact you in the morning."  
>As he finished this brief yet telling call Shiki wondered just how other people were reacting to Izaya. Yagiri Namie was clearly worried and Shiki was uncertain whether she was merely afraid for Izaya insofar as he was her boss. But perhaps this was paranoia. If so it raised some issues that Shiki did not want to contemplate at the moment.<br>Better to just enjoy the moment and watch Izaya happily slumbering. Shiki was not used to having any of his lovers stay over. He could get used to it.  
>"More sushi…? I couldn't possibly…maybe just another tiny bit…hmm…sushi…"<br>In his dreams Izaya was apparently having banquet. Shiki's thoughts followed another avenue. The job he had just given Izaya was not particularly difficult but somewhat prickly. It required subtlety. And it was very much a test. They both knew it. Shiki was certain that Izaya would not fail but he wondered what would happen if Izaya did fail.  
>After all, it did not matter how much things changed, the fact remained that Izaya had to be useful or else he was to be discarded as superfluous. There were many informants in Tokyo. Izaya without his skill set was ultimately useless. More, he was even a liability. If it came to that Shiki might very well have to terminate him.<br>Shiki was even less inclined to follow this line of thought. Before he too went to sleep it crossed his mind that his brand new cufflinks and tie were precisely the right color and shape.

"We have work, Namie-san."  
>Izaya spun on his chair, hands laced together.<br>"Are you sure you're up to this?"  
>"Without a doubt."<br>Namie regarded him in silence for a while.  
>"Alright. What do you need?"<br>"Act as my sounding board if I need it. And prepare me some Japanese green tea, please."  
>She appreciated the new polite attitude. Izaya took a deep breath, closed his eyes and then attacked the keyboard. He typed at lightening speed, eyes scanning the monitor. He cast a few comments Namie's way and sipped tea without as much as glancing at the cup.<br>Then he leapt off the chair, wincing slightly for in his excitement he had forgotten not to do sudden movements, and bounced to the door.  
>"I'm going out to do some field work."<br>"Can't the blonde kid do that?"  
>"No, I'll handle it myself."<br>Izaya both wanted to prove himself and to protect Kida. But even as emotions served the background to his motivation he was cool and collected, thinking ahead on how to proceed next and extract the information he needed. Orihara Izaya did not wait until nightfall, having decided that in daylight there would be a more relaxed network of security. And he was not even about to breach it, only to peer through it.


	28. Chapter 28

Orihara Izaya reached the street from a fire exit and immediately blended in. Urban invisibility. He had work to do and he was good at it: the best there was, in fact.  
>Izaya thought about the human tide that engulfed him. It was easy to disappear in it. The crowds were his material but also his buffer. He took a train, changed to another line and a few stations afterwards found himself in a nondescript part of town. From here on it was smooth sailing. He expected his nerves to be on edge but they were steely when it mattered.<br>Izaya took a few pictures with the smallest of devices as he pretended to rub his right eye and was gone before anyone had registered that he had even been there. For a few blocks he kept his hood up, the fur hiding his face from the cameras that he knew were there.  
>He transmitted the pictures over to his headquarters and drew a detailed report in his mind that he sent as well.<br>On his way back he took a detour. He was curious as how his very first assignment had gone. Perhaps Shiki could tell him. And without even realizing where his line of thought was taking him he wondered if he had been in love with Shiki before. He nearly jumped off his seat and startled his fellow passengers.  
>Until now he had never articulated his feelings as love but after the pressure of work deflated he was without inner barriers. Izaya ran a hand through his hair, it trembled slightly. He exited at the wrong station and wandered aimlessly in a flurry of agitation. Love was a tall order. Izaya calmed down by watching people rushing by. Families, happy, hurried, annoyed or bored; blank faced salarymen with their perennial suitcases and noose like ties; a few girls dolled up in Lolita attires all pastel colors and absurdly pink; some shady old men. A variety of humans parading before him.<br>He drew useless inferences about those who caught his attention and then let the steady flow clear his mind. Just when he had himself under control someone accosted him.  
>"Izaya? What are you doing here?"<br>For a split second he had no idea who the bespectacled fellow was. Panic seized him momentarily then the name and a string of facts rolled into his immediate awareness.  
>"Hi there, Shinra. Long time no see."<br>"Thought you had dropped off the face of the Earth, actually."  
>Izaya chuckled in feigned ease.<br>"Never. You know me, just because you can't see doesn't mean I'm not around."  
>"Now that sounds creepy."<br>Not half as creepy as having a headless girlfriend, Izaya thought.  
>"It keeps busy."<br>"I bet but you never look busy."  
>Izaya was a bit perplexed. All the data he had pertaining to Shinra ran to the effect of their not being exactly on the friendliest of terms. But somehow Shinra now saw fit to have a chat. There must be something to it. If only Izaya knew what exactly had happened to sour their relationship. Intuition told him that something portentous had taken place in the past but was in the dark to what it could be. Once more he had to piece incomplete information to draw conclusions. He reflected that gaining knowledge was always like that unless one was God. And presently being God sounded horribly boring.<br>"Work hard, play hard."  
>"In your case play people hard and make a living out of that. How much do you pay for your place, anyway?"<br>They drifted to a coffee house.  
>"It's a somewhat expensive area. Why do you ask, are you by any chance interested in purchasing property in Shinjuku?"<br>"I have no complaints about my place. But you must make a small fortune."  
>"Should I put my bank manager on?"<br>He dangled his cell phone and smiled.  
>"Shizuo is right, you <em>are<em> different."  
>To Izaya's credit he did not even flinch and his shrugging was very natural.<br>"I'm afraid Shizu-chan is very biased when it comes to my person."  
>"Maybe but you are different."<br>Izaya chose to go all out and risk it.  
>"Oh? What is different about me? Do enlighten me."<br>Shinra adjusted his glasses and peered at him long enough to make Izaya very uncomfortable. It must have shown.  
>"Nervous?"<br>"Curious."  
>Shinra continued his study of Izaya with unblinking intensity. Then he readjusted his glasses.<br>"I can't put my finger on it but I'm pretty sure something's up."


	29. Chapter 29

This was the right time for Izaya to make a retreat but he did not want to leave it at this.  
>"I'm a multifaceted individual. There are sides of me you've never seen."<br>There were sides of Izaya that Izaya had barely glimpsed.  
>"Seems that way. "<br>"So I'm the hot topic around town? How wonderful!"  
>Izaya covered up his apprehension with exuberance.<br>"You've been acting off. No one seems to see you and your woman is running extra errands."  
>Izaya did not like how well informed Shinra was.<br>"If by my woman you mean Yagiri Namie-san you are mistaken. She is my secretary."  
>Shinra took a sip of coffee, slowly and all too in control. It annoyed Izaya more than it should.<br>"Really? That's the first time I hear about it."  
>"What do you mean?"<br>"You never deny that she's your woman. You don't confirm it either."  
>This was not something Izaya was aware of. He needed to remind himself that an informant never worked with the full set of facts and this was no exception.<br>"And how is Celty doing?"  
>It was almost desperation, Izaya wanted to shift attention away from him. Shinra stared at Izaya with professional interest.<br>"I'm more worried about you, you don't look too good."  
>Shinra took Izaya's wrist and immediately Izaya recoiled.<br>"I'm fine."  
>"Just checking your pulse. It's a bit too fast."<br>"I'm just fine."  
>"Are you sick or something?"<br>Shinra seemed to be thinking along the same lines as Mairu. Izaya reacted in a completely different way by overdosing on sarcasm.  
>"Ah, my secret is out. I only have a week to live, after which the world will of course disintegrate without the great Orihara Izaya."<br>Izaya was about to cut his losses and leave. The timing of when to make an exit seemed a vital point that he was still trying to master. It was situational which did not make it any easier. But Shinra took the initiative by getting up.  
>"I've got to go."<br>Izaya waved merrily.  
>"Tell Celty I said hi."<br>"Shizuo wants to have a word with you."  
>"I'll pass as I value my life greatly."<br>"That he wants to talk to you goes to show that something has changed."  
>Shinra left on this note and Izaya could not help thinking that Shinra had won this round. Izaya was musing such things as he resumed his stroll. He nearly missed them but was just in time to spot some dark suits walking into a building. He recognized both the lead man and the site from his files. He was a prominent yakuza and the building the main office of a major rival group. It could either mean a merge or an incoming war. Both would affect Shiki.<br>And that meant that Izaya had to know which was which. He did not even hesitate, he turned around the block until he was at the backdoor. Sentinels were strategically placed but as soon as Izaya leapt to the fire escape, he was outside their field of vision. He crept close to the wall, slowly.  
>He turned off his cell phone just in case, made sure that he was in a position to dash away if needed. Izaya carried bugging devices and now applied one to the wall, crouched and listened.<p>

"Shiki-san, I have news. Great news."  
>Izaya's eyes twinkled and he could barely contain himself.<br>"You're late."  
>"It was worth being late, I assure you."<br>Izaya narrated his adventure and the extra information he had stumbled upon. He waited for praise, expectantly. Only to be gravely disappointed.  
>"Don't do that again."<br>The bout of pain was almost physical. Izaya gasped.  
>"But I got you some juicy info. You can take over both their territories and expand-"<br>"Don't tell me how to do my job."  
>"Then don't tell me how to do mine. I got you top-notch information."<br>Izaya could not understand it.  
>"It's too dangerous. You're not your usual self."<br>"I can do my job just fine."  
>"I don't want you to die, Izaya."<br>"Everyone thinks I'm about to drop dead."  
>Izaya sounded peeved. But it did not last for Shiki caressed his cheeks and cast a light kiss on his lips.<br>"Are you in love with me?"  
>It disarmed Izaya completely.<br>"I can't say, I mean-"  
>"Then do as I tell you."<br>Izaya could say nothing. His heart beat had taken over his entire body and was blasting inside his mind, sending his thoughts into disarray. Shiki drew him into an embrace so that Izaya could hide his face against his chest.  
>"You're wearing the tie I gave you."<p> 


	30. Chapter 30

Shiki made him face him now, tilting his chin so that Izaya was looking into his eyes.  
>"You won't be useful to me dead."<br>"Useful…that's all that I am to you, isn't it? I'm sorry, I'm getting way out of line but it's just that I keep trying to be the person I used to be but I can't- I don't have the same experiences, or starting point, or motivations."  
>Izaya was talking very fast and picking up speed with each word so that his speech became frantic.<br>"There's a difference between risks worth taking and risks that aren't worth it. What you did was very stupid and you're not stupid, memory loss or not."  
>Izaya chuckled bitterly.<br>"Love makes people stupid, haven't you heard about it?"  
>Shiki had to take a step back in order to produce his wallet.<br>"Here's compensation for your extra information."  
>Izaya felt emotionally deflated. For a split second pain clouded his ability to speak but if Shiki chose to be nonchalant then there was no route that Izaya could follow other than answering in kind. He did so by lifting his hands, palms upwards.<br>"I only accept payment when the client has asked specifically for the service."  
>"That's a new rule."<br>"So it is."  
>Izaya was glad to introduce a change in his modus operandi as an informant, it made him feel that he not only had the qualifications but the right to act as one and even improve on his methods. It made Izaya feel like an active participant instead of a mere follower of predetermined regulations.<br>"Any new rules I should know about?"  
>Izaya hesitated for a while. Then ran his finger along the buckle of Shiki's belt, before undoing it.<br>"I'm not sure, maybe."  
>Izaya stood on tiptoe to kiss Shiki on the mouth almost tentatively as if tasting him. At the same time Izaya's fingers trailed anew, unbuttoning Shiki's pants. Shiki was surprised as Izaya ducked and unzipped the fly with his teeth. Judging by the sly glint in Izaya's eyes that was the intended reaction.<br>"This is new too."  
>"I thought so."<br>Izaya motioned Shiki to take a seat and busied himself sliding down Shiki's underwear and licking the full length of the budding erection, making it grow inside his mouth. Izaya had done his research on this but he was still a bit nervous. He added some extra stimulation by making a fist around hardening flesh and sliding it up and down in tandem with his tongue washing over the tip.  
>"Shiki-san, you're not very vocal, are you?"<br>"Doesn't mean I don't like it."  
>Izaya beamed. His cheeks were very slightly flushed and his smile compelling, giving him a look of disarming youthfulness. Shiki petted his head, fluffing the hair. Izaya was so bent on pleasuring that Shiki could not help but find it endearing. And Izaya had plenty of tricks, lathering up with saliva, sucking, lapping at the thin thread of pre-cum.<br>Shiki enjoyed the sight of Izaya's lips becoming swollen and redder as he applied himself. Izaya fondled Shiki's testicles and took a deep breath before swallowing him whole. His gag reflex was fully under control making up for his lack of experience.  
>"If you're going to stop, it should be about now."<br>Normally Shiki issued no warnings but he felt for Izaya. But Izaya ignored it altogether and had no problems swallowing Shiki's load as it shot past his throat.  
>"Can't taste it much this way."<br>Shiki chuckled and helped him to his feet.  
>"And that's a bad thing?"<br>"Sort of."  
>Shiki swept him into a wet kiss. Izaya emerged from it breathless, dazed and surprised at finding himself mostly naked.<br>"Shiki-san, you sure can be a smooth operator."  
>"I'm not done with you yet."<br>Izaya trembled with expectation. Then something occurred to him.  
>"Can I put on your jacket?"<br>"My jacket? What for?"  
>"Just indulge me."<br>So Izaya was not entirely submissive. Shiki liked it, Izaya was not Izaya without a dose of attitude. Without a word he removed the white jacket and placed it over Izaya's shoulders. It was far too big, highlighting the impression that Izaya was a kid. Izaya wrapped himself in the jackets and sniffed.  
>"Smells just like you, Shiki-san."<br>"And that's a good thing?"  
>Izaya nodded.<br>"Of course. A very good thing."  
>"The women at the club would eat you alive if they saw you now."<br>Izaya laughed, oversized sleeves swinging.  
>"You may be right about that. I'd earn extra cuteness points."<br>"You're already cute."


	31. Chapter 31

Izaya blushed as if on cue, much to Shiki's amusement.  
>"Oh, thank you."<br>"Can't be news to you."  
>"It's not but hearing you say it is just…"<br>"Just what?"  
>"A bit embarrassing."<br>"Is that also working on your cuteness points?"  
>Izaya sighed.<br>"Shiki-san, don't make fun of me."  
>"You make it very easy, though."<br>Shiki knew that this was the time to take over as Izaya expected him to. So he locked the door and immediately Izaya jumped, color disappearing from his face in an almost comic way. Shiki did not laugh.  
>"Wait, that wasn't locked…?"<br>"Not really. We were supposed to be discussing business and nothing else."  
>"Then anyone could have walked in…?"<br>"They'd knock."  
>"Still!"<br>Shiki did chuckle.  
>"Take heart, no one walked in."<br>"I do make it too easy, don't I?"  
>"You do."<br>Shiki removed the famous tie with deliberate slowness and placed it on the desk. It occurred to him that it made sense how Izaya's acting defenseless resulted in the women from the club all gushing over him and eager to protect him. But Shiki was seeing the real thing here.  
>"Shiki-san,"<br>Shiki picked him up and deposited him on the sofa.  
>"You can talk through this if you like."<br>But Izaya would rather not talk. There was something very exciting in being carried like this and knowing himself to be at Shiki's mercy.  
>"Ah, that'd be a cliché."<br>Shiki chuckled drily, slipped the jacket from Izaya's frame and kissed him as he produced a condom from an inner pocket. Izaya's experience was limited but he readily went with the flow, tossing his boxers and spreading himself open.  
>"Don't want to get my jacket dirty."<br>Shiki held him down. He knew how easy it was to leave marks on Izaya's very white and smooth skin. It was always something of a turn on to do it on purpose and enjoy the sight of hickeys in compromising places. Normally Izaya merely laughed it away but Shiki was sure that he would get an entirely different reaction now.  
>Shiki missed Izaya's snarky comments but he had to admit that the rather helpless moans were adorable in their own right. He took plenty of time prepping Izaya not just out of concern for him but because it was very fun to watch him squirm impatiently. Just as Izaya was beginning to get truly restless Shiki replaced fingers with his erection.<br>Immediately Izaya clawed for purchase, nails digging into him. It was an instinctive reaction and Shiki was more than willing to put up with some pain to see Izaya at his most primal. Shiki allowed for Izaya to adjust before setting for a series of quick shallow thrusts that rocked Izaya's body.  
>Izaya had to remind himself to focus on looking at Shiki. Lust clouded his vision. Izaya always tried to get the most out of every experience and much more so when it came to sex. Even if at the moment he was in no state to analyze the bouts of pleasure coursing through his veins. He had to grasp for air and did not even hear his own raspy moans.<br>Shiki lifted one of Izaya's legs for greater access and the change in angle caused Izaya to gasp.  
>This time Izaya clutched at the sofa and wondered if he would melt as hot bliss filled him. Shiki picked up his pace. There was a raw edge to the way Shiki did this as if channeling his ruthlessness of character. Once things to this point all niceties disappeared.<br>And since Izaya was already dripping on the cushions, a thread of pre-cum swaying with the rocking motion, Shiki's approach was precisely what Izaya craved. Shiki took a few moments to enjoy the sight then grabbed both of Izaya's hands so that Izaya could not touch himself. Izaya protested but without much conviction. Shiki could tell that Izaya was very close to climax. It was still far too early to expect more from Izaya but Shiki made a mental note to push things a bit further next time.  
>For now Shiki plunged deeply and fast, his body slamming into Izaya's with all he had. Izaya tensed up as he lost himself in the euphoria or orgasm that was almost painful in its intensity. The world disappeared in a blur. Izaya sighed softly as Shiki withdrew. Fuzzy warmth flooded his awareness and mingled with afterglow exhaustion.<p> 


	32. Chapter 32

As he watched Izaya curl up, all dreamily, it crossed Shiki's mind that it would be interesting to toss a pack of bills at him. The reaction would be priceless and Shiki was not entirely opposed to cruelty. He went as far as to locate his wallet. It was bound to crush Izaya.  
>"Shiki-san, do you think I can become a good person?"<br>It took Shiki by surprise. The honest questioning was too pure for Izaya and yet it was perfectly natural.  
>"What do you mean?"<br>"I know that I was never a nice guy but improving on myself should be something to strive for as a human being. That is one of the reasons that make humans so special, their ability and desire to better themselves."  
>"I got the impression you thought far too highly of yourself to feel that way."<br>"I've noticed that in fiction amnesiacs always become so much nice after they lose their memory. Even very bad individuals suddenly turn endearing if a tad annoying at times."  
>"You're not too annoying."<br>"Shiki-san, I'm serious here…"  
>Shiki ruffled Izaya's hair. It was slightly damp with sweat.<br>"Books and movies make it seem that memory loss turns villains into saints. Bet it doesn't work that way in real life."  
>"It doesn't. And as much as I want to become a good person I know that if I become too good I'll be doomed as an informant."<br>"Pretty much. I don't want you getting soft on me."  
>Izaya grew very thoughtful and abstracted. It gave Shiki enough time to consider that Izaya's stamina was slowly but steadily improving, in that area there was definitely an improvement. He kept it to himself lest it trivialized the moment.<br>"I wonder, it seems to me that it may take a lot more strength to be a good person and do the right thing. It is so difficult."  
>This too surprised Shiki.<br>"It's up to you to decide that kind of thing for yourself."  
>Izaya smiled with more than an hint of apologetic reticence.<br>"Sorry, Shiki-san. I'm sure you don't want to be bothered by my personal issues this late at night."  
>"What I don't want is for you to take stupid risks."<br>"Reading you loud and clear, Shiki-san."

The following day Izaya took a stroll. The anonymous crowds brushed him and carried him along with them. He kept his hands in the pockets of his jackets and the hood over his head. Camouflaged from prying eyes. He enjoyed these walks in the city, these streets where it did not matter who he was. The grey sky arched above everyone with the same hard glitter.  
>His mind was a deliberate blank. It took effort to wipe away all thought, focusing on his steps and losing himself in the flow of people helped.<br>Izaya crossed a major intersection and was passing an alley when a soft sound arrested his attention. Amidst the frantic Ikebukuro din he could barely discern it. He stopped and peered into the narrow opening.  
>Izaya spotted a bit of fur.<br>"Hey, come here kitty. Isn't this a cliché setting? Heh, it'll start raining next."  
>Izaya crouched on the pavement and reached out his hand but he still could not quite catch the cat. Izaya sensed more than felt the shadow that covered him and immediately jumped sideways to make some distance.<br>"What you doing? Oh, kitty."  
>Before Izaya stood Heiwajima Shizuo, cigarette tucked at the corner of his lips despite the many prohibition signs a bit all over the place. At the same time he was sipping from a straw. Izaya was on alert mode right away.<br>"Just leave me alone."  
>"Kitties like milk."<br>Shizuo improved a saucer and poured the carton out of which he was drinking. He placed the saucer close to the alley's opening and sure enough in no time the tiny cat was lapping at the milk. Shizuo waited a bit and then picked up the kitty and handed him to Izaya.  
>"What the-"<br>"Keep the cat, it goes well with your jacket."  
>The kitty cuddled into the false fur. Izaya chuckled, it figured that it should be a black cat.<br>"Isn't this supposed to bring bad luck? And just how cliché is this, it keeps getting worse."  
>"Better start thinking of names."<br>Awkwardness followed. On Izaya's part, Shizuo seemed immune to such things.  
>"Thanks, odds are it'd take me ages to retrieve mister Cat here."<br>"No problem."  
>A moment of silence.<br>"So…you got experience with cats?"  
>"Kinda. Took care of Kasuka's cat once."<p> 


	33. Chapter 33

"On second thought, you keep it. My furniture is very expensive, don't want claw marks all over it."  
>Izaya tried to disentangle himself from the bundle of fur but to no avail.<br>"Won't work, he likes you. Cats choose their owners, not the other way around."  
>"Oy, oy, I can't have that. I'm the human here, so obey me."<br>Izaya was speaking to the kitten in such a serious tone that Shizuo chuckled.  
>"He's asleep now so you're wasting your breath."<br>"I suppose I can push him on my sisters."  
>"Nah, that's your kitten. Not Orihara property but Izaya property. Don't you live alone, keep the kitty. It's good company."<br>"I probably won't be living on my own for long."  
>Shizuo nearly dropped the cigarette.<br>"Now that's…weird."  
>Immediately Izaya relapsed to sheer hostility, his eyes drawing into narrow slits. As if by sympathy his new feline friend bristled. Part of Izaya's anger was directed at himself for having divulged personal information that he had no intentions of sharing. The strange atmosphere between them threw Izaya off in a way he could not quite understand.<br>"Why, I'm some sort of freak no one would want to be around?"  
>"I meant it the other way around. More like you're too great a freak to want to live with others."<br>"Is that so? And since when are you an authority on me?"  
>"Didn't say I was but I've known you for a while now."<br>"Good for you."  
>Izaya had had enough of this and he turned around to leave all too ostensibly. Nonchalance was hard to strike when he was this uncomfortable.<br>"Why did you want to pick up the cat?"  
>"None of your business."<br>"You wanted to rescue it, didn't you? It's cold today, so-"  
>"Shut up already! Who died and appointed you Freud? I don't care about stupid cats."<br>"Put it back in the alley, then."  
>"You don't give me orders, Shizuo."<br>Shizuo noticed the missing annoying honorific.  
>"Doesn't make much sense to me. What's your problem admitting that you like kittens?"<br>It was one of those conversations that Shizuo never expected to have with Izaya. Then again having any kind of conversation with Izaya was a very new experience.  
>"I watch people fall to their death, don't write me off as being all mushy."<br>"Yeah when was the last time you did that?"  
>Izaya shrugged. He could not at all remember ever doing such a thing and at this moment he could not conceive of it. Izaya was channeling another Izaya.<br>"Who knows. I don't keep tabs."  
>Shizuo was silent for a while.<br>"You sure about that?"  
>"What is that supposed to mean?"<br>"I've seen you keeping track. You keep a record by writing on the ledge."  
>Izaya started. No amount of self-possession could suppress his surprise and for a split second that lasted an eternity he could think of nothing at all to say. Sensing that something was amiss the cat meowed.<br>"Did you now."  
>Izaya's voice was flat with a trace of threat in it. He was unsure on whether to be antagonistic or to brush it aside as if it was a minor detail that did not at all affect Orihara Izaya. At such times, when he found himself faced with a schism between the present and the unknown past, he thought of 'Orihara Izaya' almost as another person. Someone that could be studied as he studied everyone else. It cleared his mind even at the expense of being slightly schizophrenic.<br>"You better take the kitten home, it's getting real cold."  
>By now Izaya suspected that his unease was painfully visible. With no proper data he could only bluff his way out of this, Shizuo seemed to be offering him a way out but if Izaya took it then he might never know for sure if he was supposed to know that Shizuo had seen him. And it felt absurdly important. At the same time Izaya did not at all like the idea of coldly writing down figures on the death of unhappy people who simply gave up on life.<br>"Bye now, Shizu-chan. Go to go, things to do, people to meet and all that."  
>In the end Izaya could not ask without compromising himself.<br>"Don't forget to get some milk."  
>"Milk?"<br>"For the kitty."  
>"Right."<br>Shizuo watched Izaya glide away into the crowded distance.

Izaya was so wrapped up in thought that he completely failed to notice that there was someone loitering by his building's entrance.  
>"I've been calling you on the phone for over an hour now, Orihara-san. Can you do me the favor of actually picking up for a change?"<p> 


	34. Chapter 34

It was as if Kida suddenly materialized out of thin air. And embodying all the hate in the world directed straight at Izaya. Bad timing all around.  
>"Sorry, left my cell at home."<br>"Isn't that convenient. What do you think you're doing?"  
>"It depends on what you mean."<br>Izaya was getting a headache. Kida irradiated anger that was the more virulent for being contained.  
>"You know perfectly well. What is this talk about Saki moving in with you?"<br>In all fairness Izaya realized that he should have seen this coming. Izaya was aware of this but presently not at all eager to handle it.  
>"Let's talk this over inside, okay?"<br>"I'm in a hurry."  
>Izaya very much doubted it. Clearly Kida had been parked on this spot for quite a while by his own admission. It made no sense to wait for such a long time if there were more pressing matters. Izaya suspected that it was part of Kida's strategy to act as if there was a lot going on in his life that had nothing to do with Izaya, it minimized the idea of Izaya's complete control. A feigned freedom. Once again Izaya found himself very sorry for Kida.<br>Izaya tried to settle on a proper approach as he led Kida to the apartment but to no avail.  
>"You can take a seat."<br>"I'll stand."  
>Izaya took the kitten to the kitchen and poured it a saucer of milk, having bought some on the way home. It occurred to him that as distracted as he had been Shizuo's advice still affected him. And at the moment he felt that putting the nameless cat out of the way was for the best.<br>"I'd offer you some tea,"  
>"I don't want any."<br>Izaya sighed.  
>"I gather you talked to Saki?"<br>"What's the plot now? Haven't you done enough already? Don't you have a shred of human decency- oh, forget it."  
>Izaya let the silence lengthen for a while.<br>"Kida-kun, I know that you hate me but there is no plot involved. I just offered Saki a place to live if she wants one. The decision is entirely hers. I don't want to hurt her."  
>Kida's laughter reminded Izaya of something snapping.<br>"That you can say that with a straight face says it all."  
>"Will it make you happier if you hit me?"<br>Kida blinked in dismay.  
>"If I what?"<br>"You heard me. Venting can be very healthy so go ahead and hit me."  
>"I'm not falling for that, Orihara-san. Stop rubbing it in my face! You know I can't hit you, the moment I'll try you'll just screw me over. Same old."<br>Izaya did not know what was worse, if the bottled up aggression or this defeatist attitude. Either way Kida Masaomi had given up on escaping from the vicious cycle in which he was entangled. Nothing was more worthy of pity than a victim inflicting damage on themselves out of a sense of guilt.  
>"As much as you hate me you hate yourself much more."<br>Izaya knew precisely when Kida was about to flip. Izaya stayed put even as Kida swung a close fist at him. Pain exploded on him and nearly knocked him down. It was all very sudden but Izaya saw it coming and could have easily evaded it. Ironically, it was Kida who was too stunned to know how to react.  
>"Got to say, that hurt."<br>"You- you could've dodged it. You could totally have dodged it."  
>Izaya wiped his lips, a smear of blood on the back of his hand. He winced but managed to smile. Kida remained glued to the floor and looking at Izaya as if a warp in the fabric of time-space had just appeared. The analogy amused Izaya and he was in need of some humor.<br>"I could, yes. But I told you to hit me so I only have myself to blame, don't I?"  
>Kida opened and closed his mouth. He stared with eyes open wide as if he was a child and at the moment he was just that.<br>"What the- what's the point- just who _are_ you?"  
>Kida could reconcile the present with what he knew of Orihara Izaya. It was a veritable rift in the reality he took for granted and shook him more than he thought possible. Izaya shrugged.<br>"Who knows. I'm me, at any rate. I don't expect you to care or to at all believe me but I'm sorry for all I put you through."  
>Kida did not seem to have heard.<br>"Is there a trick? I'm sure I hit you but there's no way, there's just no way."  
>"No trick. You hit me, alright. And you pack quite a punch."<br>Kida blinked as if he had just woken up only to see that the dream was not over.


	35. Chapter 35

An unlikely explanation dawned on Kida and even then he knew he was merely grasping for straws.  
>"Is this some weird way of patronizing me? You let me hit you to show how better than me you are-"<br>"As if. Trust me on this, I may be arrogant but no ego trip is worth getting punched in the face."  
>Kida took a tentative step as if to inspect the bruise already spreading on Izaya's cheek. He was still shell shocked, it made him forget about keeping his guard up. It was as if Izaya by shattering the rules had plunged Kida into pure chaos and left Kida to dismiss all rules himself. The security distance that Kida strove to maintain between himself and Izaya suffered from this onslaught on sanity.<br>Kida went as far as to lightly touch Izaya as if he fully expected him to dissolve very much like a phantom. That Izaya remained a solid entity did not seem to reassure Kida as much as disturb him even further.  
>"Did I have a heatstroke or something…? Maybe it's a dream…"<br>Izaya had to laugh and once he started it was difficult to stop.  
>"A dream, oh dear! Maybe it's a dream for you but it sure as hell isn't one for me. You can't feel pain in dreams."<br>Kida stepped back rapidly.  
>"It's some trick after all."<br>Izaya sobered immediately. His fits of hilarity were often unstoppable and almost always inconvenient but had a quality of coming to a halt abruptly. It rang of psychotic and tended to chill people.  
>"I don't expect you trust a word I say. In your shoes I know that I'd hate me. But I know that if you let hate dominate your life and guilt paralyze you then you are only making things worse for you and for everyone that cares for you. The past doesn't define you, it's how you react to you that makes you who are."<br>This caught Kida's attention.  
>"What did you say?"<br>"In this world you cannot account for the existence of the future, it may not exist. Only the past is absolutely real beyond questioning and the present stands in relation to the past as being both a consequence and a reaction. Since you have your memories to fall back, since they define you, they become a God of sorts. The past becomes God and God is all about control. You cannot change the past but there is one thing you can change, that you can control and that is how you react to it. That makes you your own God."  
>Kida opened and closed his mouth a few times.<br>"You've changed your tune since last time."  
>"Many things have changed."<br>Kida's hands turned his fists and he stared at the floor, bleached hair covering his eyes.  
>"You ruined everything for me. Everything. I don't just hate you, I despise you."<br>"Yes. But if I were to die at your hands you would only be more miserable. Hate finds its way back to you."  
>"Why are you telling me this?"<br>"Because I've wronged you."  
>Kida faced Izaya.<br>"Why now? After all you've done, after all this time- why now?"  
>"I've changed too."<br>"So what is this? You want us to become best buddies?"  
>Izaya smiled kindly. It further disarmed Kida.<br>"No but you do have a best buddy. Give him a call now and then. That's what friends are for."  
>Kida spun on his heels and strode resolutely toward the door. He yanked it open and stopped.<br>"If you hurt Saki again,"  
>"You can take your revenge on me."<br>Kida looked over his shoulder.  
>"You're a strange man, Orihara Izaya."<br>And with this Kida slammed the door and was gone.

It was Namie who bandaged Izaya's wound but she was not at all sympathetic. She did not know the precise details of what happened but she knew enough not to at all approve. Namie made a mental note to have him checked by a psychologist. Or maybe even a psychiatrist. But later developments might very well make such steps unnecessary.  
>"Sorry about making you do this, Namie-san."<br>His apologetic smile was charming.  
>"I have good news about your situation."<br>"You mean my memory loss?"  
>"Our experts have a way of restoring your memory. There are no risks involved."<br>Izaya paced up and down his long living room. All restlessness.  
>"Are you sure about that?"<br>"I've looked into the procedure myself. The only negative effect is minimal, you'll lose your memory from up to the point you originally lost it."  
>Izaya froze on his tracks.<br>"You mean I'll forget everything that I remember now?"  
>"Yes, it's a side effect. But you'll recover your remaining memories."<p> 


	36. Chapter 36

"I...I'll need some time before I decide."  
>"I can schedule it for tomorrow, you have the whole day free."<br>Izaya flung himself on one of his very comfortable, very expensive sofas.  
>"I need to think this through."<br>Namie did not see the point of postponing like this and she was about to voice this when she noticed Izaya's listless attitude. There was behind it than his love for causing an effect that occasionally led him to wait for just the right moment to act with a splash. His sense of timing could be far too dramatic for Namie's analytic taste.  
>"Alright. Contact me when you make up your mind."<br>Izaya nodded. He wanted to be alone.  
>"Thanks for dropping by, Namie-san."<br>It was a polite but abstracted dismissal. It made Namie wonder. It was only when her steps had retreated into silence completely that he let out a stifled sob. He felt stranded in confusion, cast off from the orderly workings of humanity. Human identity was comprised in a united front of at least apparently uninterrupted strata – memory flowing in a continuum. Izaya could keenly feel that he had been jolted out of this normal setting.  
>Wrapping his arms around his knees, he closed his eyes and tried desperately to think. The loneliness he had craved just now was becoming an almost physical obstacle. And then it hit him that while there might no person to face his dilemma in quite the same way there was someone in a similar situation.<br>"Oh, hi there."  
>The newly released kitty was making an attempt at climbing to the sofa but with no success. Izaya picked it up.<br>"You just listen to what I say, you know. There's an hierarchy here and I'm most definitely at the apex of the pyramid since I am a human being. Why do I think you don't care one bit."  
>The only reply was nonchalant meowing.<p>

[What do you want, Izaya?]  
>It was the reception he expected but it was still painful. Being judged by his former self's achievements often had this effect. Izaya jumped off the railing and landed gracefully, hands tucked into his jacket pockets so that even gravity seemed to bend to his will. Celty found it unnerving as always.<br>"Celty-san, I'm sorry I called you out on such a short notice but I needed to talk to you."  
>[Talk? About what?]<br>"I need to ask for your advice."  
>[Advice? You? I don't have time for your jokes]<br>Izaya registered briefly how even without eyes or even a face Celty's body language still conveyed her dislike and impatience. There was an almost nervous twitch in the way she typed away at the PDA.  
>"It sounds odd, doesn't it? But it's true. Thing is, I've lost my memory."<br>Celty stiffened immediately.  
>[What do you mean? Are you up to your tricks again?]<br>He smiled sadly.  
>"Unfortunately not. It is true."<br>Only now did Celty look at him properly. Izaya was such a nuisance that she got into the habit of ignoring him as much possible.  
>[What's with your face?]<br>"Ah, this? A kid hit me."  
>At this point Celty began to think if Izaya had not lost his mind once and for all. She always suspected he was too close to insanity as it was.<br>"You don't like talking to me so I'll get straight to the point. If you could choose your memories of the present and of the time you've spent with Shinra or those contained in your head, which would you pick? If you could only have one set of memories?"  
>Izaya's sudden intensity frightened her. She was used to his antics, to some extent, but there was a disturbing intensity here that was too novel to Celty.<br>[How do you expect me to answer that, and why would I tell you, of all people?]  
>Izaya stepped forward so fast that she barely even saw him move.<br>"You have no obligation to tell me anything. But I need some guidance and I cannot ask anyone else. Your answer can help me."  
>Celty hesitated.<br>[I can't answer that, I don't know myself. Did you really lose your memory?]  
>"You don't know...so even you don't know..."<br>Izaya half collapsed as he spun on his heels and nearly walked straight into the road in front of an incoming truck. It was Celty who pulled him back by the furry edge of his hood.  
>[What are you doing?]<br>Izaya got up from the pavement, very slowly. He dusted off his clothes as if all was well.  
>"I've bothered too much already. Sorry about that."<br>[You're not just lying, are you?]


	37. Chapter 37

It was with supreme effort that Izaya managed to smile.  
>"Who can tell. Catch you later."<br>[Wait! You can't just dump all this on me and then just waltz away!]  
>"I suppose you'll tell Shinra about this. I'd rather you didn't but nothing I can do about it."<br>For the first time she could sense defeat in him. It disturbed her more than she thought it possible.  
>[I won't tell him.]<br>"Ah. So you say."  
>And just like this Izaya jumped to a fire stairway and disappeared into a building where she could not follow.<p>

Hours of aimless wandering followed. He turned off his cell phone and did not toss it away because it simply did not cross his mind. Deeply ingrained habits sustained him tirelessly even as his steps strayed in wider routes, covering miles of concrete. His concentration was absent from the meandering streets around him. He slid through the city without it touching him.  
>Eventually he found himself in a bar. Night had descended and the neon lettering cast off a dirty glow in the dark. Izaya sat at the counter without even looking around and ordered the stiffest drink without even asking what it was or stealing as much as a glance at the bartender. He was not at all a drinker which was precisely why he was doing this now. An irrational need to go against how 'Izaya' would normally act possessed him. It was a way of externalizing his predicament.<br>"You sure about that?"  
>Surprise jostled him as he recognized the voice.<br>"I thought you had been fired from your bar tending job."  
>Behind counter Shizuo polished a glass and gave Izaya a long hard stare.<br>"I'm just helping out for the night, the regular guy got sick."  
>"Oh well. Can I have my drink now?"<br>Izaya took a kind of perverse pleasure in being served by his archenemy. It was something like poetic justice. And because 'Izaya' would probably never allow Shizuo to pour a drink, let alone an alcoholic one, Izaya decided to stay put.  
>"I don't think you'll like it but it's your call."<br>Something colorless was slid across the counter, Izaya sniffed it, wrinkled and grimaced as he sampled it. Sour and acid. His throat hurt and it was with difficulty that he kept his eyes from watering too much.  
>Shizuo wandered off to serve other costumers but all soon he was back.<br>"Do you have to stand right there? You're ruining my drink."  
>"How about I get you an orange juice-"<br>"How about you go to hell?"  
>Izaya snapped but caught himself immediately. He felt Shizuo's niceness as a personal insult of the most injurious kind.<br>"How's it going with the kitty?"  
>It was the last thing Izaya expected. So much so that it cut through his distress and had him swing into conversational mode.<br>"Pretty well. He's well behaved. I still have to take him to the vet to get his shots."  
>"Got a name for him yet?"<br>"Not yet. I am drawing a blank in that respect. Names are so definitive, I feel that if I give him one I'll be twisting his personality."  
>Izaya was aware of how odd he sounded so he settled for toying with the ice cubes crowding his glass. Opening up to Shizuo, of all people, made absolutely no sense but few things did in Izaya's life presently.<br>"No need to rush it."  
>"How about about calling him 'Cat'? The cat called 'Cat'. It's descriptive and straight to the point."<br>"Yeah but that's not very much like you. Being straight to the point."  
>"I thought you had a theory about my acting 'weird'?"<br>Izaya was suddenly curious to see how Shizuo perceived him.  
>"Not a theory, it's just the truth. It's not a bad thing either, I think."<br>"Is that so?"  
>"Yeah. You don't seem as nasty. Anyone who likes little cats can't really be all that bad."<br>"Oh please, that's just silly."  
>But Izaya felt himself blush angrily. He took a sip and tried to swallow without letting it show how much he hated it. Somehow he felt slightly better, dealing with Shizuo forced Izaya not to lose face at all cost. The effort made him put aside his troubles for the time being. Almost as if Shizuo forced Izaya into practical awareness and in no position for wasting away in self-pity. At the same time it provided a very needed excuse not to consider the pressing decision yet to be taken.<br>"It's true."  
>"According to your logic you are an amazing person since you like your little brother's kitty."<br>"Yeah, I guess."


	38. Chapter 38

"That's quite a high opinion you got of yourself."  
>"Don't most people think that they're good?"<br>Izaya chuckled bitterly.  
>"True. Whether they are right or not is a whole different story."<br>"Do you think you're a good person?"  
>Silence as Izaya stared vacantly at his very sour drink.<br>"Hardly."  
>And with something bordering on masochism Izaya took a swig of transparent venom that made his eyes water.<br>"Normally you wouldn't care, you'd be all 'beyond good and evil'."  
>"So I'm Nietzsche now?"<br>Shizuo handed him a glass of orange juice.  
>"On the house."<br>"I'm beginning to think you poisoned this, you're so bent on getting me to drink it."  
>"Getting drunk won't solve anything,"<br>"I know that!"  
>"-but you know that. At times it's still good to hear it from someone else."<br>Izaya plunged his hands deep into his the pockets of his jacket as a gesture of rejection and childish petulance.  
>"Thank you very much, Dr. Phil. Do I have pay you extra for your amazing life advice or what?"<br>Shizuo blinked.  
>"Your sense of humor remains awful."<br>"It is called 'sarcasm'. And don't I get a straw?"  
>As Izaya sipped from the straw he realized that he could indeed get used to being pampered by Shizuo. Being a client placed Izaya in a position of power by default for which he was grateful.<br>"Do you want a pretty paper parasol to go with it?"  
>"As a matter of fact, I do."<br>"Better give you full service."  
>Izaya found that the seat rotated and immediately saw fit to spin a few times.<br>"Or else?"  
>"Or else you might not get what I'm trying to tell you."<br>"Oh? And what are you trying to tell me?"  
>"That I don't hate you. As you are now."<br>Of all the things Shizuo could say this was one that shook up Izaya considerably. So much that he nearly went flying off the still spinning seat. It was with some difficulty that he managed to stop facing the counter in such a way as to seem effortless. Shizuo's presence always increased Izaya's stress levels by pushing him to maintain his elegant nonchalant in the teeth of dismay. And against gravity and unwanted momentum.  
>"You don't hate me? We can't have that, now can we? I have to go back to talk people out of jumping out of rooftops."<br>"If you can."  
>"Heavily implied that I can't."<br>"I don't think you can. And I wonder why. Something happened to you."  
>"Yay...be a bit more vague, please. 'Something' can encompass right about any phenomena. 'Something' happens to be every single day."<br>"You know what I mean. Better than I do."  
>Izaya grabbed the orange juice glass and glance sideways at Shizuo, assessing him anew. And then reclined back and appeared most at ease.<br>"Since when did we become best buddies?"  
>"We didn't. But we've talking for a while, haven't we?"<br>"So what. I talk a lot, it's what I do. Even you must realize that talking is the best way of extracting information."  
>"Not to me, though. You don't talk to me."<br>"Can't exactly have a civilized discussion with someone who's trying to mow me down with a vending machine, now can I? Or any kind of discussion, for that matter."  
>Shizuo nodded as if conceding the point.<br>"Yeah, true. Haven't been doing that a while either. I guess that because you changed then I've changed as well."  
>Izaya laughed flippantly.<br>"Oh my, maybe we are connected at some elemental level and it's fate. How romantic of you, Shizuo."  
>"You forgot the '-chan' just now."<br>Izaya leaned forward on the counter and dangled the glass, his voice slow and low in its purest threatening tone.  
>"Get me another one, Shizu-<em>chan<em>."  
>Shizuo was unperturbed and obeyed even down to another pretty paper parasol. It annoyed Izaya most unreasonably.<br>"Fate, huh. There's something to that. If by fate you mean meeting someone and knowing, just knowing without a doubt, that this person will change your life forever. That's how it was for me all those years ago."  
>"You make it sound like you fell in love with me at first sight."<br>"I hated you at first sight. Because I knew I'd never be the same after you entered my life, I knew you'd mess it up."  
>Izaya's silence was that of concentration.<br>"For the sake of clarity, are you saying that we do have a connection of sorts?"  
>"That's about it, yeah. And you know it. Or you used to."<p> 


	39. Chapter 39

Dealing with incomplete information was something Izaya had to deal with, having all the pieces was an impossibility and it was through induction that he managed to bridge the gaps and reach a breakthrough of knowledge but to grope through the absolute darkness of ignorance was nothing but a frightful leap of faith. It placed Izaya in a perilous situation made worse by the fact that Shizuo possessed whatever information Izaya lacked.  
>And it occurred to Izaya that even if Shizuo was making it all up and weaving a complicated fabrication Izaya could not properly call the bluff because he did not know that it was so. Izaya fumbled through insecurities.<br>"Aren't you over-thinking it? We just happen to hate each other."  
>But even as Izaya made light of it he could not help but wonder. After all, the one person that he had not completely forgotten was Heiwajima Shizuo. Everyone else had been wiped out from his memory but something lingered of Shizuo, as if hate was a stronger emotion than any other and unable to be eradicated. As if Shizuo was the most important person in Izaya's life, for good and ill.<br>"We don't 'just happen' to hate each other, we couldn't help it. Because your personality is so different from mine."  
>"I guess you have a point there."<br>"But that can't be all. Plenty of people are different from me, with you is more that you're like against me just by being who you are."  
>"'Who I am', he says."<br>Izaya mused as he sipped more orange juice, by now he was glad to have opted for a nonalcoholic drink and even disposed to forget that it was due to Shizuo's insistence. Izaya carried on.  
>"But aren't you reading too much into it? It's all coincidence, down deep. That we met at all."<br>"Maybe. At the time I felt that even if I had gone to a different high school I'd find you there."  
>"That sounds way too fatalistic. Take heart, maybe there's an alternate universe in which we never met. And I bet we'd both be happier for that."<br>"Doubt it. You have fun putting me through hell."  
>"So I'm a sadist now?"<br>"Or you were."  
>"Ah."<br>To this Izaya had absolutely no comment. He hid this by drinking some juice even as he pushed aside the other glass. Shizuo was reminded of Izaya in those not at all dim school days, Izaya slinking to some dark corner, straw in his mouth, hands in his pockets, always self-possessed and traitorous.  
>It was Izaya who carried out the conversation.<br>"I don't like the idea of fate. It negates the point of living. And I can tell you that I'd rather I never crossed paths with you."  
>Yet even as Izaya said this he was unsure if it was precisely so. Paranoia filled him as he wondered if Shizuo might not know all about his amnesia, Shizuo might even be behind it in a conspiracy of vast proportions to the effect of rendering Izaya harmless so as to better crush him. Izaya had to force himself to shake off such notions. Instinct told him that it was all far fetched meanderings of the distraught kind.<br>"I'm not talking of that kind of fate, just some things that can't be helped."  
>Izaya decided to take a gamble. The decision was the result of his being at his most rational.<br>"Unless you just so happen to forget everything entirely, just like that. Is it still fate then, you think? If you can't even remember 'fateful' encounters?"  
>Shizuo polished a glass, thoughtfully.<br>"Forget? Never thought of that."  
>"Changes your theory, doesn't it?"<br>"I'm not sure. Plenty of things have been changing as of late."  
>After being so audacious Izaya felt at a loss and more unsure of himself than ever. He did not know whether to settle for a snappy platitude or to opt for a radical change of topic. That he could also pay and leave did not at all occur to him.<br>"Do you have other juices?"  
>"How about a tropical fruit cocktail? Without alcohol."<br>"Heh, are you saying I'm a light weight?"  
>"You'd probably like it better anyway."<br>A moment of comfortable silence as Shizuo prepared the drink.  
>"So...how is it like, having had so many jobs?"<br>"It's a pain in the ass."  
>Izaya laughed.<br>"But think of all the different people you get to meet!"  
>"Think about paying the rent when you're broke."<br>"You make do, somehow."  
>"Do you like your job?"<br>"I love it, wouldn't trade it for the world."


	40. Chapter 40

Izaya found himself thinking about his host side job and smiling sweetly.  
>"Remembering something good?"<br>"Something like that."  
>"I could never figure out just what it is that you do for a living."<br>"I'm afraid it's all terribly complicated and I can't get into details."  
>"I bet."<br>Shizuo nodded, taciturn once more. Izaya found this most annoying but could not account for his own irritation.  
>"You're working with Tom-san now, right?"<br>"Yeah."  
>"How's that going for you?"<br>Shizuo shrugged.  
>"It's fine, I guess. Here."<br>Izaya sampled the tropical mixture through a straw.  
>"Hey, this is very good. I'm not much into sweet things but this is tasty."<br>"It's the special of the house."  
>Izaya looked around at the somewhat shabby environs as if to remark on the disparity between these and the quality of the drink but refrained.<br>"The bartender look seems to suit you."  
>"I don't care for that kind of thing."<br>Izaya wondered if he sensed some hostility now. It reassured him.  
>"You'd make a good old school detective in a noir movie."<br>"Say what?"  
>Izaya closed one of his eyes and formed a frame with his thumbs and forefingers, peering through it.<br>"I can see it now, just add a felt hat, a cigarette, a street corner at night, and a long coat."  
>"You got a great imagination."<br>"Ah and that's a bad thing?"  
>"You tell me. It's probably good for you."<br>"I'd say I am very connected to reality."  
>It was Shizuo's time to smile and Izaya busied himself studying the yellow rosy liquid with great attention. Because for a split second it seemed to him that Shizuo was actually handsome.<br>"You really like talking about yourself, huh."  
>"As long as I am not talking to myself. Then there would be cause for alarm."<br>"Wouldn't surprise me if you did that as well."  
>Izaya made a very serious face.<br>"No way. I'm more into spinning around in my swivel chair. In the nude."  
>"Is that a joke? I can never tell with you."<br>"You lack discernment."  
>"More like, your humor is so bad that it's impossible to know when you're supposed to be funny."<br>"So I can't make you laugh?"  
>Shizuo actually seemed to consider it in all seriousness.<br>"Maybe you can. Say, if you fell in your face or something."  
>Izaya chuckled.<br>"I have too great a sense of balance for that."  
>"Yeah. That's true. But it'd be amusing."<br>" 'A man can dream', something along those lines? Then again, did you ever have dreams? As in, things you wanted to do in the future, goals you wanted to achieve."  
>"Living is already difficult enough without any of that."<br>"How depressing."  
>Izaya sighed in mock pity.<br>"Didn't you know this already? We did go to school together."  
>"Indeed, indeed. No great opportunities for talking back then, though."<br>It occurred to Izaya that it was possible, in a highly unlikely way that at times did happen in real life, that his former self was engaged in some convoluted affair with Shizuo such as only the two of them were aware of. If so, then Izaya had been undermining his position of strength to the point of having none to stand on. A frightful hypothetical question that fortunately did not line up with the data Izaya already had. But it caused him to pause and shiver, he disguised it as a shrug.  
>"No actual conversations, no. It's not like we were friends."<br>Izaya twirled the glass musingly.  
>"We never went to karaoke together, never shared bento boxes, never saw fireworks in the summer together, never had a sleepover."<br>"As far as I know you never did that with anyone else either."  
>"Ah. I see. By the looks of it you know quite a lot about me. Ex-classmates or not."<br>"Like you'd say, 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'."  
>Izaya thrust the glass in Shizuo's direction as if you drink to his health.<br>"And here we are, separated only by the counter. Very close enemies, I'd say!"  
>"Refill?"<br>"Good idea."  
>Neither of them noticed that Tom had entered the bar, despite the fact that a silvery bell jingled on his arrival, until he was next to them. For a while he just stood there blinking in astonishment.<br>"Orihara-san...?"  
>"Hi there, Tom-san!"<br>"Is everything alright...?"  
>Tom turned from Izaya to Shizuo then back at Izaya.<br>"Everything is peachy. Isn't that right, Shizuo?"  
>"Could be worse."<br>Tom agreed, at least no tables had been overthrown. Yet.


	41. Chapter 41

After some hesitating Tom sat next to Izaya. Shizuo served Tom a beer and then had to drift away to serve newly arrived costumers. Tom was unsure on how to proceed. The present scenario did not add up and he had always been more than a bit suspicious of Izaya as it was. Tom did not share Shizuo's wrath towards him but he knew very well that Izaya was bad news through and through. On the other hand dismissing Izaya altogether was hardly feasible or wise.  
>If there was an art to handling Orihara Izaya, Tom had not inkling of it. He struggled for something to say, a way of finding out precisely what was going on without being too obvious. As it turned out, Tom did not have to start the conversation.<br>"Don't worry, I'm not here to cause any trouble."  
>"I didn't think that-"<br>"It's all good, Tom-san. In your shoes I'd be wondering as well."  
>"You seem to be getting along with Shizuo..."<br>Tom could not keep the surprise from showing in his voice. Izaya chuckled and drank some more.  
>"I suppose. You know how to handle Shizuo, there must be some trick. Care to share it with me?"<br>Tom was stunned beyond belief. Surely there was some hidden plot to this but Tom had no idea as to what it could be. And never had he seen Izaya acting so friendly. Of all the things Izaya could do this was the one to confuse Tom.  
>"Trick, I don't know about it but Shizuo is a cool guy. As long as you don't make him mad."<br>Izaya giggled.  
>"Which happens by default whenever I'm involved."<br>Only now did Tom sip his drink. He was worried as well as curious. Having always heard tall stories about Izaya, Tom's idea of him did not even need be shaded by Shizuo's intense prejudice to always expect the worst from Izaya. Sitting side by side with him like this was very weird.  
>"Seems that things are going well between you now."<br>Izaya nodded.  
>"Somehow. Maybe Shizuo isn't entirely bad."<br>Tom's eyes widened comically behind his glasses but Izaya did not notice it, instead he was toying with the paper parasol.  
>"Oh, right."<br>Izaya lifted the glass with both hands and stared over the rim.  
>"Ah, it'd be nice if we could be friends...silly me."<br>"Orihara-san...?"  
>Tom had the distinct impression that Izaya was talking to himself and he was not entirely mistaken. Izaya snapped out of his reverie and smiled apologetically as he placed bills on the counter.<br>"Sorry for the ramble, Tom-san. I got to run, tell Shizuo I said thanks for helping out with the kitty."  
>"Right, the kitty."<br>Tom was more confused than ever and found himself waving Izaya goodbye as if they were on the friendliest of terms. He realized that for all practical purposed that was how things stood.

Back on the streets Izaya knew where he had to go. There was only one place, the alley where he had woken up as a veritable _tabula rasa_. The panic of that moment returned to him.  
>Izaya closed his eyes and tried to break the barrier of unrewarding darkness that preceded that one moment. To no avail. Many times before he had tried to recover his memory by sheer will power only to be confronted with failure upon failure. That success was now at hand did not at all soothe him. The irony was a bitter one.<br>If he took the option of retrieving his lost memories then he would virtually be killing the person born on this unlikely site. It would be a kind of suicide. Sealing the schism within came at a great price.  
>All the many relationships he had managed to strike in this short time would be forfeited or at least irrevocably crippled. As he was now, he cared for many people, perhaps only now did he truly realize what loving humans actually meant but if he backtracked, all this would disappear.<br>Izaya stared at the dirty nondescript alley and thought that only for him did this place hold a meaning. Personal history blended with personal geography. He was very deep in thought and so absorbed that something like tunnel vision kicked in. Apart from his closest surroundings he saw nothing else.  
>That was why he did not know what was happening only something sharp punctured him – he could not even quite place where, the pain diffused itself throughout his body confusedly – and he tottered and fell in a sprawling pool of blood that only vaguely could he recognize as his.<p> 


	42. Chapter 42

As he lied on the concrete, retreated footsteps echoing hollowly in his ears, he thought that this must be shock- but knowing it did nothing to help. Thoughts drifted through his emptying mind, he should staunch the wound before consciousness failed him, and then there was his phone, and he felt very cold, too cold.  
>The stench of blood invaded him then retreated into nothingness as well as did the pain. This increasing numbness was a dangerous sign but it made it all seem very distant from him. He disconnected from his body as sensations became blunted.<br>Paralysis was sickening at first but all too soon nausea dimmed with the onslaught of darkness descending on him. Only faintly could he catch a ringing noise repeated at longer intervals, each time fainter until it ceased to bother him altogether: silence won him over, dissolving him into oblivion and he knew nothing more.

He stood in the boundless dark and looked around in perplexity.  
>"Hey, what do you think you're doing?"<br>Izaya recognized the voice, it was his own and upon turning around he found none other than himself. Flickering the switchblade, wicked smile, fur trimmed jacket.  
>"I'm having a conversation with myself now...I suppose I'll ask you who you are and you'll say, 'Orihara Izaya', and I'll say 'But I'm Orihara Izaya'".<br>"More importantly, what are you doing here?"  
>"What is even 'here' supposed to be? There's nothing here."<br>"You were thinking of killing me. By the look of it, you'll get your wish come true."  
>"I see. If you die then I die as well because we're the same person."<br>"Precisely. And if I am you then you cannot die here, now can you?"  
>This other Izaya pointed upward to a tiny spot of light.<br>"I have to follow that? How am I supposed to do that. It's up there."  
>"You've got to try. You're me. I am you."<br>Izaya sighed.  
>"Great, cryptic schizophrenia now."<br>"Do you want to die?"  
>"Well, no-"<br>"Then do _something_. Before it is too late."  
>Izaya's lingering apathy shattered at this. He focused on the single shiny point and willed himself to get there. He felt himself lift, gravity canceled in this place that was not a place but a region of the mind in between reality and the inner self.<br>The other Izaya waved at him and smiled amicably, the blade catching on the now growing light.  
>"Bye bee! I'll see you later. We've got to have a long talk."<br>"You're me from before, aren't you- you know what happened- can't you tell me? Can't you let me know just what happened, why can't I remember anything? Tell me already!"  
>"Not now. It isn't yet time."<br>Izaya struggled to return to the illusive ground because there were many things he wanted to ask, things he needed to know, his thirst for information very personal and demanding. But it was too late, his mirror image was lost in a halo of all encompassing light into which he was floating. Going upwards, ever upwards.  
>Izaya blinked and suddenly he was lying on his back in a hospital bed. It took him a few heartbeats to realize where he was but he returned to consciousness with surprising ease. Recent memory returned to him. He checked his surroundings with breathless awe. This was a new lease on life. He knew this instinctively.<br>"Shiki-san..."  
>And indeed Shiki sat by his bedside. A bundle of emotions clashed within Izaya.<br>"You got stabbed. It was a bit hit and go for a while but you're out of danger now."  
>"I'm sorry for all the trouble this must have caused you."<br>"I just got here. You might want to tell that to the guy who found you and hauled you to the hospital."  
>Shiki gestured in the direction of the semi open door through which Izaya caught a glimpse of a bartender uniform and blonde hair.<br>"Shizuo saved me...?"  
>"Apparently."<br>Shiki got up, his white suit impeccable as always.  
>"You're already leaving?"<br>"I dropped by to see how you were doing and you seem to be fine so I'll be going back. It's not as if you'll be on your own."  
>"Oh, right. Thank you for dropping by."<br>But Izaya could not shake his disappointment. It felt like a small eternity since he had last seen Shiki and he only realized how much he missed him now that he was in his presence. At the threshold Shiki and Shizuo exchanged a curt nod that was not quite a bow.


	43. Chapter 43

Izaya wondered at this very stiff greeting but only marginally.  
>Shizuo walked over to Izaya. For a while neither spoke, Izaya feeling absurdly shy and Shizuo contemplating private thoughts of his own.<br>"Looks like you'll pull through."  
>"Yes, Shiki-san told me already."<br>"I'll get your sisters here tomorrow, you still look too white now. Don't want to worry them too much."  
>"Right. Thanks."<br>Izaya felt remarkably weird. Exchanging platitudes like this did not seem to at all conform to the situation but Izaya had no reference from which to draw. And while Shizuo seemed absorbed by the air above Izaya, he was paying attention, enough to notice Izaya's pallor. It was the kind of act of kindness that threw Izaya completely for a loop.  
>"Did you see the guy?"<br>"Guy...?"  
>"Who did this to you."<br>"I didn't see anyone...heard that you found me?"  
>"My shift ended around the time you left so I went after you. But I lost track of you when you took a turn. So I called you on the phone and followed the ring tone."<br>"So that's what that noise was. It makes sense."  
>Shizuo looked directly at Izaya now. Izaya's breath caught on his throat.<br>"It was an amateur job, missed your vital organs."  
>"Lucky me. Considering I was stabbed, that is. I heard that you carried me to the hospital?"<br>"No big deal. You're skinny, after all."  
>Izaya studied his hands, aware of the IV drip attached to his arm and unwilling to lift his eyes.<br>"That's not what I mean, I want to thank you for... for, I suppose 'saving my life' sounds terribly dramatic but that's what it was, I guess. Thank you, Shizuo."  
>Izaya did return Shizuo's gaze now. Silence reigned. It was Izaya who broke it before Shizuo had a chance.<br>"Ah, the kitty! I completely forgot, he must be so scared, in that big dark apartment- not to mention hungry! I'll get to it right now-"  
>Izaya made as if to disconnect the IV but Shizuo stopped him.<br>"You're not going anywhere. In case you haven't noticed you nearly died just now."  
>There was a moment of panic as Shizuo touched him, if it was only to detain him with surprising gentleness, but it was a mere flash. Gone in an instant. Leaving Izaya increasingly confused.<br>"Yes, I think I had what they call a near death experience just now."  
>"Did you see a white tunnel, light and all that?"<br>Izaya chuckled.  
>"I'm afraid not. It was more schizo than that. Just me talking to my other self."<br>"And what did this other self say?"  
>"To live, I guess. Of course, to live. That's me through and through, that's Orihara Izaya- to live."<br>"You better find out who's out to get you. Not that he can get to you here, your yakuza must like you a lot. Seeing all the bodyguards he left behind. You can get one of them to feed the kitty."  
>It surprised Izaya considerably but he noticed them, black suited men stationed just outside his room.<br>"Shiki-san did this for me... so many people worried over me, I don't like causing trouble like this but at the same time it makes me a bit happy."  
>Izaya's smile was apologetic and oddly endearing. Even Shizuo thought so.<br>"Your woman is around too."  
>"My woman- oh, Yagiri-san. I've told you before, she's not my woman. We just work together."<br>"You also work together with the yakuza."  
>"Well, that is different- I mean,"<br>"Yeah, thought so."  
>Izaya shivered and Shizuo placed a blanket over him. Suddenly Izaya wanted to scream at him and push him away so that things might return to normal.<br>"Is this Shinra's hospital?"  
>Izaya asked more to change the topic and disperse the mood than anything else.<br>"Yeah, it was close by. And I don't think you want questions asked."  
>"Heh, indeed. Where is Shinra, by the way?"<br>"Dunno. Still working, I guess. Or talking to the woman."  
>"Science people are scary, aren't they?"<br>Izaya glanced at Shiki's man, rather reluctant to ask any favors from them. After all, they were hereon Shiki's orders and their duty was to keep him safe. Sending them on errands to feed pets hardly seemed proper. Shizuo must have picked up on this.  
>"Want me to feed the kitty for you? I won't touch your stuff."<br>"Do you know where I live?"  
>Shizuo narrowed his eyes briefly.<br>"I've been there."  
>"Oh, right. Of course."<p> 


	44. Chapter 44

Izaya kicked himself inwardly. The memories he did have were somewhat murky. He made an effort to grasp them, wrenching them from the realm of aesthetically induced vagueness. It only gave him an headache, he involuntarily touched his left temple.  
>"Don't think too much, you're still half under as it is. I'm sure you can find who it was when you're better."<br>Izaya smiled wanly. For once Shizuo was off. It was somewhat reassuring.  
>"Ah yes, there's bound to be a list of suspects a mile long. It could have been almost anyone, considering how many people hate me."<br>"True."  
>Izaya sighed.<br>"Maybe I had it coming, too. I probably did."  
>"Strange of you to say so."<br>"I suppose."  
>Izaya lied on his side facing away from Shizuo. He wanted to drift back to the security of sleep but also afraid that it might disperse his memory altogether.<br>"What were you doing there?"  
>"Where...?"<br>"In that alley. It was a dead end."  
>"I had my reasons."<br>"I don't suppose you were rescuing another kitty?"  
>"Heh...no, I wasn't. I just needed a place to think, I guess?"<br>Shizuo seemed to consider something. Either that or he wanted to have a smoke.  
>"You had blacked out by the time I found you. Did you pass out right away?"<br>"What do you mean?"  
>"Maybe it's just me, I've been seriously injured more than once and at times when it's real serious there's I'd start thinking 'staying alive is too difficult. Easier to just drift away.' That kind of thing. Something like that happen to you?"<br>"I don't know, it's all a bit fuzzy."  
>"That kind of thing can get you killed. It's giving up. Maybe this other self of yours knew that."<br>Izaya found this highly distressing without knowing precisely why.  
>"Maybe...it was very strange. I was scared, I mean I was scared right away but then it was as if it no longer mattered either way."<br>"That's the kind of thing I was talking about."  
>"It must be blood loss, the mind shuts down."<br>"Yeah. Giving in to it is sure death."  
>"I don't suppose you've ever seen another you when that happened?"<br>"There's only one of me."  
>"Heh, good for me or else you'd have hunted me down by now. Two of you would be too much for me."<br>Izaya's eyes closed of their own accord. It was Shizuo's cue.  
>"You better get some sleep."<br>Izaya struggled against the weight of lethargy.  
>"Why did you rescue me...? You could've left me there..."<br>"I told you already. I don't hate who you are now."  
>Izaya felt himself drifting away as if he was being dragged down to soothing darkness.<br>"Ah...right, that's how it is...you don't hate me...that's good. I wonder...how come I couldn't forget you...?"  
>Shizuo supposed the meds were still swimming in Izaya's bloodstream and making him groggy.<br>"You're not supposed to be here."  
>The incisive voice surprised him. Namie strode into the room, adjusting the IV automatically.<br>"I was just leaving. Oh, Izaya wants someone to feed his kitty. Can you get some of your people to do it?"  
>"Kitty? I have important things to take care of."<br>"Sure. But the cat is important to Izaya."  
>Namie saw no point to this. Shizuo left without further comment.<p>

In the morning Izaya was surprised to wake up in a hospital bed. His sleep had been profound to the point that he expected the stabbing incident to turn out to be a dream. But he readjusted to reality within a few heartbeats. The strange thing was not that someone had attempted against his life, it was stranger that it had not happened any sooner (assuming it had not, Izaya could not even be entirely sure of this), the truly strange thing was that Shizuo had helped him.  
>"'I don't hate who you are now', huh. What does that even mean, precisely?"<br>The thought lingered even though it was hardly a priority. Namie walked in into the room without bothering to knock, thus reminding Izaya anew of his status as a patient at a hospital. He smiled as he imagined her in a sexy nurse outfit and had to force himself to match her serious attitude.  
>"How are you feeling?"<br>"A bit weak but fine otherwise."  
>"Good. The doctor will be with you shortly. We can discuss things after that."<br>"The kitty! In the end I didn't arrange for anyone to feed him,"  
>"That's been taken care of."<br>Izaya blinked.  
>"It has?"<p> 


	45. Chapter 45

"Yes. That Shizuo person told me about it and I figured it was for the best to keep the animal fed. Not that I personally understand why anyone would-"  
>"Thank you, Namie-san!"<br>To her great surprise and borderline horror Izaya clutched both her hands.  
>"What do you think you're doing?"<br>"I was so afraid the kitty was going to starve to death."  
>"It didn't. Just focus on getting well yourself."<br>"Yes, m'am. Sorry for giving you all this trouble."  
>"Talk is cheap. If you really mean that and hurry up and get better as soon as possible."<br>He supposed that this was Namie's way of being kind. Abrupt and not particularly graceful but it had a ring of sincerity for being in character.  
>"You've got a deal."<br>"We'll wait until you're completely recovered to get your memory back."  
>Izaya was silent for a while.<br>"About that, I don't have to do that. If it means losing my present memories."  
>She started violently.<br>"What?"  
>"You can call it cowardice, I guess that's what it is but I don't want to lose who I am now. I don't want to kill who I am now. There are experiences that I need to hold on to- and people I am connected to- and I am Orihara Izaya. I'll live as I am."<br>"We'll discuss this later."  
>But Izaya had already decided and once he reached a resolution he was not easily shaken. His sisters burst into the room around midday.<br>"Aha, there he is! Slacking off like a lazy bum."  
>"Mairu, I'm not being lazy."<br>Kururi approached him timidly.  
>"Izaya-nii, are you becoming a NEET?"<br>At this Izaya had to laugh.

He said nothing to Shinra and merely complied with the medical examination in the blankest of ways. The scar look vaguely surreal. He wanted to leave the hospital immediately but it turned out to be considerably difficult. Getting discharged was not as easy as he had initially thought.  
>On the second day Kida dropped by. The yakuza barred his way right away.<br>"Let him in."  
>"With all due respect, we have strict orders from Shiki-sama not to let strangers in."<br>"Search him, then. And stay in the room if you want. You don't mind, right?"  
>Kida shook his head. So far he had not said a word. The bodyguards reached a compromise: they did search Kida and having found nothing placed themselves around him in a protective barrier so that Izaya could hardly see him through black suits.<br>"I guess you think I did it."  
>Not even bothering with a greeting.<br>"Well, did you?"  
>"Do you think you'd still be alive if I did?"<br>"Ah. A very good point."  
>"I came here to tell you that it wasn't me."<br>"Word sure flies. And do you know who it was?"  
>Kida shrugged.<br>"Could have been half of Tokyo for all I know."  
>"True. But it wasn't half of Tokyo."<br>"You are losing qualities."  
>"What can I say, there's decay of angels...maybe devils get that too."<br>"I didn't stab you, that's all I had to say."  
>Kida spun on his heels and was already almost out the door.<br>"Still, thanks for visiting me."  
>"Whatever."<br>Izaya sighed and shrugged. He turned to the bodyguard closest to him.  
>"Kids, what's one to do? So difficult to understand them. Say, what's your name?"<br>"Sir?"  
>"You've got a name, right? I can't just call you guys yakuza guy number 1, 3, 4 and so forth, now can I? By the likes of it we'll be together for quite a while so it's troublesome not knowing your names. I'm Orihara Izaya, by the way."<br>"Shiki-sama has informed us."  
>"Of course but introductions must be personal or else they don't count. You can't learn anything of importance indirectly. So, your names gentlemen? Pretty please?"<br>And somehow they told him. Not so much because Shiki would expect them to as because Izaya had an effortless way of being persuasive without patronizing or commanding them.  
>"Now, Matsumoto-san see if you can get me a notepad and a pen. And worry not, there are no Death Notes lying around nor do I have any piece of one with myself."<p> 


	46. Chapter 46

They thought that some amazing plan was in the makes. Instead Izaya did some crazy doodles and portraits of the yakuza men, now not so anonymous.  
>"So you guys are no longer legion but that's all good. I'll get you the nifty mask and you'll be all set."<br>"Sir...?"  
>"A Guy Fawkes mask! You guys don't go out much, do you? Actually, what do you guys do for fun?"<br>"We hang out at the office when there's no work and shoot darts or something."  
>"Ah...okay, that doesn't sound exactly like a great time. What do you do when you're not at the office? Anything...? Come on now, there's got to me something!"<br>But apparently there was not.  
>"Alright, gentlemen. That settles it, when I finally get discharged we are all going bowling."<br>"Bowling...?"  
>"On me. Or would you prefer karaoke?"<br>"Bowling is better...I guess?"  
>Izaya laughed.<br>"That's a deal! And now what do you say we play a few friendly hands of Uno? A game is not a game without a little gambling involved. Let us play high stakes Uno! And worry not, I am a man of my word. If I lose I won't rat you out to Shiki-sama. I play fair."  
>Of course Izaya had no intention of losing. And he did not. In a couple of hands there was already a pile of bills at his side and it was growing exponentially. At this point Shiki arrived.<br>"Shiki-sama! We're just having a friendly game, it was my idea."  
>"The game is over. You lot, cut your losses while you still can and leave us."<br>"So soon? That's too bad. I was having so much fun. See you soon, Matsumoto-san, Moritaka-san!"  
>Izaya waved and smiled brightly. Shiki waited until his underlings were gone.<br>"What do you think you're doing?"  
>The terse tone sobered Izaya immediately.<br>"Just playing some Uno, I figured it'd be more fun if we played for money-"  
>"Fun? That's their entire wages. I hope you realize that they're broke now. And these guys have families to feed."<br>Izaya started.  
>"I didn't think of that- if it was that way then why did they accept the terms?"<br>"Because they're yakuza. They follow a code of honor and it binds them to accept a gamble and stick by it."  
>"But they must have realized that they'd lose after a few rounds-"<br>"Izaya, that is beside the point. They're yakuza. They'd keep playing even if it cost them their lives."  
>Izaya scooped the money and made as if to jump off the bed.<br>"That won't do, we can still catch up to them if we hurry- I was planning on giving it back anyway,"  
>"Izaya."<br>He winced slightly. Shiki's voice held him in place.  
>"I didn't mean to take all of their money...can't we just give it back to them?"<br>"Don't insult them on top of everything. They will never accept it."  
>Izaya sobbed.<br>"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it- what are they going to do now?"  
>"Calm down. They're yakuza, remember? That means they'll make do, somehow. They're used to it."<br>"Can't I have a rematch and lose on purpose? They can even make a profit!"  
>"That's patronizing. They wouldn't like it either."<br>"I bet they hate me now. More people that hate me."  
>Izaya stared at his folded hands. Shiki had the mental image of a unstrung puppet about to collapse. He sat in bed next to him.<br>"Not likely. You don't know how they think, you've beaten fair and square so odds are they'd be willing to follow you for the rest of their lives."  
>Izaya revived immediately, his eyes full of hope as he turned to Shiki.<br>"Really?"  
>"Really. They'd do that already for my sake but they'd do it now for yours. Because they see you as their brother now."<br>Izaya might as well be a kid, he was that unguarded. Shiki could very well see how it might trigger people's protective instincts easily. And these were often the strongest in the roughest of characters. Izaya had acquired a new skill that worked all the better for his being unaware of it. Even Shiki who was conscious of precisely what was going on was tempted to comfort him.  
>"How can you tell...?"<br>"Years in the business. I could tell just by looking at them that the way they acted around you had changed. You could start your own group if you keep this up."  
>Shiki only meant it half jokingly. Such personalities that combined high intelligence with enough vulnerability to make those under them feel needed often solidified stronger empires than the average tough as nails yakuza.<p> 


	47. Chapter 47

Izaya giggled.  
>"No way I could do <em>that<em>. It's not just that I work best solo, I can't get people to follow me because no one actually likes me."  
>Shiki decided to let the delusion stand and change the subject.<br>"I heard the prime suspect came to visit you. You let him walk free, care to tell me why?"  
>Shiki wondered if Izaya had developed a reckless death defying attitude.<br>"Oh, Kida Masaomi-kun? I let him walk free because he didn't do it."  
>"And you know this because?"<br>There was of course the uncanny ability of Izaya for seeing through people's lies.  
>"Human psychology. I know Kida-kun enough to realize that he did not try to kill me."<br>"How can you be so certain?"  
>Perhaps now Shiki would catch an inkling into Izaya's method. He was more than a bit curious. Izaya smiled.<br>"Because he told me so. Kida-kun wants me dead, I am sure of that and he would take great delight in killing me. And as such he could not have possibly tried to kill me this time around. He hates me far too much to simply stab me in the dark without making sure I knew who killed me. No, Kida-kun would stage it so that I got to see him gloat as he tortured me. Only then would he finally kill me. The MO rules out Kida-kun."  
>"Fair enough."<br>"And the worst thing is, it's my fault he's that way. But I won't say _all_ my fault."  
>"Meaning?"<br>Izaya had been crumpling the bedsheets mechanically. He now stopped. Shiki took note.  
>"Meaning that we all hold responsibility for our actions – not for the things that happen to us but the way we react to them. We are humans, not automatons. If something bad happens to you, you do have a choice when it comes to dealing with it. That is my 'fairness', the game is not entirely rigged. I'm not a good person but I allow people the chance of deciding for themselves. I will not push them over the ledge. They take that final step, ultimately, in their conscience."<br>"I see you've been thinking things through."  
>Izaya nodded.<br>"Shiki-san, can I ask you something personal?"  
>"Ask away. I answer what I want to answer."<br>"Heh...of course. I don't want to get out of line here. I just wanted to know if you had a choice in the becoming a yakuza?"  
>"I'm doing what I want."<br>"Yes, that's what matters ultimately...like you said, I've been thinking a lot and now that I have so much free time on my hands thinking is basically all I do. Things like, 'what makes a particular individual who he/she is', 'is there a direct correlation between brain states and identity'...to be honest, I'm not too sure it's a good thing. To be entertaining such thoughts."  
>"Why not?"<br>Shiki was extremely interested now but he did not let it show.  
>"I'm the kind of person that can get carried away when it comes to thinking. My mind runs away with me. It does not necessarily cloud my intellectual abilities but it may very well impair my perception of reality as it is. If my ego isn't kept in check I can see how I'd think of myself as destined for greatness."<br>One of the greatest weaknesses that Shiki had always believed would eventually be Izaya's downfall was apparently being overcome. Shiki had already asked himself in hypothetical terms but for the first time he considered that terminating Izaya might very well be tactic move to make. Shiki saw that Izaya as he now was could tap a wealth of potential that was insofar locked.  
>If Izaya was more vulnerable he was also more lucid. Shiki had never heard of men becoming gods but he knew of men who gathered enough power to be almost as almighty.<br>"And are you? Destined for greatness."  
>"Hardly. I can't built myself from scratch but 'destiny' is not something I am willing to accept. Even if it might sound good. 'Destiny' is a crippling concept, the moment you believe in it you have limited yourself even if you believe you're destined to be God – because then you cannot <em>not<em> be God."  
>Shiki considered this. It cast a new light. Izaya might very well have been haunted by his outlandish ambitions to the point of being consumed by them. Shiki tended to think that Izaya's ideas of aspiring to godhead was a whim on Izaya's part and nothing but than that but in reality they might have been an obsession.<p> 


	48. Chapter 48

It occurred to Shiki that Izaya as he used to be were to be proven he was not destined to be some godly entity, he would not escape unscathed and might collapse entirely. An overinflated ego could not withstand a crisis. Scaled down, Izaya's ego became flexible enough to overcome serious challenges.  
>"So even a grand destiny is bad?"<br>"It might be the worst kind... it is easier to accept such a destiny, I think and by that token not to change it. So 'destiny' becomes self-fulfilling prophecy."  
>"On the other hand, if you have a shoddy destiny you'll fight it."<br>"Yes, that's my point."  
>As interesting as this philosophical talk was, Shiki wanted to steer the conversation back to the situation at hand.<br>"About Heiwajima, are you considering him as a suspect?"  
>Izaya jumped at the name but gathered himself almost immediately.<br>"No, of course not. Since he saved me- ah, I see. There is that possibility. I see two options, Shizuo stabbed me and then under the impression I was already dead brought me to the hospital so as to absolve himself completely; or Shizuo did not mean to kill me then but staged it so as to seem someone was out to get me and that he was committed to my welfare, next time he does plan to kill me and no one will suspect him... when I think like that..."  
>It became too painful so Izaya trailed out into anxious silence.<br>"It starts making sense?"  
>"Well, in a way- if I was killed he'd of course be suspect number one. So he could have conceived a subterfuge of sorts... but I cannot imagine it. He's a straight forward person for all his faults. Such grand scheming is too off character – the psychology doesn't fit."<br>"Are you entirely sure about that?"  
>Izaya's eyes narrowed. Already the mental cogs were turning.<br>"Not entirely. Not as sure as I am with Kida-kun. It is true that Shizuo was on the site. There is no alibi. And while it's undeniable that he does come across as less than bright at first, I do know that that is not the case."  
>"Indeed."<br>Izaya bit his lower lip, deep in concentration.  
>"They never retrieved the weapon... and he did ask me if I had seen the attacker."<br>"Just something for you to consider."  
>"Another thing that I have to consider..."<br>The mood was becoming grave. Shiki lightened it.  
>"By the way, your fans at the club have been asking about you."<br>"What did you tell them?"  
>"That you were took a break and are currently on holidays."<br>"It's best not to tell them the truth, definitely..."  
>"They wouldn't be allowed to visit you anyway. Since contact outside the club is strictly forbidden."<br>Izaya smiled.  
>"I know. I was more thinking about not worrying them. Ah, but what a shame! To think I could exploit this for extra sympathy points, I'd be the most popular host ever."<br>"You already are. At our club, at least. The number two isn't too happy either. Seems now the women talk about you even more than they used to when you were around."  
>"I hope you're not losing too much money because of this..."<br>"I can afford the losses but as you know you are the most profitable host."  
>Izaya had to make an effort not to let the compliment go to his head.<br>"That's because it's a popularity thing. Shiki-san, you'd make a cool host yourself."  
>"Strange idea."<br>"No, I can totally see it. The cool, stylish, with a dangerous aura type. The girls would go wild."  
>"I have no patience for that."<br>"I guess it takes some patience to put up with it... oh do you know what would be amusing? Matsumoto-san as a host. Try picturing it."  
>Izaya was the type to laugh at his own jokes and he did so now. Even Shiki cracked a smile at the mental picture.<br>"That wouldn't go too well."  
>"That's the whole point."<br>Shiki had been sitting on a chair, he now got up. Izaya wanted to straighten Shiki's tie even though there was no need.  
>"Don't get too attached to those guys. It's not rare of the average yakuza foot soldier to drop dead."<br>"Shiki-san, before you leave – am I being kept here because it's an easier place to guard or because you don't trust me enough to be out on the streets?"  
>Shiki found Izaya's wording a bit odd.<br>"It's a bit of both."


	49. Chapter 49

"I see. I appreciate the feeling and your honesty but in practical terms I am something of a hostage, am I not? Since I can't exactly leave if I want."  
>"See it as a holiday."<br>Izaya chuckled.  
>"Like you told the girls at the club?"<br>"Pretty much."  
>Izaya's smile faded and he locked eyes with Shiki.<br>"I don't like this. I really don't like this."  
>Shiki considered his options. Ultimately emotions could be extremely useful and Shiki was not without skill when it came to manipulating them. His methods diverged from Izaya radically and his scope was more limited to the strictly practical.<br>"I want to protect you."  
>Izaya remained silent for a while.<br>"Ah, I see. That was something of a low blow, Shiki-san. I think we both know it. Could you do me a favor? It's nothing dangerous, just getting me this particular manga title."  
>The tone changed mid-way very suddenly but Izaya smoothed it out by defaulting to the mundane realities of circumstance. Shiki was impressed. To do Izaya justice he adopted the same attitude.<br>"That shouldn't be a problem."

"It's a page turner, isn't it? See what you guys have been missing out on?"  
>Izaya beamed as one of his new yakuza friends proved him right by turning another page. Izaya had introduced them to Death Note and got them to read during breaks in between shifts. They remained as strict about their duty as ever, the only difference was that those on break now spent it in Izaya's room while their colleagues remained parked just outside.<br>"It's a good thing these notes don't exist. Our job would be completely impossible if all it took was writing people's name to kill them."  
>Izaya had to laugh.<br>"That's what caused an impression on you fellows? I suppose you do have a point. It'd make a bodyguard's job null and void."  
>"Unless it was Shiki-san who had one. That would be great."<br>"Possibly but there is a theory that the Death Note ends up ruining the user in one way or another."  
>"And this is popular?"<br>"Extremely so. There's the manga and spinoffs and then the anime along with live action movies. There is an arc in the anime with yakuza, I seem to remember. Can't remember if the manga featured it or not. Yakuza tend to be portrayed rather unrealistically in fiction as it is."  
>"Orihara-sama, this is fiction, right? Pardon me if I sound out of line but as of late we see so many weird things that belong in fairy tales, stuff like headless riders and who knows what else. It wouldn't surprise me too much if Death Notes actually existed somewhere out there."<br>"Heh, I can assure you that there is no such thing as a real Death Note. If there was I would most definitely know about it. Since I'm an informant with an interest in the supernatural."  
>It saddened Izaya a bit that as friendly as all this interaction was, these men were still akin to prison guards albeit of the very mild kind. Izaya held no illusions, if he attempted to flee they would surely force him to stay in one way or another. Still, they allowed him to receive an unexpected visitor on his own.<br>Izaya was fully prepared and knew exactly what he wanted to do and say.  
>"Hi there, Celty. Long time no see."<br>[I heard it from Shinra. Are you better?]  
>"Fine and dandy."<br>He smiled at ease. If possible he would rather receive her sitting on a chair instead of propped in bed but he needed to cast the illusion that he was indeed still not fit to be walking about and simply putting in a front of well-being that was to be expected of him. It crossed his mind briefly that there was something uncanny in covering up lies with the truth.  
>Celty walked into the room somewhat reluctantly. He could almost see the hesitation in her and congratulated himself on having perfected the ability to read others to even cover non-human beings and based solely on body language. Izaya could tell she had reached a decision a split second before she even began typing.<br>[About your memory, is it back? I didn't tell anyone]  
>"Oh, that. I suppose fairies can't recognize a joke. Then again my humor is a bit different. Most people don't get. Such a shame."<br>Izaya sealed his nonchalance with a shrug. But he could not tell whether she was entirely convinced.


	50. Chapter 50

[I just can't understand you. Why would you lie about such a thing?]  
>Izaya was very aware that in order to properly control the damage done he needed to exploit her insecurities when it came to reading humans in general. It occurred to him not for the first time that exploiting weaknesses was integral to his calling and probably second nature.<br>"My reasons cannot be sounded. Isn't that how it is with every person?"  
>[You think so?]<br>And just like this Izaya shifted the subject from himself in particular to the vast mass of human persons.  
>"If you stop to think about it, can you really know what motivates people? What makes some of them take the plunge while others don't, what makes some toss some spare change to the beggar on the street corner while others look the other way, what makes some of them hunger for revenge when they perceive they have been wronged while others opt for forgiveness. Ultimately it is impossible to ever discern why people act the way they do. Their likes and dislikes remain a mystery."<br>Izaya was pleased with this polished bit of rhetoric. Celty seemed to be gathering her thoughts before typing a reply.  
>[Even if you were just joking, fact remains that you're different]<br>"How so?"  
>[The way you've been talking with Shizuo, for example. Something must have happened to you]<br>Izaya smiled cryptically.  
>"Perhaps. Does it matter to you? Since you hate me."<br>[Normally I hate you, yes. But at the moment- not so much]  
>"Must be because of my recent misfortune. By the way, have you read Death Note?"<br>If Celty could have blinked she would have done so now. It was one Izaya's prime tactics of suddenly changing the topic in apparently random ways that were in reality extremely deliberate and timed in just the right way to corner his opponent into reacting so that Izaya was in perfect control of the entire exchange.  
>It worked remarkably well.<br>[The manga? I heard about it]  
>"It's amazing how many people have not been exposed to the wonders of Death Note despite its popularity. Here, I got the first volume here. You'll be hooked on the first panel."<br>Celty leafed through it, her cat eared helmet tilted to the side as she inspected the contents and read the blurb at the back.  
>[A notebook that kills people?]<br>"Just like the title says. Very descriptive, isn't it? 'Death Note' is just what it states, unlike, say, 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'. Can't grasp what that is at all from the title."  
>Celty's body swayed slightly. It took Izaya a while to realize that this was her version of laughter.<br>[People have such wild imaginations! Look at these shinigami, how bizarre!]  
>"I don't suppose Ryuk is a cousin of yours?"<br>[Izaya, don't push your luck. I may not hate you but still]  
>Izaya held up his hands in a gesture of mock surrender.<br>"I apologize for my rudeness. I meant kinship in a thematic sense since you are both representatives of death gods. Along with say, Hades and Anubis."  
>[You really know your myths]<br>"Mythology is humanity's first attempt at explaining the world. Call it incipient philosophy, cosmology, natural history, if you will."  
>[And you sure like showing off.]<br>"Guilty as charged."  
>[Can I really borrow this?]<br>"Go right ahead. Death Note is making a come back with the yakuza so why not widen the fan base to include fairies?"  
>She turned the volume in her hands, curious.<br>[So this is the kind of thing you read. Is this your favorite manga?]  
>"I like it but it's not my absolute favorite."<br>[What's that?]  
>Izaya smiled his most innocent smile.<br>"Liar Game. It's just as the title states, too."

'Liar Game' ticked all of the boxes to reach the position of Izaya's all time fave. It was increasingly brainy, stocked with characters that covered a wide range of moral tones, loaded with psychological conflict and on top of it all the entire premise was something of a experiment on human motivations and behavior under stress.  
>A rare case of truth in fiction. Even if the scenarios in themselves were beyond unlikely, the reactions were believable and conveyed the paradox of human existence: everyone was utterly unique and yet essentially the same.<p> 


	51. Chapter 51

Liar Game had another advantage over Death Note in that the hypothetical element was much more appealing to Izaya. Yakuza might crave a real death note but if Izaya possessed one he would have no use for it apart from holding it as a threat. Killing was not Izaya's domain of action, not when his memories were intact and not after they were wiped out. It gave him solace. The moral ambiguities of highly intellectual games thrilled him much more than the possibility of delivering death at will.  
>Death Note was fun to watch, Liar Game was fun to live.<br>He mused on such thoughts now as he took a stroll on the surprisingly pleasant and wide hospital rooftop. Izaya wondered if Celty would give Liar Game a go and learn a thing or two about what made people tick.  
>And this lead him to ponder on what made him, Orihara Izaya, tick. He had an inkling that Shiki was deliberately leading him on by letting a latent affection blossom into something like love. And love was of course a means of conditioning someone into compliance.<br>That Izaya knew this and yet could not help his feelings was something of a schism: part of him coolly assessed the realities as they presented themselves to disinterested analysis while the other part of him remained entangled in an emotional conundrum from which he could not escape. It highlighted the sensation of being two people that already assaulted him at intervals.  
>From the corner of his eye he could catch his personal bodyguard squad strategically placed. They had learned to give him some berth and were as discreet as possible. Izaya wondered if they had received instructions from Shiki to this effect. He did not overtly study them but he found himself fascinated by yakuza in general. Not the warped romantic model propagated by movies but the actual thing in the flesh.<br>Here they were, men ready to die because of loyalty. Dishing out abuse to those beneath them on the overruling power pyramid and yet eager to cower before their superiors. Apparently their sense of pride that bordered on hyper-sensibility squared off such contradictions very easily. To Izaya the yakuza was the most contradictory of institutions.  
>And the human element drew him toward them.<br>The view from the roof was somewhat dismal, all that Izaya could see was a jumble of concrete devouring the horizon. But above there was the sky. Izaya found himself staring a particular cloud formation that reminded him of something that he could not presently place. He realized that it was his pillow except luminous and ethereal in the heights.  
>"No wonder our ancestors came up with so many gods to explain the things around us."<br>"Orihara-sama?"  
>"Nothing, just talking to myself."<br>And longing to talk to others. He suddenly saw his situation as an odious deprivation, a cruel isolation from the life rushing headlong through the riotous streets of the city. It lasted only a split second but left a lingering impression of vague yet pressing discomfort. He decided he would have a word of Shiki.

What Izaya did not expect was for Shiki to take the first step. And doing so by inviting him to dine at a high end restaurant. It occurred to Izaya that this was Shiki's version of an offer that could not be refused: a smooth version that dispensed with threats altogether, needing only to act on Izaya's emotions to succeed.  
>"This is a great place, I hadn't heard of it."<br>Shiki took his time pouring bright red wine into his glass. Some things could not be left to waiters.  
>"You used to come here all the time."<br>"Oh. Well, I wouldn't know about it."  
>Slightly defensive.<br>"I've heard you're getting bored at the hospital."  
>"Heard from who, Shiki-san?"<br>"My men, who else."  
>Izaya blinked. He had taken his bodyguards as part of the furniture even as he admitted they were interesting as individuals, as people in charge of guarding him he assumed they were blind witnesses.<br>"I see. So they can notice things like that."  
>"Is it all that surprising? They're quite fond of you, too."<br>Izaya laughed.  
>"Why, Shiki-san, next thing you know they'll be ditching you and following me instead."<br>Shiki took another sip.  
>"If that happened I'd have to kill them."<br>"I was just kidding..."  
>"I know. But I'm not kidding."<br>Izaya could tell. And it chilled him.


	52. Chapter 52

"That's very harsh but I understand that's how it goes."  
>"It's not harsh at all. If you live by your loyalties then it follows you should die if you change them."<br>"I was thinking along those same lines the other day."  
>"Good. As long as we understand each other."<br>Izaya nodded absently. Shiki wondered if he was pushing Izaya too far. There was something fascinating in testing Izaya's new limits. Shiki did not shy from testing Izaya but he had to remind himself to hold back. Izaya poked at his food in brooding silence.  
>"How do you feel about returning to the host club?"<br>"Can I, Shiki-san?"  
>"As long as you move in to one of the group's compounds."<br>In other words, more surveillance. But Izaya craved freedom and even the thinnest opening in his present captivity had an irresistible allure.  
>"I can handle that, I think."<br>Izaya smiled brilliantly. He wished that things could be simpler and less entangled but he knew that it was the only possible way for him to connect emotionally at a deeper level.  
>"Shiki-san, have you heard of Liar Game?"<br>"What is that?"  
>"It's a manga, there's also a live action version, it's not as good. The premise is simple enough: people play a series of games at high stakes, deception being key to winning. The heroine, however, is 'stupidly honest' as she herself says and tends to convince other players to tell the truth and unite against the games' organizers. At times people go along with her. Until someone will say, 'I lied, this is liar game, lying is to be expected'". It is my favorite manga. You must be wondering why I am rambling like this."<br>"I'm sure you have a point."  
>"I do. I think that in a way things are the same between us. Not that I deliberately deceive you but there is a premise of 'no actual love' and every now and then you remind me of the very obvious."<br>Shiki refilled his glass.  
>"Does this place look familiar to you?"<br>Izaya frowned, annoyed.  
>"It's hopeless, I can't remember anything from my past. Try as I might nothing comes to me."<br>"That's a good thing in this case. Because you've never been here before."  
>Izaya's eyes widened for a split second as shock hit him. Such a minor detail yet just like that Shiki proved a decisive point. Shiki was curious to see how Izaya would turn things around. Izaya surprised him by laughing.<br>"I see, I see! I've been had, haven't I? Ah, and here I was avoiding alcohol just so I could have a fighting chance. No point in that."  
>Izaya asked for a glass wine and took a swig.<br>"Good vintage this year."  
>"I will take your word for it, Shiki-san. Allow me to drink to your health."<br>Shiki raised his glass in return. Without a doubt Izaya was increasingly interesting.  
>"So did you like this 'stupidly honest' character?"<br>"Not particularly. I preferred the sassy crossdresser myself, nothing like a smart trap to brighten one's day."

Shizuo spotted Izaya without being seen. Izaya came through a door and walked down the corridor with his head down and pretty much oblivious to his surroundings. It was not a sight Shizuo was used to. Izaya looked for all practical purposes aimlessly defeated.  
>But Izaya's bodyguards were quick on the uptake and moved in unison to form a blockade immediately. Izaya waved them away.<br>"You can leave."  
>"But Orihara-sama,"<br>"Please?"  
>They did not of course obey but they did retreat into more discreet distance.<br>"Is there something you want, Shizuo?"  
>"Just dropped by to see how you're doing."<br>They walked side by side. Izaya's spirits were low.  
>"I'll be fine, I'm getting discharged tomorrow."<br>Shizuo cocked a thumb over a shoulder.  
>"What were you doing there?"<br>"Donating blood. Or trying to, they turned me down. Apparently I am still too weak for that."  
>Izaya smiled apologetically.<br>"Why did you want to do that?"  
>"Well, I had to receive blood so I wanted to give back a little."<br>"You're too skinny for that."  
>A sense of overall apathy descended upon Izaya. It blunted the edges of his emotions so that he was not even afraid of Shizuo who just had a very unexpected sight into Izaya's state of mind.<br>"Thanks for reminding me. I really needed to be reminded about how skinny and weak I am."  
>"Still unfunny."<br>Izaya rolled his eyes.  
>"Well excuse me for being me."<p> 


	53. Chapter 53

"I didn't say you were weak."  
>"It was heavily implied. I can take a hint."<br>"Nothing wrong with being skinny."  
>"Easy for you to say."<br>"Want me to donate some blood since you can't?"  
>Izaya shrugged then poked Shizuo in the chest.<br>"No can do, I bet you have monster blood anyway. Non compatible with humans."  
>"There was this book about that... with monster blood, wasn't there? A book for kids."<br>Izaya brightened up.  
>"You know about that? I'm amazed! It's from R.L Stine's series Goosebumps."<br>"Yeah but I got normal blood, it's not green and weird."  
>"I am not sure of that myself."<br>"Sure you are. You stabbed me, remember?"  
>Izaya could not account for the fact that he stumbled but stumble he did. Something very akin to guilt troubled him. Izaya regained his balance with instinctive ease, blending his misstep into a strut.<br>"So I did."  
>But he could not recall it. Ironically, his sense of responsibility gained strength by the fact that he could not remember. Yet he could feel a jumble of emotions running just below the surface, connecting him to this man. Izaya could not even tell how much of this was a link to the past or a brand new development. What he did know was that it was becoming increasingly difficult to bring himself to hate Heiwajima Shizuo.<br>"Can I ask you something? Didn't you think – as you were carrying me to the hospital – that you'd be better off if I kicked the bucket?"  
>"Not really. I don't think ahead much."<br>"It's a miracle you survived as long as you have."  
>"It wasn't thanks to you."<br>"Heh, I bet."  
>"I've been wondering, did you fall for that yakuza fellow or something?"<br>Izaya blinked in incomprehension.  
>"Say what?"<br>"Something changed you a lot. Dunno what it is and it's not like you'll tell."  
>"Then you're wasting your time asking, aren't you?"<br>"Oh yeah. I guess you've got a point there."  
>Izaya opted for a breezy approach. Hands in his pockets, half-skipping.<br>"Besides, what is it to you? If and I do mean this hypothetically, if I am in love with Shiki-san, it's not like it's any of your business."  
>"I wonder about that as well."<br>Izaya came to a sudden halt but improved on the spot as he was wont to do. It often seemed that more than complicated plots and shadowy plans it was the immediate reaction to a crisis that sealed the success of a true mastermind of any kind.  
>"Ah, you're as unfunny as I am. What a shame, I thought you were about to teach me the meaning of real humor but I'm afraid you're subpar in that department."<br>Shizuo remained silent long enough to make Izaya more than a little nervous. To the point his bodyguard brigade noticed.  
>"Is this fellow causing you any trouble, Orihara-sama?"<br>Shizuo remained perfectly at ease. It would take more than a group of yakuza to daunt him.  
>"Answer the man. Am I causing you any trouble?"<br>Izaya cleared his throat.  
>"Not at all."<br>They were not convinced.  
>"Orihara-sama, are you sure?"<br>"Very much so. We are just having a civil discussion. Aren't we?"  
>Shizuo shrugged.<br>"If you want to call it that."  
>Just as the tension was beginning to escalate beyond the point of no return Shinra, of all people, burst into the scene.<br>"What's going on here? Why are you trying to donate blood when you barely made it, do you want to cause me more trouble?"  
>It was the distraction Izaya needed. He smiled widely.<br>"Shinra! So very sorry. I repent in ashes and dust."  
>"Is that a quote or something? That's all fine and dandy but I'm the one that has to nurse you back to health when you screw up."<br>Izaya bowed dramatically.  
>"My humble self humbly apologizes."<br>"Shizuo, you don't have to visit him. Izaya is a jerk, patient of mine or not."  
>Izaya pouted.<br>"Hey, I'm right here... don't act as if I'm not present. It hurts my feelings."  
>Shinra had had a long day of tending to groaning yakuza who thought it was a part of their manly etiquette to bark insults at him when treatment became painful, adding threats and even gun totting on occasion as incentives to his ministrations.<br>"You don't have feelings, that's why you're Izaya."  
>"He's got feelings alright. Not too sure he knows what they are but he's got them."<br>Shinra was surprised. He turned to Shizuo to Izaya then back at Shizuo.


	54. Chapter 54

"Of course I've got feelings. I'm human, after all."  
>Izaya tried to pass it off as merely amused but in reality he was offended. And he hardly knew whether he was offended by Shizuo's insight, Shinra's jab or the combination of the fact that he was expected to be immune to common human feeling and yet unable to come across as such.<br>He dug his hands into his pockets and sauntered away.  
>"What was that all about, Shizuo?"<br>"I'm not sure."

Izaya returned to his host job with added enthusiasm. He went to the extent of getting Okinawa postcards that he sent in such a way as to get them stamped from the island itself. He addressed them to the club in general to be handed to his costumers. To this he added a series of very pretty scenic pictures that he claimed to have taken. When asked why none of the shots featured him he simply played the coy card by saying he was too shy to possibly be photographed.  
>If he was to fabricate a lie then he might as well excel at it and reinforce it with details. Building up verisimilitude. Ironically, he could not remember ever being in Okinawa yet he knew he had visited it, with Shizuo, even. The school trip included many others and even Shinra but in Izaya's mind he singled out Shizuo as the sole companion of this blank space in his memory. As he chatted to the girls at the club he found himself trying to piece it together.<br>Tackling his entire previous life was too much of a challenge but recreating incidents of it often held him enthralled. Izaya viewed it as a fun way of exercising his mental abilities and the power of his imagination.  
>Working at the club meant long nights so by the time he retired to the compound the first hints of dawn were seeping into neon dirtied darkness.<br>"Hi there, kitty. I'm back! Hey, kitty? Oy, what's wrong?"  
>The cat made an effort to get up but to no avail. Frail paws moved sluggishly and a weak meow echoed painfully in the still mostly empty apartment. Izaya ran and picked up the tiny furry body.<br>"Hey, hang it there! Oh god, oy, kitty!"  
>Blind panic overwhelmed him. He checked the time, still too early to take him to the vet. Izaya's bodyguard squad was stationed around the building's perimeter so he was alone. He wrapped the kitty in a blanket and dashed out the door.<p>

Shizuo had yet to sleep, he too had a late night. He was fluffing the futon and anticipating catching some shuteye when the chime exploded with shrill noise followed by banging on the door.  
>"Shizuo! Are you in, please open the door, my cat's sick!"<br>"Izaya...?"  
>Shizuo was more than just surprised. Izaya burst into the room wearing some sleek shiny purple number, eyes very wide with apprehension, hands extended in which the cat nestled. Never had Shizuo seen Izaya look so disarmingly childish.<br>"The cat, do you know what's wrong? I should've taken him to Shinra but you know about cats- please help him, I'll do anything you want."  
>Izaya bowed and held the cat toward Shizuo.<br>"Hey, no need to do that."  
>Shizuo picked up the fuzzy kitty with great care. It was quite a sight, such a big man delicately handling a small and helpless animal. But Izaya failed to see it because he knelt on the floor, head bowed to the floor, his voice breaking.<br>"It's just a cat but please help him, Shizuo-"  
>"It's okay. He's not really sick, just having trouble peeing. See?"<br>Izaya lifted his face. Shizuo rubbed the kitty's underside very gently and sure enough the tiny cat squirmed in relief as a yellow waterfall splashed the floor. Izaya held his breath.  
>"Is he really okay?"<br>"Fine and dandy. It's because it's just a young kitty."  
>Izaya made a lame attempt a wiping his tears with the sleeves of his too flashy jacket.<br>"You must think I'm an idiot,"  
>But Izaya hugged the kitty when Shizuo handed the now happy fellow that immediately licked him on the still tear-streaked cheeks.<br>"Not really. But get up already."  
>Izaya nodded and obeyed.<br>"Oh dear, I forgot to take off my shoes! And I've got to clean this up."  
>"I'll do that."<br>Izaya dutifully removed his shoes and placed them at the entrance, neatly arranged. Shizuo took a mop and cleaned the puddle.  
>"Thank you very much. I don't know how to make it up to you."<br>"No need for that but you can tell me just what's going on."


	55. Chapter 55

Izaya's cellphone shattered the moment. He rushed to pick it up.  
>"Ah, Matsumoto-san. Sorry I took off like that, I'm fine- something came up. I can't say- no, no need for that. I'm sure. I can make it back on my own. There's really nothing to worry about. Well then, I'll see you tomorrow."<br>Shizuo placed a mug of milk in front of Izaya and poured some into saucer that he put on the floor.  
>"Looks like you're under surveillance or something."<br>"Or something. Is that for the cat?"  
>"Yeah, it's probably hungry."<br>And indeed the bundle of fur hurried to lap at the milk.  
>"You sure have a lot of milk around."<br>"It's good for you."  
>Shizuo produced a cigarette. Izaya smiled and going on automatic brought a flame to it.<br>"Why bother to drink healthy when you smoke? Doesn't make much sense."  
>For a while Shizuo puffed in silence and stared at nothing in particular so that Izaya flinched when he looked at him directly.<br>"You're not making much sense yourself. So what gives, Izaya?"  
>"Well, like you heard I saw the cat got sick and I didn't know what to do-"<br>"I don't mean that. And you know it. For starters, what on earth are you wearing?"  
>"Ah, do you like the style? Purple is my color, I decided. You could say I am something of a trendsetter. Anyway, it's getting late so I should get going. Thank you for helping my cat, I really appreciate it."<br>"So you got a curfew now? Is your yakuza going to fetch you away if you disobey?"  
>"It's... complicated."<br>"I bet."  
>Izaya sipped the milk and frowned, something he never allowed himself to do at the club.<br>"I am my own person and can go where I please. Shiki-san is just worried about me since I was attacked."  
>"Which is more than can be said about you. You don't seem to be worried about yourself."<br>Izaya shrugged, absently petting the cat.  
>"There's no point to acting like everyone is out to get me. So someone has a grudge against me, what else is new? That this person is willing to take the extra step and actually attempt against my life is just a logical conclusion to the way things are. It was bound to happen. I wonder how many people have killed me in their thoughts... that's supposed to be a sin, too."<br>"Says who?"  
>"The Bible."<br>"Not too sure you should be reading that, crazy people get even crazier after reading it."  
>Izaya burst out laughing.<br>"That is so true! No wait, did you just heavily imply that I am crazy? Now that's not nice."  
>"You saying you're not crazy?"<br>"Ah, it is a matter of perspective as are most things."  
>"And you're taking into consideration the 'perspective' of the guy that's out to get you?"<br>Izaya nodded.  
>"You could say that."<br>"If your yakuza wants to keep you safe then sticking with me is the way to go. Can't get a better bodyguard than me."  
>Izaya lifted an eyebrow.<br>"Oh? Unless you are the one that wants me dead and I would be going straight into your trap."  
>"You think I-"<br>"I don't think you did. Either way I've decided to trust you."  
>Shizuo nearly dropped the cigarette.<br>"Trust, huh. Tricky thing, trust."  
>"Isn't it? By the way, shouldn't you get going or something?"<br>"I was about to hit the sack, nothing to do tomorrow – which is today – worked real hard into the night so Tom-san gave me a day off."  
>Izaya got up, cat secured in a pocket.<br>"I see. Then I'll leave you to it, thanks once again,"  
>"Why don't you stay? You haven't slept yet, have you?"<br>"I haven't but it'd be a bit..."  
>"You're not allowed?"<br>This settled it for Izaya.  
>"Just let me make a call."<br>Shizuo rummaged through a closet under the pretense of getting pillows. In reality he wanted to give Izaya some privacy as he made his decision official via the phone. Shizuo did not quite know what to make of it. But he was curious.  
>As for Izaya, he had acted impulsively as opposed to being ever so calculating. He was now a bit awed at his own boldness.<br>"You can have this."  
>Shizuo handed him one of his shirts. Izaya held it at arm's length and turned it around, bemused.<br>"This is like a nightgown on me."  
>And it proved indeed to be so. Izaya changed in the bathroom and reappeared wearing the shirt that reached to his knees. Shizuo cracked a smile.<br>"Here, I got an extra futon."


	56. Chapter 56

Izaya compared it to Shizuo's worn out futon.  
>"This one is so much nicer than yours, how come?"<br>"I keep it in case Kasuka drops by. Or Tom-san."  
>Izaya grew thoughtful. The futon was brand new.<br>"It's a shame that your brother is always so busy."  
>"Yeah he doesn't drop by much."<br>"But take heart. Your brother is busy being a successful actor, my sisters are busy trolling poor people."  
>"They take after you in that."<br>"Hey, that's totally unfair."  
>Izaya wondered if it was possible to sleep in this cardboard apartment with its paper thin walls. Outside the city was up to an early start as always and already a low vibration of noise reached him. Shizuo lowered the shutters. Comfortable semi-darkness descended.<br>"I still got some cat sand around."  
>"Great,"<br>Izaya yawned, suddenly very tired. Then collapsed on the futon. Shizuo had to smile.  
>"This is kinda like a sleepover, huh."<br>"Kitty thinks so too, say 'thank you' to Shizuo, kitty!"  
>Izaya held the cat with a flourish and made him bow. The cat purred sleepily.<br>"Stop playing with the little guy."  
>"He needs a name, how come none occurs to me..."<br>Izaya pulled up the sheets and right away the cat nestled right by his side, curled into a tiny ball of fur. Shizuo stayed awake long enough to see Izaya fall asleep. It puzzled him considerably how Izaya, of all people, could take a chance on trust like this. Izaya had bailed out of offering some very needed explanations but Shizuo too had not explained his unlikely invitation. Shizuo was not one to ponder the reasons behind his actions too much but he now wondered.  
>One thing he was beginning to realize, something that Shiki had already grasped: Izaya's vulnerability did not seem to weaken him at all, on the contrary, it made him disturbingly unpredictable.<p>

Shizuo half-expected to find Izaya gone by the time he woke up. It was not so.  
>"Hi there, good...afternoon, I guess? Strange, huh."<br>"It sure ain't morning, that's for sure."  
>Izaya beamed. He wore very normal clothes now, a simple red shirt and black pants. Shizuo had a strange feeling of deja vu.<br>"By the way, have you read this?"  
>Izaya produced a brand new manga volume from a bag.<br>"I got it at the bookstore across the street- I used your key, I hope that's okay?"  
>"Sure. And what's it about? Is it one of those, what is it called, Boys Love thing?"<br>Izaya laughed.  
>"Heh, no. But at times it sure looks like it! It's Saint Young Men, a gag manga in which Jesus and Buddha are roommates in modern day Tokyo. Hilarity ensues."<br>"You're into that kind of thing?"  
>"It's really funny."<br>Izaya had discovered this new favorite recently and took delight in that. Without any idea of whether he would have appreciated it before his memory loss he could fully enjoy it. Basking in harmless humor.  
>Shizuo leafed through.<br>"Weird idea."  
>"It's an original concept. Here, you can keep it."<br>"You're giving this to me?"  
>"It's just the first volume, the manga is still being published. Give it a go, Shizuo. You won't regret it."<br>Shizuo turned the book, curious.  
>"You always were a bit whacky."<br>"I resent that. Anyway, I've got to get going. Thanks for everything."  
>Izaya tucked the cat under an arm and waved happily. He gathered his glamor clothes in a bag and opened the front door. Only to halt on his tracks immediately for someone blocked his path.<br>"Kasuka-san?"  
>"Hello, Orihara-san."<br>Kasuka might very well be the only person in the world to be so unaffected at finding Orihara Izaya at Shizuo's place.  
>"I'll leave you brothers alone, nice seeing you."<br>"That is a very cute kitty."  
>"Isn't he? I can't seem to come up with a good name for him."<br>Izaya was caught completely by surprise by Heiwajima junior and as such eager to flee the scene but on the other hand he was extremely curious. So if Kasuka chose to chat Izaya was not about to turn him down.  
>Kasuka took the still nameless kitty and held him easily.<br>"'Kali'."  
>"That's a good idea, 'Kali' does mean 'the Black One'. Except this is a male kitty, shame."<br>Shizuo looked over Izaya's shoulder.  
>"I wasn't expecting you today."<br>"It's a surprise, nii-chan."  
>This was Izaya's cue. He retrieved the cat and made himself scarce. Yet even as he walked away he had to resist the temptation to spy on the siblings' conversation.<p> 


	57. Chapter 57

It would not be difficult either, Izaya had his ways. But he remembered how upset he would be if someone were to eavesdrop on him and his sisters. So he applied the golden rule.  
>Feeling reinvigorated he walked down the streets like any other passerby if not for a tendency to skip every third step. In hindsight he had acted very foolishly indeed but at least Kasuka had not dropped by to find him lying next to Shizuo, it would have made for a hilarious misunderstanding. Izaya giggled at the mental image.<br>Being a very imaginative person he could picture it down to the tiniest detail including Kasuka's expression that he bet would remain unchanging in its blankness. He was not entirely sure how Shizuo would react but it was a world of fun to imagine.  
>As he giggled to himself happily it occurred to him that he was indeed a creepy person. It did not bother him. His phone rang with Namie's programed tone just as Izaya was about to reach an intersection. And she was rather cross.<br>"Tell you what, since I've been such a slacker why don't you take a day off too? I know, meet me at this place,"  
>Izaya had just had a wonderful idea. He took the kitty home, or what passed for it, had a quick shower, made an appointment and then waited for Namie in the lobby of one of the city's best hairstylists. His yakuza bodyguards followed dutifully.<br>Izaya was known here. Not only from having his hair done for his host duties but even before that: the address was on his phone from the days before he lost his memories. Izaya viewed it as his former self directing him in an oblique way. It had been strange to see the all the attention paid to him when he felt it was his first time walking into the very bright hairdressing studio.  
>He jumped off a plushy sofa as soon as Namie appeared through see-through doors.<br>"What's the meaning of this?"  
>Izaya smiled brightly at her curt disapproval. Today he was bent on having fun.<br>"You've been working so hard for me that I figured you should unwind. You can use the facilities, all on me. There's a great spa out back and why not revamp your image a bit?"  
>Namie studied the spotless interior of white walls, vast mirrors, sci-fi looking hair apparatuses.<br>"Are you saying you want me to cut my hair?"  
>Izaya put up his hands, a placating gesture.<br>"No, no, of course not, Yagiri-san! Cutting your hair is a crime, it's so long and shiny and smooth."  
>Namie smiled with a hint of mockery.<br>"You sound like you've been touching it."  
>Izaya took half a step back.<br>"I didn't! But I can tell just by looking at it."  
>She was amused by his flailing. Izaya recommended curling Namie's hair into waves and she accepted it. He settled for spinning on the chair to pass time, unfortunately it took quite a while to take care of Namie's hair since it was so long so by the time it was over he was more than a bit dizzy.<br>Izaya stumbled and would have fallen if not for Namie.  
>"Will you try and behave your age?"<br>"Gah, head hurts..."  
>"Well what did you expect?"<br>They settled on a cozy lounge, a slightly queasy Izaya, Namie in her new hairdo with one of the yakuza underlings standing by. A very unlikely combination all around. Izaya found himself giggling. He kept his eyes closed to become steadier, having yet to take in the makeover. He now blinked a few times and bounced with no regard for his balance.  
>"Wow, Yagiri-san! You look fabulously hot! As in, more than usual."<br>"You're picking up some nasty habits at the club. Quit the flattery."  
>Izaya chuckled for he could tell she was not upset. He considered her anew. From what he knew Yagiri Namie had been through quite a rough spot recently. Izaya wanted to make things better for her out of the general impulse toward good will that was such a moving force to his new self and out of a personal sense of gratitude.<br>He sobered up.  
>"Yagiri-san, thanks. You've put up with a lot because of me. Working with me cannot have been easy, I mean I can be a bit weird – maybe even very weird – so I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your being there for me. You're not just an employee to me, I see you as a friend."<br>Namie smiled.  
>"I'd say 'very weird'."<p> 


	58. Chapter 58

"Ah... true, true. But you see, it's all part of my master plan. I hope to soften you with my childish ways, angling for 'maternal instinct'."  
>"You're not that stupid."<br>"Aha! Heavily implying that I am indeed stupid."  
>Izaya nodded with mock seriousness.<br>"That kind of thing may work at the club but not with me."  
>This playful mood made him very happy. Friendly banter was something he greatly appreciated. That his former life had been void of friends did not mean it had to be so now. And he did not only want to broaden his circle of acquaintances but to deepen the one he already had. Truly connecting on an individual level with those he used to know was a challenge he embraced. Izaya wanted to outdo Izaya.<br>He wanted his change in attitude to bring his people skills into a whole new level. Beyond curious detachment. To be a person amidst people. It was much more than his competitive spirit or his need to improve himself, above all he yearned to build true relationships.  
>And at the back of his mind he hoped that if he would never be rootless again, even if he were to lose his memories anew. Human bonds would tether him to the world.<p>

Shizuo waited five minutes then without a warning opened the front door. He found no one and a quick search showed him the landing was indeed empty. Shizuo checked the fire escape.  
>"He's not spying on us. Not that I can tell, at least."<br>Shizuo smiled thoughtfully as he announced this.  
>"Did you think he was?"<br>"Who knows. He's Izaya, after all."  
>As to what that meant exactly Shizuo was not quite sure. Shizuo had put the water boiling and tea was ready. Kasuka, ever quiet, did not drown him in questions.<br>"That was a cute kitty."  
>"Yeah, real tiny. Cat got kinda sick so I helped out."<br>Kasuka nodded as if all this was precisely what he expected and nothing could surprise him.  
>"Cat lovers can't be bad people."<br>The awkwardness that so often plagued Shizuo – directly linked to the sinking feeling of not being a proper big brother – dissolved. Not so much because of Izaya but because he provided a neutral topic of conversation that was perfect to break the initial ice.

Izaya took Namie to a fancy shopping district where he got her a sweet pink dress with matching shoes. He would like to go on a full out shopping spree but he knew that was his idea of fun, not hers.  
>Izaya caught a glimpse of something across the street, a glint of light that he could not identify. He squinted at it.<br>"What's the matter?"  
>"Nothing, just thought I saw something."<br>But if he could readily dismiss it, his bodyguards were not. With a curt nod they signaled to one another and were suddenly one except for one who moved in front of Izaya.  
>"Hey, what's-"<br>"This way, Orihara-sama."  
>A long black car parked alongside him. More yakuza opened the door but he was not about be herded like this without an explanation.<br>"What is going on here?"  
>"Orihara-sama, this way."<br>Before he could demand an explanation anew all hell broke loose. Suddenly Namie was shoving hard and then aiming a high heel kick to a woman that came bursting out of nowhere charging ahead blindly, knife clutched between two hands. The blade went flying out of her grip, clattering loudly on the concrete.  
>Namie finished a circular kick, sending her crashing down hard. Immediately the bodyguards restrained the attacker. Izaya blinked a few times. He was shoved into the backseat of the car along with Namie. Izaya stared out the back window as the curb receded into the urban distance.<br>"That woman, I know her from the club. Is she the one out to get me...?"  
>It was outlandish. But Izaya recognized that it was most likely true.<br>"This kind of murderous behavior is caused by an excess of estrogen."  
>Laughter bubbled up, Izaya could not help it. He felt slightly giddy, hurt and bewildered but above all too amused.<br>"Ah, my pride as a man is so shot to hell now! I need a woman to save my ass, so sad. Bu Yagiri-san, that was quite a kick! Move over Sanji!"  
>"I know basic self-defense."<p> 


	59. Chapter 59

"It shows, it shows! You've got to give a name to that trademark kick! How about 'super panty killer shot!'? Bad English makes it cooler! Heh, white panties – not that I was peeping, I couldn't help but notice-"  
>He smiled apologetically. His nerves were out of whack and could not properly emulate being at ease without sliding into borderline hysteria.<br>"Calm down, everything is okay now."  
>Izaya readied himself to act chirpy and nonchalant then caught his reflection on the window – a pale and shaky Izaya – and gave up altogether. He sighed and closed his eyes.<br>"I should have guessed but I assumed it was someone from the past. I treated Yamashita-san – that's her name – like I did all costumers, in a way I got to know her so this is a bit difficult to take."  
>"Obsessive stalker behavior can lead to violence. Odds are she got even worse when she saw you with me."<br>Izaya smiled wanly in an attempt to dispel the gloom threatening to overwhelm him.  
>"Whatever happened to 'excess of estrogen'?"<br>"There is always a combination of factors when it comes to borderline cases."  
>Her cool scientific approach, the mechanics of human mania clinically dissected, had a soothing effect. Izaya needed his emotions to be kept in check at the moment and Namie was just the person to do that.<br>"That is very true. I just feel I failed."  
>"To defend yourself? You're just not very good at physical confrontation."<br>"Not that. But I could not read someone that I dealt with rather closely. How qualified am I to say anything about 'humanity'? Or about anything at all-"  
>Tears smarted his eyes. Izaya stared blankly at his folded hands. Steadying himself. Namie touched his shoulder very lightly.<br>"Are you still looking for a name for that cat of yours?"  
>The unlikely change of topic jolted him out of an impeding episode.<br>"Yes, still no name for him. Why are you asking?"  
>" 'Schrödinger'. I think it's a perfect name."<br>Izaya brightened up. As it so often happened with his mood swings, he jumped to the opportunity of reliving stress via bubbly outbursts. He now bounced on the seat and clapped.  
>"Just what I expected from you, Yagiri-san! Schrödinger's cat is alive but not alive at the same time, it's such a delicious paradox. Don't you just love quantum craziness? Oh, do you lean toward the Copenhagen interpretation?"<br>"It is not my field per se but it is interesting."  
>"Isn't it? I wonder, in a thought experiment Orihara Izaya is both alive and dead simultaneous..."<br>"Let's leave quantum superposition out of it."  
>"They do say that no one actually understands quantum physics..."<br>"That's right, we just make it up as we go along."  
>Izaya blinked in dismay.<br>"Really?"  
>Her smile was wry.<br>"It was a joke."  
>"I've been had by Yagiri Namie! Always suspected you could be funny. In a sarcastic kind of way, of course."<br>"That's usually your department."  
>Izaya removed his shoes and very childishly hugged his knees, feet on the seat, rocking back and forth.<br>"I try."  
>"By the way if you peep at my underwear ever again I will stab you myself."<br>Izaya put up his hands as if to protect himself.  
>"So sorry, it won't happen."<br>"It better not."  
>"What do you suppose will happen to Yamashita-san?"<br>The driver answered him.  
>"We'll handle her, don't worry Orihara-sama. You're safe now. Crazy bitches,"<br>"What do you mean by handle...?"  
>"Dump the bitch in Tokyo Bay."<br>Izaya sat upright on his seat, Namie spoke musingly.  
>"Such a primitive way of disposing of dead bodies."<br>"Wait, there's no need to go that far! I mean, she tried to kill me but I do not approve of killing people like that. It's not as if she can do anything now."  
>Namie crossed a leg.<br>"Let her go and she'll try it again. Obsessive types are like that."  
>Something that Namie knew all too well.<br>"Yagiri-san is correct, crazy bitches don't know when to stop."  
>Izaya felt very cold all of a sudden.<p>

"Shiki-san, I cannot accept this."  
>Izaya stood in Shiki's office, unwavering. Shiki took a deliberately slow drag of a long cigarette. He knew defiance when he saw it.<br>"Why?"


	60. Chapter 60

"I'm the injured party here and I see no reason to kill Yamashita-san. Just scare her into compliance, I am sure you can do that very easily. It's not self-defense to eliminate her like this and she has a family and loved ones that I am sure will-"  
>"Izaya, who do you think you belong to? I won't let a psycho walk free after endangering what is mine."<br>Conflicting emotions accounted for the knot in his throat. Joy at being cherished, upset to be treated as property, an edge of fear keeping him alert. When it came to wielding authority Shiki would not compromise.  
>"I understand your point of view but I'd rather spare her."<br>Shiki managed to move so swiftly that even Izaya's fast reflexes could not keep up with but still came across smooth and effortless as if he transitioned from behind the desk to Izaya's personal space without as much as actually moving at all. Izaya had a moment to think that this approach was so much more chilling than Izaya's own trademark feats of acrobatic lunacy.  
>Shiki simply lifted Izaya's shirt and traced a finger on skin that was still tender from being slashed. Izaya nearly flinched.<br>"This is not your decision to make, Orihara."  
>The change in denomination was deliberate, calculated to hurt and very successful in that. Izaya took a deep breath.<br>"Before I am anything in relation to you or anyone else I am _myself._"  
>It was a tangent but a revealing one.<br>"Meaning?"  
>"Meaning that I can't stand still and just let someone die like this. It goes against my nature."<br>"Isn't that what is said about god? That this and that contradicts god's nature. Thought you had dropped the god complex."  
>Izaya's smile held no humor.<br>"I'm sure you think that 'god complex' is just a childish delusion and grandeur and you're right in that regard. That doesn't change the fact that I can't just toss aside core beliefs like this."  
>Shiki considered this. Or rather he thought about Izaya's attitude.<br>"Unfortunately – or not – it is not in my nature to not let this kind of thing go unpunished."  
>"I'm not saying to just let her walk scot-free. It's just that an eye for an eye and the world goes blind."<br>Izaya felt very exposed just by his belly being uncovered.  
>"What do you propose?"<br>Izaya gained confidence from this.  
>"I want to talk to her first."<br>"And that would accomplish what exactly?"  
>"In a way this is a very personal matter to me, I need to find out why she did it."<br>Shiki cracked a smirk and dropped the shirt.  
>"You sound like she romanced you instead of trying to kill you."<br>"It wasn't a hit on my head or anything impersonal like that, that's what I mean. And it had nothing to do with my past so I must own it."  
>"I see. And what punishment would suit you?"<br>Izaya was calmer now. The conversation flowed in a direction that gave him reasons to be optimistic.  
>"Ship her overseas. She'd have to scramble to get back and realize her priorities. Not as a sex slave, just let her fend for herself for a bit."<br>"Won't that be dangerous to her? Middle aged Japanese housewife cast adrift in say Thailand. There are many ways in which it can end in tragedy."  
>The idea amused Shiki. Izaya nodded.<br>"I know. But that can't be helped. Like you said she tried to take a life and that's a serious offense. If there's no risk then it won't be proper punishment. It's the best way to make her learn the lesson."  
>"You raise some good points. Unfortunately it's too late."<br>Izaya blinked in dismay.  
>"Too late...?"<br>"She's been terminated."  
>Shiki had led this entire meeting to this disclosure and he was extremely curious regarding Izaya's reaction. He wondered if there would be an outburst.<br>For a while Izaya did nothing at all. Then he took a deep breath.  
>"It's not me. I am not responsible for this, Shiki-san, and I want that to be very clear."<br>"Point taken. It is not important to me either way."  
>Izaya nodded abstractly.<br>"But it's very important to me. If you'll excuse me,"  
>"If it makes you feel any better you should keep in mind that your plan was probably crueler than just killing her and getting it over with."<p> 


	61. Chapter 61

"Perhaps so. But it would be fairer. Shiki-san, did you ever watch the movie SAW?"  
>"I don't keep up with pop culture."<br>"Heh... rightly so. In SAW a psycho – to keep up with the psycho theme here – forces people to escape from these very dreadful torture devices in order to survive. To live through the ordeal they have to get seriously injured more often than not and of course it's all taken to silly extremes that become sillier with each sequel but the point is, as crazy the psycho is and as horrible as his death contraptions may be, there is always a chance of surviving. The parallel isn't perfect but that's how I feel as well."  
>"You liked this woman?"<br>Izaya's smile was wan.  
>"I like all of my costumers, I couldn't be so good at being a host otherwise. It's not detached interest but it's not a deep commitment either. You could say that I like people in general and it pains me to see them die."<br>"What a strange man you are."  
>"I know but my principles are what they are even if they have no authority other than my making them up. Principles are what you stand by even when they only make your life more difficult."<br>Shiki ruffled Izaya's hair.  
>"Running for mayor now?"<br>"Of course not, how would I aim that low? I'd run for president of all humanity!"  
>"Good luck with that."<br>"Can I count on your vote, Shiki-san? My platform includes sushi for everyone. I'm sure you can't fault it."  
>"I'm not sure the world would survive for long if you were calling the shots."<br>Izaya gasped.  
>"Why, how rude. Here I am, trying to make a better planet. No good deed ever goes unpunished."<br>"It really doesn't. We all got to deal with it."  
>"Thanks, Shiki-san."<p>

Izaya decided to return to the host club as if nothing had happened. His faith in people in general was not about to be dampened. But he did not overwork and made sure to take strolls. Taking in the sun and mingling with the anonymous crowd buoyed him up.  
>And not too anonymous for he recognized a face from the thriving human tides.<br>"Hi there, Kadota!"  
>"Oh, you're back?"<br>Izaya could not be sure if there was actual concern here or not. And he realized that it did not even matter either way.  
>"Now, I'm about to do something for which you may never forgive me, but I want you to know that I can't help myself. No hard feelings."<br>And with this Izaya snatched the beanie and twirled around crazily in a half-dance routine.  
>"Give that back!"<br>"You've got hair! Behold, you've got hair, it's a miracle!"  
>Izaya giggled.<br>"Izaya! Stop being a troll for once!"  
>Kadota lounged to catch the beanie but Izaya was much faster and merely twirled some more.<br>"Now, now, if you want it back that badly... then I guess you'll have to come and get it!"  
>Izaya dashed away but not at his top speed. Just fast enough to force Kadota to give chase. Having the time of his life Izaya ran down narrow alleyways, his laughter bubbling up each time Kadota cursed or nearly ran into someone. Izaya relished in this opportunity for having pure and unadulterated fun. He had been through too much as of late and was in need of unwinding.<br>"Will... you... stop already!"  
>"Hey, no slowing down! Think of the beanie!"<br>"Izaya!"  
>"Shizuo is faster and he can scream my name much better, too! 'Izaya-KUN'!"<br>Kadota did not know how anyone could run so fast while cackling madly at the same time. He suspected that he was being led in erratic circles and so did a double take in order to catch Izaya by surprise. It did not work.  
>"Thinking on your legs, Kadota! Great but not good enough!"<br>"Cut it out already!"  
>"Make me~"<br>Just when Kadota felt he could not take a step further and that Izaya was long gone the beanie was applied to his head. Kadota spun around and sure enough there was Izaya, smiling widely.  
>"Orihara Izaya, safe!"<br>Against himself Kadota could not help smiling as well.  
>"How old are you again? Stealing my beanie like that."<br>Izaya bought a can of juice from a vending machine and handed it to Kadota.  
>"Here, drink some."<br>"Thanks- I see what you're doing here, don't think you can change the subject."  
>"I'm amazed you do have hair, you know!"<br>"Yeah, right."  
>"I've been dying to do this since forever!"<p> 


	62. Chapter 62

"Haha, very funny."  
>"You think so too? Oh, sarcasm... it stings! The pain!"<br>"What was that all about? You can be so childish."  
>Izaya landed on a bench with a flourish.<br>"I am the epitome of maturity, Kadota."  
>"At least you're now using people's names."<br>Izaya bounced, got himself a can of milk tea and bounced some more.  
>"I am a good boy."<br>Kadota chuckled.  
>"That sounds so... wrong coming from you."<br>"Does not. And why do you wear that thing? You'll end bald for real one of these days, you know."  
>It was one of those things that annoyed Kadota to no end, the way Izaya opted for mock solemnity as he did now, nodding like some urban sage of the hipster kind. It had crossed Kadota's mind more than once that Izaya would be right at home in some artsy intellectual movie as the wildly intelligent and frustratingly cryptic character who called all the shots without ever revealing anything of any use to anyone while still looking very good. Izaya would not bend the spoon or point to its nonexistence as much as turn it into a butterfly and watch it flutter away against a sky in flames as he quoted Shakespeare, Schopenhauer and Sartre in the same breath and probably for the sake of the alliteration alone.<br>"Because I like it. Why do you wear that jacket all the time?"  
>Izaya spun around a few times.<br>"Because it is comfy and stunning on me. Not to mention the fur is so soft, here, feel it."  
>"You want me to touch the fur?"<br>"It won't hurt you... come on, now..."  
>Izaya looked genuinely hurt at Kadota's reluctance. Tentatively, Kadota touched the furry brim.<br>"Fluffy."  
>"Isn't it? I love it!"<br>"Either way you wear the same thing everyday so I don't see why you're making a big deal out of my beanie."  
>Izaya blinked. Then burst out laughing.<br>"Oh Kadota, Ka-do-ta! You don't think it's always the same jacket, do you? I have loads of them at home!"  
>"The same exact kind of jacket?"<br>"Yes! A closet full of them!"  
>Izaya was actually brought to tears in one of his weird fits of hilarity.<br>"You're such a weirdo."  
>"Ah, sorry."<br>"You may be getting weirder."  
>Something Kadota did not believe possible. Izaya's giggles stopped suddenly. He shrugged desultorily.<br>"So what? Ever someone worth knowing that was not a bit weird? I'm sure you agree, you hang out with quite a weird crowd yourself and you seem to have a world of fun."  
>"They're not dangerous,"<br>"Don't lie."  
>It was Kadota's turn to blink. Not a hint of comedy now.<br>"I'm not laying, the van gang isn't actually dangerous."  
>"Is this when I go 'define ''dangerous''? We both know they're very much dangerous. Nothing necessarily wrong with that either but don't sit there and try to spin it as evil Orihara Izaya and his plots to take over the world versus the ever so innocent otaku would not hurt a fly."<br>"What's gotten into you all of a sudden?"  
>"Nothing. I'm just tired of being set up as the villain. This city has plenty of villains, even if I'm one of them I'm still one among many. Single me out because you hate me if you want but realize that at your own peril."<br>Izaya did not precisely have an agenda when it came to Kadota, at least nothing in particular, but interacting with him roused quite a few issues he needed to get out of his chest.  
>"Okay, okay, I get your point. Don't get so riled."<br>"Maybe I should get a van as well. Namie can drive, Shiki-san can sit at the back in a cool pimp chair, and together we'd go around starting fires and mooning folk on the streets of 'bukuro."  
>Kadota had to laugh.<br>"I can imagine that all too well. Minus the mooning part."  
>"Oh? I'd do that, it'd part be of my posse's signature move. Once you see the amazing Izaya ass you can die happy for never will you see anything as beautiful again."<br>"I can't even tell if that's supposed to be a joke..."  
>"I'll never tell~"<br>Kadota suspected that it was mistake to be this at ease but he could not help it.  
>"So, what gives? Been hearing all sorts of rumors about you."<br>"About my gorgeous ass? It's even better than whatever you ever heard."


	63. Chapter 63

"I'm not interested in your ass."  
>"You're the absolute minority, then."<br>"Right.. anyway, you disappeared for a while so I was wondering what happened to you."  
>"Namie locked me in a dark basement and went all dominatrix on me. Quite a harrowing experience, let me tell you!"<br>Kadota sighed.  
>"You never tell me anything."<br>"I got stabbed. Pretty severely, actually."  
>"There you go again, being the funny guy."<br>"It's what happened. Ew, milk tea is way too sweet."  
>Izaya took a sip and grimaced.<br>"Someone tried to kill you?"  
>"That's the gist of it, yes."<br>Kadota opened and closed his mouth a few times. Then scratched his head through the beanie.  
>"Who...? Could it be that Mikado,"<br>"It could have been. But wasn't. It does not matter anymore as you can see I am very much alive."  
>Kadota caught himself. He had been thinking aloud and that would not do.<br>"It was just a matter of time but still..."  
>"A matter of time, huh. You may have a point there."<br>Izaya bought a can of barley tea from the machine. Overhead the sky was dimming as the city came alive in its many gradients of neon.  
>"You're taking this very well."<br>"It was a while ago, I've had time to mull it over."  
>Kadota drank his juice in silence for a while.<br>"I don't know what to say, this is all so unexpected."  
>"I'm just glad to be alive this fine afternoon."<br>Izaya smiled genuinely.  
>"Yes, that's a good thing... I mean, I can't even imagine this city without you."<br>It not be much but it was more than Izaya expected.  
>"Thanks. I can't imagine this city without me as well."<br>"Do you know who did it?"  
>"All taken care of. By the way, I just thought of a great way of putting your beanie to good use."<br>"It's already being put to good use..."  
>"My kitty could do with a warm new bed."<br>Kadota shook his head.  
>"So you've got a cat now?"<br>"A poor helpless kitten, formerly a stray, and in dire need of a nice bed if you could find it in your heart to donate your beanie."  
>"Not going to happen, Izaya."<br>Izaya batted his eyelashes and wrung his hands together.  
>"Think of the kitty! Here, that's a picture. Cute, isn't he? I am open to suggestions and he is still nameless."<br>"You got a pet now?"  
>"That's what I'm saying. Isn't he adorable?"<br>Kadota hardly knew what to say. He stared at the small cat on the screen.  
>"I guess... I'm not much into pets myself."<br>"Now is the chance of changing that. Want to have dinner at my place and meet the beast?"  
>"Are you sure that's okay?"<br>Izaya pretended to ponder it.  
>"Hmm... I don't see why not. Unless you see some grave conflict of interest here?"<br>Kadota did indeed see something to that effect but now that it was out in the open he could hardly mention it.  
>"Well, no but..."<br>"You may even get to meet the illusive Yagiri Namie. Oh yes, I know you're interested in her."  
>To Kadota's great annoyance he blushed on the spot. Mostly because Izaya was off on purpose, another smokescreen.<br>"Not like that,"  
>"I can tell you something about her that you won't find out any other way."<br>"What?"  
>Playing expertly to expectations Izaya leaned forward to whisper into Kadota's ear.<br>"'White'."  
>"White...what?"<br>"That's all I'm saying."  
>"The line between 'smart' and 'smartass' may be a thin one but in your case there's no line, is there?"<br>Izaya giggled happily.  
>"Ah, I bet you have an idea of what I mean."<br>And it amused Izaya to no end to see how Kadota would react to Namie.  
>"I don't think I can make it tonight, dinner at your place I mean."<br>"How about I treat you to some ramen? There's a nice little restaurant just around the corner."  
>Kadota could not think up of any reason to turn down the invitation.<p> 


	64. Chapter 64

"Dig in! Food is on me, Kadota!"  
>Izaya followed his own advice and attacked a huge bowl of steaming ramen.<br>"I don't remember you eating this much..."  
>"Oh? But it's tasty. I need to get my strength back, too."<br>Izaya's tastes in food had not changed completely, which made him think that it was ultimately a matter of genetics, but there was a certain broadening of his culinary horizons. He remained as much a gourmet as ever but very willing to experiment with less high brow cuisine.  
>"It's very good."<br>Kadota was still amazed that he was here with Izaya without its even being awkward or at all tense. That Izaya could be friendly came as a revelation. Kadota spent as much time watching Izaya and wondering as he did eating. Because he was so focused while trying not to be too furtive or blatant he noticed right away when Izaya winced.  
>"Something wrong?"<br>Izaya smiled apologetically very much like a little kid.  
>"Slight headache."<br>"Best be careful, you were just released from the hospital."  
>"Aw, Kadota! It's almost like you care. Do you want that egg?"<br>"What, you want it?"  
>"Maybe... let's just say that if you were to offer it I would not say no."<br>"Okay, here."  
>"Ah, I shall surely remember your kindness for the rest of my life."<br>"I thought you were paying for this...?"  
>"Sure am. Still, sharing is sharing. Neh?"<br>Kadota left the restaurant in a state of puzzlement. Izaya waved goodbye and then hurried to a drugstore. His headache was escalating. Time to knock it down with a few pills and calling it a night.  
>Once he got home Izaya settled on his favorite swivel chair and caught up on some reading. He had been studying memory related issues and the several pathologies concerned to its loss. His interest was far from merely academic but the more he delved into it the more fascinated he became. Memory seemed such a fugitive thing, stored a bit all over the brain like an actual ghost in the machine: impossible to contain in one precise location.<br>He was pondering a connection between human memory and its computer counterpart when he looked up from the screen. He could see his reflection on the massive window. And then the world came undone as it spoke to him.  
>"Hi there. Long time no see."<br>Izaya rubbed his eyes as if that would erase what could only be an hallucination.  
>"What the hell,"<br>"I told you I'd be back, didn't I? You should pay attention to what I say."  
>"You're not real."<br>"Now that's just rude."  
>"I'm just seeing things."<br>Izaya closed his eyes and slowly counted, silently.  
>"-five, six, seven. What do you know, it's like I'm inside your mind."<br>Izaya forced his eyes open because his own disembodied voice was too terrifying. Then again seeing himself smiling slyly chilled him to the core. He was dimly aware that his hands were clammy with cold sweat.  
>"Well get out, I don't want you here."<br>"Hmm... how troublesome."  
>"Just what I needed, the cliché scenario again of two versions of myself arguing."<br>"I'm rather cross, you know. You nearly got me killed, which was bad, as you're getting all friendly with Shizu-chan, which may be worse."  
>"Guy saved my life, you know."<br>The reflection shrugged and proceeded to toy with a very sharp switchblade.  
>"I hope you've been having fun with this 'new and improved' approach of yours or dare I say, 'pathetically at a loss'. Either way it won't last."<br>"What's that supposed to mean?"  
>Fear gripped him.<br>"You know what it means perfectly well. I can read your mind and you can read mine. Your time is up. Bye bee! For now."  
>Izaya blinked and his reflection was just that. He took a few deep breaths and downed another couple of pills. His headache had just snowballed into a full blown migraine. He swung the chair, back to the window, eyes screwed shut. Breathing in, breathing out.<br>"Okay, that was crazy. As in, very crazy."  
>He shivered. The sound of his voice in the very empty apartment had a ring of hollow hysteria. Izaya could not take it anymore. He dashed out for the solace of crowded streets and their million and one noises of the nightlife city: a buffer for the stark fear within.<p> 


	65. Chapter 65

Izaya walked aimlessly. The more miles of concrete he covered the calmer he felt but it was a temporary peace. Izaya was fearful of solitude but he did not want to be around anyone in particular. He found himself shivering in corners and hurrying down narrow alleys.  
>Before he knew it night had receded and the sky was lifting itself from the darkness in a weak pale of watery light. Izaya climbed a fire escape to the top of a skyscraper and watched dawn break in its tones of gentle yellow mingled with vaguer colors coalescing into the soft blue of early morning. The sight of the sun, almost violently red bursting through cloud, almost stole his breath away. Sounds reached him, the sounds of the day set on its course of activity. The daily grind reasserting itself.<br>He only returned to ground level when morning had already fully chased away the shadows. But he was still wary of going back home. In the end Izaya returned because his kitty would be hungry. To his immense relief there was no sardonic reflection eerily mocking him.  
>He nearly hit the door against the cat as he opened it.<br>"Hey, you were waiting for me? Sorry I left you alone."  
>The kitty yawned and tried to climb up Izaya's leg. Izaya scooped him up.<br>"There, there. What do you say to some milk? How about sushi? I'll order some, could do with some breakfast."  
>Izaya ordered a generous portion of tuna sushi and smiled as the cat devoured slab after slab.<br>"Look at that, you love this. Good taste, kitty. Oh, I know! That's it! I'll call you Sushi! Sushi-chan it is! Yay for Sushi-chan!"  
>Izaya held the cat up in the air and spun around despite the very angry meowing.<br>"Heh, sorry. I got a bit carried away."  
>His cell phone rang.<br>"Orihara speaking. Kasuka-san? How odd of you to call. Heh, yes it is very early but I was already up. What can I do for you this fine morning. Alright. I'll stay put, then."

Kasuka had been characteristically brief. As a result Izaya was left to wonder just how he should treat this appointment. He considered being professional about it since the possibility of being hired as an informant, by Kasuka of all people, filled him with excitement mingled with curiosity. On the other hand he was not entirely sure he could brush off their acquaintance as just that or to take a friendly approach.  
>He did not have much time to think it over for Kasuka arrived within half an hour and went straight to the point.<br>"Good morning. I want to take pictures of your cat to put on my blog. Since he's such a pretty cat. Would that be alright with you?"  
>Izaya could not help being disappointed. And yet he had never heard Kasuka being this talkative.<br>"Of course. It's great when people appreciate him, go right ahead. Kasuka-san, do you write the blog yourself?"  
>Kasuka produced a nifty digital camera.<br>"Yes."  
>Izaya was afraid of having offended him. Plenty of celebrities hired people just to update blogs and the like but it could be construed as laziness.<br>"I see. I'm sure it's very popular."  
>"I bet you never read it, Orihara-san."<br>Izaya laughed.  
>"I'm afraid you got me there. Then again I'm hardly the intended demographic. Now my sisters, they swear by it-"<br>"You're not a fan. But do you think I'm cute? Hello, kitty. How are you."  
>In all seriousness Kasuka shook Sushi's paw. Izaya opened and closed his mouth rapidly. The cat settled on Kasuka's lap.<br>"Like I said, I'm not the intended demographic but I'm not blind either. You're most definitely cute."  
>Izaya wondered how Kasuka would react if he knew that at the host club the two of them were compared regularly. Odds are Kasuka would not react at all. That was Kasuka's charm.<br>"You're cute yourself. Picture time."  
>For a second Izaya was not sure just who Kasuka wanted to photograph – him or the kitty – then Kasuka placed Sushi on the sofa and aimed the camera.<br>"Kitty is no longer nameless. I named him 'Sushi' because he loves the stuff."  
>"Good name. Sushi is good, too."<br>"Do you think he'll come to recognize the name?"  
>Kasuka busied himself shooting Sushi.<br>"Yes. But probably ignore it. That's the way cats are."  
>Izaya chuckled.<br>"I got that impression as well."


	66. Chapter 66

Sushi nestled against Izaya, meowing loudly. It was then that the floor beneath them began to sway very gently. Izaya nearly bolted, the creaky sound that accompanied the motion of the walls sending a rush of panic up his spine.  
>"Earthquake."<br>And a minor one at that. Izaya smiled weakly as the apartment stopped rocking.  
>"Earthquake, right. That's a first for me."<br>"Didn't you feel the big one last year?"  
>Izaya had no idea. Nor did he know how to evade or answer the question. That Kasuka did not seem particularly interested did not change the fact that Izaya was completely paralyzed for a split second. Pathetically at a loss.<br>"That was a very big one, wasn't it. Especially with the whole nuclear plant crisis. I don't even want to consider what a disaster a meltdown would be."  
>But Izaya wanted to discuss it, in detail if possible. He desperately needed to shift topics away from his personal experience. Apocalyptic visions served the purpose.<br>"Yes. One of the biggest earthquakes in recorded history. Didn't you feel it?"  
>Izaya petted the already ever so relaxed cat, his mind spinning for purchase. The more Kasuka kept his poker face the greater the strain to Izaya's nerves. It was not just Kasuka's quiet insistence, it was the looming threat of the other Izaya.<br>He had no other choice but to seek refuge in audacity.  
>"I actually slept through it, believe it or not. This place is built to endure very rough quakes. I was sleeping at the time and did not even wake up."<br>"And before that? Earthquakes happen all the time."  
>Izaya swallowed. He wished Kasuka were dim as idol actors were supposed to be but no such luck.<br>"I meant it was the first time I've felt this place shake that much. We must be very close to the epicenter."  
>It was of course too late to change gears but Izaya could not back down now. It occurred to him that given ample time and planning anyone could be a mastermind but when forced to react in real time everything changed. It came down not only to intelligence but instinct.<br>"Cats can feel earthquakes ahead of time."  
>"Now that you mention it Sushi here reacted right away."<br>"Yes. It's a feline sixth sense."  
>"Fascinating, cats are really something else. And where are my manners, can I offer you something to drink? Tea?"<br>"Barley."  
>Izaya fixed it and poured himself a cup as well.<br>"By the way, Kasuka-san. Have you ever had to deal with stalkers?"  
>Kasuka nodded, took a sip.<br>"Good tea. My agent handles the stalkers."  
>"It must be very stressful."<br>"Stalkers are sad people. No life of their own."  
>Izaya smiled bemusedly. He had never quite seen it in that light but he supposed Kasuka had a point.<br>"Unlike cats? They seem pretty happy just being themselves."  
>"Very self-reliant."<br>"Heh, true."  
>"I got you this."<br>Kasuka handed him a book.  
>"'All You Need to Know About Cats', thanks a bunch! I never had a pet before so I'm still learning the ropes. Do you suppose Sushi is going to grow?"<br>Kasuka studied the cat anew and broke into a brilliant smile.  
>"No, he's a small cat."<br>"And with your blog he can now become famous. Sort of like LongCat, Sushi can be SmallCat."  
>"Long cat is long."<br>Izaya laughed and bounced on the sofa.  
>"Yes! Kasuka-san, you are the ultimate cat person, figures you even know about LongCat. But who would have guessed that Shizuo has a soft spot for kitties?"<br>"It's what they call 'gap moe."  
>"Oh, I see. That makes perfect sense, in a way."<br>"How do you feel about my brother?"  
>Again Izaya was on shaky ground. He held the cup with both hands.<br>"I don't know, actually."  
>Kasuka nodded.<br>"The past is the past, Orihara-san."  
>With this borderline Zen pronouncement Kasuka got up.<br>"Your point being that there is always the future to look forward to?"  
>"Yes."<br>"I don't know about that. Considering all the bad blood between Shizuo and I."  
>"True. But if you think about it, that you are getting along now despite everything must mean something."<br>"Do tell."  
>"You ought to find out yourself. Goodbye, Sushi."<p> 


	67. Chapter 67

"Before you go, can I take a picture of you for my sisters?"

"No problem."

Kasuka struck a sparkly, beautifully radiant smile. Izaya put down his cell phone.

"You're a great actor. But I'd rather capture the real Kasuka-san. Without the camera appeal."

"Fans aren't interested in that."

"You can never know. But perhaps it is you who does not want to share your real self with the world?"

Kasuka nodded.

"You're smart."

"I try."

"I give the fans what the fans want. And I remain who I am."

Izaya considered this. Quite a life philosophy and one that he could understand if not adopt himself. It was part of Izaya's genius to tackle life from other people's perspective. How else can one appreciate humanity in its wide diversity.

"You're a very private person, I see. In a way your choice in career is the perfect way of keeping to yourself since you are not expected to display your true personality. I admit I used to think it was something of a contradiction but it makes perfect sense."

"Yes."

Izaya picked up Sushi as he too rose to his feet.

"But I think you shouldn't go as far as say that your fans have no interest in who you really are. That might not be the point here, though. But would you not pose as I take a picture of yours for myself? Since I am not a fan."

"Interested in people's real self?"

"Of course."

"But there's more to it?"

Izaya giggled.

"Ah, isn't there always? You see, there are many ways of figuring out human beings. As much a riddle as they appear. The masks that people choose are in themselves telling."

Kasuka stared at Izaya long enough to make anyone else uncomfortable.

"Take the picture."

Izaya did so.

"Is something wrong?"

"Sorry, I was spacing out a bit."

Izaya was in fact staring at the panoramic window, not so much at the spectacle of the nighttime city aglitter as at the pale reflection that stared back with a look of concentration that bordered on solipsism. As of late he felt an almost obsessive need to reclaim his image as his own to the exclusion of anyone else – the other Orihara Izaya included.

"Doesn't look that way to me."

He smiled wanly. Namie would not be fooled this easily.

"I'm just a bit tired."

"Then get some rest. It's getting late anyway."

A glance at the computer told Izaya that it was pushing on 1 AM.

"Sorry for keeping you this late."

"I had a few things to finish anyway."

Izaya swiveled until he was facing her directly and away from the window.

"No matter how much I pay you, you're worth every single yen and then some. I didn't mean to imply- that came out wrong."

Namie chuckled and poured water into a kettle. From where he sat he could see her front behind, long hair still vaguely curly falling over her very straight back. He found it both incredibly reassuring and strangely off to see her so effortless move through the routines of domesticity in his own home. It made him feel as if he belonged in the vast apartment formerly inhabited by a ghost.

"I got what you meant. And thanks. How about barley?"

"Fine with me. Say, Namie-san... do you remember the very big quake last year?"

She looked at him over a shoulder.

"It's not something easily forgotten."

"Ah, now that is debatable. Case in question: I, me, myself, Orihara Izaya."

"Barring that, of course. Why do you ask?"

Having got to this point Izaya now hesitated. He spun slowly without quite going round.

"Do you remember how I reacted?"

She brought over the tea and poured two cups, making sure she performed this ritual complete with offering him his cup before answering.

"You were rather excited. Something to the effect of 'People show their truest selves when calamity strikes' and 'but it can be argued that when something this catastrophic happens humans are unable to emotionally process anything properly and just go on automatic. Which theory is correct? Are both wrong? How exciting to be able to witness all this!'."

Izaya had yet to pick up his cup so he did not drop it. He did wince and close his eyes briefly.

"That's- a horrible thing to say."

"Maybe it was a joke, I often can't tell the difference-"

"That doesn't change anything!"

Close to shouting.

"If it changes anything you then donated a lot of money to relief aid funds."

Izaya blinked.

"I did?"


	68. Chapter 68

"Why on Earth would I do that...? I mean, it's obviously the right thing to do but why would I, of all people..."

Izaya was in a daze of confusion. It amused Namie, much more than she would ever let show.

"I thought it odd too. According to you, 'when it's something between humans I must remain impartial out of principle. But if it is man versus nature I side with man all the way. That too is out of principle.'"

Izaya had been leaning forward on his wheeled seat in such a way that Namie wondered how he simply did not fall or have the chair slide from under him. He now leaned back suddenly, sending the chair rolling across the vast apartment.

"I see! That makes sense. Yes, it makes perfect sense. But I must say, this ability of yours for quoting me word for word is very impressive. Bordering on eerie, even."

"Every now and then you'll say something that catches my attention, that's all. For the most part I feel you're just rambling at length about the most random of obscure topics."

Izaya clapped and giggled.

"Never one to flatter, Namie-san! I appreciate it. I really do. And how did you respond to my amazing piece of wisdom?"

"'Humans are part of nature as well, Orihara.'"

She almost flinched, which was extremely rare, as Izaya wheeled himself back to her with such speed that the momentum nearly carried him into her lap.

"Quoting yourself! Now that's a whole new level, isn't it? True, technically speaking humans are very much part of nature as are all animals. But what makes them special-"

"'-is when they deviate from the natural order-'"

"How did you know- oh, I see. I said the exact same thing back then. That is..."

Quite disturbing. Izaya attempted a weak smile. As if reading the mood Sushi jumped on his lap and proceeded to purr most contently.

"You go on about humanity but it seems you're more popular with felines."

"Isn't that the truth! But don't let the fluffiness fool you. Sushi is a ferocious beast. Check out these claws!"

"Yes, I am shuddering in fear already."

Izaya held the cat to best showcase the legendary claws. He now put Sushi down and mused.

"How come you can be funny without even trying? It's the complete lack of emotion with which you deliver your ever so caustic lines!"

Namie had to smile.

"Don't tell me you're jealous."

Izaya sat cross-legged, causing Sushi to shift.

"I totally am."

Namie shook her head. Working for Izaya could be very aggravating but she did not mind looking after him. At least not presently.

**

Cat tucked his arm, Izaya tiptoed his way toward the park, pausing at the entrance.

"Now Sushi, we must be on our guard. This is the wild and there are plenty of wild animals around but you don't have to worry because I'm here. Now, let's proceed with caution."

Izaya looked right and left as if intent of detecting deadly predators.

"The wild? It's a park in Tokyo."

Caught completely by surprise Izaya jumped and spun around almost at the same time.

"Will you not sneak up on people like that!"

Shizuo shrugged.

"Didn't mean to sneak. You were just standing there."

Izaya had to of course smooth over this mishap of showing such a crack in his image of savvy grace. And there was also the residue of blind fear still present at the fringes of his awareness.

"How can such a big man like you manage to sneak up on people? It boggles the mind."

"What you doing here?"

It annoyed Izaya to no end to have someone change the topic with complete disregard for his social rhetoric. He walked to the middle bench around a big tree, Shizuo followed.

"I thought I'd let Sushi catch some air. Can't be healthy being cooped up at home all the time."

"That's not a dog, it's a cat."

"Which is why I picked this park. What are you doing here?"

Shizuo looked around. There were several cats about, lounging on the benches as if they owned them which for all practical purposes they did, playing with the locals, trying to catch big green beetles, darting across the park with such speed that were but a blur.

"I came to see the cats."

"Are you for real?"

"Yeah. There's a lot of them there. Thought I might see Hiro-kun today."

Izaya glanced at Shizuo in a furtive manner that hardly befitted the situation.

"Hiro-kun? And who's that?"

Shizuo pointed.

"That's him."


	69. Chapter 69

A big stocky cat appeared from a bush. Its bushy short tail swished as he emerged from the leafy cover. Izaya lifted an eyebrow.

"_That's _Hiro-kun?"

"Yeah."

Izaya cradled Sushi lest he grew afraid of the ponderous cat slowly approaching.

"What, you named him?"

"Not me. Someone else did. Here."

Shizuo produced a biscuit from his vest and sure enough Hiro gobbled it up. Izaya was about to say something sarcastic as he was wont but something stopped him. Perhaps it was Shizuo's smile. Izaya felt as if he had walked into a scene not meant for him. He had always assumed that all Shizuo's diatribes about peace were nothing but violent hypocrisy at its best but right now Shizuo emanated an aura of undisturbed tranquil joy. It softened him as light would.

"And how did you come to meet Hiro-kun here?"

Izaya was almost sorry for interrupting the silence.

"The cats here are real friendly, I'd heard about that so I decided to visit this place. I sat here and waited. After a while Hiro-kun showed up and joined me. That's pretty much it."

"So you got into the habit of visiting him?"

Shizuo nodded.

"Yeah. And the other cats. But Hiro-kun is my favorite."

Izaya studied the cat. Undefinable fur color. Coarse coating. Intelligent eyes glittering with what he could swear was beligerance.

"Not exactly the nicest looking fellow, is he?"

For a while Shizuo did not answer. Abstractedly, he petted Hiro who did not purr.

"Yeah, I guess not. He's not what you'd call 'cute'. So large and not too friendly looking."

Again Izaya had a witty retort that he aborted at the last moment. And he was glad he did so.

"Actually, that depends on how you look at it."

"Huh?"

Shizuo had been looking at the cat but he now faced Izaya. Much to Izaya's pleasure.

"There is this idea that 'cute' is all about being small, delicate, sweet and fragile but there's something to be said about being powerful and handsome. I bet Hiro-kun excels at being a strong cat in a tough city. That's a kind of 'cute, too."

"You think?"

"I do. Besides, Hiro-kun must be a smart cat. I say so because he is a very large fellow and yet has managed to find food to only stay alive as to thrive. Also, unlike these other cats he isn't too trusty. That goes to show he trusts his God given cat-instincts as he should."

Izaya nodded and folded his arms in a sage attitude. Shizuo smiled.

"God given cat-instincts? How do you come up with those things?"

"Pure genius, of course. Now, keep Hiro-kun from clawing my poor Sushi to tatters, will you?"

"He's tame. Won't fight other cats unless he has to."

"Then all's well. For Sushi fights no one."

"Sushi, huh... what kind of a name is that?"

"Didn't your brother tell you about it? Sushi likes sushi, therefore, Sushi it is."

Shizuo twirled a cigarette, thoughtfully.

"Haven't talked to him."

"Thanks to Kasuka-san Sushi is an overnight internet celebrity! See, see! I know Kasuka-san is very popular but I'm sure it's also due to Sushi's charm."

Izaya showed him Kasuka's blog on his smartphone.

"The blog thing, huh. Haven't read it yet."

"Do you normally read it?"

"Every now and then. Since it's Kasuka writing."

"I used to think that Idols wouldn't exactly be easy to get along with but Kasuka-san proved me wrong."

"Dunno if most people find him all that easy to get along."

This surprised Izaya considerably.

"Really?"

"Yeah. He's real honest. Not everyone likes that."

"Ah. Good point."

"So you feed sushi to your cat?"

Sounding bemused.

"Hey, not my fault he has good taste. And it makes perfect sense to name him after something he likes. A bit like you. You like peace and quiet, right? Hence your name: Heiwajima Shizuo."**

Shizuo's hand paused on the greyish brown fur.

"I like peace and quiet, yes."

"But you get precious little of it as it is."

A bout of guilt nearly choked Izaya.

"Can't complain."

"Right. This is a very nice place, I must say."

"Yeah. The locals befriended the cats so they're real tame."

Izaya glanced at the homeless crowd.

"The locals or the cats?"

"Just 'cuz they live on the street doesn't mean they're bad people, you know."

* * *

><p>AN: **Probably unecessary to mention but Shizuo's full name includes 'Peace' [Heiwa] and 'tranquility' [shizu].

More interestingly, perhaps, is the fact that this park does exist in Ikebukuro, on the East side to be precise. I am not sure whether it is the one that appears in the anime but I think so. At any rate it is populated by a surprisingly docile crowd of cats that has been adopted by the locals, especially the homeless residents who named them. Anyone can pet these cats as they are very used to being around people.  
>And yes, Hiro the cat is real as well. He stands out because of his size and for being less friendly than the rest.<br>As a side note, this park is located right across the street famous for BL stores.


	70. Chapter 70

Izaya bit his lower lip. He felt scolded and rightly so.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it that way."

"Yeah."

Izaya sighed.

"Human society really is unfair, isn't it? You can see the Sunshine from here. And yet at a stone's throw there are people without a roof over their heads. Compassion only goes so far with our species."

"Yeah. But I bet the guys living here like it."

"That reminds me of this book, the Box Man. It's about a man who decides to abandon everything so that he can roam the streets of Tokyo wearing a card box over his head."

"Sounds crazy. Like something you'd see around these parts."

"Heh, so true."

A calico cat jumped to one of the middle branches of the tree behind them. Its meows of terror caused Izaya a short but very intense moment of fear.

"It's stuck?"

"That happens every now and then."

Shizuo was already standing on tiptoe but try as he might he could not quite reach.

"Poor fellow."

"Give me a hand here, Izaya."

Izaya hesitated. Then he removed his shoes.

"Stand still now, okay?"

"Sure but hurry, the cat is real scared."

Izaya climbed on Shizuo's back very much cat-like: cautiously and with great poise. With that said Izaya was less than sure about this. As he stood on Shizuo's shoulders he could not help imagining a cat all-claws about to tear his eyes out. If Shizuo had not taken for granted that Izaya would offer his help in this rescue mission Izaya would probably not be in this situation now.

Underneath him Shizuo was very much like an unshakable foundation.

"It's not going to attack me, right?"

"Nah. Maybe claw a bit."

"Now that's not very reassuring."

"Cover up your hands with your sleeves or something."

"Okay... here goes nothing."

As it turned out, Izaya managed to extract the frightened cat without much ado. Said cat then sprawled next to him on the bench while Sushi reclaimed his rightful spot on his lap.

"Funny thing, cats can climb to the highest places but every now and then they can't climb down."

"Maybe funny for you but it's not funny for them, I assure you."

Izaya was somewhat dampened. He did not mean to come across as sarcastic and it depressed him that his intentions could be so misconstrued. Not so much because Shizuo was biased as Izaya had a natural tendency for the sardonic. He sighed.

"What's that?"

Shizuo was feeding Hiro-kun some pills.

"Medicine. Anti-ticks and stuff like that."

The calico nudged Izaya's hand.

"You could star in your own TV show, 'the cat whisperer'. There's a cat cafe just around the corner, have you checked it out?"

"I'm not into that kind of thing. Those cats don't look real anyway and they get fed up with all those people petting and picking them up."

Izaya's thoughts wandered. Being on display behind glass windows for the enjoyment of clients was very much like working at the host club. In some ways the parallel was so perfect that it gave him pause.

"They're real cats just like any other cats."

"I guess. But they look fake to me. I like these guys better."

Izaya could not quite read Shizuo's smile.

"Would you like to take Hiro-kun home?"

"Dunno. Not too sure he'd like that. Too used to his freedom."

Shizuo gave the kittens a final pat and made as if to leave.

"Are you going already?"

"Yeah, gotta get back."

"I should be heading back myself."

Izaya secured Sushi under his arm and before he knew it he was walking side by side with Shizuo. He was musing over this and considering distancing himself for Ikebukuro was full of eyes when he nearly bumped into a couple.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

"Izaya!"

He blinked at these unknown people who apparently were not strangers. That his network of acquaintances, victims and enemies was so large (and so entangled that these categories could not fail to overlap) made it nothing short of impossible to keep up with everyone he was supposed to know. Izaya tried a neutral smile.

"I'm not working now but feel free to contact me sometime at night and I'll be glad to look into whatever needs looking into."

"What are you talking about? Is that any way of talking to your parents?"

Izaya opened his mouth to laugh it off and scramble to recover but nothing at all occurred to him. He felt vaguely sick.


	71. Chapter 71

Just when he was getting the hang of balancing the here and now with the void left by his empty memory, his fragile construction of security collapsed this easily. Pathetically at a loss.

"-never show up at home,"

"Not that's anything new but still,"

Blurred words in the background. Izaya was too aware that the longer he just stood here in dumb silence the harder it would be fumble for a semblance of normality but the ability to process speech had imploded on him. It was either a corollary of his inability to understand what was being said around him or the other way around, ultimately it did not matter.

A shadow interposed itself between him and the barrage of words.

"Tch, your sense of humor is real bad."

Izaya jolted. Shizuo's voice cut through the panic about to engulf him.

"Ah, yes, that's me alright- always unfunny."

It was the best Izaya could accomplish as far as saving face. Yet his parents smiled even as they shook their heads as if they fully expected this.

"Honestly, when will you grow up? No wonder Mairu and Kururi are so wild, with a big brother like that."

Izaya's very brittle smile was causing him physical pain to keep up. Shizuo blended in with the crowd before the attention shifted to him. Izaya glanced at his watch.

"Look at the time! I'm terribly sorry but I am very busy and must be getting back. Bye bye!"

His tone oscillated between respectful and informal friendliness, suspecting that neither approach quite fit. He made Sushi wave a furry paw in a gesture of goodbye before disappearing around the corner.

Izaya returned to his apartment by taxi. Slumped on his swivel chair he shivered, paced up and down a bit and then settled on the chair. He only noticed his hands were slightly shaking when he looked down at them.

His feelings were sinking under heavy oppression. Even if he had managed to somewhat react to the fiasco with his parents (with Shizuo's help, even) the jarring knowledge that he had failed to recommit them to memory remained. Izaya had merely glanced at a picture as Namie informed him about the basic facts of the life he had forgotten. Since information management was all about priorities Izaya had barely taken parents into consideration for they clearly were of no importance.

Only now did it become painful: the emptiness of his family life widened about him as the hallmark of all his failures. He felt as if his very his very qualification to live his own life was questioned. And as if to confirm this he felt the echo of laughter somewhere in a hollow place inside his mind.

A soft paw touching him brought him back to the here and now.

"Ah, Sushi must be hungry. Now where did I place the cat food,"

He froze in the act of getting up as he caught his reflection on the window.

"Now that didn't go too well, did it?"

"I told you already to get out."

"Hmm... there's really no need to mope. It's not as if your parents care much for you one way or another. The problem is of course Shizu-chan. He isn't as stupid as he seems. I bet he knows something's up. Oh well, you're ever so self-reliant so I am sure you can handle this."

"You're not real."

"Then I can't get out, now can I? I'm afraid you lack consistency."

The reflection sighed as if mildly disappointed.

"Do you know the reason behind my amnesia?"

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. What do you think?"

"You have got to tell me!"

"Why? I thought you had decided to live as you are now. If so, what does it matter to you?"

"Of course it matters!"

"Why does it matter, then?"

Izaya tried to rally his frustration into powerful anger but it knew such emotional outbursts would do nothing but undermine him even further.

"I want to know."

"Which is ever so laudable. You should work with me on this. It's a win-win situation."

"You don't exist, you're just a psychological phenomenon resulting from stress. You're not an actual person."

Izaya was too caught up to even notice the front door opening and Namie walking into the apartment.

"Who were you talking to?"


	72. Chapter 72

Izaya spun around as if to block the apparition on the glass. As if it was not a personal haunting that only Izaya could see by definition.

"No one, I was just talking to myself."

And ironically enough it was not a lie either. With anyone else Namie would suspect something was amiss but Izaya voicing his inner dialogue with little regard for others was not particularly odd. She suspected Izaya talked aloud because he was enamoured with his own voice.

"You do that a lot."

"Right, right. That's just me."

Relief flooded him but it was tainted by disappointment. Voicing his concern was impossible but if Namie could detect it despite of him then Izaya had a chance of telling. He felt a sudden desperate need to tell her everything but that very same despair entrapped him in silence.

Meanwhile Namie went about her routine, stopping to pet Sushi on her way to watering the plants.

"How much do you even know about her? About Yagiri Namie."

Fortunately Namie could not see him as he stood frozen in horror. He did not expect the ghost of Orihara Izaya to remain the presence of someone else. It belonged so much to him in a disturbingly intimate way that reality seemed to shatter when it coexisted with others.

And as ever the reflection had much to say.

"First of all, she doesn't like you at all. And before you go 'but this is the new and improved Izaya! Now full of good will toward everyone and their pets, literally!' let me remind you that if you go ahead and tell her about me she'll lock you away in a padded cell. Try it if you don't believe me. Just go, 'Namie-san, I keep seeing my old self and we talk about this and that. But I'm really not insane, not at all! Let's go roast marshmallows together and later watch some feel good movies like the best friends we are.'"

Izaya took a step back. He knew it would come to this but it still came as a shock – to see the reflection step away from the window and calmly approach until it stood at arms' length.

"Izaya, do you want tea? Green?"

Somehow Izaya managed to reply.

"Green is fine, thanks."

"You've been thinking many things as of late. To what extent are you responsible for what I did, what can you do to make amends, who should you be. It's all very noble and praiseworthy. Congratulations on that."

"Namie-san, why don't you take the day off."

"But I just got here."

"You've been working far too much. I'm a bit tired myself, I should have a nap or something."

"Now that you mention it you don't look too good. You do that, some sleep will do you good."

Izaya smiled weakly.

"Sure. Why don't you take Seiji-kun somewhere?"

"That sounds like a good idea."

As soon as she was gone he regretted sending her away. Being all alone with this warped half-shadow send shivers down his spine.

"Are you sure you want to show her how weak you are? Namie will never stay by the side of someone who can't assure her a safe position for herself."

"Shut up. So what if I don't know everything about her about Shiki-san and the rest- that doesn't mean I can't like them. Besides, no one can never know everything about a person."

The other Izaya burst out laughing.

"But of course you can know! How else can you pull strings on them? Knowledge, knowledge. It's all about knowledge. Rounded knowledge. Disconnected pieces, blind spots, fragmented information – that's what you are now."

Izaya balled his hands into fists. Maybe this was insanity, the slope becoming so slippery that lashing out against an hallucination was the natural reaction.

"Fine. If you know everything then tell me why the hell things turned out this way. Why did I lose my memory?"

"My, my, you're so unfair. You demand me to hand you all you want to know on a platter and offer nothing in return. Don't I need a reason?"

"You don't exist,"

"Far too late for that. If there is something you must never forget – no pun intended – is that not all options are available. Ignoring me is an option you can realistically afford to indulge in."

The menace might be obvious but so was the humor underlying it.

"You sure can talk but what more can you do? Other than try and mess up with my mind."

The other Izaya blinked as if genuinely surprised.

"What more can do? What more could I possibly want to do?"


	73. Chapter 73

Before Izaya could think up a reply there was no one to reply to. Izaya became aware of cold sweat trickling down his spine. He took a deep breath and nearly collapsed. With the tension suddenly absent it was all he could do not to let his wobbly legs give way. Izaya sank into one of the plush black sofas.

Some untold time later – it could not have been more than half an hour judging by the progress of shadow across the room – Izaya ran a bath. The warm water lolled him with a sense of physical well-being that did not quite reach his mind.

Tendrils of steam floating up, blurring the world. He blew bubbles in the water and let underwater disjointed noises cover up the surface of his thoughts. Izaya closed his eyes shut and pictured up the shape of his body in imperfect darkness.

From his slender limbs, narrow chest, to the delicate balance of his features: Izaya needed to reclaim all of it as his property, as his very own unalienable property. By default his body could only belong to him.

Meowing cut through his concentration. Izaya smiled warmly as Sushi tried to put furry paws on the bathtub.

"Hey, sorry I forgot to feed you. Poor kitty."

Izaya dried himself rapidly and with nothing but a towel around his waist hurried to the kitchen where he served Sushi a bowl of cat food. The security system beeped and right away a screen came to life.

Izaya had a brief but intense moment of panic. Then he realized it was just someone speaking into the intercom.

"Orihara Izaya-san? You don't know me, but a friend of mine told me you were good at this kind of thing. I need you to find someone."

Izaya contemplated. Hand on his hip, head tilted to one side, droplets of water still sliding down his bare skin. More than anything Izaya was the image of seduction and yet nothing could be further from him presently. He was in fact bringing his mental acuity to decide what to do.

The man was haggard, middle aged, clearly jumpy. Not someone Izaya normally came across with and here was the crux of the matter. He had yet to cross paths with all sorts of people despite being surrounded by the human tides that was Tokyo. But most of them were nothing but faceless background.

This settled it. Izaya needed to make a stand so that he could be on equal footing next time he encountered his other self, and for that mingling with humanity was of the utmost importance. His decision was only half rational for this was a reasoning colored by gut feeling as much as anything else. But given how big a part instinct played in all this – a kind of intellectual instinct – he was willing to trust it to see him through.

Ultimately he felt that this was his best way of fighting back and fight back he would.

"Orihara Izaya here. Give me a couple of minutes."

In less than a couple of minutes Izaya had changed into his typical black on black outfit and sat on his equally black sofa in front of the nervous prospective client.

"Now, tell me what I can do for you."

"It's my daughter, you see."

Unshaven and having a hard time keeping still. Izaya would have attributed it to drugs but this seemed too much of a straight shooter for that. Probably just your average Joe whose normal and uneventful life suddenly took a wrong turn and sent him into a downward spiral. Izaya sympathized.

"Let me offer you a cup of tea."

"Oh, thanks."

Izaya let him drink it in silence for a while.

"I understand there is some problem with your daughter, then?"

The man shook his head. For a split second Izaya almost burst out laughing as he considered the reaction had he opened the door still mostly in the nude. Then again there might not be much of a reaction considering how absent this fellow seemed. Izaya's interest surpassed his pity.

"She disappeared. I just can't find her anywhere- that's why I turned to you. I can pay,"

"Let us discuss fees later. What age bracket are we talking about?"

"Sixteen."

"That's quite a tricky age, isn't it? Particularly for a girl."

"Can you find her?"

Normally Izaya would have been taken aback by the desperate ring to this plea. But his sharp knack for analysis was taking precedence in how Izaya viewed things. A tingling excitement kept him focused.

"That's not the question. The question is does she want be to found."


	74. Chapter 74

"What do you mean?"

Izaya crossed a leg over the other.

"This is hardly a missing child's case. It follows that all resources be mobilized when children go missing but teenagers often disappear of their own volition. In other words, they'd rather not be found."

The man squirmed uncomfortably.

"She wouldn't run away from home..."

"Perhaps not. Then again, who can tell for sure?"

"Will you look for her?"

Izaya did not miss that his question went unanswered and thus proving his point.

"I can find her, in all likelihood. However that is all I can do: provide a location. Whether that will solve your problem is hardly certain."

"Please find my daughter, Orihara-san."

Izaya spent the next half hour getting the gist of it. He decided to accept the case pro bono.

"I'll keep in touch."

His brand new client was on his way out but he stopped on the threshold.

"One more thing, if I could just ask one more thing...?"

"By all means, do ask."

"Who is the strongest in Ikebukuro? I heard that you knew."

"Hmm...it depends on what kind of strength you speak of."

"Kind of strength?"

"Yes. If you say, consider physical strength then I am obviously excluded from the contest by default. But if I was entirely without strength you would not have enlisted my aid. It follows that I possess some strength. You understand it already, don't you? The true strength, the kind that matters, in that respect I excel."

More haggard than ever the man stumbled out of the apartment.

**

"-due to the extreme weather schools have been closed. Citizens are warned to keep indoors as much as possible and to-"

Izaya glanced at the television. Night was falling just outside the window and on the other side the very air seemed to grow sharper in the incoming cold. The heating was on so he was comfortable – sitting on his favorite swivel chair, petting Sushi.

Finding the missing teen had been so easy that Izaya felt a bit disappointed. He refrained from exploiting the situation by leaving the reunion between father and daughter to the two of them. Technically he could have justified it to himself that watching the event from the shadows was not that great a breach in privacy, that his being contracted as an informant allowed him such liberties but Izaya was very careful not to overstep moral boundaries.

It was not so much a matter of striving to do the right thing as the almost paranoid need to avoid becoming too much like his other self.

The wind howled against the graying sky. If they were issuing special weather reports then the streets must be in the grip of deadly cold. Izaya shifted on his seat that seemed less comfortable as he stared at the heavy accumulation of leaden clouds. To him they looked about to smash into the city and raze it flat.

Izaya shivered, causing Sushi to jump from his lap. The sudden movement snapped him from his reveries. Izaya wrapped himself in a warm coat, added a scarf and went as far as putting on gloves.

**  
>"Hiro-kun? Oy, Hiro-kun? How about to show up?"<p>

Izaya moved about the empty park to keep his legs from growing numb as much as to find the cursed cat. This was a bad idea, he should never have left the cozy haven of his very comfortable apartment instead of being here braving the elements, but now that he was here he could not back down.

"Hiro-kun? Hiro-san! Hiro-_sama_!"

"Don't think cats care for honorifics."

Izaya nearly lost as he balance as he turned around a bit too suddenly.

"Will you stop doing that! Sneaking up on me, are you trying to kill me?"

Shizuo looked around.

"Guess they evacuated the local homeless crowd. Most kittens are being sheltered by the folk around here but not Hiro-kun."

Izaya humphed.

"Well, if you think I came all the way from Shinjuku in this freezing weather to find some lame ass cat I'll have you know that I just happened to have some business around here. As you know I often work in Ikebukuro- what's so funny?"

Shizuo did not bother wiping away the smile.

"Nothing, it's just that I didn't say anything like that."

"Anyway, I'm here now so let's just get this blasted feline before we both freeze to death."

Shizuo was already extracting said feline from under a thorny bush.

"There he is. Gonna take him home for the night. Thanks for helping."


	75. Chapter 75

"I'm a helpful person."

Izaya shifted from foot to foot in an attempt to generate some warmth. Shizuo tucked the cat under his arm.

"Sure looks like it. Well, I'll get Hiro-kun home. See you."

Before Shizuo could leave Izaya grabbed his sleeve and made as if to drag him in the opposite direction.

"This way, we're taking a taxi."

"Taxi? I live just around the corner,"

"In an apartment that is bound to be as cold as a fridge. Hiro is staying the night at my place where it's nice and warm and I can't exactly take him without you tagging along as well."

"You sure?"

Without further ado Izaya marshaled Shizuo into a taxi thus putting an end to the discussion.

**  
>"Feel free to make yourself at home but keep Hiro from destroying my furniture too much."<p>

Which was not likely to happen since Hiro the cat saw fit to make himself comfortable slung on Shizuo's shoulder from which vantage point he surveyed his new surroundings with narrowed eyes full of suspicion.

"He won't. How come it's so warm here?"

Izaya smiled very smugly.

"Central heating system. Pretty cool, isn't it?"

"The floor's warm as well."

"That only makes it better."

Izaya arranged an absurdly expensive kotatsu with a warm but light blanket. The homely touch in the very large and extra stylish living room struck Shizuo as odd.

"I got one of those as well but it's kinda shabby. Eats up a lot of electricity, too."

Izaya nodded.

"This is a new model. Power efficient and all. Get under it."

Shizuo obeyed after a moment of hesitation. Like a good host Izaya provided tea then made himself scarce, returning with a strawberry milkshake and a bundle of clothes.

"Thanks. What's that?"

"Pajamas for you. One of my neighbors is an American about your size so I borrowed."

"I normally don't wear pajamas."

"Keep in mind that the apocalypse is at hand. It's _cold_. What if you froze to death in my apartment? I'd be in all sorts of trouble. There's no way I'd get away without at least being interrogated by the police."

Izaya shivered as if to invoke the apocalyptic cold or to express his distress over his unlikely scenario.

"If there's danger of freezing to death we can do that. Share body warmth."

Izaya had joined Shizuo under the kotatsu and was sipping some tea on which he now choked.

"We'd have to get naked for that. And snuggle and such."

"Yeah. I know."

"Very funny, Shizuo. You're absolutely hilarious. Anyway, for dinner we'll be having kobe beef."

"For real?"

"Yes. It's top quality meat."

"So I've heard. Never tried it myself."

Shizuo produced a cigarette that Izaya immediately snatched away.

"No smoking."

"Fair enough, it's your place after all. You know how to cook that?"

Izaya had dropped by the kitchen, he now appeared with a tray containing a fatty piece of meat that he studied with great care then blushed.

"Well, not exactly, I am training, you see. I bought it to cook for Namie-san but then it occurred to me I'd make a mess of it. So I saved this bit for training purposes, when I get it down just right I'll invite her over... it's just that she's helped me a lot,"

Izaya stammered into awkward silence. He had the distinct feeling he had just completely ruined his image but then again Shizuo's being here at all already accomplished that.

"It'll be okay."

"I suppose this makes you my guinea pig."

"Yeah? You gonna poison me or something?"

"I _could_ but what's the point? I can't have you die on my apartment. And does poison even work on you?"

To Izaya's surprise Shizuo grew thoughtful.

"Dunno. Never tried poison."

Izaya rejoined him under the comfortable kotatsu, leaning on the table in a conspiratorial manner.

"Unless you have and didn't even notice it."

"I guess it's possible."

"You've got loads of enemies, right? They might very well have poisoned you somewhere along the line."

"Yeah but I think poison would at least make me sick. Since I'm human."

"Good thing I love humans, isn't it? About dinner, I got ice-cream for dessert and I should start filling the tub if you want to take a bath."

So much for home turf advantage.


	76. Chapter 76

"I'm good, already bathed."

"How about you, Sushi? Wouldn't you like a nice warm bath?"

Sushi meowed in his innocence.

"Bad idea, cats don't like water."

"That's of course the whole point."

Hiro climbed down from Shizuo's shoulder to the table where he sat staring at Izaya.

"What color is Hiro-kun supposed to be?"

"Can't tell."

"Oh, he's the embodiment of Dollars! Colorless cat."

"You part of that group?"

"Heh, of course not. I'm not part of any group. I'm Orihara Izaya. Neh?"

"Yeah. I guess you are."

Izaya got on all fours and crawled around Sushi.

"I call this, 'being cat-like'. It's important so as to understand a cat to view things from a cat's perspective. Oh, as in 'I am a Cat'. I see!"*

"Don't think the human body is supposed to move like that."

Ever acrobatic Izaya now planted his hands and feet firmly on the ground as he meandered about, his body arched at a strange angle that would have hurt most people to hold more for more than five minutes. Izaya could even move with great speed, sliding along as if this was his primary means of locomotion. He spoke over a shoulder, the cats looking at him with great curiosity, the fabled kind that was said to have killed many of their kind.

"Like you're one to say that. Last time I checked the human body wasn't supposed to be able to lift vending machines, toss trucks around and basically create a storm of destruction equivalent to an earthquake, all by itself."

"'I am a cat, I think as a cat. Without words. I can see in the dark. I distrust most humans. I can climb up but have troubles climbing down.' You know, the day we find out just why your body works the way it does will herald a new age for humanity."

Izaya climbed up the stairs in pure feline fashion.

"Yeah?"

"Yes. It would mean that science had reached a pinnacle of sorts. And you'd no longer be a mystery."

"So I'm a mystery?"

Izaya halted mid-stairs, sitting cross-legged on a step.

"Aren't you? What else are you, if not a mystery? You're a mystery to me at any rate."

"So that's how it is."

Izaya bounced down the stairs.

"I'll run myself a bath, then. Come on, Sushi. I promise not to dump you in the tub."

"You better not. Cats got a very good memory, he wouldn't just forget."

"So I've heard. Felines hold a grudge, huh."

"Yeah."

"Whatever happened to 'forgive and forget'?"

"Doesn't work that way."

"Then why didn't you just leave me to die in that alley? Why did you pick me up?"

Shizuo shrugged.

"Like I told you, I don't hate you."

"'Not hate', you say? What does that mean, exactly? There's plenty of things I don't hate but that doesn't tell you much about how I feel about them."

Shizuo had been playing with Hiro. He now stopped and faced Izaya directly.

"You're right, it doesn't say much."

"What, then? 'Not hate' can be 'indifferent',"

"Nah, that will never happen."

"What do you mean?"

"Being indifferent to you."

Silence widened between them. It was Shizuo who broke it.

"How do you feel about me? Still hate my guts so much you can't stand it?"

"I'm not talking about that,"

"Yeah. But I'd like to know. You owe me as much."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Izaya started despite himself. A cold sick feeling began coiling inside of him. He did not know how or when but Shizuo now stood too close.

"'I'll always hate you. No matter what, come what may, I will always hate you.'"

"Why are you saying that now?"

"Those were your words. 'Even if I were to forget everything, I would still hate you,'"

"Stop. Please, just- don't say anything more."

Izaya was afraid he might start shaking at any moment. He wanted to wrap his arms around himself but his body seemed very distant as if part of the hostile world. His vision grew unfocused and whether Shizuo was still speaking of not Izaya could not tell, the sudden burst of static noise blasted away any other sounds. It was followed by a sharp jab of pain unlike any headache.

"What did you do to me-"

To his horror he could not hear his own voice. Disconnected images flashed by, sliding out of focus before he could grasp their shape, let alone their import. All was chaos.

* * *

><p>*AN: Izaya is referring to the novel 'I am a Cat' by Natsume Sōseki.<p> 


	77. Chapter 77

"Nothing. I didn't do anything to you."

Izaya crumbled, legs suddenly collapsing under him. Like it happened in moments when stress overdid one's coping skills, his thoughts strayed in panicky disorder but still registered details – how come he did not feel the warm floor.

The reason was quite simple, Shizuo had caught and now held him. Echoes rebounded in some hollow space where there was no sense of direction. Snippets of words like sharp fragments of memory tearing their way to the surface. He could not hear Sushi meowing in alarm, could not even register Shizuo carrying him to the sofa.

And then the present receded, the apartment rushing rapidly away as if he was being sucked into a dark hole. There was a moment of sickening vertigo that gave way to distinct clarity: the clarity of recovered memory.

A sundown setting. Slanted light sliding from from a red stain stained sky to the concrete streets. Izaya had the strangest impression, that he was sustained in a vacuum where there was no pain, watching a turning point of his past as if in a movie. He could see himself from the outside.

All around traffic signs were strewn like so many bent trees. Shizuo wielded one of these. Izaya, the Izaya within this moment in time, stood at a not too safe distance, smiling as he flicked the blade upon which a sun ray died.

"Ah, this is how it should be, Shizu-chan. You and I, ever clashing. What can I say, could it be fate?"

Shizuo panted and gritted his teeth.

"Izaya! Today's the day I run you to the ground!"

The traffic sign came swinging in his direction, Izaya jumped over it, landed on a crouch, twirled about and rolled away, coming to a halt almost within touching distance of Shizuo.

"Still need to work a bit on your skills, it seems."

Shizuo ditched the sign and threw a tree instead. Izaya evaded it easily.

"Damn, stand still so I can kill you!"

Izaya giggled.

"I wonder why we hate each other so much? How did things ever come to this?"

"Doesn't fucking matter,"

"You've got a point there. For once I agree with you, who knew Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo literally roared.

"Always yapping, and yapping, shut up for once!"

"I'll always hate you. No matter what, come what may, I will always hate you."

"Good."

"Even if I were to forget everything, I would still hate you. That's how it should be!"

The world dimmed, dimmed, dimmed, morphed into the present. Izaya opened his eyes and sat up slowly.

"You okay?"

Shizuo held the phone and was ready to dial for an ambulance. Izaya smiled weakly, Sushi licked his hand.

"No need, thanks. Shizuo... I was either very wrong or very right, I'm not sure myself."

Izaya was very thoughtful, many things weighing on his mind. This was the one memory he had recovered but it gave him pause. He needed time to think.

"About what?"

"About what I said back then."

"I guess you had to be wrong. Since I'm here now, like this."

"You have a point there. Why did you remember those lines right now?"

"It stuck to me, this whole 'I'll always hate you' thing. Cuz I agreed with you, about the only time that happened."

"I see."

"Change can be a good thing, you know."

"Since when were you so deep and wise?"

"Dunno."

Izaya contemplated his options. He could opt for a confrontation but it was virtually impossible to get Shizuo to reveal any knowledge or even involvement regarding Izayas's amnesia unless Shizuo wanted to. Shizuo was too much of a wild card to be cornered.

"Ah, I think hunger is getting to me. That's it, I'm ditching the bath and attacking the beef directly."

"Not too sure 'attacking' it is the way best to go about it."

"Oh? I suppose you know all about kobe beef?"

Izaya was surprised at himself. After such a drastic crisis he never expected to be able to swing back to normality. And what a strange kind of normality it was.

"Nah. But beef is beef, you're not supposed to attack it."

"It's the Izaya method of cooking. Four Micheline stars."

"Don't attack it too much."

"Haven't you heard that the best defense is to be on the offensive?"

"What does that have to do with cooking?"

"Everything. It's a life philosophy, after all."

"That so? I wonder if that's how it goes in bed as well?"


	78. Chapter 78

Izaya leaned forward until he was invading Shizuo's personal space and stared.

"Oy, cut that out, will you?"

"Just thought you'd know."

"It's a cheap shot and you know it. So let's not go there, okay?"

Shizuo looked at him in silence long enough to make Izaya rather uncomfortable.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to upset you."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. Thought you wouldn't mind talking about it."

"And why the sudden interest in my sex life, Shizuo?"

Shizuo half shrugged. It was a strange gesture like an arrested intention.

"I've thought about it before."

Izaya tilted his head to the side.

"Yes, I suppose you have. Just don't go thinking too much about it. It's just... weird."

They relapsed into awkward silence.

"Yeah, I bet. Haven't seen you with your yakuza lately."

Izaya sighed a bit too heavily, more for effect than anything else.

"I told you already, Shiki-san isn't 'my' yakuza."

"Maybe not in so many words but close enough."

A flash of anger momentarily blinded Izaya beyond all reason. He was lashing out before he could control yourself.

"Will you drop the insinuations already! It's none of your business who I sleep with anyway!"

Startled by the raised voice Sushi meowed. Shizuo picked him up, the tiny kitty looking even smaller in his very big hands.

"Yeah, I know. But I don't like it. When I think about you and that Shiki-san. Not too sure why myself but that's the way it is."

"You actually think through things a lot, don't you?"

Izaya seemed to be merely changing topic but it was his natural curiosity taking over.

"I've been thinking about things, yeah. Like, why you changed. Since it's not a trick."

"Or! Maybe it is a trick! And I'm playing mind games with you."

Izaya waved his fingers like a parody of a magician. Shizuo ignored it altogether.

"I guess you won't tell me what happened, huh."

"Ah, you don't know how information seeking works. You won't get anywhere by flat out asking straightforward questions."

Izaya shook his head, grieving over such naivety.

"Yeah? How does it go, then?"

"That's a secret."

"Figures."

"Everyone has secretes. It's human nature."

Shizuo gave him another of his silent stares.

"Yeah, that's true."

"I didn't think you'd agree so readily."

Shizuo placed Sushi on Izaya's head and petted the kitty.

"Well, it's true. Everyone has things they'd rather others didn't know."

Izaya smiled very slyly but he could hardly be menacing with a sleek black cat comfortably settled on his head..

"Like the fact that you're so protective of your little brother?"

"Aren't you the same?"

"To some extent. But there's really no need for us to worry, our siblings are more than capable of taking care of themselves. If Mairu went all karate on me I'd be a goner."

Shizuo chuckled. It showed a mirthful side to him, savvy humor underneath uncouth hostility.

"You'd end up like that Kobe beef there."

"Ah, I'm afraid so- hey, wait! Give that back!"

It happened in a wink of an eye. Hiro jumped to the counter, snatched the succulent bit of meat and before Izaya could do anything the cat had already disappeared up the stairs.

"There goes your Kobe,"

Izaya was actually about to run after him but he realized that by now Hiro had surely gobbled it already. He burst out laughing.

"The horror, I've been robbed in my own house! Quick, call the cops."

"Looks like he's into Kobe beef."

From the upper floor they could see just a glimmer of eyes shining in semi-darkness.

"Oh well, it's equality at work. Sushi gets to eat his favorite treats of fresh fish all the time so why not let Catzilla Hiro have some delicious beef. Who says cats aren't allowed gourmet food! Not I, not I!"

"So what are we going to eat now?"

"Hmm... I'm not sure."

Izaya inspected his supplies almost quizzically.

"You got enough stuff here to make hotpot."

"That sounds great and it sure is cold. Hotpot it is, then."

"Want my help?"

"But of course. That way if it sucks in the end we can split the guilt fifty/fifty."

"Or even blame me a hundred per cent, huh."

Izaya gasped.

"Why, I'd never do such a thing!"


	79. Chapter 79

"Sure you would."

Izaya placed Sushi on the floor then clapped before rolling up his sleeves.

"Right, let's get started!"

"You make it sound like hard work."

"That's because it is. Hotpot is serious business."

"Dunno about serious but it's tasty."

Izaya distributed tasks on a basis on equality, they got to slice about the same amount of ingredients.

"Aha, this is most definitely the wisest option, Shizuo. Having the two of us cook. It wouldn't do, my cooking for you."

"I wouldn't mind it myself."

Izaya tut-tutted.

"It'll never do. Oh, I know! Hotpot is amount mixing all sorts of ingredients, isn't it? How about we add sushi to it?"

"You want to eat your cat? Something's wrong with you."

"Not Sushi, 'sushi'."

"Not sushi, sushi? What's up with that?"

Izaya was cutting a potato, he stopped halfway and sighed far too heavily.

"Not the cat that goes by the name of Sushi but the food."

"It's cuz you chose that name. It's kinda confusing."

"Gee, there is such a thing as context."

"No context for fresh fish mixed in the hotpot."

Izaya rolled his eyes very much like kids did in the presence of utter stupidity.

"You add the fish once it's all cooked, of course."

"I suppose you could cook sushi..."

Izaya spun around, all dismay.

"Never! How can you suggest such a thing, spoiling fresh fish."

"Ah... you sure take this personally."

"Indeed I do. But I guess hotpot is hotpot and sushi is sushi."

"Better that way."

**  
>They gathered around the pot. Izaya was almost nervous. He lifted the lid and bounced happily.<p>

"It smells delicious, it can't taste bad! A customer, this late...? And in this weather, too."

The security system had just alerted him that someone was here to see him. Izaya missed the way in which Shizuo followed him with his eyes. Too surprised at what he saw on the screen.

"Shiki-san! Did something happen? Come on up."

In his excitement Izaya forgot Shizuo and dashed to the door. He did stop before opening it in order to compose himself.

"Long time no see."

"It's been ages since you visited. I was just about to have dinner with- Shizuo. Heiwajima Shizuo, that is."

Only now did Izaya realize he had committed a faux pas. Shiki took it stride without as much as batting an eyelash at this irregularity.

"I should have called, didn't know you had company. I'll be back some other time."

"Wait, don't go!"

Izaya went as far as detaining him by the sleeve, a hand clutching at Shiki's spotlessly white coat. Izaya caught himself almost right away.

"I mean, it's been so long since you've been here and it's far too cold outside. Besides, there is more than enough food. Do stay for dinner."

Izaya was fully aware that bringing Shizuo and Shiki together was less than wise but there was nothing else he could do. Otherwise he was bound to leave with the worst possible idea. And Izaya could not help feeling a thrill of irritation directed at Shizuo, because of him Shiki could not possibly spend the night over. It was a momentary fit immediately followed by a pang of guilt that lingered.

Shiki stood on the threshold for a small eternity, assessing his next move. Clearly many things had happened in his absence and ultimately Shiki wanted to find out the details. He reserved the right not to share his reasons.

"Alright."

Izaya's apartment was extremely spacious so that from where Shizuo sat he could not see the door. But he heard enough to figure things out. Still, to make a point he did not budge.

"It's nothing fancy, just hotpot."

Izaya hesitated slightly as he walked into the living room with Shiki. He knew they were acquainted, Shizuo and Shiki, he believed they had even been introduced but somehow an introduction seemed to fit the situation.

"Shizuo, Shiki-san is joining us for dinner."

Shizuo nodded curtly. Shiki studied him at length and Izaya shifted rather uncomfortably. At length Shiki sat down and only then did Izaya sit.

"Let's dig in, then."

The meal proceeded in silence, bordering on gloomy as far as Izaya knew but in reality it was closer to studious. Shiki and Shizuo studying each other without even bothering to hide it and Izaya failed to notice it because he was too intent staring at the rich broth on his plate.


	80. Chapter 80

Sushi meandered into view with majestic indifference.

"Shiki-san, meet Sushi. He's a kitty I picked up, cute isn't he? Then I suppose you don't like pets."

Izaya congratulated himself on having struck on a very harmless conversation.

"On the contrary. I'm very fond of pets. I even have one myself."

"Really? I didn't know that! What kind of pet does Shiki-san like?"

"The cute and small kind."

"Like a cat, then?"

"That too."

Izaya could tell that there was much more to what was being said that the face value. After all, this was something he excelled at but the precise undertow of meaning escaped him at the moment. He spotted two green glittering points on the floor above.

"Speaking of that, not all cats and cute and small. Take Hiro-kun, for example. He's the cat I'm sheltering for the night since it's so cold, Shizuo and I had the same idea. You can see Hiro-kun from here. Or his eyes, at any rate."

Shiki seemed to be deep in thought for a moment.

"So Shizuo-kun is something of a cat-sitter, then?"

Before Izaya could jump into damage control Shizuo spoke for the first time since Shiki's arrival.

"At times. Is that a problem?"

"Not at all. But there is a difference, after all. Between cat-sitters and cat owners."

"Cats don't have owners. They stay with people because it's comfortable."

"That they do. But stealing someone's pet is hardly acceptable."

"Unless it's not stealing."

Throughout this confrontation, it could not be called anything else, Izaya seemed to sink deeper into himself as if to erase himself. He diminished his presence, the full import of what was transpiring. That Shizuo and Shiki could such a discussion felt like betrayal to Izaya, a double betrayal.

Before Shiki could get around to a snappy comeback that was ever so insinuating Izaya jumped to his feet, hands striking the table as he did so, hard enough to cause the food to slosh in the pot.

Immediately all eyes were on him, even Hiro-kun's. Izaya took a few moments to gather himself enough to speak.

"Shiki-san, Shizuo, you are my guests. As such I hope that you respect the spirit of this meal and not cause unnecessary attrition. This is my house and my table, please keep that in mid. And this is hotpot, it's all about getting along- hotpot is important to me, it's just- important."

Izaya stammered into silence. He was in something of a bit dazed as if unsure of what he meant exactly but he could not shake the pain of being slighted. Lashing out had taken all he had and a sudden exhaustion collapsed on top of him with the weight of a physical burden.

Izaya's phone rang. He excused himself and stumbled out of the living room. His mood was a mix of indignation and confusion.

"What do you mean, he's missing? I'm not exactly Kida-kun's mother, you know. Odds are he's just fooling around. Gee, tell you what, Mikado. Maybe nasty aliens kidnapped him and they're on their way back to Venus as we speak."

The moment Izaya disconnected he regretted it. And right away began to worry.

"Something's happened, it seems. I have to go out looking for someone."

Shiki raised an eyebrow.

"In this cold? Or because of this cold, rather."

Izaya was already slipping into a fluffy jacket.

"That's right. Shiki-san,"

"I'll get my men on it."

"I'd rather not. They'd only scare him."

There was an almost imperceptible pause, all the more meaningful for its brevity. Shiki got up with deliberate slowness.

"I wouldn't want to impose on your hospitality."

Izaya nodded absently.

"Work emergency, Shiki-san. Shizuo, take care of the cats while I'm out."

"Will do."

Izaya and Shiki walked out without exchanging words and even the parting was more than an afterthought. Shiki sat back on the plush seat of the car and waited until Izaya was out of sight until he gave directions.

Izaya walked away very rapidly. Hands jammed inside pockets, head bent down over the neon stained concrete. The cold barely reached him but he knew it was there nonetheless and that he needed to mind it. He walked soundlessly, the pavement absorbing his light steps.

Izaya ducked into alleys, ever conscious of potential threats or of being followed. He reached his destination.


	81. Chapter 81

"If the idea is to freeze to death I dare say you're on the right track."

Kida shot him a venomous glare then returned to sullenly staring at the hospital's façade.

"What are you doing here? Can't you just leave me alone?"

"I'm here because I'm selfish. I would feel bad if you were to die like this and my night has been less than stellar as it is. No need to make it even worse for myself."

This got Kida's attention. Despite a firm resolution to remain fully uninterested Kida could not help but wonder at the confessional tone.

"It's not that cold."

Even as he said this Kida realized that his body was rather numb. He shifted from one foot to the other.

"Did you know that every now and then naked bodies were found in the aftermath of blizzards? Dead people, completely naked in the snow. When it gets too cold the body's ability to gauge temperature gets out of whack. People feel as if they are burning up when they are in fact suffering from severe hypothermia. So they take off their clothes and hasten their demise."

Kida shivered and not because of the cold.

"You really are something of a sadist, aren't you."

"I'm merely providing readily available information."

"Awful sense of opportunity."

"Right back at you, Kida-kun. By the way, next time you want to disappear make sure you actually do. I could find you all too easily."

Izaya's words were biting but his tone neutral. Which was perhaps to be expected but it made Kida curious. He thought he detected a hint of listlessness.

"What made your night so bad? Got stood up by your date?"

Izaya actually pondered.

"If anything, it's the other way around."

"Eh? Quite a player, aren't you?"

Izaya giggled then ended with a sigh.

"It seems that way. Apparently."

Only now did the irony of his situation fully dawned on him.

"Apparently?"

"Apparently."

"Hmm...I suppose you do have the look for that kind of thing."

Izaya could hardly believe himself but laughter erupted from him, spontaneously so, unbidden but very welcome. It was as good a vent as any other and less destructive than most.

"Ah, Kida-kun, are you making a pass on me? Trying to frame me for pedophilia? How shrewd of you. Henceforth I must be very careful around you."

Kida's smile was slow but bemused. He folded his arms for warmth and looked very much like a sullen child.

"This is why I can't win, I'd never think of doing that. And it might work, too."

Izaya nodded. By mutual accord they walked down the street.

"Very true. I can see it now, 'Mister Policeman, the Bad Man touched me...'. People would buy it, of course."

"That's the kind of thing you'd do when you were my age."

"I wonder."

"Don't you know?"

"Ever heard of pleading the fifth? It's an an amendment to the American constitution."

It was Kida's turn to sigh and he did it with relish, rolling his eyes.

"Give me a break, will you? How am I supposed to know what that is."

"There is a lot to it but 'pleading the fifth' is refusing to answer a question when doing so leads to self-incrimination."

"So basically it's saying you did something wrong but you're not going to admit it?"

"Basically, yes. It's very useful."

"I bet it is, to you at least."

"And to you too."

Kida gave it some thought.

"Good point."

"I have my moments."

"Where are we going, by the way?"

"You're going to stay over at Mikado's place."

Kida's defenses were almost visible, Izaya fancied he saw them spring up like a physical entity.

"Why? Is that an order?"

"No order, just common sense. His place is bound to be freezing but I'm sure you too will be warmer together."

Kida had been following Izaya without even realizing it and was somewhat surprised to find himself around the corner from Mikado's borderline derelict apartment. Kida stopped and for a while stared at the concrete ground.

"You're an odd one, Orihara-san. Try not to freeze to death yourself, I don't want to find myself out of a job."

"Young people nowadays are so callous."

Izaya tossed him a blanket that he had kept hidden under his jacket, neatly folded. He waited until Kida disappeared around the bend and then stood still for a long time. It occurred to him that he had just accomplished a good deed of sorts but he felt distanced from it.


	82. Chapter 82

He noticed a long black car sliding alongside but it had the decency to follow him at a distance. Just slow enough to register without actually accosting him. Izaya was at least thankful for that.

His self-respect had suffered too great a blow to allow him to simply go back home but the cold was beginning to infiltrate the buffering effect of his clothes. Nor could he accept a ride from the car clearly tailing him.

What he did do was send Shizuo a short text message to the effect of his staying out and asking the cats to be fed in his absence. As to where he was to spend the night Izaya opted for the most neutral option possible and simply checked in at a capsule hotel.

This was what he needed: an anonymous environment void of questions and oddly conductive of its own kind of privacy. The place was overheated as if in defiance to the crippling chill (and Izaya wondered briefly if such hotels, the term being most loosely applied, had not been ordered to close). Izaya had a sudden urge to just strip naked and prance about to the horror of the few lodgers.

He climbed into his claustrophobic bunk and half-giggled to himself. Odds are this was the first time Orihara Izaya had ever been in such a place and he felt a tingle of pride at that. He was conscious of a compulsion to conquer ground over his former self and out-do his past. Realizing that it was so had taken much soul searching; admitting that it might stem from a need to reassert his right to exist still cost him.

He now rested on his back and studied the bunk. It was like being inside a white tube of sorts but the effect was surprisingly comfy once he got used to it. There was a television set tucked in in a nook and standing out like a statement of sorts or even like a piece in a modern art museum. Something Dadaistic about the whole thing.

Izaya took a reflective turn of thought. Perhaps to escape from his own pressing issues. He considered the stark difference between the vastness of his apartment and this confined space. Both were incarnations of Tokyo's disparate ways of managing that all vital commodity that was space. He imagined the city in a couple of centuries' time as mirroring a sci-fi dream with high rising bridges crossing through layers of cloud as whole massive structure took to the sky. Already he was encapsulated – in a most literal way- in a contraption straight of 2001.

Which reminded him he had not lived the year 2001 or any other prior to it. Or rather, who he was now he had not lived that expanse of time. How well he managed to bypass that lack of personal history was entirely up to him.

Occupied with such musings he turned to the other guests. Only a handful had ventured out on this Siberian night, Izaya suspected they had not so much ventured as found themselves wary of returning to badly heated cubicle apartments that were only slightly less small than their present lodgings.

So far he had only seen two men, both salarymen of the invisible kind. The sort of people that were only noticeable by the sheer strength of numbers when a considerable amount of them were gathered together. There were millions of such men. Non-descript creatures that effaced themselves either intentionally or otherwise.

Yet Izaya knew that scratch the surface and there was a wealth of contradictions and raw emotions. Every person was a sample of the universal human condition. Izaya wondered if his infatuation with humanity did not stem exactly from this, that he was able to see something on a grander scale in every single individual.

From this point of view Tokyo was not the huge hive teeming with faceless entities that it was so often believed to be but a priceless opportunity for gauging the complex interaction between human beings. At the same time losing himself in the maze of streets soothed Izaya's minds as few other things could.

Izaya got on his belly and rolled around as much as possible. It was the equivalent to spinning manically on the swivel chair. Despite the late hour and the very long day that preceded it Izaya did not feel tired. A kind of nervous energy propelled him.


	83. Chapter 83

He remembered having read somewhere that guides often encouraged foreigners to stay at capsule hotels when visiting Japan and particularly Tokyo. It was suggested as the cheapest form of accommodation in one of the world's most expensive cities. Izaya amused himself imagining how tourists would handle the challenge of staying in coffin sized compartments. Some of them would hardly fit. Then again, that applied to Shizuo as well.

Izaya turned on his side and closed his eyes. He did not want to think about either Shizuo or Shiki at the moment. Perhaps he should have sought refuge in Namie's house, at least there he would have companionship to distract him from worry. But he knew that it was not a real viable option.

He hummed under his breath then grew more aware. Someone was awake just under his bunk. Izaya lost no time crawling to the entrance and hanging down in such a way that defied gravity.

"Hey there,"

"What the!"

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. But it looks like you can't sleep and neither can I. Are you up for a game of UNO or something?"

The man was too befuddled to say no. In a small lounge area there were some games and Izaya's choice of UNO was featured. He played a few rounds and thoroughly enjoyed himself.

"So Honda-san, you've stayed at capsule hotels before? This is my first time. It's kind of neat! I had no idea these places were actually nice."

"Every now and then."

"I've heard these places were absolutely ghastly."

"Some of them are."

"Then I guess I lucked out. Yay for me."

Izaya's spirits had lifted considerably. He even deigned to eat the cardboard meal since it was part of the experience. Izaya approached it as an opportunity for expanding his horizons.

As a result he slept precious little but did not feel all that tired. Instead a kind of light headed feeling invaded him. When he stepped outside in the morning the street was filled with snow. The chill in the air gave it an edge that sent a bolt of excitement up his spine. Never had he seen snow.

Izaya forgot all about decorum and happily jumped up and down amidst the still falling flakes. His balance was precarious but that only added to the fun.

"Kadota, oy, Kadota! Isn't this great? Snow!"

Kadota stood blinking in dismay. He had in fact been standing in befuddled surprise for a while, having spotted Izaya doing what seemed to be a strange dance routine in a circle, snow trickling down each time he lifted his feet ever so effortless. It was an odd sight. Surely, it must be difficult to prance around like that in the snow.

"What are you doing? Is it a flash mob thing? But there's only you here,"

"Think fast!"

Izaya scooped a snowball and hurled it at Kadota. It hit and soaked the beanie much to Izaya's delight. Like a kid Izaya jumped once and then burst out laughing, his breath visible against the staggering clarity of the day.

"Bulls eye! Izaya scores!"

Kadota did not speak, he sank to the ground in silence. Immediately Izaya started.

"Hey, are you okay? So sorry, is it about the beanie...? I'm sure you can dry it. Or are you hurt...?"

Izaya approached. Distress stripped his movements of their fancy acrobatics as he shifted into purposeful mode. He was very close when Kadota threw a snowball that hit him point blank and nearly sent him reeling.

"Take that."

Izaya took a while to recover and by the time he did he was giggling.

"Ah, I've been had. So evil of you, cashing in on my better nature."

"You started it."

Izaya threw his hands up.

"Guilty as charged, please don't shoot me!"

"Who's going to shoot you?"

Izaya shrugged. Ever since his brush with death he often took a philosophical approach to threats to his personal safety.

"Who knows? If people are willing to stab me then surely they would not see much of a problem in shooting me. Then again it is difficult to come across guns in this country."

Kadota wrung his soaked beanie.

"More importantly, you just had to aim for my hat."

"Someone had to! It's snowing, you should feel the snow falling on your head. Otherwise it's just not the same! And do like this,"

Izaya stuck out his tongue on which snow landed.

"They said it might snow but I didn't think it would actually happen."


	84. Chapter 84

"It's so cool! It's like a whole different city, a whole new Tokyo I don't know!"

Izaya's enthusiasm spiked. Kadota fancied he even saw his eyes shining and took half a step back. There was something a bit intimidating when Izaya was enthralled over the simplest of things.

"Traffic will be hellish. I doubt the van will even get started."

"Ka-do-ta, don't be a bore! Ahchoo, urgh..."

"You'll catch a cold."

Izaya swayed. The sudden shift from the warm interior to the freezing outside coupled with physical exertion took its toll and the sleepless night and nervous strain did not help. He felt rather weak without a warning.

Kadota was on his side right away. Izaya's eyes did indeed shine but Kadota suspected it was fever than anything else.

"You should better get home, you don't look too hot. I'll take you."

"But I want to see more of the snow..."

"The only place you're going is to your bed."

Izaya had to give up and allow himself to be guided to his apartment. Kadota was fumbling with Izaya's key when the door opened and there stood Shizuo on the threshold.

"Shizuo...? What are you doing here?"

Kadota blinked. Atop Shizuo's head a tiny black cat yawned. What a strange day.

"Cat sitting."

Izaya was propped against the wall for support but he now made an effort to stand firm on his suddenly weak legs. He should have expected his frail high to come crashing down sooner of later but it took its toll as a completely unforeseen calamity.

"He's caught a cold or something, I was just dropping him home."

Kadota rushed to the explanation out of a barely conscious need for justification. He did not know the exact context and could not quite read the atmosphere well enough to catch its undertones but he could very well feel that Shizuo had some sort of claim on Izaya. And Kadota had no desire to stand between the two.

Without a word Shizuo simply picked up Izaya.

"Thanks, I'll see that he rests."

"Do you need anything?"

"Stuff to make porridge."

"I'm on it."

With that said Kadota could hardly say exactly how he ended up buying the ingredients required and handing them over to Shizuo, the cat having shifted from Shizuo's head to Izaya's lap.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks. See you later."

And just like this Kadota was dismissed. In the apartment Shizuo took over the ultra modern (and barely used) kitchen and made porridge. Izaya nestled in a corner of the sofa and kept a chill silence.

"Here, eat this and get better."

"I'm still angry at you. Just so you know."

Shizuo nodded. Izaya made sure to stare at him pointedly, crossing his arms to make it obvious he did not mean to take the spoon.

"Yeah, I thought as much. But we can have this conversation later."

The scent of comforting food enveloped them, wafting between the two of them.

"We'll have this conversation when I see fit."

"Fair enough."

Shizuo knew that there was no point in arguing. If need be Izaya could exhaust himself fully in a grand paroxysm of rage and then finally fall asleep to get his rest. Meanwhile Izaya was gathering his resolve. Words left a hollow echo in their mind even as he spoke. He wanted to close his eyes and just let go of all this conflicting strife but he could not allow himself to succumb to sleep. Not when he was burning in outrage that increased in bitterness with his illness.

"I expect that kind of thing from Shiki-san, after all the yakuza sees people as property by default but it's worse coming from you."

"I'm glad for that, at least. Means you hold me to a higher standard."

Izaya cast him a sideways glance.

"That's not it, it's just a matter of flaws that come with the territory. Just like informants couldn't be informants without some insensitivity."

"I see."

"And you expected me to just take it lying down while to you,"

"I expected you to get angry. You should, "

Izaya's glare had an extra feverish sharpness.

"What's the deal? Just because I sleep with a guy I'm fair game to all sorts of insinuations? It entitles you to talk trash about me in my home, at my very table? Well fuck you, Shizuo."


	85. Chapter 85

Izaya's voice grew colder even as his words veered closer to an outburst.

"What I mean is, if it made you mad then that means you can't shrug me off just like that. Normally you don't even take insults seriously at all."

"'Normally'? 'Normally', you say! What part of this looks normal to you?"

Shizuo did not reply immediately. Izaya saw lurid blotches of yellow light seeping across his field of vision, slowly spreading like an oily stain.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I got jealous."

Izaya blinked rapidly, both out of surprise and in an attempt to clear his blurry sight.

"Jealous? Huh?"

"I didn't realize just how it was until I saw that guy here like he owned the place. Then it kinda hit me all of a sudden."

Izaya seemed ready to spring to his feet but his energy faltered. He got as far as getting up only to deflate into the sofa, limbs heavy, brain seething. The precarious gesture upset the kitty from his lap and Sushi landed with an angry meow of pointed discontent.

Izaya passed a hand over his eyes.

"Let's just forget what you said just now. Since I'm running a temperature I'll take it that I'm hallucinating."

"That's how you want to play it?"

Izaya nodded.

"There's nothing more to add,"

And if there was Izaya could not grasp the words to convey it. The sound of his own voice resounded hollowly like a broken echo.

Shizuo was not about to let it go but he noticed Izaya gesturing aimlessly. The timing was wrong.

"Okay. I'll leave it at that for now."

Izaya winced at a sudden stab of pain at his temples. Being completely unfamiliar with actually having a fever rendered him almost helpless. It occurred to him that just when he thought he had mastered the art of bypassing the loss of his memory it tripped him in some nasty way.

"Gah, door's that way,"

Izaya gestured but so vaguely but he might as well mean the window.

"Yeah. I know. Looking for a thermometer."

It was only when he tried to focus on Shizuo's retreating back that Izaya realized just how battered his vision was. He saw sliding lines waving in a slow sick motion with each heartbeat. A sluggish torpor invaded his veins and he did not protest as Shizuo slid the thermometer between his lips.

"Forty one. Not good.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

Sharp panic shot through him as he felt himself lifted all too easily off the sofa.

"Change of plans. I'm taking you to the hospital. You can afford the fancy ones, they won't be full."

"Just a fever, no need for that,"

Even as the words resounded back to him, in a long drawn echo ringing hollowly like lagging audio, he doubted their veracity. For all he knew he was indeed very ill. All he had to go by was an intellectual assessment of sickness, with no prior experience to match it to he was deprived of a term of comparison. The figure of forty one degrees presented him with an abstract reality that he could not fully grasp: the line between a simple cold and a pneumonia thinned out to a blur.

"Save it to the doctor."

"The cats,"

"Cats take care of themselves. That's what makes them cats."

With that said Shizuo had already placed Sushi out of harm's way least Hiro turned vicious.

"I can walk by myself."

"Sure thing. But it's still a couple of blocks away and there's no point in getting you sicker."

Izaya allowed Shizuo to bundle him in warm clothes and was equally passive as Shizuo carried him. He closed his eyes to conquer the incoming motion sickness and tried to keep his mind from floating away. His awareness snapped into sharpness as he realized that the black blur was not indeed a car. It came to a halt and a few familiar faces swum into warped resolution.

Shiki's men. Asking, which is to say demanding, that Shizuo handed him over. Izaya considered his options and made a decision in a flash.

"Shizuo, put me down. Right now."

Something in the tone of his voice convinced Shizuo.

"Now, gentlemen. I appreciate the feeling, I truly do, but I am not a commodity."

By sheer luck a taxi came trudging by, slowed down by the snow. Izaya hailed it and dashed inside only to half-collapse on the seat. As the taxi churned his way Izaya thanked his lucky stars for the wonder of automatic doors.


	86. Chapter 86

Izaya zoned out as soon as he gave the name of the hospital so that a very worried taxi driver had to shake him up when they arrived at their destination. This made matters worse as Izaya's already damaged sense of balance suffered a severe shock. He winced and tried to wave the guy away. At this point nurses became aware of the commotion and hurried as a flock of white birds.

Izaya remembered to pay but he never had a chance as he was kindly but very firmly  
>hauled to a stretcher. A timely decision as he slipped the moment he tried to emerge from the car and would surely have fallen.<p>

He tried to wave them all away, all the fuss about him made him rather apprehensive, but his protests went unheard. Lights rushed overhead, the soft echo of rubber shoes flowing into the vertigo into which he was spinning.

How easy it was for control to simply slip away from him. Izaya knew this already, it was a hard earned lesson that the universe insisted on pounding into him, over and over again, as if he needed constant reminders. Izaya closed his eyes.

The moment it sank into him that he no longer had to struggle his thin grasp on consciousness swum away from him.

He woke up to a sunlit room and an unfamiliar ceiling. Holding up his hand he moved each finger, slowly, dazzled by the dappled effect of shadows intruding on orange light.

"Good morning, Orihara-san."

"Saki...what are you doing here? Actually, where is 'here' anyway?"

Izaya sat up, trying to place himself in the present time and place. She smiled.

"You're at the hospital. The doctor says you just have a cold."

"Oh, right. It's coming back to me now. Still, how come you're here?"

Saki folded her hands on her lap. She wore the hat Izaya had bought her.

"I became friends with the hospital personnel. I told the nurses to inform me if your name ever shows up here."

Izaya looked around the room. He felt very light as if his body had been emptied of painful burdens.

"I guess I ended up giving the name to this place to the cabbie. I appreciate the feeling but isn't that saying you half-expect me to end up at the hospital?"

She removed the hat and played with the ribbon. Thin, delicate hands. Too fragile.

"You lead a dangerous life, Orihara-san. Surely you've realized that already. But I'm glad. I am no longer worried about you."

"Hey, don't worry about me now. There's no need for that."

Saki produced his cell phone.

"Yagiri-san called and is chatting up with the doctors. Kadota-san called to ask about you. Kasuka-san called as well. There are people who care about you so I don't have to worry that you'll end up alone."

Izaya swallowed hard. He was unsure whether to be relieved or disappointed at the lack of contact from Shizuo and Shiki. And he could only guess what Kasuka wanted.

"Right but Namie will give me hell, I bet,"

The door slammed open and in strode Namie.

"And with good reason."

Izaya pulled up the sheet as if to hide.

"Hi there, Namie,"

Namie needed only to glance at Saki for her to get the point. Saki excused herself and gracefully wheeled out of the wheel. Namie opened the door and made sure she closed it behind her.

"Don't you 'hi there' me, Izaya."

Izaya pouted.

"Hey, I'm sick..."

"And why is that? It's your own fault."

"Well I guess but,"

Working with Izaya had taught Namie a few things. She now leaned into his personal space to get his full attention.

"I don't know what went through your mind and it's none of my business but cavorting in the snow and getting sick on top of it is hardly acceptable. Don't expect me to be your babysitter."

"I didn't ask you to come here."

Namie sighed.

"You need to get a hold of yourself. Your health matters. 'Healthy body, healthy mind'. No one can wing it by sheer will power. Not even you."

"It's just a cold...no need to make that big a deal out of it."

Izaya was painfully aware that he was contradicting himself and perhaps even fizzing out into whining but he could not help it.


	87. Chapter 87

"You were in a life threatening situation not too long ago and colds often develop into serious complications."

It was Izaya's turn to sigh. He let the sheet drop in a gesture of giving up.

"You're right, of course. As always."

Namie stepped back and folded her arms.

"Your private life is non of my concern but if you're under too much stress you should let me know."

Izaya was silent for a while. He stared off at the furled whiteness of the sheets.

"I'm fine, or I'll be fine with some work- it's just that I don't know just how I'm supposed to feel."

Izaya nearly jumped off bed as Namie sat on the mattress.

"You're saying that you lack a reference point."

"Something like that."

He felt disorientated. Hands folded on his lap.

"Did you know that in the States it's possible for a highly gifted child to be admitted to university?"

The change of topic got Izaya's attention.

"I've heard about it. Why are you asking?"

"These children border on genius. Intellectually they are often overqualified for an undergraduate program. But what do you suppose happens on them? More often than not they crash and burn very badly."

"Ah, I see your point."

Izaya let himself fall into the mattress as if by relaxing his body he could gain more leeway and disentangle himself from the mess he was in.

"Your case is different on many ways but my point stands: a human being's emotional development takes time to progress to the stage at which they can handle life and its many pressures. That development is built through a growing body of memories. Currently you lack that emotional background."

Izaya smiled wanly and closed his eyes.

"Clever of you to bring 'humans' into it to argue with me."

"I'm not arguing. Sheer intelligence can get through much, you process information at such speed that you can make up for a lifetime of actual knowledge but you can't apply that to emotions."

"In that regard I'm like those super clever kids?"

"Close enough."

"How odd, discussing things like this with you of all people."

"I may be the perfect person to have this discussion with. As I won't take advantage of anything you say against you."

Izaya laughed.

"I really must thank my lucky stars you're on my side."

"Take that feeling to heart and try actually doing what I say."

"Yes m'am! For I fear for my physical integrity were I to do otherwise."

"Good. You can start by getting some rest."

"No need for that, I've slept loads already."

"You clearly haven't been sleeping properly. There is something to be said about quality of sleep and yours is lacking."

Izaya blinked.

"You can tell that from my medical chart?"

"Paranoid much?"

Izaya smiled a bemused smile.

"You'll corner me into becoming a shut-in if I don't watch out."

"You'll be a shut-in for the next couple of weeks."

"This sounds as if I'm grounded."

Namie nodded.

"Good. Think of it that way."

Izaya mumbled but he appreciated the sense of being in an alliance that protected him. Even the scolding resounded with him at a deep level he could not quite explain. He knew nothing of being part of a family, his sporadic interaction with his sisters were just that, but it might very well be like this.

"I'll be dreadfully lonely, all alone in my apartment. I will develop cabin fever, I just know it."

Izaya meant it as a jest.

"You won't be alone. I'll be staying with you until you recover completely."

"Wait, what?"

"I need to keep an eye on you otherwise you'll go off scampering on the snow. And you'll need me around to fix you meals and the like. Rest assured I'll charge you for my services."

Izaya had to laugh.

"Oh, can you make nigiri balls? With tuna!"

"I can try."

"Then I'm sold. But I'll let you know I may end up calling you onee-san."

**

The extreme weather conditions froze the city into a standstill even as it released many people from the daily grind. This applied to only to the endless multitudes of workers but to the famous and glamorous. Kasuka's scheduled shooting was canceled. It was a rare respite that he fully planned to take advantage of.

He invited Shizuo to come over. The brothers did not speak much to each other and their time together consisted mainly of a quiet kind of companionable silence that made others a bit uncomfortable.


	88. Chapter 88

Verbal communication was not essential because Kasuka had an uncanny intuition when it came to his brother. He could tell something was off the moment Shizuo darkened the threshold with his shadow.

Yuigadokusonmaru padded softly as he landed on Shizuo's lap where he immediately became a purring ball of fur. Shizuo petted him.

For a while only the sound to disturb the silence was the content cat.

"It's been very cold."

Shizuo nodded.

"Yeah."

"How's Hiro-kun doing?"

"Dropping him at Tom-san's place. Mine's too cold."

"Did you pick him up at last?"

The siblings bonded through cat care. It was part of their emotional vocabulary. They were not even remotely fussy or sappy, Shizuo and Kasuka simply went about feeding felines with the implicit knowledge that it was a relaxed way of having fun.

Shizuo had come to associate caring for cats with warmth. It had played a key role in bringing him closer to Izaya.

"Nah. It's just for now 'cuz it's so cold."

More silence. Shizuo stroked the cat rather abstractedly.

"Orihara-san's cat is very pretty."

"Yeah. Sushi."

"You saw him online?"

"Yeah. But it's a kitty with an attitude, it'll bite."

"Like Orihara-san?"

Shizuo smiled. Trust his brother to see right through him.

.

As soon as he got home Izaya immediately scooped up Sushi. He would gladly cuddle the small feline some more but Namie called him to his bedroom.

Izaya entered the chamber and blinked. There were machines framing the bed and all sorts of monitors ominously blank.

"Eh, what is this...?"

"Sleep monitoring devices."

"I see. Actually I don't see, no. Care to explain from the start?"

Namie nodded.

"There is more to proper sleep than simply sleeping hours. The quality of sleep is to be taken into consideration. This device will tell us just how many hours of deep sleep you're having by night and just how brain is behaving during sleep."

"Hmm...that sounds vaguely intimidating."

"It's not at all intrusive."

"Right..."

"It may even tell us something about your memory loss."

"You could have said that right away, you know."

"I do know. But I suspect you'd hold it against me if I made recovering your memory my top priority. It can be construed of my being against you."

"Ah, it's so unfair...Namie-san knows so much about me but I barely anything about you..."

Namie smiled slyly.

"Who said that was a bad thing?"

Izaya laughed.

"Snap! Way to go, Namie-san! Oh, I know! Since you'll be staying over how about we have a slumber party?"

Namie blinked.

"A slumber party?"

"That's right! I never had one - I bet, considering the person I was - I know it's something I've missed out on, so why not have a slumber party now!"

"Do boys even have slumber parties?"

"Hmm...probably not but who cares! Oh, don't get me wrong- I 'm not planning to hit on you, not that you're not a beautiful woman,"

Izaya fumbled for words, awkwardly stumbling on disclaimers. It amused Namie to no end how Izaya could still get this embarrassed.

"I get it. So, what are we doing for this slumber party?"

Izaya nodded and folded his arms as if he was about to impart great wisdom.

"I don't know."

"This was your suggestion."

"Indeed! That's why we'll improvise. Just you, me and Sushi."

"The food?"

"The cat. But we could have a sushi banquet!"

"Not likely. The city is still more or less paralyzed as it is."

"But there's a little sushi joint down the street. I bet it's open. Let's stock up on sushi goodness and hold the fort."

"We have enough food as it is."

"But is it sushi? It must be sushi!"

"Whatever happened to the nigiri balls?"

"No can do. No cooking on slumber party."

"If you say so."

Izaya would have gone into a frenzy of preparation for his slumber party project but Namie put a stop to that. Izaya was confined to his swivel chair from which he gave instructions.

She placed two futons on the living room with a very stylish screen placed between them. Namie was surprised to find that the sushi restaurant was indeed open and more could deliver to their place since Izaya was such a good customer and since it was just around the corner.

Fluffy pillows were arranged as seats to a low table on which Izaya placed a chess board.


	89. Chapter 89

But before the game Namie insisted on having dinner. Nutrition came first, entertainment could wait. Izaya waxed enthusiastically about the sushi but grew deadly serious as it came to playing.

Izaya approached the board with great expectation, rubbing his hands as he surveyed the black and white squares that might as well represent the world.

"Did we ever play before, Namie-san?"

"Not really. You always seemed more into playing with yourself. Not to mention you mixed up pieces from all sorts of games."

"What was up with that?"

"I have no idea. You can take the black pieces."

"Okay! You know, this is a bit intimidating."

Izaya arranged the pieces on the board while Namie took her seat.

"Why?"

"No matter how you look at it I am an absolute novice. And in chess experience is important. In other words, I am afraid you'll mop the floor with me."

Namie laughed.

"I haven't played much and strategy games are most definitely your area."

"Hmm...maybe. Winner gets to walk around with the cat on their head!"

"Dare I ask why?"

Izaya gesticulated most enthusiastically.

"It's the prize. Sushi as a hat!"

"Again, why?"

"Because Sushi is fluffy and warm."

"He also has claws."

"I'll make a cat fan out of you yet, Namie! In fact, I know the perfect pet for you."

"Yes?"

Izaya was building up the suspense, caught up in his momentum, the game temporarily forgotten. He produced his cell-phone's screen with a flourish.

"Behold! The sphinx cat."

Namie stared at a remarkably wrinkly creature.

"It is a feline without fur."

"Indeed. I suspect you'd object to keeping a cat because of the hair issue. Hence, sphinx cat."

"I see."

Izaya did not exactly pout but almost.

"Namie-san, could it be that you don't see the cuteness?"

"It looks vaguely menacing."

"Not so! Such a cute cat. They need to be kept in a warm environment but apart from that they're normal cats. Tell you what! I'll give you one. If you don't fall in love with him you can give him back. No strings attached."

"Whatever happened to your love for humans? Seems like it's been superseded by cat mania."

Izaya twirled a pawn in a gesture that evoked a Machiavellian prince.

"It's because I love people that I want them to appreciate cats. We have a lot to gain from cats. They teach us how to relax and just be at ease without becoming sloppy."

Namie expected Izaya to chat as he played. Instead Izaya became so absorbed that he remained in absolute silence, his eyes focused so entirely on the game that she could have stripped without his noticing.

Izaya did not bother to study her across the board for clues. He knew that such an approach would be fruitless against Namie. Pieces traveled on the checkered black-and-white. Every now and then Namie found herself rather surprised at Izaya's moves. It could be a hallmark of his mastermind skills then again it could simply be whacky experimentation. It applied to chess as much as it did to Izaya in general.

"It's a stalemate, I believe."

Even as he announced this Izaya still stared most intently at the board.

"Not necessarily. I can still make a blunder."

"Which you won't. I call stalemate."

"Fair enough."

Izaya sighed deeply and stretched.

"Not to bad, a tie. I can live with that."

"You're better at this than me, I told you as much."

"Maybe. I'd be sure to lose against-"

Izaya trailed off into silence and averted his eyes. He knew all too well that his former self could easily defeat him. It did not matter that chess was just a game, it stood for much more.

"At least you're not burning down the board."

Izaya blinked, suddenly wrenched from his depressing reverie.

"Why would I do that?"

"I have no idea. How you managed not to trigger the smoke detectors is also a mystery."

"I'm not some kind of pyromaniac, right...?"

"You're not."

Namie omitted that she suspected Izaya had been planning to set fire to the city.

"It's horrible how I can't understand half the reason behind most of the things I've done in my life. It's not just not knowing, it's not understanding that bothers me so much."

Izaya looked visibly shaken.

"So, who gets to wear the cat like a hat now?"


	90. Chapter 90

"Oh, good question. Hmm...I think you should. Just so you may see how wonderful it feels."

"Assuming you can find him."

Izaya looked around and indeed the cat was nowhere to be seen.

"Oy, Sushi! Where art thou, oh Sushi! He seems to be hiding."

"Maybe he doesn't want to become a temporary hat."

"Hmm...you may be right. My point of view was definitely anthropocentric. This reminds me of a video I saw the other day. It's about a blind cat that got injured in the great Tohuku quake. It expresses the cat's feelings of fear and the comfort he derives from his feline family and human friends. But of course the message comes directly from a human being, namely the cat's owner. Ultimately, it's a person using a cat to express how they feel...but at the same time, I wonder if there's not some truth to it. It may very well be that the human is transmitting the cat's experience through our ever so human means of communication: language." *

Izaya did not mention that the video made him shed a tear or two.

"Animals do share a lot of emotions with us."

Izaya nodded.

"I'm terrified of earthquakes myself."

"Your place is about the most quake-proofed place in Japan."

He twirled the black king in silence for a while.

"That won't matter much if the Next Big One turns out to be very big indeed."

Izaya's fear of earthquakes was more than reasonable apprehension. It represented a primeval panic, the sheer horror of humanity rendered helpless in the face of nature's brutality. Merely thinking about it was enough to make him highly uncomfortable.

In his own mind the Next Big One encapsulated the deepest kernel of his fears.

"Let's have a rematch."

Izaya snapped out of it immediately, his attention fully claimed by the distribution of pieces on the checkered board. Namie did not play desultorily but she was more interested in Izaya's attitude of absolute concentration than anything else.

They ended up playing a few more matches, out of which Izaya won half and Namie the other half. He seemed pleased with the result and would have carried on late into the night were it not for Namie's adamant refusal. As much fun as Izaya was having he knew he needed to have some rest.

"Okay, I guess it's running late."

While Namie took a shower Izaya surveyed the makeshift sleeping area. He began to second guess his slumber party plan. Namie emerged from the bathroom in a simple robe and nightgown. She strolled in her usual way, indifferent to the fact that her outfit was somewhat revealing.

Izaya found himself twirling his fingers and smiling sheepishly.

"Eh, you know, it seems I am not always tuned to what is proper or socially acceptable- maybe it's because my memories are limited- but this kind of thing may be a bit wrong- since you're a woman and I'm a man- not to say my intentions are, you know, but,"

Namie calmly ignored the flustered speech and fluffed her pillow.

"Your amnesia has little to do with your disregard for convention in general."

"Still, I can understand if you feel this is just creepy, slumber party, that is. What I'm trying to say is, just because you work for me doesn't me you have to feel like you can't tell me to fuck off."

She crossed to his side of the screen that separated the futons.

"You don't have to worry about that. I may work for you but I have no problems putting you in your place if need be."

Izaya broke into a wide smile.

"You're quite a sharp shooter, Namie-san! I like that. You're not too bored, putting up with me like this?"

"I'm not one of your host club clients. You don't have to entertain me."

"I'd be terrified if you were my customer, I bet no amount of smiling would make much of a difference. Oh no, it would take champagne pyramids all the way to the ceiling! Oh look, it's snowing!"

Izaya hopped over to the panoramic window and stared at the snowy night with perfect fascination.

"You've had enough of snow as it is."

Izaya flung himself on the floor and proceeded to roll about.

"Central heating is something else! We don't even need the futons."

Sushi sprang from whatever corner he had been lurking on and promptly curled himself in Izaya's belly.

"Feel free to sleep there, then."

* * *

><p>*here is the video: watch?v=0UyusdR1Y0s<p> 


	91. Chapter 91

Izaya giggled, picked up the cat and flopped on the futon.

"So mean of you. Ah, too lazy to move..."

"I'm not helping you change if that's what you're angling for."

Izaya sat up and gasped in mock indignation.

"Why I'd never!"

He changed into very comfy flannel pajamas and dived under the blanket with a flourish. For a while he just relished the comfortable snug feeling of fresh sheets in silence.

"Ah, this is the life...so warm and nice."

"Next time we'll play checkers."

Izaya rolled so that he was facing the screen.

"Am I good at that?"

"Probably."

"Go me! How about we give poker a go?"

"I'm keeping my clothes on, if that's what you're angling for."

Izaya laughed and made himself more comfortable as Sushi curled at his feet.

"You've a deal!"

"Now go to sleep."

"Yes, m'am."

Izaya did as he was told.

.

Kadota was walking down one of Ikebukuro's main thoroughfares when he spotted a familiar beanie just beyond a window pane. Curious, he peered into the cafe and upon recognizing Izaya he just had to go in.

"Hey, hi there."

Izaya looked up from the notebook that had occupied him so that he failed to notice Kadota until he was standing next to him.

"Kadota! Just the person I wanted to see, sit, sit."

Izaya gestured to the seat in front and Kadota found himself taking it.

"What's up with the beanie? I thought you hated that kind of thing."

Izaya smiled brightly.

"Could it be that I decided that you are a great fashion icon? Not!"

"I didn't think that was it,"

"Since you were so selfish as not to donate your beanie to Sushi I figured I'd wear one for a while, get my scent on it and then use it as the ultimate bed for small felines."

Kadota had to smile. He ordered a coffee.

"Figures it was something like that. You look busy, am I bothering you?"

"Ah, indeed I am busy but input is most definitely welcome. You know Liar Game?"

"The manga?"

Izaya nodded enthusiastically and nearly leaped across the table.

"Yes, the manga! They're having this contest, you submit a Liar Game spinoff and Kaitani-sensei himself will draw the winner's entry. How cool is that?! It'll appear on Young Jump."

"It's right up your alley."

Izaya sat back and folded his arms, all seriousness.

"True. But it's remarkable difficult. Figuring out the loopholes in Liar Game is already thrilling but actually making the games is quite challenging. Akiyama may be a genius but the Office people are probably even smarter."

"Yeah, you probably have a point. Got any ideas so far?"

Izaya looked around as if he expected spies to overhear him and grew considerably confidential.

"I'm willing to tell you but you must not tell anyone. Particularly the otaku gang. Got it?"

"Sure. I won't tell."

Izaya looked him up and down, which was quite a feat considering they were both sitting, and reached a decision.

"Alright, it goes like this: we have a labyrinth and two groups that we shall call A and B, are trying to reach the center. They start from opposite sides of the maze, the goal is to be the first team to reach the goal. To do so they must unlock several doors by correctly answering a series of questions. So far so good, now here's the catch: in each group there is a mole that is working for the opposite team and trying to sabotage the whole thing. The teams are told as much."

"I see. Teams are supposed to work together but that will be difficult when they know there's someone out to sabotage the whole thing. It'll create a lot of fighting."

Izaya nearly leaped across the table before, so much so that Kadota found himself pulling away slightly.

"Exactly!"

"That's a good idea, I think it'll work."

Izaya collapsed back on his seat again.

"But it's still not enough. There needs to be some conflict...I need the teams to actively try to find the mole so they can just dismiss their input. But that may be too easy, there must be a reason for the actual members of the team to pretend to be mole so that find the real mole will be so much harder."

"Not to mention the questions themselves."

Izaya nodded very heavily and shook his head.

"Ah, indeed. But do you think the overall concept holds water?"


	92. Chapter 92

"I think so."

Izaya burst into one of his sunny smiles.

"I sure hope so! Also, I'm considering having bets along with the questions. You know how Liar Game tends to be about money and how the secondary rules are often what trips the players, the idea here is that you lose your team's money whenever fail a question and you gain money from the opposite team's whenever you answer correctly."

"And if you win all the money from the other team you win by default?"

"Yes, the other team will then go into debt."

"It'll come down to those secondary rules, right?"

Kadota was expecting it by now but he was still taken aback when Izaya leaned across the table again.

"Yes! Those little rules that people forget only to be revealed in an amazing moment of epicness."

"And then there's crazy laughter. I bet you like that."

"Of course! Speaking of while, I'm working on the characters. I'll be going for a female lead."

Kadota was surprised.

"Really? I figured you'd just channel yourself into the main character."

Izaya blinked.

"How come?"

Kadota twirled the spoon on his coffee.

"Aren't you the perfect Liar Game character? I mean, you're brainy, zany, unpredictable and if there's one thing you're good at it is pulling strings on people."

"I see! You do have a point. But would you read a manga in which I'm the protagonist?"

"Yeah, I'd read it. You're perfect for the part...you even look the part. Cool and sleek."

Izaya gave this some thought.

"I see what you mean. And the readers would keep guessing, 'is this one of the good guys or...?'."

"That's something I never figured out myself. About you, that is."

Izaya slurped his drink, at length.

"That makes two of us. Tell you what, I just going to watch the new Liar Game movie at the Sunshine, want to join me?"

Kadota hesitated for a second that felt absurdly long to Izaya.

"Sure."

.

As soon as the credits rolled by Izaya literally skipped out of movie theater into the sundown lit street.

"How cool was that, Kadota!"

"Great game, yeah."

Izaya did a crazy dance and twirled around some. Kadota had to wonder how Izaya managed not to collide with the stream of strolling people.

"Ah, but I don't like the way they portray Fukunaga in the live action movies. Fukunaga is supposed to be a classy trap, instead he's played out like a token campy gay."

"Maybe they can pick you for the part."

Izaya blinked. And then blinked again. Kadota had a moment of panic, he had not meant to actually say such a thing. Just when Kadota was fumbling for an apology Izaya burst out laughing.

"Oh dear, Kadota! Are you saying I'd look good crossdressing? I'm not too sure if that's a compliment but I'll take it as one! I'd get to cackle all I wanted, too! Heh, Fukunaga for the win! Speaking of that, there's something I just have got to show you!"

And with this Izaya dragged Kadota to his Shinjuku apartment.

"Tada! Make yourself at home, Kadota. I'll fix you some tea but first, feast your eyes on this!"

Kadota was still looking around at the vast interior of Izaya's place, half expecting Shizuo to somehow pop out. Izaya skipped away and returned shortly carrying an oversized pillow that he propped on a sofa with a flourish.

"What is that...?"

"It's my Liar Game dakimakura! Costume made. There's Akiyama on a side and Fukunaga on the other, look!"

Izaya flipped the pillow and indeed Fukunaga's picture emerged. Wearing a white bikini and smiling most prettily.

"Figured you'd go for Yokoya."

"No way, too creepy for me. Akiyama and Fukunaga for the win!"

Izaya flipped the pillow again so that Kadota could see Akiyama wearing a suit.

"Do you sleep with this...?"

Kadota had to ask.

"Not really, I just laze about with it every now and then."

"These dakimakura thingies are real expensive."

"Cost me a pretty yen, yeah. But it's so worth it! Oh hi there, Sushi."

The kitten had been keeping out of sight out of feline prudence but now bravely sneaked out into the open to rub himself against Izaya's legs.

"So that's your cat?"

"That's right, it's Sushi the cat! Don't you feel guilty for denying him your beanie?"


	93. Chapter 93

Izaya placed his own beanie on the floor. Sushi approached cautiously, pawed it, sniffed it and decided to step inside, curling himself into a ball of fur while he was at it.

"The cat really fits inside!"

"Told you! Mission 'Cat Bed' is accomplished. Rejoice, Kadota!"

Kadota was not entirely sure what he was expected to do but Izaya had enough enthusiasm for the two of them and then some.

"Couldn't you just buy a cat bed?"

"But where's the fun of that? Besides, I can bond with kitty this way! Neh, Sushi?"

Kadota could not quite explain it but there was something to this candor that set Izaya in a whole new light.

"He seems to like you a lot already."

"One can never quite tell with cats."

Izaya prepared and served tea. Kadota found himself still looking around as he sipped it. Izaya misread him:

"If you're looking for Namie-san she's has some business to attend to she won't be staying over tonight."

Kadota blinked.

"Tonight...? You mean she usually stays overnight?"

"She's living here."

Kadota choked on his tea and only resumed speech after a lot of spluttering.

"You mean- you're living together?"

Izaya chuckled.

"Well, we are. But it's not like that."

Kadota needed some time to compose himself, it was so unexpected.

"Right, I see."

"I get a feeling you don't believe me."

"It's just a bit unusual..."

Izaya tapped his chin with a finger, thoughtfully.

"Hmm...whatever happened to the concept of 'innocent cohabitation'?"

Kadota smiled.

"Can't exactly picture you as innocent...at all."

As if to confirm this Izaya grew mischievous.

"You know, I can't help thinking you have a thing for Namie-san. I totally support you!"

"I don't,"

"I can fix you a date with her."

"I am really not interested..."

"Your loss, Kadota. Say, want to stay over for dinner?"

Kadota did not have the heart to say no. And if he were to be honest he did not have to make much of an effort to go along with Izaya.

"Sure, sounds good."

"Alright! I shall attempt stir fry."

"Attempt, you say...?"

Izaya nodded.

"That's right. Have some faith in me, Kadota. It will be delicious, most definitely."

With this Izaya bounced to the kitchen and readily slipped into an apron.

"Anything I can help with?"

"You're the guest, just make yourself comfortable."

Izaya produced a kitchen knife that he proceeded to wield with great mastery and speed. The blade blurred as Izaya chopped vegetables and sliced meat that he tossed into a wok with a flourish, sprinkling seasonings liberally. Soon enough the scent had Kadota salivating.

Izaya served two plates, holding them up as the world' sassiest waiter. Kadota was afraid the food would end up in the floor as Izaya bounced about but fortunately Izaya had some sense for once.

"Who knew you could cook!"

"Now that's just rude. Ah, if they pick my idea I'll cook a feast and invite everyone!"

"Would you invite Shizuo?"

Izaya's bubbly attitude deflated immediately. He stared at the food on his plate.

"I'm not sure."

Kadota felt guilty for spoiling the mood. It was a strange feeling. Kadota reached for something that would cheer up Izaya.

"Say, how you play Liar Game? I mean, would you have a strategy going into it?"

Izaya perked up immediately.

"I'd probably keep something of a low profile at first as I figure out the other contestants."

"That sounds creepy."

"But of course! And when I win I'd go for a marathon of crazy laughing while I flap my arms around violently."

The conversation flowed naturally after that. Kadota had more fun than he thought at all possible and Izaya sent him off with a genuine smile and plenty of waving.

Izaya was ready to call it a night. He could feel an impeding headache just at the borders of his consciousness. The intercom's tone made him wince, it was a sudden bout of pain. But Izaya could not just ignore it.

He took a deep breath to compose himself before opening the door to Shiki.

Izaya had rehearsed what he wanted to say. Shiki suspected as much and kept his silence.

"Shiki-san, I want us to understand each other. You follow your own code of conduct, I respect that. However, I am not your possession and I would appreciate it if you kept that in mind."


	94. Chapter 94

Shiki took his own sweet time pulling out and lightning a cigarette.

"Is that what upset you?"

With this simple line Shiki reduced Izaya's emotional upheaval to a mere fit of sorts. Izaya had vowed to himself to remain calm and collected. His headache was advancing toward a migraine and he could not afford to take a pill as any display of weakness would undermine him.

"Yes. I believe I am entitled to feeling that way."

Of this Shiki was not entirely sure.

"Fair enough. Is that all?"

It was not.

"Viewing people as property may come with the territory for you but assuming I'm too much of an idiot to realize innuendo is insulting and undeserved. I've lost my memory, not my intelligence."

It was something of a recurring theme.

"How about naivety?"

Izaya blinked despite himself.

"Are you accusing me of being naive?"

Shiki looked around desultorily enough, fetched an ashtray that he proceeded to use. His every movement was groomed to a perfect pitch of smooth ease.

"You brought together two men who are vying for you in roughly the same manner. Competitive behavior is to be expected."

This gave Izaya pause. Enough to stifle his immediate indignation.

"It's been staring me in the face, you say?"

"Pretty much."

Izaya gazed off into the window.

"Shiki-san, hindsight is always 20/20. At any rate, we aren't in a relationship so I don't see why you should concern yourself like this."

Shiki had been contemplating his cigarette for the last couple of minutes. He now turned to Izaya.

"It may sound like a cheap shot but it's human nature. What you do when I'm not around isn't any of my business, usually at least, but it's different when I'm right there."

Izaya went as far as lifting a hand to his throbbing temples but masked it by gesturing rather aimlessly.

"I see."

"You need to ask yourself if you can afford to be clueless about those closest to you like this."

Izaya smiled faintly with more than a touch of irony.

"Indeed, since it seems no-one will bother to actually tell me anything."

"It's your job to know these things."

Izaya was silent for a long while. His headache filled the silence with a low ringing noise. Izaya heard his own voice through it.

"In other words, you were teaching me a lesson of sorts."

"You'll thank me later."

Izaya chuckled.

"Oh, I'm sure."

"Are you alright?"

Izaya nearly flinched as Shiki cleared the distance between them and placed a hand on his forehead. Izaya did not feel feverish, just weirdly disconnected as if he was being drawn into a void, but apparently it was taking a toll on his looks. He did not exactly swat Shiki's hand but he did push it away.

"I'm fine, Shiki-san."

It was then that Izaya caught sight of his other self leaning on the sofa and showing right above Shiki's shoulder.

"'I'm fine, Shiki-san', tsk, tsk. Got to hand it you, it takes talent to get involved in a love triangle without even realizing it. Go you!"

It took all that Izaya had to look Shiki in the eye. Knowing that this other Izaya was just a very bizarre mind trick he found it beyond him to completely ignore it. Meanwhile Shiki was studying him closely.

"It's a good thing you got upset. I'm already surrounded by people who wouldn't dare to ever oppose me as it is. What I want from you is considerably different."

Izaya was surprised. He did not expect Shiki to be this candid at this point.

"And I am only useful as long as I know what's going on."

"Something like that."

The other Izaya giggled and produced his infamous blade that he proceeded to dangle the air.

"Shiki-san here sees you a bit like a court jester. You know how it goes, jesters were allowed to tell it like it is even to the face of the king but that's only because they didn't actually count in the grand scheme of things."

Izaya suspected that there was some truth to it. He knew it would not change anything but he tried blinking in the hopes of dispelling the ever so vivid illusion.

"I see. I'm afraid I am not particularly grateful but now that things are cleared I hope that you never treat the same way again."

"And if I do?"


	95. Chapter 95

The other Izaya bounced, literally so, landing on the sofa on which he sat cross-legged.

"Be very careful now, oh naïve One. You're treading on thin ice here."

"Then I'll be forced to put an end to our collaboration."

Izaya made it a point to avoid the word 'relationship.

Shiki contemplated him at length. It amused him that Izaya should make such a stand, as if it was up to him to decide something that important. As things stood Shiki could easily coerce Izaya into compliance but he reminded himself it was better not to antagonize him too much. After all, Izaya was best utilized when he was happy.

"Understood."

"See, he understands! Loving yakuza. No, seriously, this is better than sappy drama. I can almost hear the violins harping away in the background."

The other Izaya giggled, as ever very much amused.

"Shiki-san, have you considered that you may be misreading this situation?"

"In what way?"

"It seems to me I'm almost incidental in all this. You and Shizuo are both forceful personalities, in your very own different ways, you were bound to clash. I was simply the means of bringing you into closer contact."

Here was a novel idea. Shiki smiled.

"Good to see you can bring something new to the table as ever. But rest assured, this is very much about you. No one could possibly interest both me and him."

Izaya grew thoughtful, almost abstracted. He was in fact doing his utmost to ignore the other Izaya.

"And I suppose the lesson here is, 'watch yourself around Shizuo'?"

"Ultimately that's your call."

Izaya's smile grew faintly ironic.

"'Ultimately', it's still up to me to decide my own life."

The other Izaya whistled.

"Oh my. There's still some bite to me, it seems! Here I was afraid you were about to lie down and let Shiki-sama walk all over you."

"Make up your mind it's either 'you' or 'me'."

Shiki blinked at this, confused. Izaya had an instant of sheer and blind panic. Not only had he just spoken to this unreal specter as he must have looked his way as well because Shiki now looked in the same direction. For a split second Izaya was sure Shiki would be able to actually see the other Izaya.

"'You' or 'me'?"

It took all Izaya had to make up a context out of thin air. The same air that Shiki was presently seeing, most likely.

"I mean that I can't have two people ruling my life, it's only me."

Shiki did blink again. He was not entirely sure he followed the reasoning but then again this was Izaya. Meanwhile the other Izaya lifted up his hands in a mock gesture of surrender.

"Okay, okay. I'll go away before you start raving too much."

And just like that the other Izaya disappeared. It made Izaya sick to his stomach. Somehow, talking to an hallucination did not strike him as demented as seeing it literally pop out of existence. For the time being, Izaya had no doubts it would come back.

"Fair enough. By the way, I have a job for you."

"Yes?"

Izaya's headache receded to a bearable level.

"It's a very simple matter, I want you to work as an observer."

"An observer, Shiki-san?"

"I'm sure you heard that one of heads of the Ichinomiya group died recently. Your job will be to attend the funeral and make your observations."

"It'll be a big affair, from what I've heard. A major event, even. Is there anything in particular I should be on the lookout for?"

"I leave that entirely up to you."

"It won't turn into a shootout, will it?"

Shiki actually laughed.

"That only happens in movies."

"And here I was afraid it'd turn into a Miike Takashi movie."

"It won't. Most outsiders would find it boring but I bet you'll have a lot of fun."

"That sounds a bit wrong, having fun at a funeral..."

"The funeral part is more of an excuse than anything else. Whenever major yakuza bosses gather together the police tends to get all too suspicious, you could say the funeral provides a perfect cover."

"Ah, I hope this Ichinomiya was not offed to make this perfect timing happen."


	96. Chapter 96

"Heart attack."

"Maybe your men are right after all and the fabled Death Note is actually real."

"So you're interested?"

Izaya nodded.

"Self-contained human micro-societies are of special interest to me. Will I stand out too much? I don't suppose there will be a lot of outsiders."

"The place will be packed, you'll blend in just fine."

"Any particular dress code?"

"Black suit and black tie."

"I'm looking forward to this."

It seemed oddly fitting to bring this interview to a close on such a business related issue.

*

When Kadota called the next day Izaya was surprised and rather happy. He could always do with some unwinding. As it turns out things did not quite go the way Izaya expected.

Instead of Kadota alone he found himself dealing with Erika and Walker. For some reason they were both bent on staring at Izaya from such a short range that he found himself rather unnerved. Izaya cast a glance at Kadota who was far too busy playing with Sushi.

"So perfect, just perfect!"

And with this oddball pronouncement Erika proceeded to walk around Izaya, eyes shining. Walker nodded most enthusiastically.

"It couldn't be any better!"

"Er, Erika-san? Could you explain what's going on?"

Erika did not quite ignore his baffled inquiry but she launched on a rant as way of explaining with Walker finishing her sentences.

"When we heard about it, the first we thought was,"

"'It has got to be Izaya!'"

"Like, no one else would do! But we were a bit afraid because, you know,"

"It's Orihara Izaya we're talking about here, as in, the Orihara Izaya!"

"So it was! But then Dotachin said,"

"'Izaya is cool now'"

"So we were like, 'No way, for real?!'"

"But you know, this kind of thing happens. Like with Vegeta!"

"Love it when you get oldschool!"

They stopped their chatter to beam at each other for a moment after which they turned their attention to Izaya again. Izaya took advantage of the interval of silence.

"Okay, okay, time out. What are you guys talking about?"

They answered in unison:

"Costplay!"

"...you want me to be your costplay model?"

"That's right!"

"Since Izaya-san is perfect!"

"Here!"

Erika handed him a very glossy picture of an anime character. Izaya did not recognize it, some vaguely Arabic guy with a long, long black braid, exposed midriff, puffy black pants and plenty of absurdly big jewels. The slasher smile and red eyes did look vaguely familiar.

"You want me to dress up like this...?"

By now the otaku duo had worked themselves into a pitch of excitement that could not possibly be contained. Erika literally jumped up and down and went as far as invading Izaya's personal space, forcing him to step back to avoid a collision.

"Yes!"

"Izaya is the perfect Judal!"

Izaya tried to glance at Kadota but all he got in return was a shrug and a bemused smile.

"Let us start from the start, okay? Is this an anime or...?"

A collective gasp. Erika picked up the thread of the conversation first.

"It's Magi!"

"Magi!"

"Can it be that Izaya-san doesn't know about Magi?"

"Such a cool manga!"

"Soon to be turned into anime, too."

Izaya studied the picture anew.

"Right, I'm not familiar with it. But any rate, you'll have to pick someone else. I've got a nasty scar, see?"

Izaya lifted his shirt to display said scar. It was barely visible but knowing that otakus tended to be perfectionists when it came to their love for 2D Izaya felt sure he was off the hook.

To his absolute surprise Erika actually proceeded to lift his shirt even more, turning to Walker as she did so.

"Look, loo, Yumachi! Quite a sixpack!"

"If I swung the other way Izaya-san would so be my type!"

"Erika-san, will you stop undressing me?!"

Kadota giggled and covered it up by coughing and frowning at nothing in particular. Erika did not let go of the shirt, she produced a pencil that she applied to the length of the scar.

"That tickles! Stop that- actually, what are you even doing...?"

Despite his confusion Izaya was curious.

"Drawing dark ruhk on this. It works so well!"

"Oh, good idea Erika! It's totally Judal's trademark."

Izaya sighed.

"Guys, guys! Time out. So you want me to dress up like this Judal guy and go to some costplay event. But why me? Don't they usually use fans for these things?"


	97. Chapter 97

Erika and Walker exchanged one quick glance. They seemed to sober up on the spot. Again it was up to Erika to resume the conversation.

"Well, Orihara-san is a dead ringer for Judal. And we're sure you can relate to him."

Izaya noticed the change in denomination right away.

"Let me guess...this guy is the villain, isn't he?"

Walker stepped in.

"Dotachin told us you're more into villains as it is,"

"And Judal is one of those super cool, super sexy villains you can't help loving!"

Izaya sighed.

"Super sexy villain, huh.."

"Here, we brought the outfit!"

And indeed they produced two garment bags and set to displaying the goods.

"Hey, hey, I didn't say I agreed to this."

Erika actually gasped in dismay.

"But you must! You're so perfect,"

Izaya cut her short.

"Yes, yes, you've said that already. What I want to know is, what's in it for me?"

Again Walker and Erika exchanged a quick glance but it was Kadota who pleaded their case.

"Come on Izaya, you'll have a load of fun. You get to dress up and act like a sexy bastard with a god complex...it's right up your alley."

Izaya lifted an eyebrow.

"Kadota, don't tell me you think I'm sexy. I'm getting worried about you now."

Kadota blushed on the spot and mumbled something. Erika immediately jumped to the opportunity.

"No, no, no, that can't be! Izaya-san belongs to Shi-"

Walker knew that Erika was getting too carried away by her love of Shizaya, as she put it, and about to ruin everything so he unceremoniously placed his hand over her mouth and thus neatly shut her up.

"Now, now, let's go back to costplay, costplay. Orihara-san, you'll do it, right? Think about it, think as doing it...for humanity!"

Walker's smile was so absurdly wide that it eclipsed his eyes altogether. He let go of Erika who joined him in staring intently at Izaya as if to hypnotize him into complying.

"Hmm...tell you what, I'll dress up. But only if you guys dress up as well."

The duo fidgeted a bit.

"Just what kind of dressing up are we talking about...?"

"Why, Erika-san, I'm so glad you're showing interest but that wouldn't be any fun. You guys want me to prance about half naked in weird clothes, in return I want you guys to dress up. You'll find out all about in due time."

Izaya's smile was vaguely sinister and settled the deal for the otaku: Izaya was just too perfect, they had to go with him. Erika shook hands with him.

"You've got a deal, Orihara-san!"

"Like, totally!"

"Try on the clothes! I'll help!"

And Erika would have stripped him right there if not for Izaya jumping beyond her reach.

"Oy! No undressing me, please. I can do it myself."

Izaya might be getting the hang of how to handle Erika and Walker but he still did not quite know how to react when she tossed social convention completely to the side. Apparently Erika was unaware that girls should not forcibly separate guys from their clothes.

"Okay! But let me adjust the wig,"

"The wig is the crucial element."

It soon became all too obvious that it might have been better to let someone help him but on the attire. Izaya felt remarkably awkward as he appeared before them wearing the oddball outfit.

Immediately Erika latched on to him: she attached the wig, clasped the fake jewelery on his neck and arms,and not content with that she did his makeup with plenty of dark shadowing around the eyes.

"It's complete!"

Erika and Walker danced around. Izaya moved his arms and legs, each movement causing a jingly sound.

"This is pretty heavy. Is it actually metal? Couldn't you go with tinsel or something?"

Erika shook her head most emphatically.

"That wouldn't do. If we had real gold we'd use it!"

"Like, we need actual metal to give the impression of weight,"

"Ah, 3D poses so many challenges!"

"That's another reason why we picked you, the crazy parkour moves!"

"Judal has some sick moves himself!"


	98. Chapter 98

"Can you stand on your hands?"

Izaya tilted his head slightly, the wig trailed behind him.

"Probably, let's see."

Izaya jumped back, he needed room for acrobatics. Kadota had seen Izaya running madly many a time and dodging all sorts of very heavy objects that Shizuo hurled at him, Kadota had even even chased him very recently but he had never fully appreciated Izaya's agility as he did now.

In one swift movement Izaya seemed to take a plunge forward and landed on just one hand. He had it seem effortless even as gravity pulled at his odd unpractical clothes, metallic fake jewelery and wig.

"Like this?"

"Yes! That's great! Show us some sexy back!"

Izaya giggled as he switched hands very rapidly, the jiggling picking up speed. He then threw himself into a backflip and finished on his feet with a flourishing bow. Erika and Walker clapped. Erika nearly jumped on him.

"Orihara-san! Can you pull cool fighting moves?"

Izaya was actually not sure. He knew that he used to be quite skilled at fighting, at least as far as dodging attacks went, but he had no idea if some bodily memory still remained. Izaya had some run-ins with Shizuo as it was and managed to escape and even lash back, apparently his acrobaticsc abilities seemed as sharp as ever.

"Hey, Kadota. Try attacking me."

Kadota shook his head.

"Sorry but I don't have a death wish."

"Come on now. I won't hurt you. Besides, I'm unarmed."

"You're more dangerous unarmed than most people are packing lead. Speaking of which just what happened to kawaii-chan?"

Izaya blinked.

"Kawaii-chan? What's that?"

It was Kadota's turn to blink.

"Your switchblade."

"Wait, it has a name?! And kawaii-chan, of all things!"

In his surprise Izaya forgot that he should know this already.

"Yeah, it's one hell of a weird name."

"Or as I like to say, 'original'!"

"Yeah, not a lot of switchblades by that name out there, I bet."

"Indeed. Now, try to hit me! I promise I won't hurt you."

"Right..."

"Just trust me on this. Neh?"

Izaya's smile was most reassuring. Kadota hesitated. It occurred to him that he saw Izaya as a friend. He decided to just fake a punch, more to appease Izaya than to please the otaku duo.

"Okay."

Kadota did aim a fist squarely at Izaya's jaw but he did so slowly enough so that anyone could dodge, let alone someone as fast as Izaya. As for what happened next Kadota could not tell- suddenly Izaya was nowhere to be seen, there was a bout of sharp pain followed immediately by complete darkness.

Izaya too was dismayed. He had not lied, he fully meant to just play fight for the fun of it. But the moment Kadota assumed a fighting position some switch went on in Izaya's mind. Before Izaya could even process what had happened he had delivered a chop to the back of Kadota's neck and knocked him out flat.

To his absolute horror Erika and Walker cheered. Izaya realized how dangerous it could be to mistake fantasy for reality, surely they believed this too was part of the act.

"Oy, Kadota, snap out of it! I didn't mean to, I swear- I didn't mean to,"

Izaya had to make a conscious effort to keep himself from shaking Kadota. He knew that if he started he wouldn't be able to stop.

"That was so cool, go Orihara-san!"

Izaya ignored all the prancing about and immediately called Shinra.

*

Shinra did not quite know what to make of Izaya's frantic summons. For one, Izaya being frantic was highly unusual and his harming someone accidentally was even stranger.

So Shinra already expected a highly unconventional situation. Still, he found himself blinking in surprise when Izaya banged the door open as soon as the doorbell chime struck.

"Shinra! You're slow, what took so long?!"

Shinra adjusted his glasses, a multipurpose gesture he had picked up. Izaya stood on the threshold, attired liked a gothic genie.

"I don't suppose you'll grant me three wishes if I, er, rub your lamp?"


	99. Chapter 99

Shinra smirked. Izaya was sure to catch the sexual innuendo. Except he did not.

"Hurry up, hurry up! Kadota's here,"

Before Shinra could protest Izaya had grabbed him by the wrist, the fake gold tinkling, and was dragging him to a sofa on which Kadota sat with a pack of ice on his neck. Erika and Walker stood by. Kadota made as if to rise but Izaya was having none of that.

"You, don't move a muscle until the doctor here checks you out."

Shinra pretended to cough.

"I thought Kadota was knocked unconscious?"

"Izaya is overreacting, it was really nothing much."

Erika had something to say.

"A brilliant chop!"

"Like this, baw! And Dotachin was out of it!"

"Izaya is Suzaku material here! All hail Britannia!"

"Britannia!"

Izaya ignored the craziness and invaded Kadota's personal space by nearly crawling into his lap. Shinra dropped his bag. There was something so highly sensual about half-naked Izaya in such a pose that Shinra could not believe it was unintentional. Surely Izaya was trolling Kadota for good measure.

"How do you feel, Kadota? Sure nothing hurts? How many fingers am I holding?"

"Er, three."

Izaya bounced back and sat on cross-legged facing Shinra.

"Go on, do your doctor thing."

Shinra struggled to put on his serious professional face. A simple inspection showed that that there was no damage done.

"You'll be fine, it's a simple concussion. It'll go away in a couple a week or so, just put this gel twice a day."

Izaya sighed in relief, closed his eyes and united his hand as if praying. It was only then that Shinra realized that Izaya had been genuinely worried.

"Thank god. Kadota, I am really sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Kadota had not fully recovered, not so much from the chop to the neck, as to Izaya's oddball behavior.

"It's okay."

"I'll make it up to you, I swear."

Izaya looked so utterly mortified that Kadota actually felt sorry for him. Erika greatly appreciated this range of emotions and was discreetly taking pictures of Izaya with her phone.

"So you two were play fighting?"

Izaya nodded, dejectedly enough.

"That explains it, then. Your self-defense instinct kicked in and took over much to Kadota's horror."

"It was a bad idea, I can see that now. I can't express how,"

Izaya's voice broke in a sob. It terrified everyone in the room, even Erika felt highly uncomfortable. Kadota broke the mood by picking up Sushi who was meandering about and placing the tiny feline fur ball on Izaya's lap.

"There, kitty wants you to cheer up."

Izaya petted Sushi and smiled warmly. Then he jumped to his feet, holding the cat up in the air and spinning around.

"Sushi! If only you had wings!"

Walker and Erika chimed in unison,

"Exceeds for the win!"

Izaya seemed to have regained his bearings.

"Thanks for coming on such a short notice, Shinra. How much do I owe you?"

"No need for that."

Izaya frowned.

"I know, you get to wear Sushi on your head like a hat! There."

Sushi meowed and made himself comfortable on Shinra's hair.

"He won't chew on my hair...?"

"Never, Sushi is well behaved. Best cat you will ever meet. Shake paws with him!"

Shinra noticed how gently Izaya lifted the cat again and held him for a paw-shake. It was childish, silly and oddly compelling. That Izaya had a streak of immaturity was nothing new but Shinra likened it to the cruel games children were often fond of. And while Shinra had not been a normal child by any stretch of the imagination Izaya as a child had bordered on sociopath.

"You sure have changed a lot. I wonder what happened to you."

Izaya was ready to dismiss Shinra's suspicions in his nonchalant way. But he never got around to because Erika interrupted.

"Oh, oh, maybe it's like Viletta. Izaya-san here lost his memory in some accident and became so much nicer as a result."

Izaya managed to smile but he could feel his stress levels climbing. Fortunately no one tended to take the otakus all that seriously.

"Hmm...that's an interesting idea. Izaya, remember how we first met?"


	100. Chapter 100

Izaya was not entirely sure. He had information on how he had met most of the people that currently populated his life but Shinra belonged to a deeper strata, to a past without witnesses. Izaya could only act breezy and hope it would carry him through.

"But of course. How could I forget my schoolmate, tsk on you."

"Then you remember our field trip to Nara?"

Izaya was too much in a hurry to change the subject and lay it to rest. Everyone's eyes were on him.

"Ah, Nara. It was fun but I can't say I care much for the countryside. How about some tea?"

Izaya hopped away to prepare it.

"You were crazy about the big Buddha statue."

"It's pretty cool, that statue."

Shinra waited until Izaya was pouring the delicately fragrant tea into cups to speak again.

"Funny you remember that field trip. Since it never happened."

In hindsight Izaya saw this coming. But of course it was too late to properly make amends. It occurred to Izaya that the best policy was also to make sure there was no need to make amends.

He opted for a shrug.

"Some other town, then."

"Some other town with a big Buddha statue?"

Izaya waved dismissively, his fake jewelery tinkling in tandem.

"So maybe I'm mixing up things. It's been a while after all."

Izaya was not precisely cornered but close enough. The silence from the audience, as he now saw Erika, Walker and Kadota, only showed they were not missing a beat. This would be the perfect time for his accursed hallucination to haunt him.

Shinra adjusted his glasses and smiled.

"I believe you'd call this 'trolling'. There's no way you could have fooled everyone if you had lost your memory. Right?"

Izaya mirrored the smile.

"Indeed."

"How about that tea?"

Izaya handed him a cup. He made sure that his gestures did not betray his inner agitation.

"You guys want tea as well?"

They nodded. Kadota sipped it with a perplexed look on his face.

"You know, it'd explain a lot..."

Izaya knew all too well that once an idea took hold of someone's mind it was best to exhaust it thoroughly if one wanted to get get rid of it. Brushing it aside could only do so much. He threw himself on the sofa with grace and crossed a leg.

"Oh yes, I'm sure it would. But think about it, wouldn't someone have realized it by now?"

"Not necessarily. If you had someone to help you out."

Izaya giggled at this. Shinra was disturbingly close to the truth.

"That would require a whole conspiracy."

"Makes perfect sense, coming from you. Everything is a conspiracy when you're concerned."

"Still. My personality should be radically different, shouldn't it?"

"You tell me, Izaya."

But Izaya was not completely disarmed. The pressure seemed to energize him. He was about to fight his corner when the oatku suddenly up and left, dragging Kadota behind them.

"We'll contact you about the costplay event, Orihara-san. See you later,"

"See you later."

Izaya blinked in surprise. He did not quite know what to think but he was glad to see them depart. That way he could focus exclusively on Shinra. Without missing a beat he carried on:

"A human being is the result of many elements, so many in fact that they are never combined in exactly the same way in two individuals. How great is the role of memories in this, that is the question here. Imagine yourself: suddenly you forget everything. This means you do not remember Celty. How could you possibly be the same person if that were to happen? All your experience would be wiped clean, just like that."

Izaya snapped his fingers for emphasis.

"I could say I'd never forget Celty but I know amnesia often affects a person's entire personal life. But one thing I know for sure, I'd fall in love with her all over again, new person or not."

"Oh? That's wonderful of you but I cannot relate."

"Funny you brought up Celty as the person that defines me as I am. In your case that person would be Shizuo."

"Come on now, that's just weird."

"Yet that's what you told me. That Shizuo defined who you were."

Izaya started all too visibly agitated.

"You know how it goes, I say a lot of things I don't quite mean."


	101. Chapter 101

"I've noticed. It's what keeps one guessing. But isn't it true? Shizuo defines who you are."

Izaya secured his cup of tea and slowly sipped. He was aware that he behaving like a sulky child but he not quite know how to properly navigate his emotions. Shinra's claim bothered him greatly.

"It's entirely different. Celty and you are a couple while Shizuo and I..."

"Yes?"

"We have resolved some of our differences. But that's about it,"

"And does Shizuo feel the same way?"

Izaya granted him a thin, cold smile.

"Go ask him, how should I know?"

It was Shinra's turn to shrug. He got up as if to leave.

"Fair enough. I'll on my way now. Try not to knock out people like that, if you can."

"Like I said, it was an accident."

"I believe you. Take care. And keep the outfit, it's so you."

Izaya had to laugh.

*

Izaya had assumed the costplay event would take place in Akihabara. To his dismay the otaku gang led him to Ikebukuro, of all places.

"Eh...the event's here?"

Erika nodded enthusiastically.

"That's right! 'bukuro has a good costplay scene too,"

"It's not just Akiba!"

Izaya hesitated before entering the site. He did not mind parading in the highly revealing outfit but it was entirely different when he did so in his very turf. Akihabara offered absolute anonymity, Ikebukuro was a display case where the eyes of the world were upon him.

"I'm not too sure-"

"Let's go, let's go!"

Erika dragged him, quite literally, and before Izaya knew it he was surrounded by all sorts of strangely clad people. In less than five minutes he felt at ease, his clothes actually allowed him to blend in very nicely.

"Hey, this is pretty cool."

Izaya giggled as he stared at Erika and Walker. True to their word they had obeyed Izaya and now sported a pretty dress and a fur fringed jacket respectively. Izaya had gone as far as ditching Erika's hat and fixing her hair at a hairdresser. He tilted his head to the side, metallic clinking, and smiled.

"You know, Erika-san...you're a pretty girl. How about you guys take this opportunity and turn this into a date?"

They both ignored him. Izaya realized they were scanning the crowd and now found whatever they were looking for.

"There he is!"

"He made it!"

"Happiness!"

Izaya was not even entirely surprised to see Shizuo walking toward them but he was not prepared for Shizuo's getup. It consisted of a full body golden colored armor, wisps of cloth over the shoulder and wrapped around the waist. But what had Izaya gaping the most was the hair dyed red and lower lip piercing.

"Shizuo...Oh my god, what have they done to you! And...is that makeup?!"

"You don't look too shabby yourself."

Erika perched herself on Shizuo's naked arm.

"He's the perfect Masrur! No matter how you look at it, it's got to be Heiwajima-san!"

"Totally!"

Izaya rolled his eyes.

"How come he gets to play one of the good guys and I'm the villain?"

He was so caught up in the moment that he did not even feel any animosity.

"They needed a strong guy to play the part. So I guessed I was the obvious choice."

Izaya sighed, arms hanging down and shoulders heaving all too dramatically. It took some skill to keep his balance, considering the long wig.

"But red hair? Kinda pinkish even? What's up with that?"

"Gotta dress up like the character and stuff...that includes the hair."

"Is that a real piercing?"

"Nah."

Izaya swirled around on one foot. The wig spun madly and would have surely knocked out in the vicinity had Izaya not leaped into a rare empty spot. It attracted a lot of attention and by the time he had stopped there was a small crowd shooting pictures of him.

As it turned out Izaya had a lot of fun. Unbeknownst to him his sisters were invited and only added to the fun. Izaya enjoyed posing as people milled around him, snapping photos, and somewhere along the line he did not even had to act much, he was just his usual self only with more stress on crazy laughter and arrogance. Shizuo too did not have to act much since his role was the silent type. He did pick up very heavy objects to the glee of the audience that gasped much and proceeded to take pictures.


	102. Chapter 102

The otaku duo knew how to type cast. Both Izaya and Shizuo gained prizes, not only because they were dressed to fit the part so perfectly but because they could enact the part. Izaya's acrobatics came up very handy. But he avoided mock fights.

At the end of the event they found themselves alone, sitting side by side at their favorite park. They were still on their outfits but attracted little attention in the nearly deserted park: the sun spread out in a final dash of sinking light as the day came to an end.

There was a deliberate distance between them and for a while silence.

"You know, Shizuo, if your character were to fight mine, mine would mop the floor with yours. Masur may be super strong but Judal is a magi. A magi, mind you!"

Izaya's spirits were high.

"Yeah, I guess. This Judal is more interesting, too."

Izaya lifted an eyebrow.

"Oh? You think so?"

"Yeah. Like you say he's a magi, and he's also seriously messed up. Makes for an interesting character."

Izaya sat cross-legged, thoughtfully.

"You know, I didn't take for the type that's into shounen manga."

Shizuo was not a fan. He had not even heard of Magi until Erika approached him and was only reeled into joining because it was an opportunity for meeting Izaya in a friendly environment. It almost amused him that Erika should know that using Izaya as bait was a good idea.

Shizuo had read the manga out of curiosity more than anything else.

"It's fun. Your character kinda makes the manga, actually."

"You think so? How about the nakama group and goody-good feelings and whatnot?"

Shizuo smiled around a cigarette.

"You were always pretty cruel to shounen heroes. I remember this essay you wrote, 'The moral pitfalls of shounen'. No one understood a word of it, including the teacher."

"Aha! But that was the whole point!"

"I bet. I read the whole thing, all ten pages."

Izaya blinked.

"Really?"

Shizuo took some time puffing smoke into the dimming light.

"Yeah. I wanted to know what it was all about. Can't say I understood it but some parts really stood out for me. Like how in shounen manga offers...'simulacra of personal growth', through the desire to become stronger and of protecting 'everyone and their pets', you said the combination of these cripple the characters as such. Cuz it 'caters to the childish indulgence and immature self-immolation at the same time'."

"Wow, I'm amazed you can quote it! But how cynical of me, shounen manga is supposed to be about having fun with your friends and kicking bad guys' asses."

"Yeah but you went into that as well...something about the mangaka defines the hero and by default he will be the good guy even when the situations, deeds, etc, imply otherwise. 'The hero gets a free pass and is rewarded for his irresponsibility.'"

Izaya was not so much interested in whatever insight he might have had into popular culture, what had him riveted was Shizuo's unlikely ability to recall all this.

"I don't get it, how on earth can you remember all that?"

"I've read it a few times. I kept the paper."

"But...why?"

"I didn't mean to but while you were reading it out some sentences stuck. And then you just lost interest and I took it. Doubt you'd care either way."

"What sentences resounded with you?"

"'Very few problems are ever solved by going on a rampage'."

Izaya was silent for a while.

"Well, that's obviously so but shounen manga is escapism at its best. Of course its 'lessons' would never work in the real world. That's the whole point."

"Yeah, bet you just wrote it to be a smartass but you kinda had a point."

"What can I say, my intelligence must needs radiate."

"You're a clever one, right."

Izaya frowned very slightly. He meant it as a jest and it annoyed him to be taken seriously. But he could reply in kind.

"You really think so?"

"Always knew you were clever. You're probably as clever as it gets. Your problem was never a lack of brains."

"Oh yeah? What is my problem, then? Care to share?"

"I don't know."

"Clearly, you have some theory."

Shizuo seemed to think about it. Izaya hated himself for being on the edge of his seat, quite literally, as if hanging from Shizuo's every word.


	103. Chapter 103

"I guess you were born missing something. A sense of human decency? Something like, 'I shouldn't fuck people over'."

"So I lack empathy. Go ahead and call me a sociopath,why don't you."

Shizuo shrugged slightly.

"Hey, you asked."

"Whatever. You have your ideas and I have mine, there's no point in trying to reconcile them."

"I looked up what 'Judal' means. It's Arabic for 'argument', 'debate', 'controversy'."

Izaya blinked angrily. Somewhere along the line he had jumped to his feet, laced his hands behind his back and stared out at empty space. He now turned to Shizuo again.

"Point being?"

"It fits you way too well. Debating and stuff. If people can't understand each other than they gotta talk."

"Whatever happened to the 'controversy' bit?"

"I'm trying to get over that."

"Oh really."

"Heard what happened to Kadota-"

"That was an accident!"

Izaya lurched forward as if to actually strike. The metal jingled harshly.

"I know. It sucks to hurt people when you don't mean to."

"And you'd know all about that."

Shizuo nodded, doggedly.

"Yeah."

"So I'm supposed to sympathize with you now?"

"That's up to you but you can understand me a bit better, I guess...or hope."

"It's actually not 'up to me' as you put it. Whether I sympathize or not is out of my hands, I can't change my feelings at will like that."

"And that's a good thing. For both of us."

"Anyway, I have to get going now."

Shizuo tagged along as Izaya returned to the venue. And found it about to close. Izaya asked around but the otakus were nowhere to be seen nor was any inkling of the Orihara twins.

"We've been dumped! I can't believe it! I don't have my cell phone, or any money or a change of clothes!"

"Looks like it."

Izaya looked around some more. He could borrow a passerby's phone and ask Namie to pick him up but he would rather not as she was sure to disapprove. The last thing he wanted was to let her know he'd been had by a group of 2D enthusiasts.

"Shizuo, let me borrow some money from you. Just enough to cover the subway fare, I'll refund you tomorrow and with interest."

"Can't. Got no money on me either."

Izaya blinked as he became aware that there was no pocket is Shizuo's makeshift armor.

"What am I supposed to do? Ah, screw it, I'll just walk home."

And indeed Izaya made as if to do just that.

"All the way to Shinjuku?"

"That's right."

"In that outfit?"

"I'll manage."

With that said it was getting increasingly darker and Izaya was not looking forward to going all the way to Shinjuku on foot.

"Bad idea."

"It's none of your business."

"It kinda is,"

"No, it's not."

"You can take a cab and pay him at the destination. Or borrow money from Simon, it's just around the corner."

Izaya's eyebrow twitched. These were reasonable suggestion that he had at all failed to consider because he was too angry with Shizuo more than the present situation.

"Fine, Simon it is. I'm getting hungry as it is. Those otaku, I'll get them."

Izaya visibly gloated at this prospect.

"So Simon's it is. Russia Sushi."

They had meandered in that direction and were already in front of the restaurant. Izaya stopped and clicked with his tongue.

"Can I really eat here without getting dysentery?"

"It's good food."

Still Izaya hesitated. Nothing bind him to this, he could easily just do as Shizuo suggested and pay the cab at the destination or borrow money from Simon and leave. But he knew none of these options would put him in quite the light he wanted.

"Okay but if I die I'll come back to haunt you up to the seventh generation."

"You're getting better, used to be 'up to the tenth generation'".

Before Izaya could react to this they were passing the threshold and all eyes were on them.

It was the last thing Simon expected. Shizuo and Izaya just strolling in, together, wearing some sort of bizarre fetish wear.

"Orihara-san, Heiwajima-san, good evening. Welcome."

Izaya fully expected Simon to feed him the finest treats even though he could not presently pay but he was still a bit surprised that Simon should agree to even giving them a private room at Shizuo's request. Then again Simon would probably rather them out of sight.


	104. Chapter 104

Izaya looked around at the sparse but easy on the eyes décor. Considering how unorthodox the menu was he half expected psychedelic patterns and maybe a phallic statue or two.

"Not too shabby, this place."

"Yeah."

Izaya hurried to remove the wig and sighed in content as he flopped on the floor and landed cross-legged. Shizuo noticed how effortless it all seemed.

"This thing is way too heavy."

"You should grow your hair and braid it like that.

"Right...so you could easily yank me back next time you chase me around."

The (in)famous cheese treats arrived in due time. Izaya eyed them suspiciously and went as far as to poke one. He watched with baited breath as Shizuo availed himself.

"Oy, are you really going to eat that?"

"Sure am. It's good for you, too."

"How exactly is this...thing good for me? Looks like nuclear waste."

Cheese oozed out as Shizuo bit. Izaya winced.

"Cheese is made out of milk, milk's good for you so cheese sushi is good for you."

"Next time you try your hand at playing the logician do pick a syllogism that makes sense."

Shizuo dismissed the sarcasm altogether.

"Never saw nuclear waste, how come you know what it looks like?"

"I don't. It's an informed guess."

"Dunno what your problem is. There's sushi with cream cheese in America. People eat it here too."

Izaya jabbed a finger, metallic jingling accompanying his outrage.

"Just because some people cannot see the error of their ways is no reason for one to join the club. I do not care what kind of cheese it is, sushi and cheese do not combine."

"Yeah?"

Izaya folded his arms and nodded as if he had made an excellent point that was so self-explanatory it needed no further backing. Which did not mean he was about to let the topic drop. Some things could not be overstated.

"Indeed. Shizuo, food is very important and respecting one's culinary heritage is paramount. Tradition has perfected the way of making sushi, it's been sieved through the ages and reached us as a fully accomplished dish. Adding to it is sacrilege."

"So you care about tradition? Guess that's the only time you give a damn about it."

"What can I say, I am most passionate about this subject."

"Does that mean you gonna eat some natto next?"

"Maybe."

"Eat some of the normal stuff first, you'll die of hunger if you don't have some grub."

Izaya sampled a tuna nigiri. He chewed at length.

"It's satisfactory."

"Good."

For a while they munched in silence. Izaya watched Shizuo very closely and followed his every move.

"Did you really dye your hair red?"

"Yeah. It'll go away with water."

"Stick to blonde."

"Will do."

"You know, considering how much jewelery Judal wears you'd think he'd have a few rings. Some earrings, too."

"You wanna bling him up?"

"You have to admit it'd look cool."

"Yeah. If you're the one wearing it."

"You know, I wonder if you are in cahoots with the otakus."

"No clue what 'cahoots' is."

Izaya sighed as if he were surrounded by idiots.

"I mean that for all I know you planned with them to bail out on me like that. You did bring your cigarettes to the park, odds are you knew what they were up to."

"Paranoia will be the death of you."

"Ah! Wouldn't you like that!"

Izaya was on a roll of sorts when the door slid open and a very befuddled Tom stood on the threshold.

"Sorry to intrude, I was passing by and heard from Simon that you guys were here so I thought..."

Tom trailed off. He had rushed with the vague intention of putting an end to whatever crisis was about to erupt. Tom could still not quite place Shizuo and Izaya's shifting relationship and he expected to find Shizuo about to go berserk. Instead he found the two having dinner and wearing the most bizarre clothes known to men.

Izaya jumped to his feet and nearly dragged Tom into the room.

"Tom-san! How great of you to join us, do take a seat. Now, I was just educating Shizuo on the evils of cheese sushi and I would like a third opinion. It's deadly, isn't it? Oh the ignominy!"

Tom blinked and cast a glance at Shizuo as if asking for guidance. Shizuo shook his head.

"Dunno what 'ignominy' means either."


	105. Chapter 105

Tom cleared his throat to gain time. He had to say something but was unsure of what line to adopt.

"Er, you're wearing some strange clothes tonight. Are you going to a party?"

Izaya waved all this away with more metallic clashing.

"Costplay, costplay. But that's not important now, what matters is: cheese and sushi."

"You better answer or he'll go on about this forever."

Tom pretended to be studying the food items in question.

"It's not too bad, I guess. I mean, it's tasty."

Izaya's sight redoubled in volume and for emphasis his entire body seemed to collapse on itself.

"Ah, how you wound my heart, Tom-san!"

And Izaya went as far and clutch at his own chest as if his heart was indeed bleeding. Shizuo chuckled.

"You haven't even tried it."

Izaya recovered and poked the cheesy stuff that dangled from his finger as he drew it away.

"Ew...is it meant to be all gooey like this?"

"Just try it."

Izaya went as far as licking his finger and immediately grimaced.

"Gah...the horror, the horror!"

Shizuo picked up that particular morsel and proceeded to calmly eat it. Suddenly Izaya jumped to his feet.

"I know! Let's go to the fish market!"

Shizuo seemed to consider this suggestion.

"What for?"

"What do you mean what for? For the fish, the fish! They open really late, or rather very early, if we start now we should get there by the time they're opening. That's when you get the fresh stuff."

"Is that there great a difference? You got loads of fish here."

Izaya rolled his eyes and tapped his foot most expressively.

"Of course it makes a difference. You'll see!"

"How about the money?"

"No problem there, Tom-san can help. Neh?"

Tom was in the process of eating, he dropped his food.

"Help, you say, Orihara-san?"

Tom had no idea how Izaya did it but in a blink of an eye Izaya was all too close for comfort.

"'Izaya' is fine, no need to be formal. I presently have no money on me so I must ask you to lend me some. Make it the usual 10% interest rate."

The last thing on Tom's mind was to charge Izaya any interest at all, let alone 10%. Izaya's enthusiasm was not contagious as much as potentially dangerous. At least so Tom believed. Once again he turned to Shizuo for some clue.

"No shoes, how are we supposed to go to this fish market place?"

"They have boots there. We'll buy some."

"Yeah?"

To Tom's profound relief Izaya stepped back.

"Where there's a will there's a way. Did you know that the Tokyo fish market is the biggest in the world? Just think about it! In the whole world! And here we are missing out on it!"

"It ain't nowhere."

"You don't know that. An earthquake could wipe it out tomorrow."

"Good point."

"So! Let us go!"

Izaya did not quite bounce but his impatience showed in a series of jingling notes as the metal clinked. Shizuo sealed the deal by getting up and making as if to leave, Tom could only follow them in something of a whirl of confusion. Izaya borrowed Tom's phone and informed Namie that he had 'business to attend to', and promptly sailed into the street and even managed to hail a cab, odd outfit notwithstanding. At this late an hour the trains were no longer running and the taxi fare was as hefty as Tom feared.

Izaya carried the very long wig but upon arrival he figured it was too cumbersome and promptly put it on.

The sheer size of the venue dizzied Tom and even Izaya was very impressed. Izaya was aware of being something of an empirical sponge, a living core of aggregated experiences ever expanding in scope and span. From the salty tang in the air to the milling of machines and men carrying the riches of sea, all was very new and highly exciting.

Izaya half-twirled about between the many crates, swaying gracefully like a creature from another world.

Tom was fairly certain they would not be allowed into the inner sanctum of the market but to his surprise people recognized Izaya, oddball clothes or not, and they were immediately escorted to the tuna auction site. Rubber boots were provided and they were even given some of the best seats.


	106. Chapter 106

"Hey, I'm tougher than I seem."

With that said Izaya was rubbing his eyes already. So his eyesight was slightly blurred when someone hailed him.

"Oh look, Orihara-san is a fallen magi. I always thought so."

Izaya blinked away involuntary tears and was immediately on alert.

"Aoba-kun? What on Earth are you doing here, at this time of day even?"

Aoba smirked knowingly.

"I woke up very early. Unlike some people I do not go around traipsing all night long. In weird clothes, even."

"Oh gee, aren't you a little moralist. No one likes goody good shoes, I'll have you know."

Aoba laughed.

"Oh, I know. Good morning, Heiwajima-san, Tanaka-san."

Tom waved, not quite sure who this kid was or how exactly he seemed to know them. He wondered if Izaya and this Aoba were related. They could pass for siblings.

"You still haven't answered, what are you doing here?"

"A man has his secrets."

Izaya giggled madly for a while, long enough to make anyone else feel uncomfortable but Aoba took it in stride.

"Oh dear, you're a riot. A real man of the world, Aoba-kun!"

"I am looking for the goblin shark. It has been sighted off the shore of Japan and word has it there's a small colony in Tokyo Bay."

"Eh, goblin shark, huh. What kind of fish is that?"

All of a sudden Izaya seemed interested. Aoba frowned very slightly and produced his cell phone.

"There."

"Oh wow, this is crazy ugly. Very apt name, it looks like a demon fish. I don't think it's all that tasty."

Aoba's smile grew even wider. He retrieved his phone and decided to change tactics altogether.

"Judal suits you very well but Heiwajima-san should be Sinbad. That way you could be all over him and claim it's just canon."

Izaya's immediate reaction was that Aoba either had no sense of self-preservation or that did not at all see Izaya as a threat. But Izaya realized how wrong he was almost immediately. Aoba was simply intelligent and knew that Izaya could not possibly react in a menacingly without admitting the jab had a point.

Aoba might be treading on shaky ground but he knew very well his way about it. As it was Izaya could only downplay it.

"Oh? So you're a Magi fan?"

"Judal makes it worth reading."

"Just how popular is this Judal guy? Seriously, he wants to start a war for the fun of it."

"So do you and you're pretty popular."

Izaya started despite himself. He could not avoid the immediate recoil of fear.

"You shouldn't believe rumors, you know."

"Some of them are real. Like, 'Shizuo and Izaya are getting along nowadays'."

Izaya was not entirely sure whether to outward deny his oddball former plans that he did not even fully understand or know or to play along. Or what do say regarding his strange relationship with Shizuo. Clearly Aoba had his theories and was not to be discounted, kid or not. Izaya was still debating how to tackle it when Shizuo broke into the conversation.

"Friend of yours?"

"How rude of me, ignoring my elders like this. Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Kuroma Aoba. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Again, friend of yours?"

Aoba's permanent smile flickered slightly. Izaya shrugged. He could not account for the strong feeling of dislike that Aoba inspired. It had nothing to do with the visceral quasi-recollection that Shizuo caused nor did it depend much on all he had read about Aoba. It was simply an instinctive reaction.

Izaya had never experienced anything quite like this. There was a deeply seated antagonism barely hidden under the surface of too much smiling. It occurred to Izaya that there were stages and types of hate as much as there was to love. Aoba obviously hated him but in a different way that Kida did. Also, Izaya could never bring himself to hate Kida and yet he sensed he could easily hate Aoba.

But all his keen insight Izaya failed to see that the real reason for this repulsion ran much deeper or that it might ultimately rest on their being too similar for comfort.

"Not really a friend, no."

Aoba's smile literally beamed, the budding morning casting its share of light on him.

"Ah, how cruel of you to say that, Orihara-san. You know how much I admire you. Why, I think of you as an older brother."

Izaya waved this away.

"That's nice. But it depends on how you feel about older brothers, doesn't it?"


	107. Chapter 107

Aoba has gone as far as it was prudent and perhaps even a bit too far. He busied himself with his cellphone now.

"Anyway, can you pose for a few pictures? You look too much the part for me to let the chance slip by."

"You like Judal that much?"

"Of course."

"I don't mind but if you want some cool pictures Erika and Walker took loads yesterday at the costplay event. I'll get them to send you the pics if you want."

Aoba giggled.

"I feel left behind out. Time and time again I asked you to dress up as Judal and you'd say 'I don't 'do' other people or fictional characters. I am Orihara Izaya after all'."

Izaya was taken aback. He had not imagined that Aoba and himself might have some kind of reluctant complicity going on. Yet he could sense something to that effect. It disturbed him more than it had any right to.

Izaya stood one leg and folded his arms to better show off the bracelets.

"Is that good enough for you?"

"Perfect. Just stay still."

Aoba took many pictures, in fact he walked around Izaya to capture him from all angles, phone squarely aimed at Izaya. As soon as it was over Izaya stretched some more and then sat on one of the many chairs that had sprung up in front of the opening food stands. He ordered tea for everyone. Izaya pretended to scan the river. It shimmered momentarily, bits of dawn swimming in the water.

"I don't think you'll find your goblin shark here. It's a very rare creature, it's bound to be reclusive. No way it'll be out here so close to the market. If it lives in Tokyo Bay at all it must lurk in the depths, not here with all these people and boats."

"I must cover all bases if I have any hope of finding it. Thank you for letting me shoot you."

"All long as it's just pictures you're shooting."

Aoba seemed thrilled at the insinuation that he rushed to deny.

"Why, I would never shoot you in any other way. You really look so much like Judal, it's uncanny."

And with this Aoba planted his chin on his hands and stared at Izaya as if at a statue.

"You're a diehard fan, huh."

Aoba nodded.

"I like Magi but it would be so much better if Judal was the main character."

"It would hardly even be the same manga."

"True, it'd be way better."

"Oy, does anyone actually like the heroes?"

"Plenty of people do. But I don't. Do you like the heroes?"

It was a harmless topic and yet Izaya knew that there were implications far and wide. Whatever he said would have repercussions.

"I do not dislike them. I suppose they're fine for what they are but,"

"But they bore you to tears and Judal would never be boring."

It annoyed Izaya considerably that he absolutely agreed. And that Shizuo was very much aware of this added to his annoyance.

"When it comes to fiction heroes often come across as dull."

"One of the problems is that the heroes always mean what they say and say what they mean. Now Judal, at one point he got all teary eyed and pulled a 'you don't understand me, how can you judge me, I was abandoned as a child and brought up to be this way' and just as Sinbad is starting to feel sorry for him Judal bursts out laughing and goes, 'but who cares!'."

This caught Izaya's attention. He knew enough about Aoba's background to suspect the conversation had very little to do about Judal at all. Izaya managed to look past the refined animosity and catch a glimpse of a lonely boy.

"That's the way to goo, hero, villain or whatnot. We are more than just our past and the usual Freudian excuse only goes so far."

Aoba's perma-smile slipped.

"So you believe in free will."

"I do, actually. Background and circumstances do circumvent the sphere of actions you can take but in most cases you still have some choice even within a more or less limited set of options."

"Ah, who would use such complex reasoning with a kid by age? Only Orihara-san."

"I'm not about to baby you, it'd be insulting to us both."


	108. Chapter 108

Izaya acknowledged Aoba as a peer with all that entailed. It was also a warning.

"I have to interview a 'young adult' for my homework assignment. Could I interview you, Orihara-san?"

"Why me?"

"The idea is to interview a grownup and ask them about their career."

Izaya tilted his head to the side and considered it.

"How about you interview Shizuo instead? He's had plenty of jobs, it'll make for an interesting interview."

Aoba held up his hands apologetically.

"Not that I do not respect Heiwajima-san, of course. But I think it'll be extremely interesting to hear from an informant."

And the smile returned in all its splendor. Izaya wondered whether there was even such an assignment. Either way, Izaya was realizing that he gone too long without factoring in Aoba and this was a problem. Izaya knew that he needed to interact more and Aoba was offering him the perfect opportunity. That Aoba most definitely expected to exploit this to his advantage would only add more to the thrill of turning the tables on him.

Izaya had not come to like Aoba but he could not deny he enjoyed the prospect of a battle of wits with so much on the line but not too much. Izaya could not properly appreciate such a battle with Shiki, not because he was intellectually outmatched but because there was a emotional balance of power that made it unfair by default.

With that said, Izaya could not shake the nagging feeling that Aoba represented a kind of danger that had nothing with do with Aoba's plans.

"Alright. But won't you get in troubles if your school were to know you associate with informants?"

"Not at all. After all, you're my senpai and an upstanding member of the community."

Izaya suspected there was too much tooth to Aoba's grin. Izaya replied in kind.

"Oh yes, on Sundays I volunteer at the local shelter and am known for my upstanding ways. I am so upstanding that just by being around me you'll be spared any time in one of the many hells once you die, why, you'll be on your way to the Pure Land."

"I thought you were more interested in the Christian tradition, you're into Buddhism these days?"

"If it is a human construction then I needs be acquainted with it. The fact remains that I impart virtue by osmosis."

Izaya adopted a stance of honesty and ironical self-reference.

"The Pure Land sounds great and all but I'd rather not go there anytime soon, thank you very much. Speaking of that, heard the head of the Ichonimiya group kicked the bucket the other day."

"You know what they say, _'__In the midst of life we are in death'."_

_"__Where's that from?"_

_Aoba seemed extremely interested._

_"__Google it."_

_"__Ah, you're supposed to me my tutor. The least you could do is let me in on your amazing wisdom."_

_This was the first time Izaya heard of this._

_"__Do your own research, you're a smart boy."_

_"__I see. Such an honor, for you to be invested in my intellectual development."_

_Izaya laughed openly at this. _

_"__Give the boy a shark and he'll feel sorry once it dies, teach the boy how to breed sharks and he'll have a tankful his whole life."_

_"__How true! Do you suppose the head of the Ichinimiya group is happily lounging in the Pure Land now? I figured one as intimate with the yakuza as yourself would know."_

_Izaya smiled very faintly, not having missed Aoba's pointed wording. _

_"__He should still be around, don't forget the 49 days requirement. After that is up to his karmic balance."_

_"__A shame he didn't get that 'virtue by osmosis' you impart. Other yakuza, however, have more than their share of said virtue. Especially since it's imparted by osmosis."_

_Izaya's eyes narrowed very slightly. He was used to speaking through allusion and Aoba excelled in that. So Izaya knew all too well that there was a jab here, what he could not exactly discern was the scope of it: maybe Aoba simply meant to provoke to show he was unafraid but then again it could be Aoba's way of telling Izaya that he knew of Izaya's weakness regarding Shiki. _

_Izaya saw the subtext but not where it was leading to. Either way, one thing was obvious. If Izaya had lost sight of Aoba, Aoba had never lost sight of him._


	109. Chapter 109

_Izaya stretched and yawned. He prepared a very pointed retort that he never got around to saying._

_"__None of that's any of your business, kid."_

_Aoba seemed almost startled to see Shizuo butt into the conversation. So engrossed in outsmarting Izaya had he been that for all practical purposes Aoba saw no one else. Also, when it came to mental gymnastics he did not value either Shizuo or Tom as actual threats. As far as Aoba knew he was speaking exclusively to Izaya, the audience only added pressure to Izaya but was not supposed to speak up anymore than theater spectators were meant to interact with the actors on stage._

_Aoba covered up his dismay as he always did, with a bright grin that he beamed out to anyone in particular. _

_"__I apologize if I am too forward."_

_"__Oh yeah? Then how about you get lost right about now."_

_Izaya blinked in surprise but Aoba for once missed it altogether. Aoba saw in an instant that he was at an absolute disadvantage if Shizuo were to go berserk. Izaya had a whole routine of running away from Shizuo, it even seemed a ritual to Aoba, but such evasion skills were not Aoba's forte nor was all that fast. Let Izaya flirt with a beast, Aoba knew that the moment Shizuo showed the faintest sign of anger it was time to bail._

_Aoba got up and excused himself with a formal but quick bow._

_"__I will be on my way, then. Pleasure talking to you, Heiwajima-san, Tanaka-san, Orihara-san."_

_And with this Aoba disappeared into the crowd, not even turning around as Izaya called out to him._

_"__Bye bye, Aoba-kun! Good luck finding that goblin shark!"_

_Izaya even waved most enthusiastically, metal bracelets catching the morning light and twinkling blindly. A sushi vendor approached Izaya to inform him of a new delivery system that assured prompt delivery of delicious fresh fish on record time all over the Tokyo metropolitan area. Izaya apparently had quite an extensive credit with a lot of sellers._

_"__That's pretty amazing! Send some tuna over to this address and make sure you hand it over to the guy with the beanie, if you run into some vicious otakus do not hand them the fish for they are unworthy of the wonders of sushi."_

_This last injunction did not make any sense to the vendor but the gist of it was that food was to be delivered to Kadota-san's place. Izaya yawned anew and rubbed his eyes._

_"__I believe it's about time I call it a night. Tom-san, sorry to have dragged you along like this..."_

_"__It was fun."_

_Izaya jumped up and down, literally._

_"__Really? I'm so glad!"_

_Like Kadota before him Tom found himself surprised at realizing that spending time with Izaya could indeed be enjoyable. Shizuo asked Tom for a cigarette._

_"__You guys, you really shouldn't smoke. It will kill you."_

_Shizuo took his time taking a long drag._

_"__And you care?"_

_Slightly miffed Izaya adopted his superbly aloof attitude of looking down on Shizuo. It was quite a feat, with a mere tilting of his chin Izaya literally looking down on a man considerably taller. In his current attire it was slightly ludicrous. _

_"__Not for you, rest assured. But I worry for Tom-san's, he seems like a good person."_

_"__But I can just smoke myself to death, huh."_

_"__Go right ahead. I won't stop you. Besides, I'm not even sure nicotine has any effect on you."_

_Tom noticed Shizuo's faint smile._

_"__Glad you care."_

_"__Don't you listen? I'm saying that I don't care."_

_"__Yeah?"_

_"__Indeed."_

_"__Can you put that on a scale? Like, on a scale of one to ten how much do you not care about me?"_

_Izaya cast a furtive glance at Tom. This was not a conversation worth having but having an audience made it worse. _

_"__One cannot quantify one's indifference."_

_"__Yeah?"_

_"__Human emotions are not that cut and dry."_

_As Izaya said this he cast his gaze at the docks and the river beyond, thoughtfully abstracted. Tom had the distinct impression that Shizuo was about to touch Izaya's face. There was no accounting for this, Tom could think of none but he had spent enough time with Shizuo to recognize those unlikely moments of tenderness._


	110. Chapter 110

_Tom considered simply slinking away and leave them to their devices._

_"__Did you know that shortly after the war Tokyo Bay was the site for most of demilitarization of the Imperial army? It is difficult to even imagine it now."_

_Tom found it more difficult to imagine why Izaya saw fit to pick such a topic at this juncture. _

_Bereft of any recollection of a private past Izaya had recently delved deep into the collective experience of history. It steadied him that his life had a proper context, a background that went beyond him and into a past that often bloody and dreary was still a common link, a reality to fall back on. Izaya could not recall events of his own life anymore than he could recall the time before he was born, his first kiss was as remote from his immediate experience as the Meiji Restoration yet both events had indeed happened. By surrounding himself with history books Izaya was not only regaining the past of his country, he was affirming the reality of his own history. Events need not be remembered to be real. _

_"__That's a good thing. That we can't imagine it."_

_Izaya seemed to wake up from a daydream. The pattern of light twinkling on minute waves had almost lulled him into a trance. _

_"__You're probably right...we were born and raised in a culture of peace, that we can't even imagine war attests to that fact."_

_Shizuo refrained from bringing to Izaya's attention that Izaya could easily envision war if he tried. Which was just as well, already Izaya's imagination was flinging flames over the bay and raining death from fire strewn skies. Izaya shivered. Perhaps Aoba had shaken him more than he was willing to admit. _

_Izaya winced, turning his head hurt a bit from having carried the heavy collar all this time. _

_"__That looks heavy."_

_"__It is."_

_Izaya tried to undo the clasp but it proved impossible._

_"__Let me."_

_Shizuo did not wait for any complaint. Izaya was almost coy in removing the long wig out of the way and exposing the nape of his neck. _

_"__Tch, careful with your paws."_

_"__There."_

_With surprisingly gentle gestures Shizuo unclasped the metallic adornment. Izaya sighed in relief._

_"__Thanks. I should just dump this into the river, see how the otakus like that."_

_Shizuo inspected the faux gold. _

_"__It's kinda expensive. Not real gold but they worked hard at making it all shiny."_

_"__And they got this tailored to fit my body, I admit it is impressive but honestly, shouldn't they be using their skills in a more useful way?"_

_Shizuo shrugged but he followed closely as Izaya spun around, patting his behind to display the otaku duo's tailoring talent in crafting Judal's pants. Tom watched it too and felt vaguely awkward._

_"__Nah, this is useful plenty. And you admitted yourself that you like dressing up."_

_"__I suppose. Tom-san, would you give costplay a shot?"_

_Tom blinked, Izaya and Shizuo had a thing going on that seemed to exclude everyone and him by default so that whenever Izaya spoke to him it was almost like breaking the fourth wall._

_"__I never thought about that..."_

_"__You're a very stylish, maybe you think dressing up in weird outfits will damage your image but it's a world of fun!"_

_"__I don't mind the fancy clothes but wearing makeup is a bit..."_

_"__Shizuo is super manly and he's wearing makeup! Come to think of that, none of your stylish ways seem to have rubbed off on Shizuo."_

_"__I convinced him to dye his hair blonde."_

_"__And what a great idea that was! But really, Tom-san, you're very stylish. One of these days we should go shopping together."_

_Shizuo blew some more smoke. Then,_

_"__Am I invited too?"_

_"__No. You only wear bartender suits anyway so why bother going shopping for clothes with you?"_

_"__I'd get to spend some time with you."_

_Izaya narrowed his eyes slightly._

_"__And that's a good thing?"_

_"__Yeah, that's what I'm saying."_

_"__That's assuming I'd want to spend time with you."_

_"__That's the idea."_

_Suddenly Izaya was jabbing a finger in Shizuo's direction._

_"__Ha! Very funny, Shizuo. Too hilarious."_


	111. Chapter 111

Tom had the distinct impression that Izaya was playing dumb. Every now and then Izaya would fake ignorance for reasons would rather not contemplate but this seemed different. Izaya was deliberately avoiding something, evading the import of Shizuo's words as if to escape from having to face as they presently stood.

Their entire interaction struck Tom was off. Izaya was almost setting himself as a tease but it was entirely possible that by making a show he meant to make Shizuo see just how at ease he was. Tom could not quite tell what Izaya's intentions were so he was left a bit bewildered. Stranger still was Shizuo's not even guarded advances. It was so alien to every Tom knew about Shizuo that it forced to Tom to reel somewhat.

Tom found himself wondering about how well he knew Shizuo after all. Of the intense feud between Izaya and Shizuo Tom had the vaguest idea, he was aware they hated each other but would be at a loss as to the reason behind such relentless animosity. That they had a whole shared history had never made much of an impression, Tom had always assumed that all their relationship consisted of Izya being a troll in order to provoke Shizuo into giving chase.

Now that he stopped to think about it, the whole thing was indeed very weird. Of course, since Izaya and Shizuo were hardly average Joes Tom accepted that they acted according to a special set of rules that was not even meant to be understood. But if Tom actually gave it some thought he had to admit that no matter how much of an evil mastermind you might be or how much you got off on enraging your super strong nemesis, it was borderline suicidal of Izaya to have egged Shizuo on all these years. There was an underlying emotion to all this, something complicated and much distorted, a kind of almost compulsion that both drove Izaya to provoke Shizuo's anger and made Shizuo unable to not give chase.

And whatever this something might be it had definitely reached a new stage. One in which Izaya was uncertain while Shizuo appeared firmly grounded. If Tom had to put it in words he would say that the balance of power had been upset and Shizuo had the upper hand. The irony was not lost on Tom and he knew Izaya and Shizuo were just as aware of it.

Through this haze of wondering there was a faint edge of pain. Shizuo had suddenly gained a whole new dimension of unknowns. Or to be more accurate, Shizuo was letting show just how much there was to him, depths that Tom would not dare to sound even had he known of them.

"I'm not kidding."

Izaya had a moment that bordered on panic and decided there and then to cut his losses short. His instinct for the perfect time for a retreat remained as sharp as ever it was just that lately he had not given it much heed.

"Right, I'll be going home now, how about I give you guys a lift? I'm too tired to contemplate taking the train."

With that said it was of course Tom who paid for the taxi fare. Izaya made sure to ride on the front seat lest he ended up next to Shizuo.

Izaya's stop came first and he waved goodbye at Tom and Shizuo before dragging himself home. It was fortunate that his building had 24 hour security otherwise he would find it difficult to actually enter his apartment: Namie was already gone and Izaya had no key presently.

Groaning he kicked off the boots and literally crawled on the floor, too tired to do much else.

"Ah, Sushi...your owner is home! And needs to sleep."

Sushi licked his cheek and would have played with the long wig if Izaya had not removed it along with the fake jewelery and exotic clothes. It took some time to wiggle out of his outfit and he left wig, black pants and fake jewelry scattered on his wake.

Izaya flopped in bed and snuggled under the covers in his underwear. He could not be bothered with sleepwear. He dropped into a deep sleep clinging to his Liar Game dakimakura and did not even notice Sushi curling at his feet.

*

In the taxi Shizuo kept his eyes firmly on Izaya until he was out of sight. Tom was so fascinated that he decided to poke Shizuo a bit.

"Looks like you want to join Orihara-san."

"Yeah. But he wouldn't let me."

To this Tom had no reply.

*


	112. Chapter 112

"Does this make me look fat?"

Izaya eyed himself on the mirror and turned around almost playfully. He had donned a new black suit, starched white shirt and sleek black tie, all brand new. There were plenty of similar clothes in his extensive wardrobe but Izaya wanted new ones for a new endeavor.

He now looked like an exceptionally well groomed young man of the respectable kind. More, Izaya went as far as to look trustworthy. It occurred to him he had a career as a scam artist if ever decided to a change of pace.

"Bordering on morbidly obese, I believe."

Izaya swiveled around.

"Ah! Such dry wit, Namie-san. But seriously now, do I look fat...?"

"Not really. You never seem to gain or lose a gram."

"My metabolism must be that amazing, then! You know, I've been told I have a sexy back. And this coming from people whose one great love in life is 3D is quite an achievement if I can say so myself."

"I bet. You'll be late if you don't hurry."

"On my way already."

Izaya took another cursory glance at the mirror and swayed his hips for effect before dashing away. He slipped into newly bought shoes that still held that unmistakable scent of unbroken leather and waved enthusiastically.

"I'm on my way now. See you later, Namie-san! Bye bee Sushi, no scratching the sofas now."

Izaya boarded the elevator along with his American neighbor.

"Thanks for letting me borrow those pajamas the other night."

"Oh, no problem. Your wife is a lovely person, Orihara-san."

Izaya blinked once. Then twice. Then he burst out laughing.

"Ha! You must mean Namie-san. Indeed she is, although 'lovely' is an adjective ones does not immediately associate with her, but she is not my wife."

"Oh, I see- I didn't mean,"

"No problem. No need for 'Orihara-san', 'Izaya' is fine."

Izaya offered his hand.

"I just moved here, wouldn't want to overstep any boundaries so I keep it very formal."

"Just moved, you say? So you're new to Tokyo?"

"To Japan, in fact."

Izaya nearly bounced. Here was someone that had no prior of knowledge of him, immediately Izaya was eager to strike a connection.

"You should have told me sooner! I am so showing you around town, here have my number. I got to hurry now, have a funeral to attend. But I will seeing you later! Bye now!"

With this the elevator reached the ground floor and Izaya sauntered away leaving a very perplexed American gaping.

*

Izaya was expecting quite a crowd but he was still almost overwhelmed by the endless row of black suits that bowed as people paid their respects. It formed something of a ripple effect. A kind of perfect synchronicity.

Izaya felt excitement like static electricity, a prickly feeling of expectancy that he forced to the foreground with some difficulty. To be so hyper over a funeral struck him as fundamental wrong. Izaya might not be emotionally involved with the deceased but the death of any human being deserved to be respected.

But with so much going on Izaya had to be at sharpest, there was no time or opportunity to let his giddy mood take over. He wanted to make Shiki proud but he was fully engaged for his own sake. Instinctively he sensed a wealth of information waiting to be absorbed and explored, a whole self-contained society into which he could now gain a special insight.

Above all his curiosity would only be satisfied if he was properly focused even if at first all he could discern were disconnected impressions, the many men lined up, piles of white flowers, the scent of incense, delicate gardens of stone and bubbly ponds on which fish flashed all gold and red.

Izaya tried to gauge the size of the compound but he soon gave up. It was surely gigantic and designed so as to disorient outsiders. Security was tight even as courtesy was officially extended to all. As Izaya made his way to the main hall along with the rest of Shiki's committee he wondered about the double nature of the yakuza. Ruthless as these leaders of the underworld were there was a distinct culture of obeisance that they followed as a matter of personal pride. It represented the all ruling hierarchy.


	113. Chapter 113

Izaya made sure not to stare too much but he was actively taking notes of everything. No visible guns. He was sure the small army of bodyguards was armed but no holsters were could be seen or anything to that effect. If there were metal detectors they were concealed.

He was a bit surprised at finding himself free to roam about. Shiki soon disappeared to network and his men covered the premises in that watchful way of theirs. Izaya appreciated it, being restricted would ruin the whole experience. He was always at his best when thrown on his own resources.

The tone was somber as befit a funeral but there was a certain alertness that showed there was much more going on. Izaya could tell that the assembled rival groups were assessing one another's strength very much like he was studying them. Except Izaya had a more unbiased perspective and no stake in the rituals of honor. It made him unpredictable and very useful. Any of these powerful groups had something to gain by hiring his services. Izaya was beginning to see just how much it was so. Already he had attracted a few quick glances.

His very presence here placed Izaya in a particular position. Informants were not normally allowed into the inner sanctum of the yakuza like this. It was a privilege that carried its fair share of danger.

Izaya had so much on his mind that he did not immediately attach any significance to bit of blonde hair that towered over virtually everyone. His main goal was to identify all the power player and not to keep track of individual bodyguards. When he did notice it, however, he managed to stifle a cry. Suddenly nothing made sense, then things shifted into focus and rage followed on the wake of clarity.

He paid his respects as if nothing had happened, making sure he burned a stick of incense precisely as regulated but his heart was not on it. Izaya drifted to the general rest area to think and sure enough there the culprit was. Having a smoke break.

"What is this, you're stalking me now? Shizuo."

Shizuo finished a cigarette.

"Nah. Working as a bodyguard now."

"I can see as much. And it's just a big coincidence you just happen to be here?"

Izaya was bent on not letting his temper flare up. They could have this conversation since no one dared to sit next to Shizuo, they had the rest area all by themselves but still Izaya was not about to let Shizuo have the satisfaction of seeing him upset.

"Not really. The blue kid was saying something about a yakuza funeral, thought you might attend. So I looked around and they were hiring extra help. Figured I'd give it a shot. Guess I lucked out."

"I'm amazed they hired you. You're as likely to destroy the whole place as you are to guard anyone."

Shizuo smirked.

"Yeah but they were kinda afraid of saying no. Then I really might go crazy."

"I see. So you are stalking me and making a yen at the same time. How crafty of you, using the yakuza's 'protection' policy against them."

"Not stalking. Just wanted to see what you were up to."

"And that is different from stalking how?"

"You look good in a suit."

"I know."

Shizuo smiled and produced another cigarette.

"Guess you'll always be cocky."

"What did you expect that I'd go all demure and 'kya' on you?"

"Hmm...'kya' might be fun."

"Cut that out. And is Tom-san okay with your being here?"

Shizuo shrugged.

"No problem. What are you doing here, by the way?"

"Observing."

"And you call me stalker?"

"Your wit disarms me completely, oh my, whatever shall I do. And will you do your tie properly, don't you ever look in the mirror?"

Izaya's nimble fingers fixed Shizuo's tie very quickly but the moment seemed to expand.

"Thanks."

"You don't really mean to do any actual bodyguarding, do you?"

"Are you wearing a bulletproof vest?"

Izaya's eyes narrowed.

"Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering?"

"Why are you wondering?"

Shizuo looked around.

"Plenty of guns around, I bet. Better be careful."

"You've been watching way too many movies."

But even as Izaya said this he could not help but look around half-apprehensively. If there were to be a shootout Izaya was at a distinct disadvantage.

"You got your pet knife?"

Izaya pretended to check the time on a wristwatch he had donned just for the occasion.

"I'm going back, enjoy your poison."


	114. Chapter 114

Izaya did not storm out as he felt like doing but he was thrown off his game. There was something highly upsetting in running into Shizuo like this. Izaya took a deep breath and made a deliberate effort to push aside all thoughts of Shizuo. Fortunately he had not been followed as he almost expected.

Izaya brought his attention to his surroundings. He had gravitated to a lounge that flanked the main hall. It was a long division adorned with a few traditional Japanese motifs in the shape of a golden screen on which a pack of cranes was rendered in their eternally frozen flight. Izaya noticed it first and was then drawn to the group of women in kimonos.

Yakuza wives. Normally they remained secluded and this was a rare opportunity for seeing them up close. Izaya knew he could not just approach them so he settled for courteously bowing from afar. There was security here as well, a few discreet men lined along the walls. He wished he could just loiter about a bit longer and get a better idea about these illusive creatures in their stunning dark kimonos but he could really find no excuse, the screen was very beautiful but he had been admiring it a bit too long.

"Young man, pour us some more tea."

Izaya could hardly believe his luck, he had not counted on their being as curious about him as he was about them. He recognized the imperative tone from his wealthier costumers at the host club, they too were polite in their demanding ways but it was clear from the very way they spoke that Izya was not at liberty to decline.

Izaya bowed again and handled the small graceful tea pot with great care. There were five women in total, ranging from their thirties to veritable yakuza matrons that Izaya immediately associated with the typical 'anego' type.

From serving champagne to host club addicts to pouring tea to yakuza wives there was not that great of a stretch. Izaya kept the smiling in check, though.

"What group are you with?"

Izaya hesitated very briefly. It figured that yakuza women identified people according to their gang affiliation but Izaya did not particularly enjoyed this lumping together. His sense of identity was too unique to possibly merge into any organization. Amnesia had only provided a thrust to his sharpening of who he was.

"I came with the Awakusu group but I'm a free agent. Orihara Izaya, at your service."

Izaya bowed again.

"Oh, the informant from Shinjuku. I've heard of you."

This was unexpected. Izaya did not know his name was known to them.

"I'm honored."

Truth be told he was slightly freaked out.

"Shiki-san has high expectations of you."

"You're much younger than I thought."

They all looked at him. Izaya did not like being exposed like this. He had the distinct impression that he was an alien element in a tight group that excluded him by default. They had strength in numbers and a common culture of which he knew precious little. All Izaya knew about the yakuza came from his reading and his direct interaction with men, he was at a loss in dealing with the women behind the power.

"But tell us, what exactly do you do for a living?"

Izaya allowed himself to smile. The message was clear, he was to answer their questions and be kept standing at their table as a waiter of sorts.

"I barter information of all kinds. If you ever need my services do let me know."

Perhaps he was being too flirty. There were liberties he should stay away from and his usual way of dealing one-on-one with women often veered on flirting. A habit he had picked up at the host club proved surprisingly difficult to shake.

To his relief they seemed pleased.

"Information of all kinds, you say? Could you help me find my kitty?"

One of the youngest women produced a picture and handed it to him. Izaya studied a gray cat, very sleek and smooth, the fur nearly shiny.

"I locate people but tracking lost pets is not something I usually dabble in. But I can try. Please give me more details, what is the cat's name, does she answer by it, when was she last seen?"


	115. Chapter 115

Izaya swung into professional mode immediately.

"She's Fluffy, at times she answers by the name but normally she doesn't. She's a Russian Blue cat, three years old. She got lost yesterday near the Sunshine building in Ikebukuro."

Izaya nodded.

"Any distinctive features?"

"A pink collar with a tiny silver bell."

"I cannot handle your request at the moment but I will get someone on it right away. Cats are highly resourceful animals so hope is not lost. I cannot assure that I will find Fluffy but I will try my very best. If you'll excuse me I'll get to it. Who do I have the pleasure to be working for?"

"Ichinomiya Kaori."

Izaya's bow had something of a flourish to it. He had managed to ferret a name and quite an impressive one at that, the niece of the deceased had just hired him. Finding cats might seem beneath Tokyo's most influential informant but the costumer mattered. Not to mention Izaya liked cats a lot and wanted to find Fluffy for the cat's sake. It was a win win situation.

He got a picture of Fluffy to be sent to his phone and resent it to Kida's whom he called with the request of locating said cat. Kida was puzzled but it could be considerably worse.

"We haven't discussed your fee yet."

"There is no need to discuss such matters until Fluffy is secured. If I fail to find her or should she no longer be with us then I expect no payment."

"Is that how you usually work?"

"It depends, I take a case by case approach."

"How much of your profit goes to Shiki-san?"

Izaya blinked. Quite an intrusive question but perhaps that was to be expected but the business quality of it surprised him. From what he knew yakuza wives were not familiar with such things as commissions as they did not handle any actual business themselves. Then again he might be underestimating their actual knowledge.

"None. As I mentioned before I'm a free agent. My profit belongs to me alone and of course part of it goes to the State of Japan via taxation."

This seemed to get their attention.

"Oh? Taxes will be the death of us all."

The entire table laughed and so did Izaya. He was having a good time. It occurred to him he was probably overstepping the boundaries of 'observing' by directly interacting but it was too much fun.

"How come I've never seen you around before? From what I've heard you've been 'the informant from Shinjuku' since you were out of your diapers but this is the first time I'm actually seeing you."

Izaya considered the woman that had just spoken. She was one of the oldest, to her Izaya must be little more than a kid. More, she lorded over the rest as something of a leader and in that quality put him in his place.

They assessed him anew and Izaya could not help being slightly nervous. The group mentality was strong here. But Izaya could use this to his own advantage. He might be excluded from the in-group but he had enough credentials to allow him to at all be where he was. Izaya felt that his whole experience in this strange criminal wonderland of shades of veiled violence was being in between, bleeding past categories. Izaya was above the stony faced men lining the wall and insuring superfluous security but he was not the equivalent of their bosses. There was no clear counterpart and so he was free to chat with yakuza wives. Finding out just how much he could actually ask was a riveting challenge.

"I'm afraid this is my first time at gatherings such as this so I am still learning my way around."

Izaya made a small bow. The women laughed softly.

"Orihara-kun, you're doing very well. As expected of Shiki-san to pick up such a promising protege."

Izaya would rather Shiki was not brought into the discussion. For the present purposes Shiki served as context. He did not care to seen as a subordinate of Shiki's even if technically he might amount to that as far as this women knew.

"We need smart men like you."

"But maybe not too smart, it's not always wise to be too smart."

Their laughter had a certain ring to it. Izaya smiled politely and wondered if they might not have too much of a point. Of all the many dangers to which Izaya was subject to the greatest was indeed his acting too smart for his own good.


	116. Chapter 116

Shizuo stared at the pond as he strolled about the garden. No one seemed to expect him to actually do any bodyguarding, Shizuo included and so he was left with plenty of time on his hands.

"Heiwajima-san, good afternoon."

Over the neatly pebbled rim of the pond Shizuo could only see a pair of black pants but he recognized the voice right away.

"Is it okay to feed the fish?"

"I doubt the Ichinomiyas would approve."

A packet of cigarettes was offered. Shizuo finally bothered to look at Shiki.

"Can't smoke here."

"I'm sure you're a man that can break a few rules."

"I doubt the Ichinomiyas would approve."

Shiki smiled.

"Duly noted. Shall we have a seat?"

The stone bench faced the surface of the water, they both contemplated the delicate swirl of colors as the fish went about their lives unconcerned by mere humans. Shiki expected more hostility or at least a greater reaction.

"No one seems to miss the dead guy too much."

"We are already gathered to pay our last homage to Ichinomiya-san so we might as well take the opportunity for discussing business."

"Yeah? Sucks being him."

Shiki smiled.

"I am afraid you are not enjoying the funeral."

"Didn't know funerals were meant to be enjoyed."

"I'm sure Izaya is having fun."

"Well, Izaya is Izaya."

And just like this they got to the actual point.

"He is a very unique individual, yes."

"If he gets real hurt because of you I'll kill you."

Shiki had heard many threats in his day. From punks screaming at the top of their lungs to rivals slurring behind his back just when they knew they were done for so he knew that this kind of calm delivery meant business. More than that, Shiki could tell from Shizuo's whole demeanor that this was no idle threat. Shizuo's very lack of emphasis bespoke of true resolve.

"Fair enough but I might as well say the same to you."

Shizuo looked straight at Shiki.

"'Cuz he is so useful to you?"

"That too."

Shizuo did not frown but almost. Despite everything Shizuo was a man that Shiki could respect. There was something of an unwritten code of conduct to Shizuo, a way of resolutely forging ahead through storms that taxed both body and mind. Broken bones and a string of jobs all ending in disastrous firings, constant brawls and the implicit shunning that was a corollary to superhuman strength.

Shiki knew many yakuza who envied Shizuo bitterly. They wished they had such overwhelming street credit and a name that inspired fear. In a society that dealt so much in intimidation like the yakuza someone like Shizuo was something of a fabled idol and a role model. Not that Shizuo at all cared, he worked solo and seemed detached from all and kinds of society. It occurred to Shiki that this might very well be a point of contact between Shizuo and Izaya.

But Shiki did not envy Shizuo for he paid too much attention to ignore the recoil of being 'the strongest man in Ikebukuro'. Izaya matters aside Shiki knew that beyond the glamor of the image people projected on Shizuo there was a gritty reality: too much in the spotlight to properly avoid being turned into an object to goggle at, never quite seen as an actual person.

The notion of 'worthy adversary' resounded deeply with Shiki. He was aware that he was the product of a certain environment, namely the yakuza, and the rules that patterned his life calibrated the ways of engagement between people who you respected and would still execute if need be. And again even if Izaya was not involved Shiki would take action against Shizuo if ever Shizuo took any kind of action that required it.

After all, Heiwajima Shizuo meant danger through and through.

"I find your concern laudable, Heiwajima-san. I have yet to properly compensate you for rescuing Izaya- my very useful Izaya- when he was dire need. I hope that you'll accept this as a token of my gratitude."

Shiki produced a check on which he wrote with an old fashioned yet sleek deep blue fountain pen then handed it to Shizuo. Shizuo took the check and without as much as glancing at it shredded it and let the pieces flutter, some floating petal-like on the pond before sinking.

"You don't want to test me, yakuza-san. I don't want your money."

Nor did Shiki think Shizuo could be bribed. It was indeed a test.


	117. Chapter 117

"I wonder what Izaya would do if he knew you feel this...protective about him. I doubt it would make him like you."

Shiki let the pause speak for itself. Making the gross euphemism point out to deeper truths.

"Izaya isn't going to like me."

"So you have nothing to lose?"

Shiki very much doubted this.

"Why isn't Izaya wearing a bulletproof vest?"

The sudden change surprised Shiki considerably.

"You seem to be laboring under a misguided but sadly all too common idea. We do not hold shootouts or go on gun crazy rampages despite what the entertainment industry may lead you to believe."

"Lots of guys packing lead here."

"True. It is a public display of power more than anything else. You are sharp enough to spot the guns but they are hidden. We may be armed and we may want everyone to know it but we won't show or use our guns."

"Unless shit goes down."

Shiki had to smile.

"That is indeed a possibility, yes. But it is a remote one. I gather Izaya is more likely to get run over by a car than to be gunned down at a funeral such as this."

"Cars he can dodge, bullets he can't."

"Aren't you worried you might be gunned down as well?"

"Been shot before. No big deal."

Now this did come very close to making Shiki afraid. It was a last resort and one Shiki would rather eschew but ultimately, if it came to that, there was always the option of disposing of dangerous elements by having them shot dead. There was no way of properly handling a man to whom bullets were a trifle.

"I see. Can Izaya truly dodge cars, I wonder."

The mental picture was nagging, it persisted.

"He can dodge a lot of things. Not bullets and not knives, though. You took care of the creepo that knifed him?"

"Ah, that. You need not worry, it's been taken care of."

"Good. If there's one thing you guys are good at is 'taking care of' people and killing them dead."

"It is the best way of killing them, you see."

It was Shizuo's turn to smile.

"Yakuza crack jokes as well, huh."

"As Izaya would put it, 'humor is an exclusively human response'".

"Izaya says a lot of things."

"Am I right in assuming you're not an admirer of Orihara Izaya's many theories about virtually all that exists under the sun and quite a few thing that do not?"

Shizuo phrased it strangely to let a certain irony shine through.

"It depends."

"On what, exactly?"

Shiki's own attitude toward Izaya's fanciful mind games almost veered on awe on occasion. Not so much at the brilliant reasoning but on the way it was steeped on such an idiosyncratic perspective that only Izaya could fully understand it. Shiki suspected that it was the mark of a true genius, this having a way of thinking that was so irrevocably unique. And at the same time Izaya had a streak of childish delight at his own achievements and grand visions. That had not changed with amnesia. Izaya was more cautious now but yet more likely to open up and divulge precious information.

This might be the very first time that Shiki ever discussed Izaya's theories with someone else. He was curious to see what Shizuo had to say about them.

"Depends if he really means the stuff the stuff he says."

"You think Izaya lacks sincerity?"

"You're interested in what I think? Dunno why."

"Well, you know Izaya better than most so it is not without reason to ask."

Shiki was not entirely sure whether he or Shizuo knew Izaya better. It appeased his ego to believe he had some special access to Izaya's inner being but Shiki knew better than to let that cloud his judgment.

"He's not useful to me."

This Shiki did not entirely believe. He considered making some oblique allusion to the uses Shizuo could put Izaya to but decided against it. Such verbal maneuvering would just rebound off Shizuo.

"May I ask why the sudden interest in Izaya? I understand you two were not on the best of terms."


	118. Chapter 118

"None of your business."

"And by the same token my relationship with Izaya is none of your business."

Lately Shiki had been thinking about Izaya a lot. Since Izaya was ostensibly keeping a distance Shiki found his thoughts returning to him. Shiki was not entirely sure when it had happened but at some point it had become clear to him that much of his future success relied on Izaya. It was not entirely a gut feeling but it was also that. Shiki had taken into consideration Izaya's potential and viewed him from a purely utilitarian point of view to reach the conclusion that Izaya was not merely useful but absolutely crucial.

As information became and more essential the value of someone like Izaya skyrocketed accordingly. Shiki was more aware of this than most of his colleages. He knew that the difference between being a middle range yakuza boss and at the very top rested on how well Shiki employed Izaya's talents. Which led to the question of what Izaya had in mind for Shiki in the future. Shiki had been trying to properly frame Izaya but none of that would amount to much if Izaya were to pull on his unpredictable moves.

Not for the first time it occurred to Shiki that Izaya was more useful as he was now than he had ever been. As things stood Shiki at least knew that Izaya would not have him eliminated. Shiki suspected that prior to his memory loss Izaya would get rid of him if need be. Shiki might use Izaya but Izaya used him just as well. And in their normal economy of dependence it was Shiki who truly needed Izaya.

"So you saying you like him?"

This was so direct that Shiki blinked in dismay and was at a loss for half a heartbeat.

"I like him plenty."

"That's not exactly enough."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you're half-assed about the whole thing."

Shiki was almost alarmed. Men like Shizuo could easily become loose cannons when their emotions were on the line.

"Are you saying you are more in earnest, so to speak?"

"That's right."

Speaking of sincerity this was much more than Shiki expected out of Shizuo. This period of separation had made Shiki realize that he missed Izaya on a more personal level. Beautiful women and even pretty boys could be easily obtained but it was not quite the same. They lacked Izaya's joyful abandon and proud frailty.

Shiki was surprised at how much he missed the sex. Izaya's lack of experience was more than compensated by his willingness and if Shiki were honest he much preferred having sex with Izaya as he now was than ever before. There had been times in the past when Izaya had got out of his way to impress on Shiki that while sex was a highly pleasurable activity it did not quite monopolize the span of his attention. Or to put it different, there had been times when Shiki was absolutely sure that Izaya's mind was miles away even as he spread on the sheets. One memorable occasion included Izaya calmly reciting pi during intercourse, Shiki had been genuinely freaked out.

In comparison, sex with Izaya post memory loss was wonderful in ways Shiki was even a bit reluctant to consider.

"Am I correct in assuming you're willing to dedicate yourself to Izaya more fully?"

"That's not up to me."

This was the perfect opportunity for addressing the topic of Izaya's will, something that arguably was quite beyond both Shiki and Shizuo's control. But Shiki did not want to touch on the subject just yet.

"I'm glad you two are getting along better."

Shizuo picked up a pebble and reduced it to powder by making a fist. Shiki could tell it was not meant to intimidate him. It just so happened that Shizuo had different standards when it came to physical strength. Nothing short of throwing vending machines even counted as an actual display of power, grinding pebbles was nothing much.

"You sure about that?"

"A cessation in hostilities benefits everyone involved."

"'Everyone involved' includes you?"


	119. Chapter 119

_"__To some extent. Heiwajima-san, do you practice any martial art?"_

_Shiki tried his hand at changing the topic. It would not do to let Shizuo steer the conversation too much. _

_"__Nah, too violent."_

_For a moment Shiki was sure Shizuo was being sarcastic. Then he realized Shizuo was dead serious. Odds were Shizuo's disavowal of violence was not hypocrisy but the true expression of his will. Shizuo hated violence so intensely precisely because he was dragged into it against his better nature. Shiki did not precisely grasp all this but he could the general idea._

_"__Not necessarily. In fact, martial arts can help you tap into your inner strength by building on your self-control. I practice aikido, it is hardly violent."_

_"__Aikido? Thought it'd be karate or kendo."_

_"__I am sorry to disappoint you."_

_"__Don't really care."_

_"__If you will allow me the liberty of making a suggestion I believe you should give aikido a try. Young people need some form of discipline as it is."_

_Shizuo chuckled. He sounded truly amused. _

_"__What's this 'young people' talk, you're not all that older."_

_"__True. As far as years go. But I do feel I belong to another generation."_

_"__You got one of them fancy phones?"_

_"__Do you mean a smartphone?"_

_"__Yeah, one of those."_

_"__I own one, yes. Why do you ask?"_

_"__Then you're more 'young people' than me. Never could figure those things out."_

_Shiki had to laugh._

_"__Either way, in your particular case aikido would be of great use. Self-control is the key to an harmonious existence."_

_"__Ah...you should get stuff like that written."_

_"__A collection of aphorisms, you mean?"_

_"__Dunno what 'aphorism' is."_

_Shiki smiled. He could see how communication between Shizuo and Izaya was bound to break down. It made Shiki feel considerably pleased. _

_"__The goal of aikido is not so much to attack head-on but to redirect your opponent's attacks and thus disarm him."_

_"__Guess that's what you're doing here, huh."_

_"__I hope that you and I can be on as affable terms as possible."_

_"__This is as affable as I get."_

_And it might already be pushing it. Shiki suspected that the reason why Shizuo was here sitting with him and having this conversation was out of respect to Izaya more than anything else. Now would be the time to bring Izaya's will into focus. Shiki knew he wanted to shift the conversation into this direction because he had confidence he had the upper hand there. For all his notions of owning people Shiki knew fully well that ultimately it was up to Izaya to decide. No amount of brute strength from Shizuo or suave manipulation from Shiki could make much of a difference if Izaya's emotions were not engaged. _

_Shiki opted for going about it indirectly. _

_"__Izaya is currently having a very nice chat with some ladies. He is remarkably popular with women."_

_Shiki had been informed by his men via the auricular. _

_"__When Izaya wants he can be popular with pretty much everyone."_

_"__I believe he hadn't...captivated you, if you will, until recently."_

_Shiki really wanted to get to the bottom of Shizuo's change of heart. It was too crucial to drop._

_"__Like I said, 'when' he wants to."_

_"__He can be rather unpleasant, I gather."_

_Shizuo chuckled._

_"__Yeah. That's like saying the ocean is kinda wet."_

_Shiki agreed. Izaya's potential for mischief tended to amuse Shiki. Partially because Shiki did indeed feel part of an older generation and could see Izaya as the trouble making kid whose pranks went just a little bit too far but also because this particular aspect of Izaya had never been aimed at Shiki. _

_There was a playfulness to Izaya that made him childish despite his many masterplans. Shiki could afford to be amused by this but there were moments when it overlapped with the sexual element and caused some disturbance. Shiki suspect that at least in part this was deliberate on Izaya's part. It was not played outright but Izaya had his ways of letting it hang in the background like a trump card he did not even have to play as long as Shiki knew he held it. _

_Izaya's actual age was something of a tricky subject in itself. Shiki had not even contemplated touching Izaya until he was of age but in actuality there was not that great of a difference between grownup Izaya and the kid that had dropped by his office freshly out of high school. _


	120. Chapter 120

It was not only that Izaya had been mature beyond his years as a teen as he had retained much of the elemental cruelty of children even as he grew. If anything, Izaya was now closer to a fabled idea of purity (Shiki was too savvy to credit notions of purity anyway) then Shiki had ever known him to be.

"It seems you've overcome all of that. Is it a 'forgive and forget' kind of deal?"

"Dunno about that."

Shiki was not used to being dismissed in such a laconic manner. He found it very irritating. By cutting off discourse Shizuo gained an ascendancy that Shiki was not at all willing to hand over. Shizuo's issues were more than just his uncontrollable wrath, Shiki sensed an undertow of antisocial attitude that went beyond this present confrontation.

"I believe that we can both accommodate Izaya into our lives. In different ways, of course."

In other words Shizuo was free to play the friend card with Izaya but that was far as he was allowed to go.

"You putting me in my place?"

"That's right, Heiwajima-san. I'm the one who shares his bed."

Shiki's wording was almost archaic on purpose. On occasion he dipped into formal and even old fashioned language to stress a point. It would be silly coming from most people but in Shiki it was a classy move that tended to cause quite an impression.

Shiki had to admit to himself that claiming sexual ownership was remarkably enjoyable. Skirting around the issue and hinting at it might be very well but when dealing with such a blunt person like Shizuo it was best to tell it like it is. And Shiki was extremely curious to see how Shizuo would react.

"You trying to piss me off?"

"Not that all. I am simply informing you of your limits. If you want to be on friendly terms with Izaya then by all means. But you are not to go beyond that."

"Or else you'll send your goons to get me?"

Shiki smiled a very cold smile.

"You misunderstand me, Heiwajima-san. I wouldn't send anyone to handle a personal matter. I'd do it myself."

"'Cuz of the whole honor thing?"

Shizuo expressed himself as if the very notion of honor, or the notion he believed Shiki to hold, was just too bizarre an idea. Something might be lost in translation, they were perhaps bound to speak at cross-purposes. Either way Shiki knew where he stood.

"There are things that a man has to do himself."

Shiki fully meant it. There was a limit to delegation and he always knew where to draw it.

"Good. Makes it easier to get rid of you."

Shiki's eyebrows rose in polite shock that he did not at all feel.

"You may find that more problematic than you think, Heiwajima-san."

Shizuo looked around leisurely enough.

"You got snipers around?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"Thought you guys didn't go on crazy gun rampages."

"And we don't. 'Unless shit goes down' as you so eloquently put it."

A moment of silence followed as Shizuo and Shiki contemplated one another at length.

"Shizuo...? Shiki-san...?"

Shinra stood blinking at them in a creased black suit that he obviously was not used to wearing. His eyes looked all too wide behind the glasses. Try as he might Shinra could not at all see why Shizuo and Shiki should be having a chat like this.

But he could tell the tension was thick here. Shinra almost wished he had simply looked the other way. Shizuo took his own time getting up as if to make a point that he did not at all mind being out here in the open as a veritable target.

"It seems that we understand each other, Heiwajima-san."

"Yeah. Looks like it."

Shiki granted Shizuo a curt enough nod in lieu of farewell and calmly ignored a rather frantic Shinra who busied himself hurrying Shizuo away. Shinra waited until they were out of earshot.

"What is going on here? You're not seriously picking a fight with Shiki, are you?"

"Kinda am, I guess."

"You guess...? You already have enough problems as it is, do you really need to make it so much worse for yourself?"

It boggled the mind.

"How come you're here?"

"I treated Ichinomiya-san a few times so they invited me. Actually, how did you even get here yourself?"

"Bodyguarding."

Shinra sighed deeply and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Let me take a wild guess, Izaya is involved in this. Somehow."


	121. Chapter 121

_"__Well, yeah. He's talking to some ladies."_

_Shinra blinked._

_"__What ladies? This a yakuza funeral after all..."_

_"__Dunno. Yakuza wives would be my bet."_

_"__How come all hell always breaks loose as soon as I look away? Izaya and yakuza wives! While you go out of your way to piss off one of the most dangerous men in Japan!"_

_Shizuo simply shrugged. _

_"__About that, no need for Izaya to know about stuff."_

_"__Fine, since he was probably the topic of the conversation anyway."_

_That much Shinra got. _

_"__Most of it."_

_"__At least you didn't go berserk back there but I swear it looked like a close call for a sec."_

_"__Yakuza man got guts."_

_"__Don't you think it's a bit messed up to go behind Izaya's back like this?"_

_"__Tried talking things through with him around, didn't work out too well."_

_"__I bet. I think I'm beginning to see what's going on here...and it still doesn't make any sense."_

_"__You know any place where they do aikido?"_

_Shinra blinked rapidly. They had wandered off to a shadowy area under a massive tree, the twitter of birds filled the darkly translucent air. _

_"__As a doujo?"_

_"__Yeah, know of any?"_

_Just when Shinra thought he figured out what was going on._

_"__I have no idea. Why do you ask? Since when are you into martial arts?"_

_"__Just wondering."_

_The light chatter came to a sudden hush as soon as a newcomer joined the table. Izaya could tell the change immediately. As one the yakuza ladies got up and bowed to a middle aged woman in a black kimono. She made her way slowly, almost majestically, each step calibrated. But what impressed Izaya more than anything were her eyes. Never had he seen true grief in all its ravaging might: he saw it now and it humbled him. He felt a pang of guilt and as he greeted her his bow expressed contrition. _

_"__Orihara-kun? I haven't seen you in a long time. How nice of you to come, I am sure my husband would appreciate."_

_So Izaya was acquainted with the Ichinomiyas. It was the first time he heard about it. Whether Shiki knew about this or not was of the utmost importance and something Izaya would have to look into but for the time being all of that was moot. His nature gravitated toward empathy and could not fail to respond to genuine suffering._

_"__Ichinomiya-san, I am sorry for your loss. If there is anything I can do to help, do not hesitate to let me know."_

_Yazuka, crime emporiums, dangers lurking at every corner: none of that mattered to Izaya in this moment. The best of his nature, that which he had been trying to draw from, kicked in without his even realizing that was what it was. Something of his earnest sympathy must have carried through. _

_"__We will be holding an intimate dinner just with the family. I would like you to attend."_

_Izaya suspected Shiki was not counting on this development and he might not even approve but none of that even factored in Izaya's decision._

_"__It will be an honor."_

_And this was how Izaya found himself at the noble dinner room, sitting at a long low table covered with delicacies, feeling most definitely out of place. He had been placed right next to the end of the table on which the widow sat which only made him even more conspicuous. _

_The entire room was covered in high quality tatamis and the motif was gold. Golden sliding doors set the tone that was then reflected on the ceiling. Izaya found it both very beautiful and oppressive. This was a division conceived to impress and that it did but there was no thought to actual comfort. For one, it was too large for a dining room. It seemed more of a gallery and the flurry of gold powered fans at both ends added to the feeling. _

_Even the very long table seemed afloat in a lot of golden nothing. As awkward as Izaya felt he was extremely interested. If there was a place in which his role of his as an observer could be pushed to its utmost then this was it. Izaya was the sole outsider. The Ichinimoyia's core members were all present. They had greeted him respectfully but he could tell they were a bit at a loss as to justify his presence in this inner sanctum. _


	122. Chapter 122

Izaya wondered if this was what passed for 'intimate dinner'. There were far too many people eating in an artificial stony silence. At first Izaya thought that perhaps they were holding back because he was there but it soon became obvious that there were issues running much deeper.

He was relieved at finding his newest client present but she was too far away to even establish eye contact without being too blatant. And as it was no one seemed interested in doing as much look anyone in the eye. They all seemed engrossed in staring at their highly delicious food.

There were no bodyguards around so it was safe to assume that at least they had not reached the cutthroat stage yet. Izaya had done his homework on the yakuza. He knew that no matter how solid and well established a group might be it ultimately depended on its leader (official or otherwise) to properly function. The moment leadership faulted there was a real danger of collapse. Not so much from outright war with other groups but by sectarian infighting.

Izaya scanned the assembly discreetly. He knew who most of them were but it became highly frustrating to see them persisting in acting like mutes. Izaya did not exactly regret accepting the invitation but he did wish Shiki was around as some sort of insurance.

"Orihara-san, what do you think of our family?"

He managed not to start but with an effort. For some reason he had suddenly been promoted to '-san' and in his experience that usually did not mean anything good. Things clinched for him almost instantly. The widow knew something of Izaya's role as the jester and was using it to out her entire family.

This room was so much like a stage because everyone was acting out an elaborate play. Izaya might very well be the only one who did not know the script. Then it occurred to him that Izaya could rewrite the script. It could be his truest vocation in life.

"I can hardly say, Ichinomiya-sama. Families are very complex entities and I would not presume to speak about the family of others. One' own family is often cryptic enough as it is."

If she could shift honorifics and add more pressure by thickening the layers of formality then so could he. In fact, Izaya accompanied his disclaimer-like tirade with a very polite bow. Judging by her shrewd smile this was precisely what she expected.

"What's the Awakusu to do with us?"

This came from a burly fellow across the table.

"I am not with the Awakusu group."

"Yeah, right. Like you're not going to rat us out to Shiki-san. Lapdog that you are."

Izaya smiled complacently enough. He found it interesting how even when seething with resentment this guy attached an honorific to Shiki's name almost by default.

"I can assure you that I will not divulge whatever happens here to anyone but I fully understand if my word has little or no value here. Also, your animal metaphors are quite varied in scope."

This last bit provoked a flutter of chuckles.

"Father told me much about you."

Izaya turned to the new speaker, a serious looking youth that he identified as the third son by the highly redundant name of Saburo. Izaya found it oddly charming that this family insisted on the anachronism of naming male offspring according to their order of birth. Hence 'Saburo' meaning 'third son'.

"Good things, I hope."

"I'm not sure. 'Whoever wields Orihara Izaya will rule Tokyo', Father said. So it depends."

If the Ichinomiyas had any sense they should this fellow was the next leader. That was Izaya's opinion.

"Ah, I cannot be 'wielded', though."

"Not even by Shiki-sama?"

Izaya made a point of looking him in the eye.

"Not anyone. I am a free agent and it is as a free agent that I operate."

Perhaps a bit too repetitive but he had a stand to make.

"Does that mean you'll sell your services to us?"

"I take a case-by-case approach but I am more than willing to hear you out."

"Orihara-san, what would it take for you to work exclusively for us?"

Izaya was not at all expecting this.

"That is not an option."

"We can double whatever you're currently receiving-"

The burly fellow disrupted things by suddenly slamming his hands on the table.

"Why are you acting like you're the new leader?"

"Shut up. Orihara-san, do reconsider our offer."


	123. Chapter 123

For a few tense moments that felt like hours Izaya was sure that the stare down between the brothers would escalate into a famous yakuza brawl complete with cutlery flying as well as insults. Izaya went as far as to glance at the exit.

Surprisingly enough the older sibling, aptly named Ichirou (no one could accuse the family of lacking in consistency) backed down albeit furiously enough. Everyone seem to let out a collective sigh. Izaya was slightly disappointed. He had almost forgotten he was being addressed and it would have slipped off his mind were not for Saburo turning a very intent stare at him which in turn made everyone else focus on him.

"If I were to work exclusively for anyone my ability to procure information would immediately diminish. My resources would dry up if it were known that I have an agenda that coincides entirely with my exclusive client: people would be more reluctant to tell me what I wish to know and perhaps even worse the scope of my investigation would be limited by default. As a consequence you would end up with an overpaid but mediocre informant. It would not benefit either party."

Saburo nodded and seemed lost in thought.

"I see, yes, that makes sense. I've wondered why Shiki-sama lets you negotiate with others as he does."

Izaya straightened up.

"There seems to be a misunderstanding here, Shiki-san does not 'allow' me a certain leeway: the leeway is entirely mine to define. I hope that is perfectly clear. Neh?"

And Izaya granted them his cutest, most innocent and borderline disturbing smile.

"Understood. Will you try this vintage sake?"

"Why, thank you."

Izaya took a few sips in a perfect blend of decorum and moderation. The mood of the dinner changed course and soon enough there was general conversation a bit all over the long table.

It turned out to be an absolute success for almost everyone involved.

*

Shiki picked him up when the dinner was over. Izaya settled at the back of the plush limousine with a clear look of satisfaction. Shiki made no comment and let the silence reign: he was betting on Izaya starting a very telling conversation.

"Shiki-san, do you know about tarot?"

Just when Shiki thought he could predict Izaya he was proven wrong by a dose of apparent randomness. Shiki lifted an eyebrow.

"The cards? Vaguely. Why do ask, are you going into the fortune telling business?"

Izaya giggled. Shiki imagined Izaya spinning off wild tales as he told the whole Ichinomiya clan their fortune. Shiki was extremely curious as to what had happened at the dinner which was the more reason not to ask about it.

"I'm afraid I'm not talent at that nor do I put any faith in any form of divination. I believe we make our own destiny and it becomes who we are."

"Interesting take on it. So why the interest in the tarot?"

Shiki genuinely wanted to know.

"Each card has a series of meanings attached, something of an archetype structure or frame. I've been reading about it and it is indeed a fascinating subject."

"You're taking a Jungian approach?"

Izaya nodded enthusiastically, almost buzzing.

"Something to that effect. I've been wondering which card fits me best and reached the conclusion that I'd be The Fool."

"Oh? That is an odd choice."

"The Fool has a way of seeing through mere rational working and grasp the true shape of the world as it is. His madness is that of inspiration and he is often the main character as a pilgrim going through life, a representative of people in general. As one who goes off to seek out experience."

Shiki found the self-praise almost charming. Probably because there was no cockiness behind it just a well reasoned assessment of a character that was trying to find itself.

"I'd say there is plenty of you in that description."

"Indeed. But perhaps more importantly, the Fool is often not part of the deck at all. In the game proper- tarot was originally a game- The Fool is independent and does not belong to any category."

So this was Izaya's point. Shiki got it.

"Am I also a card?"

"The Emperor."

No hesitation.


	124. Chapter 124

"Why?"

Izaya smiled with more than a hint of irony.

"It is self-explanatory but I'll be glad to comment. 'Stability', 'control', 'authority', 'command', 'leadership', structure', 'order', 'tradition' are a few notions associated with The Emperor. Arguably you embody all these, Shiki-san."

Shiki considered this. Quite a partial portrayal that bordered on bias in being so centered on exerting domination but mostly accurate none the less.

"And by 'tradition' you mean 'obsolete'?"

"Shiki-san, do you know the opening verses of the Tale of Heike?"

A bit at a loss as to where this was leading to Shiki recited it smoothly, the rhythm blending in with the comforting hum of the engine.

"'The sound of the bell of Gionshoja echoes the impermanence of all things. The hue of the flowers of the teak tree declares that they who flourish must be brought low. Yea, the proud ones are but for a moment, like an evening dream in springtime. The mighty are destroyed at the last, they are but as the dust before the wind.'" *

"How many people know it by heart and of those how many know how to properly recite it? A precious few. That's what I mean with 'tradition', this knowing how to incoporate even the very distant past into the present. It is extremely cool."

Izaya added the last bit in a different tone, going from his eloquent self to his quirky self.

"That's an original take on it."

"Tradition is a very present issue, particularly in our countr. Tradition is often absolutely atrocious but knowing how to channel it is indeed a talent that someone as yourself has to their command."

"You knew the entire Tale of Heike by heart. And probably many other works."

"My ability to retain information seems to be well above average. Ironically enough."

With that said Izaya did not seem particularly upset over his missing memories. At least not presently.

"I'm sure you're enjoying yourself exploring your vast collection of books."

"Indeed! My library contains a wealth of classics. I was a bit surprised myself and also thrilled. Speaking of my eccletic book collection, I found an old but very well preserved copy of The Little Prince. An odd choice for me...then again..."

Izaya trailed off as if to alluding to his former self's widely encompassing erudition could only be described with a vague waving gesture.

"I never heard you mention that particular book."

"'Property of Orihara Izaya, 2nd year elementary school.', it's written on the back. My calligraphy was very neat for a kid."

"It would be."

Shiki pictured little Izaya leafing through his treasured book. It was a charming mental image except little Izaya would probably reach the conclusion that The Little Prince's deeper meaning related to ushering in the apocalypse.

"It hasn't changed, my handwriting. Which is a good thing, that way I didn't have to redo all my legally binding documents or file for a new official signature. Bureocrats are not known for their flexibility of thought, imagine having to explain that my signature changes because I have amnesia. Odds are I'd have to spend a few years writing forms to have it changed."

"Such are the hazards of red tape."

"Indeed. The bank people are every bit as bad and at heart the same except much better paid. My account managers all reacted with the typical polite concern but you could tell they were more concerned about whether I'd change banks than anything else. They love me for my money."

"Did you also talk to the one in Switzerland?"

Izaya nodded.

"Oh yes. He stayed up all night just to talk discuss things over the phone."

*Author's Note: quoted from this version: .


	125. Chapter 125

Which said a lot about the measure of Izaya's wealth. Or to its measureless quantity.

"We deal with banks a lot so I sympathize with you on this."

Izaya always had a feeling Shiki meant the majestic 'we'.

"I feel a bit bad using all that money. Considering I did not actually earn it myself. Or I did but I didn't."

"Who else would it belong to, then?"

"I don't know, the people I swindled it from?"

Shiki took his time producing a silver cigarrete box, removing a slender specimen from its inside and on cue Izaya brought a lighter to it.

"I cannot agre. You do not swindle people exactly and you never did. You give people the information they ask for and you work to obtain it, needless to say you are paid accordingly. If your fees are high and clients still flock to you it is only because you are the best there is."

Izaya smiled half-shyly.

"Shiki-san, if I didn't know better I'd think you were flattering me with an ulterior motive."

"Which I might very well do."

"Ah. Flattery can get you a lot things, I bet."

There was more than a hint of irony. Shiki enjoyed the unlikely mix of savvy and almost almost vulnerable.

"I heard you've been making a lot of friends."

Izaya nodded.

"I realized something recently. I may have very little friends- I could almost be in that anime about people who are friendless- but I do have a potential for being friendly with virtually everyone. Barring people who are already prejudiced against me and those who have serious reasons for hating me, that is."

"And this quality of yours is very useful?"

"Extremely so. But more importantly it makes me feel a bit happy. In a 'ah, maybe I'm not entirely a hopeless case' kind of way."

Shiki was more interested in Izaya's ability to make friends in high places more than any indiscriminate friendliness. As it was it might very well make Izaya's life a lot more difficult than his former detachment but Shiki refrained from any disclaimer on the subject. Warnings tended to bounce off Izaya as it was anyway.

"And dressing up in unusual outfits is also part of being friends with others?"

Izaya giggled.

"Shiki-san, do you mean costplaying?"

"Do enlighten me on the subject."

Some bouncing followed as Izaya gesticulated.

"It's short for 'costume play'. Basically, people dress up as characters from anime, manga and light novels mostly. There are other kinds of costplay but the one I got roped into was manga related. Crazy otakus will do that to one."

"Sounds like you enjoyed yourself greatly."

Izaya nodded.

"The outfit was very cumbersome, though. Just look, Shiki-san."

Izaya showed him a picture of Judal on his phone.

"Any pictures of yourself wearing this...original outfit?"

"Well, yes, but it's a bit embarrassing..."

"Show me."

Izaya seemed reluctant then made up his mind very suddenly.

"Alright but promise me you won't make fun of me. No laughing at me, Shiki-san! I mean it."

Izaya produced one of the many pictures, awkwardly enough. Shiki contemplated it an length.

"Most alluring."

"It's hell to wear. The wig is too heavy, the weird loose pants are way too low."

"Looks fine to me."

Shiki was not sure if walking around in such revealing clothes was all that good idea. At least he knew a few neighborhoods in which it would be a recipe for disaster but the case in point here was that Izaya had gone traipsing half-naked with none other than Heiwajima Shizuo. Shiki found it profoundly distasteful.

"It goes to show that 2D apparel does not translate well into daily life 3D. The fake jewelry was way too heavy too."

Shiki wondered if Izaya was deliberately avoiding the fact more than anything the outfit was extremely sexy or whether he was having one of those clueless moments. Maybe it was too obvious to even bother mentioning but Shiki had more than hinted at it with no response.

"It's not meant to be practical, it's meant to highlight the wearer's body. And that it does beautifully well."


	126. Chapter 126

Silence followed. Izaya's gaze wandered off to the distance beyond the windows. The city slid by, darkness punctuated by jittery slashes of light.

"Shiki-san, are you familiar with the manga in question, Magi?"

Shiki went as far as to blink.

"I'm afraid I am not well acquainted with popular culture."

Which Izaya knew full well so this must be leading somewhere.

"Magitakes place in this Arabian Nights kind of universe. This Judal is a magi. A fallen magi to be more precise. A very flawed individual with serious issues including a tendency for psychotic outbreaks and a sarcastic sadistic at heart."

Shiki smiled.

"I can see why they would pick you."

"Ah, that hurts. But I see your point. More important than Judal's peculiar personality is the fact that he is a magi. And a magi is a kingmaker. Do you understand what that means, Shiki-san?"

Shiki did. The clueless moment was his and not Izaya's. Shiki went as far as to almost chuckle. Shiki had been banking on Izaya's sex drive making him pliable but ironically enough Izaya had an important point to make. It was Shiki whose perspective was temporarily warped by libido.

"I believe so."

Izaya finally looked Shiki straight in the eye.

"A kingmakers chooses the king. It will never work the other way around."

Shiki was immediately reminded of his recent conversation with Shizuo. In which both had avoided the crucial topic of Izaya's will. No matter how much Shiki trusted in his ability to woo Izaya and regardless of whatever Shizuo had in mind ultimately it was all up to Izaya. Then again that was all part of the game.

"So the Ichinomiyas did not spirit you away or something?"

Shinra posed the question half-jokingly. Izaya had just turned up unexpectedly enough and was now lounging on the sofa as if he owned the place.

"It seems not. Is Celty-san around?"

Shinra blinked in unguarded surprise.

"She'll be back any time now. Why do you ask?"

"I'm here to talk to her."

"About what?"

Izaya clicked with his tongue.

"So controlling, tsk. It's a secret, secret!"

And Izaya added weird waving fingers for effect as he undulated his voice.

"Ever the creepo. Don't upset Celty."

"Always! Worry not, if she gets too freaked out she'll put me in my place. If anything I'm the one in a vulnerable position here. She can so easily kill me it is not even funny."

"Which you know she won't. Since you're already here, take your shirt off."

Izaya fidgeted and put on a coy a act.

"But Shinra, my heart isn't ready...this is all so sudden,"

"I want to check out your wound, stop being creepier than usual."

"Aye, it's healed fine. Barely a scar."

"I'll see for myself. Shirt off now and no more chatter or I'll tickle you."

Izaya looked most mortified and obeyed. Shinra went into doctor as he studied the indeed very faint scar tissue on Izaya's stomach and was so focused that he did not even notice the door opening.

"Hi there, Celty-san!"

Shinra was so caught off guard by Izaya's bubbly explosion that tried to wheel around only to collapse on top of Izaya so that Celty walked into quite an spectacle.

"Celty, you're back!"

[What...the...?]

Shinra had already jumped to his feet and a shirtless Izaya did the same, with greater grace it might be added.

"Celty-san, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. It is most definitely not what it looks like. Neh?"

Celty's helmet almost swiveled atop her neck.

[Why are you naked?! Actually, why are you here at all? Shinra?!]

Shinra held out his hands and tried his best smile.

"Just examining him. Izaya is actually here to talk to you."

[With me?]

Izaya nodded enthusiastically.

"That's right! So let us leave mister doctor here and go somewhere else. But first, 'kyaa, don't look!'"

Izaya went for a typical 'girl caught naked' pose, complete with crossing the arms over his chest to cover his nipples. Celty shook silently in what Izaya assumed was laughter and Shinra giggled.


	127. Chapter 127

Celty thought she had a pretty good idea of what Izaya wanted with her. She was entirely mistaken.

"I found something I wanted to share with you. Tada! Behold!"

Izaya handed her a flyer. They had drifted into a nearby park away from prying eyes. Celty scanned the paper.

[Sushi course...?]

"That's right! I visited the fish market the other day and it turns out they have these sushi workshops at a very affordable price. They accept beginners, too."

Celty was speechless for a moment then typed slowly.

[But why are you giving this to me?]

"Celty-san, not being able to taste is a great impediment to cooking. But there are ways of overcoming that. You can know if sushi is good or not just by learning what to look for and touch will tell you much not to mention scent. I think it may be the perfect meal for you to master."

Celty's was speechless for an even longer period of time. The clock ticked a full minute before she began to type again and Izaya did nothing but wait with a smile.

[I don't understand...I mean, you're right- I wouldn't have thought of it myself but sushi seems like a good idea but why do you want to help...?]

"Because I am nice like that."

Celty seemed about to protest but a fierce shaking of the helmet attested to a change of heart.

[Sorry, I'm being too hard on you. I should be thanking you.]

"It's okay, I'm used to it."

Somehow Celty found that too sad.

[But won't I stand out too much?]

"Hmm...well, maybe but not if you take someone with you. You'll be amazed at how people relax when they see you have company. Just have your companion explain you can't speak and that you're shy. Once people get into the preparing of deliciously fresh fish people will cease to care much."

[You may have a point there]

Izaya swung back on the forth on the bench as if he was a kid on a swing.

"No need to get too self-conscious, you know. Besides, this is Tokyo. Short of walking around naked you can avoid people's attention."

[You may be right about that]

Izaya's ringtone interrupted the conversation.

"Please excuse me. Oh hi there, Kida-kun! That's great! I'll be right there, just stay put. Good job. I'm afraid I've got to go, Celty-san. Fluffy-chan is safe and sound, rejoice!"

[Fluffy-chan...?]

"A wonderful kitty. So, I'll be seeing you, bye bye!"

And with plenty of waving Izaya bounced away before Celty could type anything.

"She looks cute and fluffy but she scratches like a hell beast."

Kida was rather sullen.

"Now, now, let us be brave and not make a fuss out of a few scratches. It's to be expected from yakuza cats anyway."

"Yakuza cats...? Do I want to know?"

"I'd tell you. But then I'd have to kill you."

Kida hesitated.

"I can't even tell if that's supposed to be one of your lame jokes..."

"And I shall never tell. But good job finding her. Here, get yourself a nice meal with friends."

Izaya handed him some money and took the pet carriage from Kida.

"Is this yakuza cat thing a new meme or something?"

"That would be seriously cool but I'm afraid not...not yet, at least!"

Izaya was received in Kaori's private chambers, a series of huge rooms all fitted with pink antique furniture that Izaya suspected was originally of other less ostensible coloring. If she had been aiming for soft coziness then it was a complete failure as far as Izaya could tell. All the pastel pink had more of an oppressive effect than anything else.

The room might be bigger than most receptions but fact remained that it was something of a budoir. Izaya did not particularly care to be admitted into such an intimate environment, just the two of them. He could see it ending very badly if she was in the mood for petty wickedness and Izaya did not put it past her.

Izaya had to sit on a puff while she regally presided on a throne like armchair.

"Please confirm that it is indeed Fluffy."

With great care he produced the cat from the carrier and placed it on her arms.

"Fluffy! You really found her! I knew I could trust you!"

Yet judging by her joyful surprise she did not trust him to succeed all that much.


	128. Chapter 128

"I already took her to the vet and apart from mild dehydration she is perfectly fine. Just a bit shaken up, nothing that a lot of love will not cure."

Fluffy was already purring contently.

"Thank you very much, Orihara-kun. You're a godsend."

Kaori flipped open a checkbook and filled a check with a golden pen. Izaya took it with a bow, glanced at the figures and almost frowned.

"Ichinomiya-san, this amount cannot be correct. There are two extra zeros."

"Really? That's the amount I want to pay you. Is that a problem?"

"I'm afraid so. I am setting the amount."

Kaori giggled, covering her mouth with a hand in a gesture Izaya was sure had been borrowed from the movies.

"How laudable, to think some people cannot be bought with money. But perhaps you could be bought in other ways?"

This was precisely what Izaya feared. He was all too aware of what she was angling for. It was his cue to leave and he did so with one of his most graceful bows.

"I cannot be bought at all, Ichinomiya-san. Fare thee well."

Izaya was only to happy to leave. He had recorded everything with a tiny device just in case she decided to tell a different version of what had happened. But he was not yet quite done with the Ichinomiyas today.

The widow had too much self-possession to show how startled she was when Orihara Izaya was announced as a visitor.

"Orihara-kun, I did not expect to see you here. What brings you to my chambers?"

Her part of the mansion was much more tasteful than the strawberry explosion he had just left. Izaya was received in a reception lounge of black lacquered furniture with a few subtle golden highlights in the shape of streamlined waves. It opened to one of the many gardens complete with a rock garden for a genuine touch of what Izaya thought as 'True Japanese Mansion".

Izaya sampled the exquisite tea he was offered.

"I am sorry if I am intruding on your privacy but I wanted to speak to you."

She smiled quizzically.

"I heard you helped Sanjuro-sama in his being chosen as the next leader, for which I am grateful. The decision has yet to be made public but I believe you have the right to know first."

Izaya bowed slightly.

"I am very glad to hear so but I am not here to discuss power matters. I wanted to speak to you as a private person."

"In a 'human to human' manner, you mean?"

Izaya nodded.

"Precisely. Ichinomiya-san, do you have any pets?"

"Pets? I don't. Why do you ask?"

Izaya took a moment as if to compose his words very carefully.

"I apologize in advance for being too forward but I can tell you are suffering. I know there is nothing of any importance I can possibly do to ease your pain but what is within is means I would like to attempt."

For the first time in decades the widow actually gaped in wonder.

"What an extraordinary young man you are! I believe you mean you say."

"I do indeed mean it. How do you feel about cats? I have a particular cat in mind. A Siamese cat, not a kitty so it won't be too much of a hassle to take of, in need of a home. Cats take care of themselves and are wonderful company."

"In this enormous mansion in which I cannot trust most humans there will be a feline ally."

"If you wish to see it like that."

"Young man, I'll do as you say and adopt this cat you speak of."

Izaya's smile was very bright.

"That is wonderful, Ichinomiya-san."

"Orihara-kun...you're a good kid. Be safe."

"Will do."

Izaya wondered if this how it felt to have a nice grandmother. It was a disarming feeling that made him feel absurdly young as if he was about to be given a lollipop and told to behave in front of guests. But he did not dislike it. He did not dislike it at all.


	129. Chapter 129

Izaya tiptoed to the edge of the swimming pool and peered into the water with exaggerated care. He had heard that one never forgets how to swim and today he was going to confirm if the truism was indeed true or not. That he used to know how to swim he knew already so it was at least possible that he should still know how. With that said he had his misgivings and was not about to trust some latent swimming skills that may not even exist.

So for a while he merely stared at the very blue water intently and blocked out the noisy kids splashing around even as the sound rebounded in a hollow echo all around. He was not even aware of the thin but persistent scent of chlorine nor of the attention he was garnering as a group of girls that were most definitely checking him out.

Izaya stood out in his black speedo and highly focused expression. His choice of swimwear was not quite accidental but it had nothing to do with a desire for showing off. His first choice had been very normal swimming trunks simply because he wanted to go against his former self's choices, having found a collection of speedos in a closet he decided to go out of his way to avoid wearing them. But it occurred to him that doing so was a bit silly. More than that, swimming trunks covered his scar better and Izaya believed he needed to be comfortable in his skin.

It all led to his now standing here, dripping from the shower, in a swimming pool far away from any of his haunts lest he was spotted by those who knew him. In the end he went with a speedo but he bought a new one.

Izaya tested the water temperature with a toe. It was not quite cold but it was not inviting either. The ladders looked suspiciously dangerous. He approached the stairs on the shallow part and slowly made his way into the water until he was waist deep in it. So far so good.

He half-expected to find out whether he had an affinity with the water or not as soon as he found himself in it but it turned out he still did not know. It was a very strange feeling, half of his body seemed half unreal under the water. Izaya made his way until only his head was above the water and trailed his arms on the surface as he gathered his resolve. He took a deep breath before throwing himself himself forward, arms extended, in the hopes of at least floating and found himself swimming easily.

It was such a delightful feeling of liberation that Izaya giggled happily which of course made him splutter madly but did not stop him. If asked to explain his movements he would be completely at a loss, all he knew was that his body flowed through the water as if with a will of its own. Sound became a blur and his eyes redder than usual. Izaya lost track of time as he crossed and recrossed the pool.

He decided to call it a day when he stopped for a rest and realized he was actually exhausted. Izaya was still catching his breath and cursing himself for not wearing goggles when a voice hailed him.

"Hey, hi there."

Izaya's field of vision was momentarily out of focus and took some blinking to see he was being addressed by a pretty girl.

"Hello."

"Say, my friends and me have been watching you and you got some cool moves. Want to join us for dinner?"

Izaya was too tired to haul himself up the ladders that still remained a bit treacherous as it was so he floated to the stairs.

"That's very nice of you but I already have plans."

She pouted in a very artificial way that Izaya bet had been learned by route from some drama.

"That's too bad...say, have my number,"

Izaya waved dismissively but put on his very nice smile.

"Sorry but I am not interested. I'm sort of already taken, you see."

She frowned.

"'Sort of'...?"

"It's complicated. But thanks for the invitation anyway. See you."

Izaya waved and would have skipped away merrily if not for the fact that he might very well slip and fall flat on his face. Not to mention his legs felt slightly wobbly. Swimming was such great fun that he did not realize how much energy he had just exerted.


	130. Chapter 130

"Namie-san, guess what! I can swim!"

"Is that supposed to be news?"

Izaya flopped on the sofa, rolled about until he was on his back and right away Sushi jumped on his belly and made himself comfortable.

"I didn't know if I still had it in me so I went to the swimming pool today and lived to tell the tale."

"Don't go drowning on me. You still haven't paid me this month."

"Ouch, snap! I've been told."

Namie tried to hide her smile.

"You seem tired."

"Ah, I'm beat...sleepy time will early for Iza-chan!"

"Don't '-chan' yourself, it is highly disturbing."

"So mean."

"Don't forget to turn on the machinery. I still think supervising your sleep cycles is a good idea."

Izaya sighed deeply.

"Okay but it looks like a torture device...kinda scary."

"It's not a torture device."

"I know that...but aesthetically speaking you must see my point."

"It may look that way to you but it's perfectly safe."

"Aye, aye..."

Izaya yawned.

"Time for Iza-chan to sleep."

"Oh god, 'Iza-chan'! You're killing me here!"

And indeed Izaya nearly choked and would have fallen off the sofa were not for his very quick reflexes.

Just like he expected Izaya fell asleep almost as soon as he hit the sack. But he did not expect to have the strange dream that followed.

Izaya knew that he was dreaming but it was almost as if he was a spectator to a movie more than anything else.

A sudden burst of sunlight as some doors flung open with a metallic bang. A cityscape glimmered into view as Izaya stepped on the rooftop. In the dream Izaya saw through the eyes of his dream-self. Izaya climbed a ladder to the top of an utility house.

"Found a Shizu-chan~"

And indeed Shizuo was before him, flat on his back, cigarette tucked at the corner of his mouth, yellow hair and the lapels of his school uniform fluttering in the air.

"Go to hell."

"Ah, always so mean. Here, present for you."

Izaya tossed him a small package wrapped in brilliant red paper that crinkled loudly as Shizuo caught in mid-air.

"What's this?"

"Like I said, present for you."

Izaya sat and made himself most comfortable.

"Why?"

"What day is it today, Shizu-chan?"

"February the 14th."

"Namely, Valentine's. I baked you some cookies and filled it with my feelings for you."

Shizuo stared at the package for a while then smashed it.

"Unfunny shit."

"Tsk, I spent some much time baking those cookies and injecting them with poison. The least you can do is eat them and foam at the mouth as you writhe at my feet."

"Keep dreaming."

"Always!"

A few moments passed in mutual silence. Shizuo sent some puffs of smoke floating above them. Izaya picked up the conversation again.

"I am set on this one man."

"Good, go annoy him instead."

"Is that all you've got to say?"

"Feel sorry for the poor bastard, I guess."

Izaya giggled.

"No need for that. We're talking of someone who can handle me."

"Good for him."

"Ah, you're no fun when you're like this."

"No one's keeping you here."

Izaya snipped the tip of Shizuo's cigarette.

"Now you've done it,"

"Catch me if you can, Shi-zu-chan!"

Izaya spoke from over his shoulder for he was already dashing away with Shizuo on his heels.

With this the dream ended and Izaya woke up deep in the middle of the night. He remained on his back, eyes closed, breathing in and breathing out for a while. Izaya found it impossible to properly describe his present emotional state. While it was much less disturbing than having a tête-à-tête with a psychotic version of himself it gave him pause in an entirely different way.

Surely it was merely a dream, it could hardly be anything else: it went against everything he knew of his past but at the same time it invoked a sense of reality that mere dreams tended to lack. More than anything else it felt real.


	131. Chapter 131

Izaya drank a glass of water then hopped over to a brand new laptop and typed down his dream. It might be a bit silly for anyone past middle school to keep a dream journal but there were particular circumstances involved. Izaya considered them as he slowly spun on his swivel chair.

If he wanted to confirm whether it was a mere dream or a flashback he would have to ask Shizuo. And he was reluctant to do that. Not to mention it might be making himself vulnerable with no tangible result, for all he knew Shizuo might very have forgotten this particular episode.

Izaya turned to analyzing the actions of his dream-self. Through it all he had been a mere spectator, unable to have the faintest inkling as to the inner workings of this dream-self of his. It gave him some insight into how other people viewed him. No wonder Non-Orihara Izaya human beings were often at a loss to comprehend him, he himself was not entirely sure.

Izaya decided to approach Shizuo in the most roundabout manner possible.

As it turned out an opportunity appeared without his doing anything. Rumor reached him that Shizuo had joined a doujo of sorts which surprised Izaya enough to give him an excuse to check it out. Izaya asked no one in particular but merely followed word on the street as only he knew how and in no time found the place in question.

"Aikido? Of all things...Aikido? Why on Earth?"

Izaya was still frowning in front of the building as Shizuo stepped outside.

"Someone told me it'd be good for me."

Izaya managed to appear most nonplussed and even cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh really? Killed anyone yet?"

"Nah. Aikido is not about killing people, it's about harmony and stuff like that. Good for self-control."

"Eh, is that so. How laudable, Shizuo. Make sure you thank whoever gave you such useful and friendly advice."

"Not friendly."

"Whatever."

"Come back tomorrow and check it out."

Izaya blinked.

"Me? You want me to try aikido?"

"Yeah. You'll probably be good at it."

"'Let's aikido', that kind of thing? It's really not my scene, you know."

"You don't know until you try."

"I think I'll pass. Nine of the ten scenarios I can envision end with Izaya pancake in a puddle of blood."

"Creepy way of putting it. Just like you."

"Well gee, excuse me for being creepy."

"What about the other one?"

"The other what?"

"The other scenario. Out of the ten you can, what was it...'envision'".

"It ends with my escaping being stomped to death by you by a hair's breadth."

"I told you before, I ain't gonna do that. And aikido really isn't violent."

Izaya rocked back and forth slightly, keeping a precarious balance on the balls of his feet in the most effortless of ways.

"'Harmony and stuff', you say."

"Want to go for a drink or something? Instead of standing here talking."

"No thanks. I was on my way as it was."

Izaya headed for the subway and sure enough Shizuo walked side by side.

"I'm not following you, going to the subway."

Izaya considered hailing a cab but it would come across too much like running away. Besides, he had yet to even broach the subject that had brought him here.

"So, learned any forbidden techniques?"

"Nah, don't think aikido has any of that."

"No super special techniques sealed away? Now that's no fun."

"The otakus are getting to you, they're all about that kind of thing."

Izaya smiled.

"True. I was hoping for some special technique that is so devastating it kills the user. Such a wonderful way of getting rid of you it would be! But alas it is not to be."

"Not too sure you'd like that. If it's that powerful it'd probably ruin the whole city along with killing me."

"Hmm...getting rid of you is not worth Tokyo being wiped out, no."

"Yeah. No Ikebukuro for you to haunt."

"I do not 'haunt'."

"You kinda do."

"Anyway, are you going on tournaments now? And start rambling about becoming the strongest in the world?"

"No interest in none of that."

"And do this doujo people know of your proclivity for violence?"

Shizuo looked at Izaya for a while as if studying him closely.

"I've been wondering, you got a tiny head but it's like there's a whole dictionary inside."


	132. Chapter 132

"My head is tiny...?"

"Yeah. Tiny head with a lot of things inside."

Izaya halted very abruptly.

"Oy, are you implying I am malformed? I'll have you know that my head is perfectly proportioned along with the rest of my body."

"It's tiny considering all the stuff it's got crammed inside."

Izaya could no longer put on a serious act and burst out giggling.

"Oh, Shizuo. Only you, honestly!"

Shizuo cracked a smile.

"Yeah, I'm funnier than you'll ever be."

"Now, now, let us not get so cocky."

Izaya had the sudden urge, ruffling Shizuo's still damp hair and disheveling it. Trust Shizuo not to bother drying his hair after the shower. But he refrained. They walked down the street when suddenly Shizuo stopped and stood in a brown study gazing at a store display. Izaya followed his gaze.

"A parfait store?"

"Yeah, that one's real good. Never tried it myself."

Shizuo nodded toward a glossy parfait set as if on a stage. Izaya almost asked Shizuo how he could know whether it was good having never tasting it.

"I suppose it is very expensive?"

"Real expensive, yeah."

Izaya looked around some more.

"Says there it's 50% off today."

"Only if you order the special set for two people, they won't serve it to just one person."

Izaya swung back and forth as he was wont to do.

"Hmm...is that so."

"Yeah."

Izaya reached a sudden decision.

"Arithmetic is not your strongest point, is it? Between you and I how people can you count?"

"Huh?"

"One," Izaya tapped himself in the chest "Two." Izaya proceeded to tap Shizuo in the chest. "Therefore, 'let's parfait!'"

Shizuo blinked.

"For real?"

"Indeed."

Izaya was already pushing the door open, a silvery bell going off overhead. By the time he was sitting on a tiny table for two he realized what he should have seen right away, the place was full of couples. The best way of dealing with an handicap was often to seek refuge in audacity. Or so Izaya firmly believed. He granted the rather puzzled waitress a stellar smile and ordered.

"We'll have the special parfait set, please. Ah, to love sweets and yet be simple. What is one to do?"

She left all smiles and Izaya was quite pleased with himself. He gasped as two massive parfaits appeared, oozing chocolate.

"Oh wow, it's like chocolate Tokyo Tower."

"It's got three layers, different types of chocolate and cream."

Shizuo was already gleefully putting his spoon to it.

"Shizuo, this kind of thing is fine every now and then but considering how much sweets you eat aren't you afraid of developing diabetes?"

"Nah."

Izaya sighed.

"'Nah'? That's all you've got to say? Just how nonchalant can one be? This is your health we're talking about."

Shizuo paused with his spoon in midair.

"'Non' what?"

"Never mind it. Sweet!"

Izaya had just taken his first bite.

"Yeah, it's as good as it looks."

"Eh...a bit too sweet, though. I'm getting sugar shock here."

"Want me to eat yours?"

"No way. 'Let's parfait', remember?"

"I heard of sushi shaped sweets."

"A blasphemy I say, a blasphemy! One sees sushi, one gets excited, one bites, one Ods on sugar."

"Is it worse than sushi with cheese?"

"No. No, it isn't. Very few things are worse than that. Why, I could write a whole book on the subject."

"I bet. Making good parfait is real difficult."

Izaya lifted an eyebrow. He was in the process of probing the syrupy depths that seemed to be without end.

"Don't tell me you can make parfait yourself."

"Nah. But there's this Korean movie about this store where they make cakes and parfaits."

"You're into those kinds of movies? Now that's...unusual."

To say the least.

"It was right before this drama Kasuka stars in so I ended up watching it. Seems like it's an adaptation of a Japanese manga or novel or something."

"What's it called?"

"Antique Bakery."

"So you watched it for the sweet goodness."

"There's a lot of gay stuff to it too."

Izaya choked, quite literally.

"There's what?"

"Dunno how to say it better, some of the bakers are gay and everyone's real cute."

"And you're a fan of this?"

"Yeah, it's pretty cool."

"I am speechless."


	133. Chapter 133

"Made me real hungry, seeing all those tasty cakes."

"Ah, Shizuo, don't forget 'The cake is a lie!'"

"You know, this is kinda like a date."

Izaya swirled his spoon on the thickly sweet stuff.

"Well, it isn't."

Now might be the very best time to ask about the content of the dream but precisely because it was such a perfect timing Izaya could not possibly bring it up. He was in for quite a shock.

"Didn't receive the usual package from you, come to think of it."

"Usual package...?"

Izaya's sense of foreboding kicked into high gear. In his experience 'packages' tended to be code for very nasty things.

"Yeah. It's cyanide in those cookies, right?"

"What cookies...?"

Izaya knew that flat out asking was opening a huge rift in his defenses but otherwise he might as well be flying blind.

"You know, the cookies you send me every Valentine's."

Izaya focused on playing with the slushy remains of his parfait in order to gain some time.

"Thought you never tried poison,"

"Never did. But they smelled all almondy so it's probably cyanide."

"You got evidence right there...that I tried to kill you, why didn't you ever use it?"

"Can't exactly prove it's you who sent it. I know it can be no one else, and you know that I know. That's enough for you."

"Still..."

"That's why I was kinda surprised when you went on about poison the other day."

"I see."

Izaya did not at all see.

"This is gonna sound strange but I bet if I took it to the cops it'd turn out to be normal cookies."

"Are you saying there's no actual poison...?"

"Not exactly, I know they're poisoned alright but if I did anything about it that particular batch would end up to be clean."

"How exactly would that work?"

Shizuo shrugged.

"Dunno."

"Are you implying I have special powers or something to that effect?"

"Wouldn't surprise me much but that's not what I'm saying. It's more like, in some ways there's no point in doing anything against you 'cuz you'll have seen it coming even before I think about it."

"Now that's defeatist. And fatalistic."

Shizuo ordered extra whipped cream and poured a liberal dose into Izaya's cup that he proceeded to mix with the remains of chocolate.

"There, you can eat it better now."

"Eh, thanks..."

Izaya contemplated the gooey mixture with distrust.

"Chocolate is supposed to be all about sexy stuff, I heard."

Izaya giggled and handed Shizuo a napkin.

"Shizuo, you got chocolate all over your chin. If you're going to go into that kind of talk then at least make sure you clean after yourself, please."

Shizuo used the napkin and smiled.

"Damn."

"Shizuo, I believe you meant to say that chocolate is an aphrodisiac."

"Again with the fancy words."

"It is commonly accepted that chocolate enhances sexual desire. Is that easy enough to comprehend?"

"Yeah. Don't think it works that way myself."

"You are probably right."

"Chocolate don't need any of that to be good."

Izaya had one of his giggling fits.

"Heh, looks that way. Sorry, it just gets me every time- huge macho man like having such a sweet tooth!"

"Size got nothing to do with sweets."

"True. There are times when one can't quite avoid cliches."

"Dunno about being a macho man either."

"Ah, Shizuo, you are most definitely the macho type. I can imagine you eating iron instead of pumping iron, it's beyond macho."

"I don't eat metal."

"So you say! Have you tried chestnut owl sweets?"

"Chestnut owls?"

"Chestnut pastries in the shape of an owl. They sell them at the Metropolitan hotel in Ikebukuro, owl themed because of the neighborhood."

"Sounds cool. Never tried them, bet they're expensive."

"Somewhat but if you buy a set they become much more affordable. I got Saki some the other day."

"Chestnut sweets are good but chocolate is better."

Izaya sighed in his exaggerated manner.

"Shizuo, don't you like more subtle flavors? Like chestnut and sweet bean paste."

"Hmm...kinda but 'subtle' isn't enough, if you're into sweets then the sweeter the better."

"How about green tea icecream?"

"Heard of that, never tried it."

"You'll try it today."

Izaya ordered it and right away Shizuo gobbled a spoonful. Before he could comment Izaya placed a finger on his lips.


	134. Chapter 134

"Shizuo, before you say something like 'it's good but it could be sweeter', you're going to close your eyes and try it again. This time try to actually taste it."

Izaya removed his finger. The impression lingered on Shizuo's lips despite they're being almost numb from the cold.

"Okay."

Shizuo made an effort even though he presently had much more on his mind than icecream. When he opened his eyes Izaya was taring intently at him.

"So? How was it?"

"Real good, actually. Tasted better the second time around."

"See! I am vindicated!"

"You're what?"

"Google it, Shizuo, google knows all!"

"You want some of the icecream?"

"There's no way I can eat anything on top of that parfait."

"Really? Tiny stomach to go with a tiny head. Except when it comes to sushi."

Izaya did one of typical abrupt movements, leaving over the table until he was well within Shizuo's personal space.

"That's because there's a different stomach for sushi."

Having delivered this oracular pronouncement Izaya flopped back just as abruptly, folded his arms and nodded as if appreciating his own wisdom.

"Guess food is also about tasting and not just chugging it."

"That's right! I've saying as much for a while now, you cannot appreciate anything if you just gobble it down like a killer whale. Human beings should take their time eating so that they can fully enjoy flavor combinations."

"Yeah."

Shizuo carried on eating making sure he did so slowly enough.

"There is much more to food than mere nutrition, human beings have created a rich culture around food. It is part of what makes us human. One should treasure such things."

"Kinda like, 'food brings us together'?"

"Yes. In general terms, of course. I do not mean you and I."

Shizuo smiled.

"We're eating together now so,"

"Oh my, look at the time! Got to scramble."

Izaya paid, left a generous tip and was gone before Shizuo's spun had even hit the bottom of the elaborate icecream bowl.

Shiki went out of his way to purchase all available issues of Magi. He skimmed it rapidly, the artwork was not to his liking even if the plot held his interest in a marginal manner, until the infamous Judal appeared.

He smiled, costplaying might be very foreign to him but he saw the point of choosing Izaya to impersonate this particular character. What a shame that Shiki had not been there to watch Izaya in all this pseudo Arabic quasi-fetish semi-naked glory.

Then again Shiki had his doubts that Izaya would agree to dressing up in such an attire for him. These anime enthusiasts ('otaku' was too vague a term to Shiki who associated it carrying bulky curiously themed pillows in the subway much to the annoyance of everyone else) were non-threatening as far as Izaya was concerned.

But Shiki kept coming back to Shizuo's presence in the Tokyo market expedition. Even taking into consideration neutralizing factors, first the otakus and then this Tanaka individual, it all remained extremely risky.

Shiki considered Izaya's character. When faced with danger that hinged on his personal vulnerabilities he was driven to overcome it with such flair so as to appear absolutely unaffected. His reactions were measured to have just that effect. None of that had changed.

It was interesting to dwell on how much Izaya had changed, it was even tempting to see him as entirely a different person but Shiki knew better. That so much of Izaya's core personality had survived the loss of his memory loss said plenty of how unique an individual he was.

Shiki found it absolutely fascinating. Izaya might have lost track of his grand master-plan but there was nothing stopping him from coming up with a brand new one. Or even to resurrect the original plan without even realizing it, an ironical turn of events that would amuse Shiki.

Either way, Shiki was extremely curious to see what Izaya had planned for the near future. And Shiki would not at all mind if it included dressing in pseudo Arabic quasi-fetish semi-naked glory for Shiki's pleasure. And his pleasure alone.


	135. Chapter 135

Kida was walking past the park when he spotted something that caused him to make a double take. For a while he stood very still, rooted to the pavement. Kida made his way past a queue of very shabbily dressed people lining up to a long table behind which stood none other than Orihara Izaya.

The white apron and equally white borderline nurse-like headgear were off but there was denying it as Kida got closer. Izaya was in the process of serving steamy soup with a large ladle. Presently he filled the bowl of a woman in rags who just got to the head of the line.

"Enjoy your meal! Next person, please."

Izaya smiled one of his stellar smiles. Kida gaped. For a while he could only watch in sheer confusion.

"Orihara-san...?"

"Oh hi there, Kida-kun. Can't talk to you now, busy. Here, enjoy your meal! Today it's meaty broth, I peeled the potatoes myself and can assure you it's yummy."

An unkempt man took the bowl Izaya had just served and thanked him profusely.

"What are you doing here...?"

"Soup kitchen. Kida-kun, sorry to bother you but could you give this to Kinoshita-san? That's the lady under the tree there, fitting name isn't it?"

And so Kida found himself handing a bowl of soup to an old woman who did not look too sane judging by the way she shrieked at the sky every now and then. Kida looked around in the hopes of getting someone else to do this for him but there was no one. With a sigh he placed the bowl by her side and slowly backed away. Fortunately she fell on it right away.

Kida waited until Izaya's shift was done. He seriously considered calling an ambulance or at least contacting Namie, surely Izaya had lost his mind.

It seemed to go on forever, an endless procession of homeless people waiting patiently for Izaya to give them a hot meal. By the time it was over the sun was beginning to set and the light had shifted from daylight yellow to a corrosive shade of red.

Izaya helped tidy up and put away the table then stretched like a cat.

"Oh, you're still here. What's up, Kida-kun?"

"That's my line...what are you doing here?"

"Told you, soup kitchen."

"But why...?"

Izaya removed the headgear but remained strange in the white apron. The only kind of apron Kida could ever associate with Izaya was a naked apron. Izaya grew thought.

"Because I'm selfish."

Kida blinked. He had been trying to think up of possible reasons for Izaya to volunteer to help the homeless but nothing came to mind.

"Orihara-san, I don't follow."

"At times I wonder, what can I do to help those in need? I can make very hefty donations but that does not appease my conscience, there is no emotion payoff in that. But helping up like this, face to face, feels much more real. Of course, donations are much more useful than anything I can actually do myself. I do it to make myself feel better, it is a form of selfishness as any other."

Kida opened and closed his mouth a few times without actually saying anything.

"I don't get it..."

"We're so used not to seeing these people, we have trained ourselves into ignoring them so much that we do not even see them anymore. It takes an effort to actually see them at all. Yet they are every bit as human as you and I and as such deserving of our respect. We all have our circumstances and things can go very wrong at any given time."

"Orihara-san, do you feel alright?"

"I'm fine, why?"

"Well...that kind of talk is just weird coming from you...it's more something Mikado would say."

"Ah, some people have the monopoly on empathy, it would seem."

"I didn't mean it that way. I bet there's some plot involved anyway."

Izaya shrugged.

"Oh yes, it is beyond what a mere mortal could possibly comprehend but it is bound to usher in the end times."

The biting sarcasm reassured Kida.

"The only kind of apron I ever imagined you in was a naked apron."

Izaya seriously considered it, tapping his chin.

"That might be a good idea if the mood is right."

Kida tried to stifle a few giggles but with little success.

"Most people wouldn't admit that, Orihara-san!"

"Most people aren't Orihara Izaya!"

"Good! Or the world would have exploded by now."

"Are you saying I am a threat to society and even to the continued survival of the planet Earth? Because if so, you may be right."


	136. Chapter 136

Izaya and Kida became aware that a small crowd of delinquents were heading their way at the same time.

"Yo, if it isn't Kids. How come you don't come round anymore?"

"Us guys miss you."

Kida immediately tensed up. He had been almost about to loosen up even if only slightly and now he was a bundle of tightly wound nerves. Normally Izaya would have avoided hoodlums altogether but he was annoyed. Getting along with Kida was already difficult enough as it was, the last thing Izaya wanted was for random goons to interfere and ruin everything. So he stepped up.

"Gentlemen, is there a problem?"

Kida exchanged a quick and frantic glance from Izaya to the chief of the wannabe gangsters. This could go very wrong very fast.

"Scram, none of your business."

Izaya smiled. It chilled Kida to the bone and was enough to make a few of the guys retreat a few paces.

"Oh? I beg to differ. You see, this is my city and I'd rather it wasn't polluted by the likes of you. Neh?"

The smile grew wider. How anyone could have possibly failed to see that at this precise moment Izaya was lethal was beyond Kida but the boss clearly lacked a survival instinct.

"Now you've done it,"

Kida almost felt sorry for the poor guy. Almost.

Izaya dodged with fluid ease.

"You're slow, aren't you? Try again!"

Which he did. Izaya dodged once more so that the guy landed a punch in a streetlight. Howls of pain followed, Izaya's smile did not waver.

"Now, now, there is no crying in a gangster's life."

There was a sudden glimmer of silver as a tall fellow aimed a knife at Izaya who parred it with his own blade without as much as blinking.

"Heh, meet kawaii-chan. Kawaii-chan, meet Mister Gangster."

Izaya actually giggled. A few of the guys took to their heels. Izaya's crazy giggling suddenly stopped and he tilted his head at a strange angle.

"I'm getting bored now."

Izaya moved in a circle, spinning madly, blade in hand. For a split second Kida was sure Izaya had just slashed them and wounded them all seriously. Then he saw pants falling and the whole lot dashed away frantically, growling curses as they both tried to pull off their pants and run.

Izaya waved them goodbye and then burst out laughing and kept on laughing. So much so that he actually ended up throwing himself on the ground and rolled around, holding his belly as peals of laughter rocked his whole body.

"Orihara-san...you really can be psychotic."

Izaya sat up, wiping a tear and still giggling under his breath.

"So what else is new?"

Kida giggled himself.

"That was kinda funny, got to admit."

"Wasn't it?! Too funny for words!"

"You seem to be enjoying yourself a bit too much."

"I find joy in the little things in life."

"Right..."

"Do you get goons like giving you a hard time often?"

Kida shrugged.

"Every now and then."

"That's not good."

But of course Izaya could not go on a rant about protecting Kida. It would have been insulting.

"It's the way it is,"

Izaya had to watch himself so as not to pity Kida too much. Patronizing helped no one. His immediate instinct was a painful sense of sympathy, of being too sad for the potential going so much to waste. Izaya knew all too well that Kida was a broken boy in need of affection that Izaya could not possibly supply. There were times when Izaya just wanted to hug him.

"All this feeding people and kick bad guys' asses has made me hungry. Had dinner already?"

"I was about to grab a bite to eat at the convenience store."

"Have you tried the ramen place across the street? It's quite good. I'm on my way to have dinner there, feel free to tag along."

It was a direct invitation but phrased in an offhand way in the hopes Kida might take it.

"You paying?"

"That's the idea."

Kida allowed himself a rueful smile.

"It'd be on you anyway, my money was originally yours."

"It becomes your property, though. For valuable services rendered."


	137. Chapter 137

Considering Kida's reluctance in joining him for dinner Izaya fully expected him to hardly eat. Instead Kida ordered the most substantial ramen set, a massive bowl filled to the brim and steaming. Kida could not even pick it up, it was that heavy.

"I guess you really are still growing up."

"Might as well make you burn your money while I'm at it."

With that said Kida did not seem lacking in appetite. Izaya's own ramen nearly grew cold as he forgot to eat and simply watched Kida. It occurred to Izaya that Kida's meals were probably erratic.

"So...where are you staying on these days?"

It was as good of a topic as any other but Kida was not about to be lulled into an actual conversation.

"Like you need to ask. I'm sure you know."

"I can't win, can't I. If I let show that I do know you'll complain I'm stalking you and if I deny knowledge you'll accuse me of lying."

Kida nodded and tried to pick up the bowl, gave up, and picked up his chopsticks as if he was about to pluck out Izaya's eyes with them.

"No point in asking things you already know."

"It's different my knowing through third parties and your telling me yourself."

"About that naked apron..."

Kida trailed off, suddenly shy. Izaya found it endearing.

"Kida-kun, that's adult stuff. You're ten years too early to be talking about things like that. Which is why you can't order some vintage alcohol and really make me burn some money."

Kida seemed to be thinking for a while then he called the waiter and asked for a takeaway order. Then he attacked his meal anew.

"That sure is convenient. When it suits you it's all, 'Kida-kun, you're still a kid so butt out of grownup matters' but when you need me to do stuff for you it's suddenly, 'Kida-kun, you better do this or else'."

Izaya drew a line across the table with a finger.

"That's because you are a time in your life in which you fluctuate between adulthood and childhood. There is no clear cut transition, you'll meander between the two until you reach a point of stability."

Izaya zigzagged his finger over the imaginary line. Kida followed it as if expected some major revelation to follow. He seemed to be about to do something decisive.

"So you were 'fluctuating' when you were my age?"

"Probably."

"'Probably'? What, you don't know?"

"It takes perspective to see some things, being too close can be a hindrance."

Kida had finished his ramen but for a long time he stared blankly at the bottom of the bowl.

"You know, even when I curse you it's always 'Orihara-san is a bastard' or 'Go to hell, Orihara-san'. One day I started wondering, why is that...then it hit me. As much as I hate you I accept you're above me...you'll always be 'Orihara-san'. Just how pathetic is that?"

Izaya did not expect such candor and was a bit disarmed by it. Kida was about to bolt.

"Wait, don't go just yet."

To Izaya's surprise Kida halted.

"Is that an order?"

"It's a request."

"And?"

Izaya realized he did not exactly know what he wanted to say, he simply had a sudden urge to keep Kida here and get through to him.

"You're free to leave but you're equally free to stay."

Kida blinked in confusion.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you have a choice. Right now you feel that you simply have to get away from me but you can find a way to stay and still be true to yourself."

What Izaya really wanted to say was that running away eventually became unsustainable. Kida sat down slowly. Then he lifted his bowl and signaled a waiter.

"Refill, please!"

Izaya laughed.

Izaya decided to visit Ikebukuro's cat cafe. Shizuo had mentioned it rather disparingingly but Izaya was curious about what kinds of cats attracted people. Not precisely because of the cats themselves, although that would be fun, but for their human audience.

He made his way through the Tokyuu Hands building, checking out what new gadgets were on sale and bought a sushi shaped usb pen. The cat place was on the top floor right next to an impressive pet shop.

Izaya had barely stepped inside when a member of the staff all but flew at him.

"About time you show up! You're an hour late on your very first day!"

"There seems to be some misunderstanding."

She took a step back.

"You're not the new part-timer?"

"I'm afraid not."


	138. Chapter 138

"I am so sorry, we were expecting a new part-timer today as we just received a new batch of cats,"

"Can I help? I'd be glad to fill in for that part-timer. I have some experience with cats, I got one recently. Here he is, Sushi."

Izaya showed her a picture of himself holding the black cat.

"You're Sushi's owner? I'm a huge fan!"

"Ah, I keep forgetting Sushi is a famous feline."

"You got the job!"

And so Izaya found himself wearing the uniform include cat ears cap and being introduced to a small crowd of felines. He was given a folder with detailed information including pictures, breeds, names and each cat's particular likes and dislikes. Izaya committed it all to memory very rapidly much to the surprise and happiness of the staff.

"All these cats have impressive pedigrees, don't they?"

"People like easily recognizable breeds."

"I see. I am fonder of strays myself, more unpredictable all around. They look less standardized. But I see you have a Russian Blue, very smart cats."

Izaya reached out for the cat in question and gently patted its gray head.

"I think you'll be right at home."

He toured the premises. A largish series of rooms all painted in bright primary colors had been deftly converted for the convenience of cats. Shelves were built into the bright walls as literal cat walks and there behind glass windows there havens of plush pillows on which the cats could lounge with no human interference. These havens had their own theme, there was a schoolroom with mini-desks, a large toy train outfitted as a long bed and many others.

Izaya found it all very ingeniou and would be glad to be posted here but he was sent to the entrance with the sole task of welcoming costumers. His amicable nature and easy going ways made him perfect for front of house as it was. His bright smile came on handy.

He realized fairly soon that said costumers were mostly women and children. It did not cross his mind that the reason was he was readily accepted as a replacement part-timer had anything to do with his looks but he capitalized on them without even being fully aware.

The uniform had originally been designed for females and while plain enough, loose fitting pants and a red shirt, it had hardly been modified to fit the male body. Izaya thought the waist line was a bit too low but then again that was nothing compared to the fluffy pair of cat ears.

"Welcome! Hope you'll enjoy our lovely cats- oh, it's iyou/i."

Izaya was not even entirely surprised to see Shizuo standing before him.

"Kitty ears. Looks cute on you."

"What are you doing here? Thought you didn't like cat cafes?"

"Was buying cat food for Hiro-kun when I saw you. New job?"

"Just helping out. Are you buying a ticket or not? You're blocking the entrance."

"Sure, one ticket."

Izaya handed him the ticket and smiled beautifully.

"Our cats are tame but do handle them gently. Do not pick them up if they resist or insist on petting them."

Izaya had been specifically told to greet costumers so he thought he was done with Shizuo for the time being. But it was not to be. His superior overhead the conversation and had Izaya show the brand new cats to the gentleman. Izaya had the distinct impression she was doing it on purpose.

"Oh look, yellow cat."

"That's Ginger. She likes sunbathing and rolling around."

"Female yellow, huh. That's kinda rare."

"The cats here are not your average household feline."

Shizuo pointed to a fluffy Persian currently grooming very long white fur.

"Lots of hair in that one."

"Snowflake."

"Man, what happened to that poor fellow?"

Shizuo meant a hairless cat who was happily climbing his way to a top shelf.

"That's a Sphinx cat, that's the way they are."

"Yeah? Looks all wrinkly."

Izaya put out his hands and sure enough the strange cat licked his fingers. Izaya smiled tenderly. Shizuo wished he could take a photograph.

"They are indeed different but have their own peculiar charm. They're surprisingly popular, believe it or not."

Shizuo was going to say something just to keep the conversation going but a wailing shriek interrupted him before he could even open his mouth. Izaya dashed toward the little kid responsible for the disturbance. He crouched to get on the same level.


	139. Chapter 139

"Hey, what happened?"

"Kit-kitty is bad!"

"Did the kitty bite you?"

Some sniffles and a nod.

"Kitty bit me,"

Izaya bounced away and returned with a first aid kit. He smiled reassuringly at the worried mother standing by.

"Let me see. Hmm...it's a tiny cut. You're a big boy so don't cry. Okay?"

"'kay."

Izaya disinfected and bandaged the small wound.

"There. You're all set."

"Thanks,"

"You know, kitty was just afraid of you. To a cat you're a giant. Here, this one is more used to people."

Izaya caught a meandering Siamese and placed it on the kid's lap, smiling reassuringly at the mother as he did so.

"See? No need to be scared of kitty. Next time I'll help you with the other kitty, okay?"

And just like this Izaya secured a returning costumer and waved enthusiastically enough at the retreating family. Shizuo had followed the whole episode very closely.

"You're good with kids."

"Oh, you know, little sisters help with that."

Izaya had no idea if it was indeed so but it seemed a safe enough bet.

"Do you have a suggestion box around here?"

"If you wish to lodge a formal complaint,"

"Not complaint. I have a suggestion. No cat tails."

"I beg your pardon?"

"The outfit. You got the ears but no tail."

"Are you suggesting they add a cat tail to the uniform?"

"Yeah. Makes sense."

Izaya tried to stare him down. It was difficult considering the furry ears hat.

"You do realize this is not Akibahara?"

"Cat tail goes with cat ears."

"Ah...suggestion box is there."

Shizuo penned down his suggestion and went on his way. Izaya found himself swamped with felines come feeding time.

"Oy! You guys, calm down. No 'meow', there's enough for everyone."

By the time Izaya was done appeasing the hungry beasts Shizuo was nowhere to be found.

The wall mural depicting Mount Fuji shone dully in the warm air. Everything was subdued even the occasional water splashing and the light rippling out on the surface on the deep, vast tubs.

Izaya looked around curiously. He was immersed in soothingly warm water and would be cozy indeed were he not somewhat perplexed.

"Kasuka-san, thank you for inviting me but why a public bath...?"

It was as oddball a choice as Izaya could think of. But of course Kasuka seemed extremely at ease.

"Perfect place. No fans here."

"Ah...that's a very good point."

They did not have the place to themselves but almost. A few regulars were clustered about in other tubs and pretty much keeping to themselves.

"Also, public bath is good for naked bonding."

Izaya giggled a bit nervously.

"Indeed! Millions of fangirls would kill to be in my shoes right now."

Izaya was not exactly used to lounging in the nude like this but Kasuka had no qualms with it.

"My new movie premiers in two weeks' time. I'm giving you and nii-chan front row tickets."

Just when Izaya was beginning to get used to this unlikely experience. Izaya had learned to be wary of Kasuka. Very confident in his ability to read people, Izaya knew he was at a disadvantage with those who could display a faultless font. In utterly different ways both Kasuka and Aoba proved problematic, Kasuka by being ever so sphinx like and Aoba by channeling the Cheshire cat at any given occasion. Izaya was yet to figure out if Kasuka's blankness was a kind of serenity or more a case of elemental indifference. It might very well be a bit of both.

"Congratulations, Kasuka-san. But I am not sure this is all good an idea, inviting me and your brother together."

Kasuka nodded.

"It's alright."

"And have you told Shizuo about this?"

"I leave that to you."

"Shizuo won't like it. I'm sure he'd rather take Tom-san or someone else."

Kasuka shook his head.

"The tickets are personal invitations. Just for the two of you."

Izaya watched the scenery for a bit in silence.

"Kasuka-san, seems to be you decided on this all on your own."

"Yes. It is my movie. And I am the one inviting you."

"I'll think about it, can't commit to anything just now. What's the movie about, by the way?"

"Romantic sci-fic comedy. In space."

Izaya laughed.

"Sounds just my thing!"

"With singing?"

"Are you serious?"

"No. just kidding."


	140. Chapter 140

In no time Izaya became something of a mascot. The staff liked him so much that upon learning that the part-timer had come down with the measles Izaya was hired to fill in for an undetermined period of time.

A few days later he was presented a brand new innovation to the outfit. Namely, a fluffy cat tail. To make matters worse he was posted right at the entrance of Tokyuu Hands, right alongside the flow of pedestrians where he was horribly conspicuous. The idea, as had actually been explained to him by the management, was the use 'cat boy' appeal to attract newer costumers.

Izaya was already regretting his decision to take the job when Shizuo walked by.

"Sweet, they took my suggestion. Who knew."

"I hope you're happy. Just because you wanted to see cat-tailed girls I have to wear a tail as well."

Shizuo blinked.

"Don't care about the girls."

Izaya sighed then spun around.

"Just look that, it draws attention to my butt!"

"That's the idea."

Izaya snapped out of it, he was both being unprofessional and too silly. He was informed via an earpiece that he was needed at the store.

"I'm going back, if you're here for the cats then you can tag along."

And judging by Izaya's tone he clearly would rather Shizuo did not tag along. Shizuo noticed it and breezily ignored it. He followed Izaya to the store, having a lot of fun watching as people stared at Izaya's cat outfit.

"You got a jacket for the naked cat?"

"He's not naked, he's furless."

"Shave a bit of the furry Persian and you'd have a jacket for naked cat."

"For the last time, he is not naked. He's a sphinx cat. And he doesn't need a jacket, it's nice and warm here."

Izaya scooped up the cat in question and placed it on Shizuo's arms.

"Up close he's even more wrinkled up."

"He is aptly named 'Sphinx'."

"If he had babies with the fluffy Persian, they'd be normal kitties?"

"I have no idea."

"I bet he'd rather have fur."

"Well, he hasn't. When life gives you lemons you can always make lemonade. In this case, Sphinx's unique look and features make him one of the most sought out cats. Parents in particular like him a lot."

Shizuo let the Sphinx in question go.

"Orihara-kun, your shift is up."

Izaya changed into his clothes and sure enough Shizuo was waiting for him.

"So, Shizuo. Like the cat cafe a bit better?"

"I guess. Still like street cats better but naked cat and the like are okay."

"For the last time, he's not naked."

"Sure ain't dressed either."

Izaya sighed.

"Good thing you dropped by, I had to talk to you as it was and it spares me the trouble of actually looking for you."

"Yeah? What about?"

"I'm having some tea, all those cats have drained me of energy. Need to recharge."

Izaya picked a nondescript cafe and ordered tea for two. Shizuo waited.

"Shizuo, as I'm sure you know your brother's new movie is coming up soon."

"Yeah. 'Love in Hyperspace'."

Izaya blinked.

"That's the title? Oh wow. How would that even work? Would there be low gravity involved? I see potential here!"

"I dunno what you're thinking but it's not that kind of movie."

"No porn in space? That's to bad...I mean, just think about it! On the other hand, don't."

"Kinda too late now."

"Once thought it cannot be unthought! Sorry, it's in poor taste."

But Izaya was still giggling.

"Is this one of those preview things?"

"Indeed it is."

"Cool. We're meeting in front of the cinema?"

Izaya blinked.

"What, you expect us to actually go to the movie together?"

"Well, yeah."

"I was hoping you'd talk your brother into giving a ticket to my sisters instead."

"Doubt that'd work."

Izaya sighed deeply.

"This puts me in a tight spot. If I go, my sisters will kill me...if I don't go they'll kill me anyway since they'll see it as a wasted opportunity."

"How about Kasuka gives them tickets to some other event?"

"Do you think that would work?"

"Yeah."

"I see. And for that to work, I'll have to do as Kasuka-san wants and go to the movie with you. That settles it, then."


	141. Chapter 141

Odds are it would be extremely easy for Kasuka to squeeze in two extra preview tickets for Izaya's sisters. But Shizuo had reasons for wanting them out of this, reasons that had prompted Kasuka to bring about the invitation in the first place. Izaya was too concerned with his own siblings to notice the not exactly subtle Heiwajima sibling conspiracy.

"Guess I'll have to dress up."

Izaya lifted one eyebrow.

"Is it a black tie event?"

"Yeah. Kasuka got me a suit for these occasions."

"Then you should learn how to properly handle a tie."

"How about dinner?"

"What dinner?"

"These preview thingies usually include dinner."

Izaya sighed.

"So now I'm supposed to have dinner with you. Wonderful."

"Won't kill you."

Izaya was often fashionably late for events but he arrived at the venue way ahead of time. Part of it was his natural curiosity for all human environments but he also wanted to check the waters without Shizuo hampering him. Unfortunately, early as Izaya was, Shizuo still beat him to it.

"Again with the crooked tie, good grief, Shizuo!"

In his annoyance Izaya walked right up to Shizuo and standing on tiptoe adjusted the tie.

"A bit tighter and you'll choke me."

"As if. I'm beginning to think nothing can kill you."

Shizuo had indeed botched the tie and not due to carelessness either. It was deliberate and quite worth it.

"Bombs will probably do the trick."

"Ah...I rest my case. Quite a crowd, huh?"

It was a mixed crowd, industry people mingling with a group of stylishly dressed girls.

"Fan club members get preview tickets at times."

"So we'll be having dinner with these people as well?"

"Dunno."

The doors opened and Shizuo and Izaya found themselves in a lobby turned reception room. Waiters strolled about offering chalices of champagne and quite a few famous faces clustered about in tiny groups. Izaya looked around, his curiosity tingling.

"Do you go to this kind of event very often?"

"Nah. Feels weird so I just watch the movies when they come out."

"But you're fine being here with me?"

Shizuo produced a cigarette then remembered the strict non smoking policy and tucked it away a bit regretfully.

"Yeah. You're kinda like a protective barrier, as long as I stick with you I'll be fine."

"I'm a protective barrier. Now I've heard everything."

"You're one of those, what do they call it...oh yeah, hipster. So you can talk the lingo and stuff."

"That's news to me. And you act like the whole concept of hipster is absolutely foreign to you."

A canape tray drifted their way, Shizuo picked up and studied it with great care.

"This got tuna in it."

"Tuna!"

Izaya availed himself of a canape.

"Only makes you hungrier, tiny bits of food."

"Rejoice, for it is free tuna."

Izaya was eager to mingle with the glitzy crowd but he felt reluctant to just abandon Shizuo in such hostile environment.

"You and the tuna."

"Don't hate me for my superb taste in edibles."

Izaya and Shizuo had first row seats to better behold the wonders of Love in Hyperspace. Izaya began giggling within the first five minutes and the rest of the movie was a long and arduous struggle to keep himself from bursting out laughing. He squirmed on his seat and once the dialogue got rolling Izaya clamped both hands over his mouth to muffle his laughter.

Izaya managed quite well but as soon as the soon as the credits began to roll he dashed to the lounge where he proceeded to almost roll on the floor.

"Oh my god, 'my love is deeper than the galaxy and wider than the universe!' Too much, it's too much! Your brother is a martyr, how can he say,"

But Izaya never got around to finishing, his mirth once unleashed could not be reeled in at will. Izaya giggled freely and bounced a bit.

"Guess you enjoyed the movie, huh."

"Enjoy? I loved it! Move over Casablanca, it was too brilliant! 'The stars may come and go but my love for you will never die'. Where would you hear such lines, nowhere else! And those super tight spacesuits! So shiny and pretty."

Izaya wiped a few tears from his eyes.

"Bet wearing those suits sucks."

"I'm sure but they make quite an impact!"

Shizuo would very much like to see Izaya in such a suit.


	142. Chapter 142

The restaurant turned out to be a very high class Western place with a panoramic view that occupied Izaya for a good while.

"Nothing like the city nightscape."

"Yeah. How about this food, don't know any of these dishes."

"So what else is new, Shizuo. I have to wonder why your brother picked this place. Not stingy, Kasuka-san. So, let us see...we're having oysters as a starter. For the main course

you're having the duck with red wine reduction, I'll have the veal."

"Okay, sounds good."

Izaya was still buzzing from the sheer silliness of the movie.

"So much love talk! In! Hyperspace!"

"Got a little heavy with the love talk, yeah."

"A little? Good god, it was epically sappy. I have this feeling we're being watched."

Izaya did not look around to confirm his hunch as most people in his shoes would do. He knew better then to broadcast his suspicions overtly and already he regretted having told Shizuo.

"You really are paranoid."

"With good reason."

"Good point but still."

Izaya shrugged. Let people watch him as long it stopped at just watching.

"Oh well. And behold, the food is here."

Shizuo regarded the snot-like blobs on their shell with great suspicion.

"It don't look too good."

Izaya was already working his tiny fork into a shell.

"Never judge a book by its cover, see the gloss? That means it's very fresh."

Izaya ate one delicious morsel of oyster flesh straight from the shell.

"You just pick it up like that?"

"That's right. Give it a go. You can sprinkle some lemon juice on it but it's not the same."

Shizuo was not entirely convinced.

"Fancy food, huh."

"Stop stalling for time and eat up!"

Izaya had been hoping to chat with some of the celebrities but they were nowhere to be seen. But hardly missed them, he was having more fun then he would willingly admit.

"Okay..."

"And make sure you chew."

Shizuo did as told, chewing very slowly and even thoughtfully.

"So? How is it?"

"Weird. Real weird."

"Ah, such a plebeian at heart."

"You can have the rest."

"Oh no you don't. I will teach you to appreciate the fine things in life. I believe it's what your brother would want anyway."

Kasuka did indeed have a plan but Izaya was way off.

"Like at the fish market?"

"That's right. Speaking of which, it's a shame Tom-san isn't around."

Shizuo would have to strongly disagree.

"I don't think lemon will make this any better."

Izaya prodded a morsel loose from the shell and held it as if on display.

"You're too caught up with the way it looks. Close your eyes and give it a go."

"Okay."

"There you go. Now chew."

The whole thing was rather amusing and Shizuo was glad to play along.

"Hey, you're right. Tastes much better."

Izaya brightened up in all his childish glee.

"I told you so! Let's split it fifty/fifty."

In all fairness Shizuo would rather skip the oyster experience but it was worth enduring some discomfort to see Izaya beam so carelessly happy.

By the time the mains arrived Izaya seemed to have forgotten his official hostility. Shizuo took note of it as he poked at a slice of duck with a fork.

"It's raw."

Izaya giggled.

"Guess what, Shizuo. Guess what was actually raw. The oysters! Oh your face!"

Izaya nearly choked on his drink.

"You'll kill yourself from laughing too much."

"Prophetic words, my friend! But that duck is not raw, it's pink and perfect."

"You sure?"

"Would I lie to you?"

Izaya batted his eyelashes all innocently.

"Guess it really is raw. Sauce looks like blood and all."

Izaya rolled his eyes with great emphasis.

"Fine, trade with me. You can have the veal."

Shizuo considered the cutlery.

"Lots of forks and stuff."

"Watch and learn, Shizuo."

Izaya proceeded to slice the veal, a mere flick of the wrist sending the knife precisely through the tender meat.

"You and knives."

"I have mad skills."

"Trust me, I know."


	143. Chapter 143

Izaya sampled a bit of duck, he needed to change the topic.

"Delicious. How's the veal?"

"Real good."

"There you go."

"No fancy wine?"

"I'm not into wine. And there will be none for you either."

"Didn't want wine anyway. Just thought it went with the posh restaurant."

Izaya did not stop eating but he was absolutely sure he was being watched. It was quite unnerving.

"There's already wine in the sauce."

"Looks like blood, the sauce."

Izaya jabbed a finger in the air.

"No more talk of that."

"If this was Detective Conan there'd be a murder about now."

Izaya bounced on his seat.

"I love that show!"

"Yeah. You've been a fan since forever. But watching it with you really sucks. You always guess who the bad guy is and get all smug about it."

"Hating on me for my deducting prowess. The world is full of haters."

"Ruins the show for everyone else."

Izaya was not sure just how and when he had watched Detective Conan, or anything else for the matter, with Shizuo. And of course he could not ask. By choosing to act as if he was in full possession of his memory he was caught in a dilemma of forfeiting much of his past. The few people he could ask had only entered his life relatively recently. There was a whole substrata of personal history to which he had only very indirect access.

Izaya was lost in such musings when the dessert arrived. Shizuo regarded his chocolate galette with obvious interest.

"How come it's so small, thought it'd be bigger."

"Because it's a delicate confection."

"Could be bigger. Want to try it?"

Izaya was poised to try a lemon sorbet served in a small see through glass.

"That means less chocolate for you."

"Well, yeah. But sharing makes food taste better."

When put like this Izaya could not quite refuse. Shizuo cut the galette in two, impaled one of the bits with a fork and proceeded to offer it to Izaya across the table.

"That looks sickeningly sweet."

With that said, Izaya did take a bite albeit tentatively.

"It's kinda gooey."

A syrupy trickle of chocolate dripped on the very soft towel.

"Tsk, you're making a mess. But this is quite tasty."

"Is that even dessert?"

Shizuo pointed to the sorbet.

"Why, yes. But it is a more subtle flavor."

"The parfait was better."

"You know, since you like cakes so much why don't learn how to bake?"

"Like in the Korean movie, Antique Bakery."

"My point is, instead of moping about cakes you can make your own cake. Revolutionary notion or what?"

Shizuo pretended to give it some thought.

"Never thought of that. Bet it's real hard."

"You cannot know until you try it, now can you?"

"Guess not. But how do you go about making cake?"

Izaya sighed, rolled his eyes and sighed anew.

"You look up a recipe, of course."

"That's probably not as fun."

"As fun as what, adding ingredients and praying it results in a cake?"

"How about aprons, that'd be nice."

"Earth to Heiwajima Shizuo, hello!"

Shizuo's mind had indeed wandered off a bit.

"How did you learn how to bake?

Izaya opened his mouth to inform Shizuo that he could not bake but remembered that he had done so in the past. The fabled poisoned Valentine cookies.

"It's not too difficult if you just follow a recipe."

"One that goes, 'add 2 grams of arsenic to the mix'?"

"I thought it was cyanide."

"Yeah. Cigarette break."

Shizuo excused himself and on his way out stopped by a table tucked in a corner and hidden from Izaya's sight. A pretty woman confronted him.

"He can kinda tell you're spying on us."

Kasuka, for it was none other than him wearing a beautiful but discreet dark blue dress, nodded.

"Good instincts."

"That's Izaya for you."

"Date is going well."

"I'm not too sure myself."

"Onii-chan, fight-o."

Trust Kasuka to speak in all seriousness. And he remained just as deadpan as he handed Shizuo a condom.

"I won't be needing this."

"This too."

And a tiny bottle of lube followed.


	144. Chapter 144

Shizuo was almost perplexed. He knew that Kasuka had his silent way of figuring out much, just like Izaya unraveled people though speech Kasuka went below the surface without saying a single word but it was still rather odd how he had not only realized where Shizuo stood in relation to Izaya, arguably better than Izaya himself did, but seemed so invested in promoting their relationship. Shizuo had the strange feeling it had been part of Kasuka's plans for quite a while.

It was a strange development, more fitting in those works of fiction Erika treasured so much than in reality. Then again, Kasuka's life was tightly wrapped around fiction and he was genre savvy by default. It could very well be that knowing how to bend fiction into reality what defined a successful realist more than just strict conformity to the norm.

"I gotta go back."

"Good luck."

Shizuo half-expected to find that Izaya had figured out Kasuka had been spying on them. When he found Izaya on his feet, Shizuo thought his fears were confirmed.

"Shizuo! Your brother just mailed me, it's the ultimate job opportunity for you!"

Shizuo was puzzled.

"Ah...what is it?"

Izaya was already bouncing and dragging Shizuo away.

"We'll pull an all nighter, this is the chance of a lifetime!"

"Right, but what exactly is it?"

"Thunder From Down Under is touring Japan and looking for a local to feature on their Tokyo gigs."

This did not exactly enlighten Shizuo. They reached the elevator.

"Thunder From Down Under being what, exactly?"

"It's an all male dance trope from Australia. All buff guys, quirky tear away outfits that they strip to the delight of women all over the world."

"You and Kasuka want me to strip for a bunch of girls...man, the world is crazy. I don't dance either."

Kasuka could very well have given in a heads up but then Kasuka's ways were mysterious.

"It's a simple dance routine, I got the video showing the precise steps. With some rehearsal you'll get it down pat. More importantly, the pay is amazing!"

"You for it, then."

They reached the ground floor and already Izaya was hailing a taxi.

"Oh please, as if my girlish self would ever be picked."

"Thought you didn't admit you were girlish."

"Compared to these guys virtually everyone is girlish. This is a show for manly men, in other words, you."

It seemed Shizuo did not even have a say in the matter.

"Don't wanna prance about naked...that really is more something you'd do."

"You won't be naked, you'll be wearing boxers."

"Hmm..."

Shizuo was not precisely looking forward to it but he was already convinced as it meant spending some more time with Izaya. But he was having fun having Izaya work to convince him.

"You can argue with me later, training time is now."

As soon as Izaya reached his apartment building he was given a package from Kasuka. It contained a change of clothes for Shizuo, pajamas, some tear away clothes for practice and set of toilet items such as a toothbrush. Izaya whistled under his breath.

"Your brother is a wonderful mastermind, I must admit! Looks like Namie-san isn't around tonight."

Izaya popped the video on his very big television and had Shizuo watch it closely.

"Looks complicated."

Izaya jumped on his feet and walked to the farthest wall.

"Okay, just imagine this is the runway. It's about the same length. So walk like this, just kind of strolling, then halfway through you tear away the clothes, sort of strut about a bit, then you step to the right, step to the left, turn, repeat the stepping to the sides, walk back. That's it."

Shizuo studied Izaya's reenactment as if he actually cared for the dance routine.

"Dunno, all this 'strutting' stuff really ain't easy."

"You do not know until you try it. Give it a go, here's the clothes Kasuka-san so generously provided."

"How does this work?"

"You put them on like normal clothes then tear away."

"Ah...the things they come up with."

"Less dallying, more prancing about."

Shizuo chuckled. He started to unbuckle his pants but was stopped by Izaya's frantic waving.

"Stop! What do you think you're doing?"

"Putting on weird clothes."

Izaya sighed.

"You're not supposed to change here. Change in the bathroom."

"Don't make much sense,"

"It's my place, my rules."

"Okay, can't argue with that."


	145. Chapter 145

Shizuo did as told, he put on the tear away clothes and did the dance routine under Izaya's scrutiny. It more nerve inducing than Shizuo thought it would be. There was something highly disarming in Izaya's steady gaze. And it reminded Shizuo anew that whatever Izaya saw in him, he hardly seemed attracted.

Izaya sighed deeply.

"Ah, why so robotic, Shizuo!"

"Told you I can't dance."

"The dancing is not the problem, your moves are fine. It's the robotic look that's killing me. You need to act sexy."

"Not gonna work, how do I even do that?"

Izaya bounced around some.

"Simple, just imagine I'm some pretty girl you're trying to flirt with."

It was almost funny.

"Ah..."

"Again, from the top. Don't forget the steps, get some life in that face of yours."

Shizuo went through the moves once more.

"Really not gonna work,"

"The night is young and practice makes perfect."

With that said, a half an hour later there had been no actual progress.

"Okay, time out. Forget about acting sexy, just smile."

Shizuo tried it again, a rather disturbing grin plastered on his face.

"Don't think that's working."

"I said 'smile' not 'smile threateningly'. That was borderline scary. Smile normally, not like an ax killer."

"That's easy to say but being told to smile makes it difficult."

Izaya seemed to grow very thoughtful.

"Maybe I am going about it the wrong way, the robotic look may be a good thing. It does wonders for your brother."

"How about you show it again, as in, how you'd do it."

It was a long shot but Shizuo had nothing to lose. Izaya shrugged.

"Alright. Pay close attention."

There was no need to tell him, Shizuo watched every move very closely.

"You're not stripping."

"No tear away clothes for me and no need for that anyway, you're the one training here. One more time."

Shizuo obeyed.

"Still no good?"

"You know, I have half a mind to call my sisters and get them to help out. I bet they'll have some useful insight."

It was about as bad an idea as possible as far as Shizuo could tell.

"Nah. It's kinda late and strippers aren't suitable for teenage girls."

"You do have a point there, then again they are hardly your average teens. But you're right, this is my pet project, no need to drag them into it."

"One more time?"

"Indeed."

Izaya watched Shizuo stride once more and reached a conclusion.

"I know what's lacking. You're not having fun."

"Ah..."

"Think of something you really like. Sweet stuff, for example. Anything will work. Just keep that in mind and do your stuff."

Shizuo nodded. He took a deep breath before taking the first step. By now he was getting tired of tearing away his clothes and doing the same thing over and over but he did as Izaya said and clung to a positive idea as he went through the moves.

Izaya clapped and burst into a fit of enthusiasm.

"That's it, Shizuo! You got it! See, I told you could do it!"

"Yeah. Want to know what I was thinking of?"

"Doesn't matter, whatever it was, it worked. Great job."

Izaya grabbed Shizuo's hands and gave him one of his radiant smiles. Shizuo was all too aware of the slim distance between them. Shizuo was on the verge of blurting out that something that could not be taken back when Izaya stepped back.

"Tomorrow will be hectic so you should hit the shower. And then it's time to hit the sack, I need you well rested."

Sushi appeared from wherever he had been lurking and rubbed against Izaya's leg. Izaya promptly picked up the kitty and made as if to hand him to Shizuo.

"You want me to shower Sushi as well?"

"Hilarious, Shizuo."

"How about you, want to join me at the shower?"

Shizuo tried to make it as offhand as possible. Izaya laughed.

"Eh, I've seen enough of your naked body to last me a lifetime."

"It's not fair, I got to strip left and right and you keep your clothes on."

"It's called 'inequality'. Deal with it!"


	146. Chapter 146

Shizuo smiled faintly. He was not given to comparing reality to fiction but at the moment he was very much aware that many potentially romantic elements were at play and yet were dismissed so completely that Izaya did not even seen them as such. It differed considerably from the overly cute wide open eyed naivety that movies insisted was the perfect setting for further developments.

Yet on the other hand Izaya's breezy talk about inequality was a very accurate of their current relationship.

"Yeah. You got that right."

Shizuo took some time to go over things as he showered. With a bit of decent timing Izaya might just burst into the bathroom but obviously he did not. Shizuo was not precisely discouraged, he did not believe in such convenient coincidences abiding his wishes, it was just a minor but highly relevant reminder.

By the time Shizuo emerged from the shower Izaya had already showered in another bathroom and was absorbed in a book, his slim frame almost lost in a fluffy robe, Sushi lounging on his lap. The reading light cast a mellow halo over cat and human in a self-contained domestic scene that made perfect sense.

For a while Shizuo just watched in undisturbed silence.

"What you reading?"

"Thomas Paine, The Age of Reason."

"Sounds complicated."

Izaya put the book away and stretched.

"Feel free to read it for yourself."

Shizuo flipped through the pages.

"Complicated, like I thought."

"I'll lend it to you so you can read at your leisure."

"Thanks. There won't be a quiz at the end, right?"

"A quiz? What do you mean?"

"I can kinda imagine you going, 'Well now, Shizuo. What are the most pertinent topics pertaining to this essay?', something like that."

Izaya laughed for quite a while.

"No quiz, worry not! On second thought, that may be fun."

"Looks like I am giving you bad ideas."

"There shall be no quiz, you have my word."

"Okay."

"And now it is sleepy time. I'll show you to your room."

Shizuo would like to suggest their sharing sleeping quarters but could hardly do so. Sushi meandered his way to them.

"Kitty is following you."

"He likes to sleep curled on my bed."

Here was an unexpected opportunity.

"Must be cool, having a cat sleep next to you like that. Or on top of you, even. It'd be nice to have that but I don't expect Sushi to join me."

Izaya seemed to be considering something.

"How about I get us some futons and put them side by side? I bet Sushi would curl by me as usual."

Shizuo could hardly believe his luck.

"Sounds good."

It sounded, in fact, too good. Yet as Izaya fluffed the pillows and set the freshly pressed futons side by side Shizuo could not escape that this willing friendliness excluded any intimacy by default. This seemed all the more obvious as Izaya made himself comfortable under the covers.

"This is like camping out. Behold, Sushi has arrived."

Indeed the cat had tentatively made his way to the futon and now proceeded to curl himself right next to Izaya's feet.

"Minus the 'out' part."

"Of course. Sleeping under the stars may be romantic and whatnot but it is rife with inconveniences. Such as bugs and overall discomfort."

"You're not exactly the outdoors type."

Izaya giggled.

"That's the understatement of the year."

"You think a park in Ikebukuro is the big outdoors."

"It is all relative. I gather to a countryside native a village may be a urban centre."

"'Countryside native'? The countryside is not a deserted island."

"A deserted island has no human inhabitants by its very nature."

"Don't think villagers are 'natives'."

Izaya shrugged such semantic distinctions away.

"It's a matter of perspective."

"I guess."

"I'd love to chat the night away but I need you to look all fresh for tomorrow. Lights out!"


	147. Chapter 147

Shizuo would like to talk as well but clearly Izaya was inflexible. Shizuo waited in silence for Izaya to fall asleep. It did not take long for Shizuo's eyes to adjust to the darkness and Izaya was so close that he could easily discern his features. This was the perfect opportunity for Shizuo to muse at length and the focus of his reflections was present and literally within reach.

Namely, Orihara Izaya. Ruthless manipulator, source of untold grief, mastermind supreme and fan of kittens, curled on his side like a happy child, smiling softly in quiet innocence. That Izaya was rife with contractions was not precisely new but the nature of these had shifted. Shizuo was now more aware of a polarized vulnerability and even kindness coexisting side by side with a tenacious intellect that might very well usher in the end of the world as we know it.

Shizuo was not one to dismiss Izaya's ambitious, whatever they were, as mere megalomania bound to fail. He knew that Izaya could very succeed and that nothing good would result from it. Yet at same time he could not quite believe Izaya was bent on ruination.

On top of this ambivalence Shizuo could not quite read this new distance between them, something like a barrier of friendliness past which he was not allowed to trespass. At times like this when Shizuo was left to think things through it became borderline frustrating.

And all along Shizuo could tell that some eventful episode had taken place in Izaya's life. Asking about it could only backfire but figuring out what it might be was proving quite a challenge.

Shizuo petted the cat and tried to reconcile himself to sleep.

"Ah, now I know how a mother feels when her kid is about to act on the school play!"

They were walking side by side, the morning rush flooding the streets all around. Izaya had already messed up Shizuo's hair for effect, even adding some gel, and supervised his outfit most judiciously.

"Yeah, you're the motherly type alright."

"Now is not the time of bad jokes, Shizuo. Oh wow, look at that, the queue goes around the block!"

A long line of buff men lined up before them.

"Too many people, no point in trying out."

"I will not have any of that defeatist talk. Is that understood?"

Izaya poked Shizuo in the chest with each word. By now Shizuo was riling him on purpose.

"Okay."

The wait was long and Izaya was on pins and needles.

"I'm more nervous than you are."

"Stress ain't good for you."

Izaya did not even have a retort, Shizuo's turn had come and he was on manager mode.

"Okay, do it just like we practiced last night. Then let the beastly Shizuo factor kick in."

"'Beastly Shizuo factor'...?"

"You know what I mean. Good luck!"

Izaya followed Shizuo's performance very closely. Shizuo went through the motions as drilled, his lack of expression passing off for confidence while his attire had something of urban swag to it.

Izaya could hardly endure the expectation. The waiting as the juries discussed nearly killed him. And when they announced their decision Izaya's reaction was much more explosive than Shizuo's.

"Yay! I knew you'd get it, go Shizuo, go!"

Izaya proceeded to skip around Shizuo much to the confusion of everyone else. Izaya proceeded to shake hands with each jury and smile his most affable smile.

"Guess they picked me, huh."

"What's with the lack of enthusiasm! Rejoice!"

"Gotta play all cool and stuff."

"Oh, good point. That's part of your persona. Tch, got to take this call."

Izaya picked up his phone and after a very quick exchange was already dashing away.

"Sorry, got to run. The cats need me! See you soon, Shizuo! And congratulations!"

Before Shizuo could retort Izaya had disappeared as he was wont to do.


	148. Chapter 148

A horde of kindergarteners taking over the cat café was the reason why Izaya had been suddenly summoned. The staff needed his help but above all the girls loved seeing Izaya surrounded by little kids.

Presently, Izaya was not too pleased. One of the children was the little boy he already knew, a rather fearless creature who had taken to heart Izaya's lesson in respecting the cats only to be hell bent on pulling Izaya's cat tail.

"Oy, cut that out!"

"Catman!"

The chant was picked up and Izaya flailed a bit. He decided to try something and hissed very loudly at the crowd of young terrorists.

"Catman says, silence now."

It was a desperate tactic but against all odds it worked and in no time Izaya had herded the children into relative quiet.

Shiki had been watching him long enough to find the scene oddly endearing. It was his first time seeing Izaya in his fluffy cat ears and tail attire, Shiki thought it fitted him quite well. He noticed that the staff seemed to agree.

"Hello, Izaya."

"Shiki-san! You're about the last person I'd expect to find at such a place."

Izaya beamed, his bright smile sweeter than it was proper. Or so Shiki thought, not without sympathy.

"Seems like you have your hands full."

"The kids are killing me."

Shiki surveyed his surroundings and the many felines in all sorts of attitudes from utterly bored to vaguely predatory in stalking mode.

"That white cat is is a Persian, I believe?"

Izaya scooped up the cat in question before she could strut away.

"This is Snowflake. She is indeed a Persian and a very amicable cat."

Shiki ran long finger over lush fluffy white fur before lifting the cat from Izaya's hands.

"How much for this cat?"

"Oh, our cats are not for sale."

"Get me the manager."

Izaya hesitated slightly but as a worker he could nit possibly put any obstacles in Shiki's way. The manager was duly brought and within half an hour Shiki walked out of the store with Snowflake neatly tucked in a carrier.

Izaya rushed after him, his workload having alleviated in the meanwhile.

"Shiki-san, are you going to adopt Snowflake?"

"That is the idea."

Izaya's hesitation was more pronounced this time around. He was uncertain of whether Shiki would prove a good cat keeper and there was no choice but to voice his distress.

"Shiki-san, I do not know whether that is a good idea. Snowflake is very beautiful and a nice cat but she is a cat. She is bound to disrupt your lifestyle at least momentarily, will not answer commands, may destroy property and occasionally even claw or bite if frightened."

Izaya left it at that. Shiki let some silence elapse before speaking, quite deliberately.

"Are you suggesting I will hurt the cat?"

Izaya squirmed a bit.

"Suppose Snowflake were to wake you up at five am or shred to pieces some expensive scroll, I am afraid you would get rid of her. I take care of these cats, it is my duty to protect them to the best of my ability."

Shiki was silent again while Izaya's became more and more embarrassed but unrelenting.

"You have my word that I will not harm the feline regardless of what may happen."

The entire conversation took place where the cat café met the petshop so there was quite an audience. Shiki would not have it any other way. Izaya now relaxed immediately.

"I am glad to hear that, Shiki-san."

"Will you help me choose the proper accessories?"

Izaya nodded enthusiastically.

"Of course. I know Snowflake's habits rather well."

Izaya busied himself shopping for a comfortable cat bed (that he checked for softness), a lot of toys, a sturdy scratching pole, a large and well ventilated litter with an assortment of cat sand, a tall cat tree with plenty of platforms, metallic bowls for food and water, a selection of food items including dry and paté-like delicacies, catnip, a hard and a soft brush, cat shampoo and a few more things.


	149. Chapter 149

Shiki watched him in this flurry of activity and was quite bemused. It was surprising how exhilarating it was for Izaya to simply trust him at his word so completely. And Shiki had plenty of ulterior motives for picking this fine specimen of a Persian cat apart from his love for felines.

Shiki would not call it devious but it was indeed covert and rather oblique. The goal was not so much gaining an ascendance over Izaya as to lead him to regard Shiki was more of a rounded person. As one with enough emotional resources to spare kindness on an animal.

This marked something of an epoch for Shiki. So far he had always regarded himself as a complete individual, one whose personal history was too steeped in an experience that resulted in success for him to have reasons to swerve off course.

Shiki himself was very much aware of a change in him and knew its causes. Its deeper repercussions, however, he would rather not presently contemplate.

"That is a lot of gear."

"Snowflake is high maintenance all around."

Shiki got his men to pick up all the paraphernalia.

"I do not suppose you could help me get the cat settled?"

"Not 'the cat', 'Snowflake'. And I'd be glad to, she is used to me."

Shiki was sure Izaya would accept the invitation. Once in Shiki's place Izaya promptly assigned Snowflake to a large unused room with her bedding, blankets and litter box. He then sat across Shiki in the quietly lush living room.

"For now it is best to let Snowflake have that room all to herself without disturbing her too much. She will adapt easily, I think, café cats are very flexible. Now, as I said Persians have their quirks. Their fur must be taken into account: it is beautifully silky but requires a lot of care. Brushing is essential."

"I understand."

Shiki was paying close attention, more out of his interest in Izaya than in Snowflake's well-being. Izaya had been on lecturing mode, he now relaxed into one of his pretty smiles into carefree happiness.

"A white Persian is a perfect choice of cat for someone such as Shiki-san."

"How so?"

"Persians are so classy, regal and smooth. And a white Persian perfectly matches Shiki-san's personal style."

Shiki smiled.

"I suppose I will be playing the villain, complete with a cat on my lap."

Izaya giggled as he pictured it.

"I'll go check on Snowflake, see how she is doing. Do join me, Shiki-san."

Shiki did as told. The cat in question already seemed to have made herself comfortable on her spacious bed. Izaya patted her and she condescended to curl on his lap. Shiki sat next to him and in no time Snowflake had sprawled herself over Shiki's way. Izaya nodded enthusiastically.

"My role here seems about done, Snowflake approves of Shiki-san."

Shiki was almost disappointed at the cat's compliance if it meant Izaya was cutting the visit short.

"Cats choose their owners, as they say?"

Izaya nodded, fully endorsing the wisdom of the saying.

"Most definitely. I hope Snowflake brings Shiki-san plenty of happiness and vice-versa."

Izaya actually bowed leaving Shiki in the uncomfortable position of matching genuine emotion with rather rarefied notions on the gradients of moral experience. He found himself nodding as a compromise of sorts and decided to change topics.

"You seemed very popular at the cat café."

"I guess but the girls have absolutely no respect for me. They call me 'Iza-nya'! I heard them talking when they thought I wasn't around. 'Iza-nya', of all things! And I am actually older than most of them."

Shiki's smile was greatly amused.

"I gather age has long ceased to be tantamount to respect."

"I feel like shaking my fist angrily and saying 'kids these days! Why, in my time, add-blissful-description-of-the-past-here'. Then again I do not remember my past so I can hardly say anything..."

As Izaya trailed off into thoughtful reticence Shiki felt a momentary impulse to lift his chin and kiss him fully on the mouth. Shiki was not given to acting impulsively, being quite unused to even dealing with impulses at all. He found it a bit surprising.


	150. Chapter 150

"I can assure you that 'kids these days' is a universal cry that each generation picks up to deride the next one."

Not to mention Shiki viewed Izaya as belonging to this next generation and very much a different stripe of person altogether. Shiki was very much aware that Izaya's present infatuation was connected to the fuzzy emotional ambiance associated with first love. That just like first love it might prove fleeting had also not escaped Shiki's attention but it had surely escaped Izaya's. Apparently a contradiction it was the obvious outcome: first love must trust itself to be eternal if it is to have any weight.

"So it is. Your timing is perfect as usual, Shiki-san. I was planning on see you tomorrow at the latest."

Shiki raised an eyebrow. This heralded a smoothing of their relationship.

"I am all yours now."

Izaya slid into business mode immediately.

"I was contacted by an American documentary crew. They're working on a documentary on the yakuza and very much looking forward to interviewing some members of the Awakusu group."

Shiki could escape a momentary but very sharp pang of disappointment. He would rather Izaya wanted to meet him in purely personal basis. However, the entire structure of semi interdependence Shiki was taken such pains to build between and amnesic Izaya and himself forced Shiki to appear unfazed.

"Is the American public interested in Japanese chivalrous organizations?"

Shiki let a certain irony creep into his voice.

"Very much so. Miike is mostly responsible for a new wave of foreigners who are quite enthralled with the yakuza."

"I gather those movies are extremely irrealistic."

"That is true but lots of people find the whole code of conduct and whatnot most fascinating. I did some research and found some other documentaries in the same vein, namely a 'Young Yakuza' done by a French crew and quite well received."

Shiki took his time producing a cigarette and bringing his lighter to it.

"Is this advantageous to us?"

"I believe so. For one, this crew must know what are how if they chose me as a go between, they know better than to just address the group directly. But more importantly, this is wonderful publicity. Needless to say the exact content will be approved by yourself or some else high enough in the hierarchy, I've agreed as much. Otherwise we can press charges."

"That is hardly a documentary, then."

Izaya's smile was as sly as it had ever been.

"We have our agenda, yes. They have theirs, that of providing interesting footage. I see no reason why the two should not be brought to coincide for the benefit of all parties involved."

"'Be brought to coincide for the benefit of all parties involved', you should try your hand at playing a politician."

"Undermining the system from within? Sounds fun! But sadly, it'd end up boring me senseless."

"I bet."

Izaya leaned forward, stressing out he had something important to say.

"Shiki-san, I am planning to have you the centerpiece of this documentary. One cannot have enough promotion."

"Do you mean it will send a message to other groups?"

"That too. But I was also thinking of showcasing your talents within the structure of the Awakusu proper."

Shiki's smile was slow and very deliberate. It really did not do, to think of Izaya as the adorably innocent boy who looked up to him in all things. Even if it some ways it was almost tempting.

"Is this your 'standing above others' and looking at things from a supreme vantage point?"

Izaya blinked, surprised.

"Hardly, I am working on your best interests as I am supposed to."

"From a politician in the making you are morphing into a lawyer."

"Shiki-san, I can only advise you to take this opportunity and trust me to ensure that the Awakusu group as a whole and you as an individual come across in the best of lights. You are of course entirely free to reject the offer but it if the Awakusu declines some other group will not."

Shiki knew that Izaya was right. His reluctance resulted from a certain bias.

"Alright. But the decision is not entirely up to me."


	151. Chapter 151

Shiki disliked letting show that his authority had limits yet at the same time he would rather not take ownership for every action taken by the Awakusu. Normally this was hardly an issue since Shiki's circle of relationships was very well regulated, comprising of individuals all neatly pigeon holed on whom he could cast enough mystification and on whom he could exert enough power so that his control over them extended to their image of Shiki as a leader. There were also the rungs that stood above him but even upwards Shiki could direct just the right amount of influence without being too obstructive.

Izaya was of course an exception. Not simply because he was not assigned a role within the yakuza structure but mostly because he was too entangled with Shiki on a personal level. The more impressionable Izaya was the more aware Shiki became of a particular responsibility that was quite unlike anything he had known.

And perhaps more importantly, Shiki had now much more to lose- and potentially to win- then the extremely valuable services of Tokyo's best informant.

"Do let me know when a decision is reached. It would be a world of fun to interview some of the lower members, how about Matsumoto-san?"

"That's impossible. Matsumoto is currently in jail."

Izaya gasped almost comically.

"In jail?! Why wasn't I told!"

"I wasn't aware you were on such good terms with him."

"Of course I am, we got a talk and spend time together so we're friends. What jail is he in?"

Shiki blinked.

"Do you intend to visit him?"

"Obviously! Jail must be so lonely and dreadful. Poor Matsumoto-san! Couldn't the group bail him out, somehow?"

Shiki was silent for a while.

"The group has to sacrifice some of its lesser parts on occasion. Not to mention to men like Matsumoto earning his stripes by doing time in jail is more an ambition then a punishment."

"Yes, that does make perfect sense, all things considered."

Izaya was all smiles as he left, having made sure that Snowflake was comfortable but Shiki felt vaguely dissatisfied. He wanted to detain Izaya but sensed a certain caution on Izaya's part that made any overture troublesome and even impossible.

Shiki considered all this as he thoughtfully ran his fingers through Snowflake's silky white fur. He postponed some business to muse at length, the cat's blue eyes occasionally reflecting bits of icy light.

*  
>"Orihara-sama!"<p>

Matsumoto was so absolutely stunned and borderline horrified as he stood behind the glass partition that Izaya had to stifle a giggle.

"Matsumoto-san, I thought I told you to please drop the '-sama'."

It took a few moments for Matsumotot to regain his power of speech. Never in a million years would he ever have expected such a visit.

"But- why are you here...?"

"Why, to visit you, what else! I heard from Shiki-san that you've been arrested so I figured I'd drop by to say hi."

This was more familiar territory.

"Does Shiki-sama know you're here?"

"I told him. At any rate, how are you holding on?"

Izaya was genuinely concerned. Matsumoto was sadly shabby in the grim prison uniform as opposed to the mandatory suit, Izaya wondered if a deflating of his spirits mirrored the downgrading of wardrobe.

"Shiki-sama shouldn't allow Orihara-sama,"

Matsumoto literally bit his tongue. He was on the verge of criticizing Shiki, something akin to breaking a fundamental tenet. If Izaya noticed it brushed it aside most breezily.

"Prison is horrible, I hope you'll be released soon."

"Oh, it's not too bad. Got a bunch of other guys from the group here, it's really okay."

"The food must be atrocious. I brought you some onigiris, you can share with your friends. I wanted to get some homemade ones but there's a strict policy of sealed food items only."

Matsumoto gaped a bit, then looked around suspiciously before leaning forward to speak closely into the grilled vent.

"Orihara-sama, it's dangerous for you to be in a place like this..."

He trailed off. There was no way of he could possibly warn Izaya as he so wanted without telling him that as a cute boy Izaya was fresh meat in jail. It caused Matsumoto great embarrassed to the point he hardly knew what he could say.


	152. Chapter 152

"I'm just visiting, inmates aren't allowed in the visiting areas."

Matsumoto looked around again and whispered very loudly.

"There's the guards, too."

Izaya blinked. The presiding guard sitting next to Matsumoto frowned but let it go without a comment.

"Heh, Matsumoto-san, I don't think even the guards want me."

Izaya meant it entirely as a joke but Mastsumono was too straight a player to get humor. In the face of what he deemed to be an actual danger he forgot all about his awkwardness.

"Being too pretty can be bad- and Orihara-sama is very pretty. I can't protect you like there."

There was some frustration bundled up.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Shiki-san does not expect you to protect me when you're in prison."

Izaya was a bit puzzled and grew even more so as Matsumoto became very grave.

"It's not about Shiki-sama, I want to protect you,"

Izaya did not answer right away but he did not want a heavy silence to develop lest it became more weighty than it was warranted. He understood that to a person such as Matsumoto this was walking a very thin line, in fact probably toeing into a blurred mess, to in any way disavow the leader was a clear deviation but in the present context it was doubly so. Being an outsider allowed Izaya to act as if he had not noticed any breach of conduct. It was one of those advantages that made him function so well as a go-between.

"There's really no need to worry. I have connections with the police, they won't harm me."

Izaya did not care for this insistence on protection but he knew better than to argue. To Matsumoto it was the only possible way of framing their interaction and no amount of persuasion would convince him that Izaya was perfectly able of fighting back if it came to it.

Matsumoto looked both impressed and relieved.

"That's good."

Izaya sensed the guard was eager to put an end to the interview so he took the cue.

"I should be going now. See you on the outside soon, Matsumoto-san!"

Izaya waltzed out of the prison without further incident. He was a bit puzzled, not having expected such a strong reaction from Matsumoto. To Izaya it was more than just dealing with someone at the periphery of his interpersonal interactions, his emotional investment in the human phenomenon- something that he had taken up as a decisive character trait when he had to deal with a blank past- meant he had a particular attachment for each and everyone he came in contact with.

Overall, he was happy that someone he felt friendly toward reciprocated but he could not help being a bit fearful for Matsumoto's sake. In the highly hierarchical structure of the yakuza being outside the norm could be disastrous, only the truly exceptional could afford it and Matsumoto was not such a person. It occurred to Izaya that this friendship might prove all too costly to Matsumoto.

Izaya invited everyone to attend Shizuo's strip show, going as far as to provide tickets, and then failed to go himself. It did not occur to him that it could be an issue for Shizuo. After all, with so many people rooting for him- Tom, Shinra, Celty, Kadota, Erika, Walker- Shizuo could not possibly miss Izaya.

Shizuo tuned out the crowd, all it took was looking around to know that Izaya was not present. Shizuo had never been able to account for it but he had a knack for sensing Izaya, almost like a sixth sense.

The runway show itself was not half as overwhelming as he feared, Shizuo simply went through the motions and judging by the explosion of cheers he was a great success. Not that Shizuo cared all that much.

He met everyone at the entrance after the show.

"That was quite a show, who knew you had it in you!"

Shinra meant it.

"Where's Izaya?"

Shizuo did not address anyone in particular, he asked because Izaya was on his mind, and no so much because he expected anyone to have an answer.

"I saw him with a group of foreigners on my way here."

It was Kadota who offered this most unexpected information. Shizuo frowned slightly. He wanted to know all the details but would rather not say anything on the subject. Or anything at all, actually.


	153. Chapter 153

"-quite a, what are they called, 'sexy muffin'."

Shizuo had retreated into thoughtful silence, zoning out completely. He had no precise idea of what Shinra meant. He missed Erika frantically sketching a draft for a Stripper Shizuo doujin nor Celty's uncharacteristic lack of speech.

Ever since Izaya's anguished confession Celty had thought about him more than she ever thought possible. Izaya could not quite cover his tracks by bluffing his way out of it. Celty was almost sure that Izaya was indeed suffering from amnesia. Once she considered things from that point of view she could explain his drastic changes. That Izaya still manage to work as an informant was stunning but then again Celty knew Izaya was in many ways extraordinary: just not necessarily in a positive way.

She was not quite sworn to secrecy but Izaya had asked her not to tell Shinra and it seemed obvious he would rather she told no one. Yet presently she would like to tell Shizuo. Celty could not possibly realize just how Shizuo stood in relation to Izaya, Shinra had a clearer idea on that respect, but she suspected something and felt that she was in the position of clearing up things between the two former enemies.

If only she could hint at it so that Shizuo would get the message. Celty knew it would be something of a compromise, a way of appeasing her conscience. The problem was a pointy one, all the more so since she could relate to Izaya's memory loss. He had appealed to her because of her personal experience, betraying his confidence would undermine much of her self-worth.

Meanwhile, Erika was ranting away, carried away by her fantasies and oblivious to anything else.

"Shizaya is where it's at! Delicious Shizaya!"

"How does this 'Shizaya' thing work?"

Shizuo seemed to have snapped out of it and faced Erika squarely on. Many would find it intimidating. Not so with Erika.

"It starts with sort-of-rape then develops into a beautiful love story! Still has a lot of fighting, that's where the hate sex comes in!"

Shizuo smiled, slowly and with a tinge of irony.

"Wouldn't work like that."

"How would it go, then! Let's hear it from the top half of Shizaya!"

Shizuo took his sweet time producing a cigarette and lighting it in clear deviance of the no smoking sign most visibly placed on a nearby wall. All of a sudden everyone had the distinct impression that he was about to say something momentous. Shizuo's entourage focused on them with a tenacity expressed by an unwavering stare.

Whether Shizuo noticed it or not is unclear. It is likely not to matter much to him. They were all holding their breath partially because Shizuo's attitude was one of deep abstraction. Even Erika settled down into expectant silence.

"If I knew I wouldn't be here talking, I'd be with him."

No one knew what to say to this. Erika was too stunned for if it was true she spent an unhealthy amount of time building up fictional scenarios in which Shizuo and Izaya were ever so in love, having these bleed into reality was as much a shock to her to anyone else; perhaps even more so as it jolted the notion of 'reality' and 'fiction' and these stood in relation with each other.

It was Shinra who regained the power of speech first. Smiling widely he grabbed Shizuo's arm.

"My, Shizuo, I almost forgot that I need your help with something. We'll be going now, see you at home, Celty!"

And with this Shinra proceeded to drag Shizuo away, only because Shizuo allowed himself to be escorted. As soon as they were out of sight Shinra spun around, adjusted his glasses and took a deep breath.

"What was that all about? Care to explain?"

"It is what it is."

"For heaven's sake, I told you this was a bad idea- it goes without saying but still- are you serious about this?"

"Yeah."

"I'm washing my hands from this whole deal."

"No one asked for your help."

Shinra straightened up as if to appear more impressive when facing Shizuo in all his towering height.

"Shizuo, this is Izaya we're talking about. As in, Orihara Izaya. The one and only, the guy who didn't get you killed for lack of trying."

"I know all that."

"Then why on earth? Why does it have to be Izaya?!"

Shinra was so befuddled he nearly stammered.

"Dunno."

"'Dunno'. That's all you got to say?"


	154. Chapter 154

Shizuo shrugged.

"Preety much. Considering how I spend more time talking about Izaya then to Izaya."

And indeed Shizuo left it at this and calmly walk away, leaving Shinra in a state of great confusion.

For all his keen intuition and occasional perfect insight was completely unawares that such important discussions regarding his person were taking place. Instead he was fully engaged in a most interesting negotiation with the American documentary crew.

Shiki was absent from this preliminary meeting for a reason. Izaya wanted to build up some expectation before Shiki actually appeared before the crew. Izaya was aiming at maximizing Shiki's impact.

It was agreed that Izaya was to be the appointed interpreter with all and any interaction with the Awakusu. Izaya would rather keep the mystique of the Japanese language intact and on this the crew agreed. In fact, Izaya got along very well with the whole crew and in particular the director.

He ended up taking them all to eat out at one of his favorite restaurants and having a load of fun. Izaya kept it professional but allowed some of his spontaneous flair to shine through.

By the time he got home it was already rather late. Izaya considering calling Shizuo but decided against it lest he woke him up. Instead he simply sent a message asking how the show had gone. Shizuo called back right away.

"Oh hi! I thought you were asleep already."

"Nah."

"So, how did it go? Details Shizuo, details!"

"Not too bad. They want to use me on Osaka, there's some tour or something."

"Oh wow, how cool is that! Way to go, Shizuo!"

It called for some bouncing.

"I'm not going,"

"What! Why not!"

"Feels too weird, traveling with a bunch of guys I don't even know."

"Oh come on, how lame of an excuse is that? It's a paid trip to Osaka!"

"I guess...want to come along as well, then?"

"Hmm...I'm not sure."

"They're paying for a double room for me and some guy won't make it so there's an extra train ticket."

Izaya considered it.

"Won't the organizers complain?"

"Nah. I asked already and it's all cool."

Izaya took some time to think it over. This prospective trip was something of a defining possibility, full of excitement and new experiences: having no recollection outside of Tokyo Izaya associated any outing beyond the boundaries of the massive city as nothing short of adventurous.

What caused this hesitation, expressed in the form of silence over the telephone, was not so much connected with traveling together with Shizuo as much as it did with his going into unknown territory. Izaya's immediate reaction was to take the offer but he was a bit fearful at the same time.

"When is this taking place?"

"Day after tomorrow, we'll stay in Osaka for three days."

"Okay. I'll be there."

"Good."

What made Izaya accept was his need to gain a greater degree of independence from Shiki and also to assess just how far Shiki's controlling ways went. Izaya was very much aware that Shiki kept him under a more or less relaxed supervision. After all, Izaya had said nothing to Shiki about the cat cafe part-time job. At almost any given time there would be a few men tagging him. If need be Izaya could ditch them but he knew Shiki fully expected him to be aware of their presence.

Izaya was curious to see whether they would follow him all the way to Osaka. A part of him was almost eager to have them trying to detain him as it would Shiki's direct involvement in him. But Izaya was not about to be escorted back to Tokyo like a good little boy simply because Shiki wanted it. In fact, his wanting Shiki to control him resulting from Izaya's desire to exert some self-assertion by having his own way.

As it happened in some many cases, Izaya's sharp human skills were not always employed to their full potential when it came to his personal case. This was why he presently he committed quite an oversights. Deprived of his memory, Izaya had been forced into a kind inward journey, his priority had become finding out how others related to him. It did not occur to him that Shiki might seriously object to Izaya going out of town with Shizuo simply because Izaya viewed Shizuo and Shiki as entities pertaining to Orihara Izaya. He had not yet properly assessed Shizuo and Shiki's interaction.


	155. Chapter 155

Ironically enough both Shizuo and Shiki had fostered this partial blindness in Izaya. He had interpreted the disastrous encounter between Shiki and Shizuo as they're being too controlling of himself, that between the two might exist something stronger than plain dislike seemed to implausible. The irony became stronger in that the strong enmity resulted directly from Izaya himself. Everything being connected, by losing track that he was in fact dealing with two suitors Izaya missed the subtleties in the way Shiki and Shizuo related to himself so that even his grand priority erred on this particular.

Shizuo could hardly be aware of all this but he had noticed of Izaya's recent changes to expect him to miss the exact import of what was at stake. Shizuo's invitation was made as if it was no big deal and accepted as such but Shizuo was very much aware that Izaya had just compromised himself at least to some extent. And Shizuo fully expected to take advantage.

Which is not to say he was planning on using this escape for sexual purposes. Kasuka's hopeful efforts in that direction might be well meaning but somewhat amiss. Shizuo knew very well that pushing for sex before the a relationship to speak of would completely backfire and result in Izaya's possibly enduring hate.

In fact, even if against all odds Izaya himself made any overture into physical intimacy Shizuo was not necessarily sure he would take the opportunity lest it ended up destroying what little they had built already. He based this approach on a particular book that held a deep significance to him.

So it was with a feeling of expectation that Shizuo awaited the trip to Osaka.

"Look at that, it really hovers!"

Izaya busied himself admiring the sleek, streamlined white train.

"Yeah. It's a bullet train and all."

Izaya was already taking photographs, jumping a bit all over to capture the wonder from many different angles.

"How can you be so nonchalant about it, Shizuo! It's Nozomi, Nozomi! A beautiful achievement of human ingenuity."

Shizuo smiled. Only Izaya could combine childish glee with an exposition on the aesthetics of technology.

"We're traveling first class, too."

"Yay for first class! Let's board already!"

Izaya was on pins and needles until he was sitting on the spacious compartment, his nose nearly glued to the window.

"It's moving,"

"Onwards, Nozomi-chan!"

Izaya literally bounced up and down. He watched the sliding spectacle beyond the window with absolute fascination as convoluted miles of concrete gave way to lush green running into a wide blue horizon to which his eyes were drawn: the sense of vertigo, caused by the extreme speed making it impossible to focus on nearby objects.

"It really is fast."

With this truism Shizuo produced a cigarette.

"You can't smoke here."

"I'm not smoking. Just holding it."

"Okay,"

Izaya was not even looking at Shizuo, he kept his gaze locked on the scenery that kept flashing in a continuous rush of light. He only caught a reflexion of Shizuo in the glass.

"We'll be there in no time."

Izaya said nothing for quite a while.

"There really is more to life than Tokyo, huh...the people living in the countryside must lead completely different lives than ours. I wonder how much I'd be able to understand them."

"Not sure you can ever understand anyone."

Izaya nodded.

"Yes, you are probably right. Experience is by definition non-transmissible. We approach empathy by approximation, it is something of a compass with no true North. Which is why interacting with others can be challenging."

"Yeah. But you can go by simple rules like, 'treat others like you'd like to be treated.'"

"Ah, the golden rule. Even that has its flaws, though. It won't apply to a masochist."

"Someone like you, then?"

Izaya narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You said it yourself. 'I'm more M than anything else', something like that."

Izaya had a moment of shocked silence. Just when he began to feel he was used to navigating his new life and ready to deal with the surprising revelations his past sprang on him, he was forced to realize just how ill prepared he truly was.


	156. Chapter 156

It was entirely possible that Izaya had at some point said such a thing as a joke, it could very well be that Shizuo was simply making it up. Then again it might very well be true. Izaya could not possibly know and that disarmed him entirely. For an absurdly long moment Izaya drew an absolute blank, no retort occurred to him, not even a tactful change of subject came to his aid.

A lady wheeling a cart carrying beverages and snacks interrupted the moment much to Izaya's relief.

"Got strawberry flavored chips?"

The lady blinked rapidly.

"I am afraid not, sir. We do have strawberry candy."

"Guess it'll do."

Izaya ordered wheat tea, very glad for this distraction. He decided to simply ignore all awkwardness.

"Strawberry chips? Are you serious?"

"Might be good."

"Right..."

"They got weird flavors all the place now. Like, flavored condoms."

Izaya nearly choked on his drink, which was bad, and he suspected Shizuo had timed it on purpose, which was worse.

"I bet."

"What's up with that?"

Izaya shrugged.

"People seek new thrills all the time."

"Yeah. But still no strawberry chips."

"I wouldn't too surprised if there was already such a thing as strawberry chips. Oh wow, the seats turn!"

Izaya had been fidgeting with the seat's controls and found the button that allowed his very comfy chair to turn around, much to his glee.

"You can't spin on that, though."

"Still! How cool is this! Hey, how come you're not traveling with the rest of the guys?"

As Izaya turned his seat he spotted the Thunder from Down Under guys further down the carriage.

"Dunno. Marked seats, I guess."

"That's too bad...you're kinda stuck with me."

"It's not too bad."

It was in fact precisely what Shizuo wanted.

"They're all so nice! I was talking to John and James on the platform and they offered to show me around Sydney if I'm ever in the right hemisphere."

Shizuo did not know exactly who these people were, he saw the dance troupe as a more or less homogenous mass whose individuals could hardly be told apart. Shizuo smiled, trust Izaya to weave himself people's good graces and extract information with just the most superficial of casual conversations. By the time this Osaka outing was over Izaya would probably have a fairly accurate idea about each of the Australians.

The process of talking with Izaya was not an equal opportunity affair for all parts included. Of this Shizuo was very much aware. Izaya figured out many things about his interlocutors, not just from what they divulged but from a series of unconscious clues he was able to pick up, but these gained little to no insight into Izaya's true character.

"Can't speak the language."

"No problem at all! They really are sweethearts, you can get by with gestures alone. It really goes to show you can't judge people on looks. They're manly but kind."

"Don't think it's connected. Being manly and kind, I mean."

"Indeed. One tends to think of people as types, certain traits ted to be grouped together. It's our attempt of transposing blueprint of coherence into the manifold experience of human character."

"Yeah."

"Like how you're nice to kitties."

"You're nice to kitties yourself."

"Why, of course. It is to be expected as I am the epitome of virtue all around."

Shizuo chuckled.

"You even wear cat ears and tail."

"And whose fault is it?"

"You can always quit if you hate it that much."

"And miss out on the chance of playing with all those pussies? I think not!"

Izaya seemed quite pleased with his deliberately ambiguous phrase construction. Shizuo thoughtfully popped a candy into his mouth and chewed it at length.

"Still unfunny."

"You know, Shizuo, you may have some unresolved emotional issues you might want to look into."

"You think?"

Shizuo was not expecting this approach.

"I do. While there is not a direct correlation individuals who have something of an oral fixation- and your cigarette/candy obsession seems to be just that- often suffer from emotional handicaps usually incurred in very early childhood."

"Dunno if that's real deep or just word salad."


	157. Chapter 157

"I'm not making this up, you know. There are plenty of studies to that effect."

Izaya crossed a leg over the other and nodded very sagely.

"So, what do should I do? To solve those issues or whatnot."

Izaya shrugged and took a sip of tea.

"I do not know."

Shizuo was silent for a while.

"Now that sucks. You tell me about this problem I didn't even know I had and then don't offer any help."

"It's one of those 'Find the answer within' things."

"Not helpful."

"Besides, I didn't say you had a problem for sure. I said you may have unresolved emotional issues, meaning, the possibility is most definitely there but it is not at all confirmed."

"Hmm...I guess. But you think I got these, what you call them, 'issues'."

"Again, I find it probable but that is as far as I'll go."

Shizuo seemed to ponder for a while.

"Can't remember anything like that."

"You wouldn't. I'm talking about pre-conscious memory events either that or repressed memories. Either way you wouldn't remember."

"Ah..."

"Besides- a cow! Look, it's a cow!"

Izaya glued himself to the window as if to grasp the most fleeting apparition.

"Maybe it's wagyu."

The mysterious bovine having receded back Izaya returned to his seat and sighed heavily.

"Can you be a little less prosaic?"

"Thought you liked wagyu."

"That is completely besides the point. I do not see why you must rain on my parade like this."

Shizuo smirked. Trust Izaya to see everything as relating to himself. Change or no change, that part of Izaya seemed too fundamental to shift.

"Wagyu is raining on your parade? How about Kobe beef, no cats around now."

"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you. I'd never seen a cow in my whole life and there you are, talking about beef!"

"Never seen a cow before?"

Izaya had a moment of panic.

"Never that close, that is."

"Makes for easier eating that way."

"Can we get off the subject of eating cows, please?"

"Fine by me. Wanna go back to telling me what's my, what's it called...childhood trauma thing?"

Shizuo was actually interested.

"Again, I have absolutely no idea. How could I possibly know?"

"Same way you know everything else."

"I am ever so sorry to disappoint you but I can offer no insight."

"That's too bad. No guesses?"

"None whatsoever. Unless you were dropped on the head as a baby."

Shizuo laughed, causing Izaya to jump and nearly spilling the remains of his tea.

"You really can't help it, can you. Being snarky like that."

"You asked. It's as good a guess as any other."

Shizuo nodded. Slow, all traces of mirth faded and he grew almost solemn.

"I've thought about it a lot, you know."

"About what?"

"About how I ended being like this...figured if anyone would know it'd be you."

"I am not omniscient. Yet."

"Working on in?"

"Maybe."

"You'd die of boredom if that happened."

"So you say."

"If you knew everything there'd be no point to talking to people and nothing new to find out...yeah, you'd be bored."

"You may have a point there."

"Yeah. You had a point too. About my issues and stuff."

Izaya rolled his eyes.

"Oh gee, so what. You have your issues, I'm irrevocably creepy."

"That's true, you're really creepy."

"No need to agree so readily."

"You said it yourself."

Izaya huffed haughtily enough.

"If you don't watch out I may crawl out of a television when you lest expect it, since I'm so creepy."

"I think you need long hair for that."

"That is- Mount Fuji! It's Mount Fuji, look at that!"

Izaya glued himself to the window again. The mountain hovered in a more or less solid distance, refusing to glide into oblivion right away as if protesting the train's forceful speed.

"Isn't that forest around here? The one with the suicides."

"Stop being a party pooper, Shizuo and just enjoy the view. It's Mount Fuji!"

Izaya seemed ready to jump off the train and skip all the way to the top of Mount Fuji.

"You think it's going to show up? Rail-tracer?"

"Huh? What's that, from Baccano?"

"Yeah."

Izaya spoke without even looking at Shizuo, being too enthralled with the scenery.

"Rail-tracer isn't real. Baccano is a fictional work. Why do I have to tell you this, are you turning into Erika?"

"Erika would be all 'Rail-Tracer x Izaya! Squee! Kyaa!'."


	158. Chapter 158

Izaya blinked then burst out laughing, nearly landed on Shizuo's lap, his position by the window being rather precarious, and could only regain balance by flinging himself back into his seat.

"Oh dear, do the voice, do the voice!"

Shizuo cleared his throat and tried to sound high pitched.

"'Kya! Rail-Tracer x Izaya, so sexy!"

Izaya almost collapsed into the aisle from laughing too much.

"Stop, for the love of god!"

"'It's, like, totally hot.'"

Izaya wiped a tear and gesticulated wildly, begging for mercy.

"You're killing me here! But why must you slash me with a psycho?"

"Would Ladd be better?"

"Er, no. Psychotic again. But how come you know so much about Baccano?"

"Heard about it."

"You sound like quite a fan."

"Not really. Not into violent stuff."

"So I've heard."

Izaya produced a travel guide.

"You're a diehard tourist by the looks of it."

"I'm considering visiting Kyoto while I'm at it. How fun that would that be!"

And Izaya radiated.

"Yeah. Kyoto sounds fun."

Izaya narrowed his eyes slightly as if suspicious in one of his sudden changes of mood.

"I don't suppose you can tag along, what with the shows and all that. So I'll be sure to have enough fun for the two of us! I may end up shipping the souvenirs instead of carting over a load of baggage on the way back."

"I got most of the day free, the shows are at night."

"Hmm..." Izaya seemed to be making up his mind. "Well, I suppose you could tag along if you like."

"Thanks. Sounds like you're real excited about that, huh."

"Shizuo, you're turning to sarcasm now! What next! Soon the world will explode!"

"If the world's gonna explode it'll be your fault, I bet."

Izaya rolled his eyes.

"Blame Izaya for everything, why don't you. Real original of you."

"Heard that people who speak in the third person are psychos."

"Gee, you wouldn't want to visit Kyoto with a psycho, now would you."

Shizuo was silent for a while then smiled rather slowly like one who had just figured out something.

"You're acting like this so that it looks like I'm the one who doesn't wanna tag along with you."

"Oh really?"

But Izaya was rather startled as this was precisely what he had in mind.

"Yeah. If you wanna go alone then go alone, no big deal."

"On second thought, having someone to shoot debris with might be fun. Feel free to tag along if you want."

Until this very moment Izaya fully intended to see the wonders of Kyoto on his own but he rethought it now. He did suspect Shizuo had been rather shrewd in a way Shizuo was not supposed to be and it bothered him somewhat.

"Sure. You going to the show tonight?"

"Not planning to."

"I got a ticket. It's the kind of thing you'd like."

"Are you implying I'm into guys stripping?"

"Nah. Not that it would surprise me but I meant you'd enjoy it cuz it's unusual. You get to observe people, that kind of thing."

Izaya was actually very curious and extremely happy that he make it seem as if he was doing Shizuo a favor by accepting the invitation.

"I might as well attend, it will be a different experience."

Izaya's enthusiasm reached something of a boiling point as the train came to a halt and he nearly dashed out the station when the architecture grabbed his attention.

"Oh wow, look at that!"

"Neat place."

It greatly amused Shizuo how Izaya for all his urban nonchalance could work himself to such a pitch of stunned admiration. But he had to agree, the grandiose metallic structure was graceful in its play of light and air.

Izaya's high spirits were checked as soon as he reached the hotel room.

"Ah...I should have known, double bed..."

"It's real big."

"Still..."

"Not much different than futons side by side."

"It's most definitely different. Oh well, I'll take the sofa."

"Take the bed, I can take the sofa."

"You don't even fit on the sofa. Besides, we need you to be relaxed and well rested for your performance. And now it's Osaka castle, Osaka castle!"

Izaya had already tossed his bag away and was ready to bounce away.

"Gotta see the venue, I'll see you later."

"Bye bee, Shizuo!"

"Here's your ticket."

"Thanks. Got to run now!"

Izaya was on pins and needles to go out and explore the city. In fact, he dashed away before Shizuo could add anything.


	159. Chapter 159

Izaya spent some time marveling at the castle gates and moat. His attempt at drawing from a collective past in order to make up for the loss of a personal one had been mostly theoretical thus far. He had most of recorded history literally at the tip of his fingertips and felt no need to confront any actual physical referent. All too used to dealing with symbols he was now confronted with the thing itself and stopped to ponder the schism more than to observe the castle proper.

Izaya stood very still, oblivious of the droves of tourists and after a while even the delicate green roofs rising like a ladder toward the sky left his mind entirely. Between any object and he subject human beings forged mediums, language was the most obvious, but perception itself was not entirely exempt of interpretation. While this could easily be construed as a limitation for it barred one from experiencing the raw data of reality as such Izaya was more inclined to see it as a great advantage.

Thanks to this act of distancing anyone could gain a kind of knowledge without actually being in the presence of any given fact. Human beings were capable to thinking and talking of what they had never seen and could transmit ideas precisely because objects gained a wonderful mobility once converted into information.

Technology sped up communication but it was also responsible for allowing an ever more perfect translation, an almost zero loss procedure, as knowledge became information.

That an ancient castle should make Izaya think about the future was quite characteristic. Izaya saw history as a process, often a painful one, made of fractures and inevitable loss but marching in one direction almost as if guided from the outset. From that perspective, revolutions, wars, bloodshed and other human events were steps leading to a greater self-awarness of human beings as such.

Izaya reached the top floor of the castle in something of a daze but the panoramic view impressed itself on him. He joined a group of children in their excitement.

"Fish on the roof! I wonder what they'd taste like if they were real!"

A protective mesh ran along the railing, fortunately for Izaya who leaned over to better observe the golden fish sculptures perilously balanced on the roof. If he could Izaya might have jumped on the fish and done a crazy ninja act by jumping from roof to roof. He was sure the view would be so much cooler from the very top.

Before him the grounds of the castle spread in a mix of majesty and frailty, green shingles then giving way to the sprawling grounds while in the distance highrises cut the horizon. Izaya found the contrast most interesting.

On his way down he stopped to try on a medieval armor and get a picture taken. Ancient costplay at its best. The horned helmet was as heavy as it looked and Iaya had some trouble putting it on. But the result was amusing enough to be worth it.

Next he took an open top bus and went on a tour around the city. Izaya was so psyched that he saw very little in particular but simply absorbed the overall impression of energy, dynamism, a certain buzz that reached him from the streets.

He was surprised to realize that it was getting late and almost time to head out to Shizuo's show. Izaya called his stroll short, he had been exploring a labyrinth of colorful narrow streets thriving with tiny restaurants, the food scented air fully pulling him in.

Izaya was not late but there was already a queue. A queue of very hyped females, in fact. A lot of men would have felt awkward but Izaya's experience had prepared him for being surrounded by girls. From the host club to the cat cafe, Izaya might be more prepared for handling women then men.

Despite being such an absolute minority his role as an observer was intact. No one was paying him any attention. Izaya blended into the background and listened. The women were excited about seeing the hot Australians and they had heard there was a blonde Japanese hunk involved as well.


	160. Chapter 160

It amused Izaya to no end. By the time he was sitting on the first row seat he was every bit as excited as the women albeit for different reasons. The sleek light show and pumping beats added to his sense of anticipation. He appreciated the dance routine for its coordination but the highlight of the show was of course Shizuo.

And Shizuo floored Izaya.

Shizuo walked the runway like he meant business but at the same time he seemed almost indifferent to the whole affair. Izaya noticed this at the same time he realized that Shizuo was wearing a tearaway bartender outfit.

Izaya was impressed despite himself. He felt that Shizuo had looked him straight in the eye as he tore away his clothes, Izaya attributed it to a performer's instinct of making every single member of the audience feel special. In this Izaya was absolutely wrong.

Mostly naked Shizuo did not seem to be establishing eye contact with Izaya, he was in fact looking at him and at no one else. Knowing the precise location of Izaya's seat, Shizuo could easily spot him. Shizuo could have spotted Izaya in a crowd of millions.

Izaya met Shizuo backstage.

"Bartender-_han_, that was so cool, _ya_!"

Shizuo blinked then chuckled.

"I leave you for a couple of hours and you're already talking Kansaiben."

"I am...?"

"Yeah. The same happened when we went to Okinawa. That was even worse, no one could make heads or tails out of what you were saying."

Izaya had never heard of this. Nor had he realized that he was talking with an accent until Shizuo pointed it out.

"Mingling for the win, no standing out-_hen! _And on that note, let's stuff ourselves with delicious food. It's Osaka after all!"

Izaya was about to invite the guys.

"They have to discuss some things about the tour, can't have dinner."

Izaya's obvious disappointment was a little painful.

"Oh. That's too bad, the more the merrier."

While it was true that Izaya's amnesia and resulting changes had made him more transparent to Shizuo it had also made him more difficult to understand than ever. Shizuo assumed that Izaya would rather hang out with the Thunder From Down Under guys rather than having dinner with him alone. In fact, Izaya wanted to invite the Australians for Shizuo's sake. Izaya believed that Shizuo would greatly benefit from enlarging his circle of acquaintances but he knew that being too overt about it would backfire.

"By the way, Shizuo...you might want to get dressed. Just an idea."

Izaya's eyes glittered as a plate of steaming takoyaki sailed his way. His fingers literally twitched.

"I know it's too hot but I can't...help...myself!"

"Takoyaki ain't going nowhere."

Izaya had picked a restaurant stall and was now perched on a high bench. It allowed him to sway back and forth in his excitement but he had to curb it lest he end up falling backward.

"And speaking of too hot, that was quite a show! Can't believe you wore a bartender tearaway outfit, it was so perfect!"

"They got a bunch of weird costumes, figured I'd go with what I know."

"Kasuka-san would have approved, I'm sure."

Izaya nibbled a piece of octopus most daintily.

"Yeah, probably."

"Burns!"

"Told you. It's like you got a cat's tongue or something."

Izaya busied himself blowing on the takoyaki and then nibbled it anew with extra care.

"Delicious!"

Shizuo sampled his own portion.

"Real nice."

Izaya was already attacking the takoyaki.

"Osaka is all about takoyaki, takoyaki is where it's at! Refill, please!"

"So did you spend the whole day stuffing yourself with takoyaki?"

"Don't be silly. I visited the castle, went on one of those open buses tours and walked around."

"No lunch?"

Izaya blinked, a fresh batch of takoyaki hovering in the air.

"I completely forgot! No wonder I'm so famished."

"Don't forget to eat."

"But there was just so much to see! New city and all!"

"Yeah you can collapse on the streets of Osaka for a change of pace."

Izaya pointed an empty stick at Shizuo.

"Mock all you want, if you don't watch out I'll take your takoyaki as well."

And by the looks of it Izaya was ready to do just that. His second batch was currently being made and Izaya was in no mood for waiting.


	161. Chapter 161

"You can have some of mine."

"Tch, that takes the fun out of it."

"Wanna thumb wrestle for it?"

"Er, no."

"Told you you'd like the show."

"Ah, being surrounded by so many girls and not one of them paid me any attention whatsoever!"

Izaya seemed thrilled.

"Yeah. You've been real popular with girls, especially of late."

Izaya sighed deeply.

"It gets really trying, after a while."

"Sucks being you."

Izaya's second batch of takoyaki and he paid that kind of exclusive attention that seemed to zone out the rest of the world but that he readily transferred to something else with no warning. Shizuo had noticed it quite a while ago.

"It does get in the way, believe it or not. I would rather not be the center of attention unless it serves my purpose."

"Gotta lurk in the shadows and spy on people, stuff like that?"

Izaya narrowed his eyes slightly. It looked quite amusing, his being about to bite into a takoyaki adding much to that.

"I prefer to call it, 'blending in'."

"Same shit."

Izaya shrugged as if he could not be bothered to contest this. He tossed the now empty stick with something of a flourish.

"Wonderful octopus! Keep the change, mister! Let's move on!"

A bill followed the empty stick and in the same motion Izaya jumped off the bench.

"Move on?"

Izaya stood on the street, haloed in the streetlight and red neon like a quirky angel up to no good.

"Of course! Like I said, Osaka is all about stuffing yourself! There's still plenty of restaurants to hit."

Izaya led them to a okonomiyaki restaurant, another counter affair. He took possession of a high seat with the usual effortless grace.

"Don't go falling on the hotplate, now."

Izaya hardly even heard Shizuo. He watched the hotplate on which all sorts of food sizzled in a confusion of intoxicating scents, the staple pancake mixture serving as the background to a small banquet.

"Wow, these are huge! Give us two with all the toppings!"

Trust Izaya to simply override whatever Shizuo had to say. Two puffy okonomiyaki were prepared in front of them, the spatula work impressing Izaya considerably.

"Never seen okonomiyaki this huge."

Izaya took a shot of his dish before digging into it.

"Must immortalize the moment!"

The master approached them.

"You boys from Tokyo?"

"That's right! Tokyo, _ya_!"

"Sounds like you've been in Kansai for a while. Got a bit of Kansaiben going there."

Izaya was currently chewing a mouthful so it took him a while to reply.

"It's my first time in Osaka, though. It's a great city, isn't it!"

A lively speech on the wonders of Osaka followed with the master adding much to it. By the end Izaya's accent had morphed into a purer form of Kansaiben, complete with 'maido' as he gave thanks for the food and hopped away after tipping very generously.

"_Akan_! How about dessert?"

Here Shizuo had something to say. They had been randomly wandering about one of the lively streets of the Dotombori district.

"That place."

They settled for Shizuo's pick, a small cafe tucked in a corner. Shizuo also chose the dessert.

"I'll leave it up to you, you're the dessert expert."

"Me-oto Zenzai."

Two delicate bowls of some dark liquid arrived. Izaya immediately took a picture.

"What is it, exactly?"

Izaya was most curious.

"Sweet soy bean soup."

"Oh...I'm all for!"

"Wanna take a picture of us eating it?"

"Sure."

Izaya got a waiter to take the picture and wondered at the giggling.

"Real good."

Izaya had to agree after trying it.

"It looks a bit shady but it is delicious. Local delicacy?"

"Yeah. For couples. Sharing the bowls makes couples happy."

Izaya spluttered some.

"Eh, how come you know that? And couldn't you pick something else...?"

"I know about sweet stuff. Always wanted to try this one."

"No wonder the waiter was laughing...I'm beginning to think you're this on purpose."

"You think?"

"No matter! I won't let you ruin my Osaka eating experience."

True to his word Izaya ate the whole dessert, taking his own time to savor it. Within a few spoonfuls Izaya had dismissed Shizuo's sneaky ways entirely.

"You like it?"

Izaya nodded.

"Can't quite describe it but it's most definitely interesting and flavorsome."


	162. Chapter 162

Shizuo paid for the dessert and once again they were out on the streets. Izaya swayed dramatically.

"Ah, I can't eat anymore."

"We should be heading back soon."

"It's a shame but you're right."

Izaya was suddenly extremely tired. He was only vaguely aware of the trip back to the hotel and flopped on the bed as soon as he hit the bedroom. Excitement had kept him awake most the previous night and all the bouncing about caught up with him.

"Gah...sofa,"

Izaya made a very lame attempt of rolling out of bed.

"Keep the bed, I'll take the sofa."

Izaya had already curled on his side and was drifting asleep, his eyes closing almost of their own accord.

"Thanks..."

Shizuo watched him closely. Izaya's breathing slowed down in an even, quiet rhythm and did not even budge as Shizuo sat next to him. For a while Shizuo merely contemplated Izaya. Both were completely still.

Shizuo saw his own hand moving gently through Izaya's hair as if belonged to someone else. But the sensory input, soft black silk, shot through Shizuo's fingers like a bolt of electricity. As innocent a gesture as it was, it triggered all the pent-up expectation that Shizuo had been carrying for far too long.

Shizuo bolted to his feet, placed a blanket over Izaya and went for a walk in order to clear his head. Half a cigarette pack later and after pacing back and forth in front of the hotel Shizuo had calmed down enough to actually think. A lifetime of dealing with destructive tendencies had made Shizuo very used to handling instincts but not quite like this.

Shizuo was surprised at his own reaction. It gave him pause. Perhaps there was something symbolic about a double bed after all or maybe there was a limit to this charade and Shizuo was about to reach it. Their newly forged friendship was something Shizuo cherished but it entailed much frustration.

Shizuo was aware of a contradiction in himself. He had been pushing for a development into intimacy only to be forced to retreat almost immediately. As things now stood Shizuo was certain of what he wanted and for that very reason too anxious to compromise it by doing anything harsh. This forced a kind of self-control on Shizuo that did not normally come to him, the kind of self-control that now had him tossing another cigarette down a gutter instead of taking it out on Shiki's men that he could see lurking right across the street.

*

Izaya blinked awake and jumped on his feet almost immediately.

"Kyoto! What time is it?! Why didn't you wake me up!"

"Hi to you too."

Izaya fumed a bit. The strong sunlight and his somewhat battered inner clock told him it was pushing on noon without his even having to check the time.

"There goes my Kyoto trip!"

"Kyoto's been around for a while now, don't think it's going anywhere soon."

"If there's an earthquake and the city is swallowed whole before I get to check it out I will personally hold you responsible, just so you know."

"It's okay if the city goes to hell after you check out the sights?"

Izaya rolled his eyes.

"I did not mean it like that."

"Your phone's been ringing like crazy, Erika going on about something or other."

"You're picking up my calls now?"

"Nah. She couldn't reach you so she called me instead."

"Why on Earth for?"

"Figured we'd be together, I guess."

"That's preposterous."

Then again, all things considered, perhaps not so preposterous after all. As if on cue Izaya's phone rang anew.

"Gah, slow down and don't scream into my ear…no, just woke up. Really?! Are you sure?! Oh wow!"

Izaya discarded the phone and beamed at Shizuo.

"Good news?"

"My draft made it to the prelims!"

"Meaning?"

Izaya bounced.

"The Liar Game spinoff contest! I had almost forgotten about it, turns out they released the prelim selection today!"

And with this Izaya was out, hunting down a copy of Young Jump. Shizuo dutifully followed him into the convenience store. Izaya flipped through the pages then turned the magazine for Shizuo to see:

"Orihara Izaya, 'Labyrinth'!"

"Manga, huh. Congratulations."

"Thanks! Odds are it won't make the next cut but at least they liked the overall concept."

"You're good at brainy stuff."

"Brainy stuff for the win!"


	163. Chapter 163

Breakfast time was long gone so Izaya decided they might as well have lunch.

"Don't go stuffing yourself again or you'll get sick."

"Reading you loud and clear. By the way, Shizuo…you didn't tell Erika we were staying in the same hotel room, right?"

"I might've."

Izaya sighed.

"Why, oh why. She's already obsessed as it is, no need to feed her crazy fantasies."

"I guess."

"Oh well, it's too late now. Trying to deny things will only make it worse."

"'There's no-one not worth understanding.'"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"'Even you, Shizu-chan.' Your words."

Izaya shrugged it off and stabbed the okonomiyaki in front of him.

"Very clever and most accurate of me."

Izaya was not in the mood for deep discussion so he was rather happy that his phone should ring at this very moment. The Australians were calling to invite them to tour the city. With his Kyoto plans shot down Izaya jumped to the opportunity and soon enough he was enjoying the cityscape of Osaka in merry company.

Shizuo tagged along without sharing Izaya's enthusiasm. The show went without a hitch and afterwards Izaya and the Thunder From Down Under guys went out for dinner. Once again Shizuo went along but was mostly an observer.

Izaya did not forget Shizuo, though and as engrossed in the conversation as he became he acted as an interpreter in order to get Shizuo involved. Izaya's commitment to enlarging Shizuo's social life might be laudable but was very much ill timed. Shizuo got to see Izaya at his best, a friendly side engaged in human interaction but it did more to annoy him than anything else.

At first Shizuo was not even entirely sure why. It was during dinner, as Izaya got to explaining the contents of the food at hand to the curious foreigners, that it hit Shizuo. Izaya's almost indiscriminate friendly ways cheapened the bond between himself and Shizuo. The problem rested on their being friend zoned, even if Shizuo ignored the expression. It was further compounded by the one sided nature of it all.

More, if it was true that some fundamental change had taken place in Izaya and made it all possible for the present situation to arise it was equally true that Izaya was now more likely to grow closer to others as well. Ironically enough Shizuo felt that he was losing the special status he had always had in Izaya's estimation. For while their former hatred was extremely real it was also exclusive: Izaya had singled out Shizuo as his own true opponent, the one enemy to defat, the ultimate nemesis. As a friend Shizuo was subsumed into a group.

There was also Shiki to take into consideration as much as Shizuo was loath to admit. That Izaya's involvement with Shiki was more than just professional was nothing new. Shizuo had known it for a long time, Izaya having taken some pains to make sure it was so. But that Izaya should at all be serious about was unheard of.

It was all connected to Izaya's great change and by now it was all too clear to Shizuo that finding out just what had happened was absolutely vital. It was just as clear that Izaya would fight him tooth and nail from keeping him from making any headway.

Shizuo did not have much to work on but one thing he had noticed: Izaya's tendency for avoiding the past altogether. At times Shizuo could sense something like a gap that went beyond letting bygones be bygones. It contained but went beyond their personal history. Even noncontroversial events seemed to aggravate Izaya and led to his changing the topic as soon as possible.

If Izaya was so reluctant to even address the past then it was up to Shizuo to force him to do just that. Shizuo decided it was his best bet.

"Not a bad day after all, Shizuo! No Kyoto but still."

Shizuo snapped out of his reverie. They were retiring for the night, Izaya still bouncing as he crossed the hotel lobby.

"You can check out Kyoto tomorrow."

"I'll do that some other time, Kyoto demands some time to really be enjoyed. And like you said, it's not going anywhere."

"Yeah. Old place."

"I have a bunch of souvenirs to buy tomorrow."

The souvenir list went from Namie to Izaya's American neighbor and included everyone in between.


	164. Chapter 164

Few things were more conventional than stocking up souvenirs and it amused Shizuo that Izaya, the very definition of unconventional, should take it so seriously.

"You got some tough costumers there."

Izaya stopped by a vending machine and bought himself a oolong tea can and a strawberry soda that he tossed Shizuo.

"Ah, don't I know it…namely your brother, what can I possibly get Kasuka-san that he would like? Not to mention Mairu, no matter what I get I bet she'll just roll her eyes."

Shizuo smiled.

"Thanks. You do that rolling the eye thing yourself."

"That's because I am a sophisticated young man and rationally cynical. While Mairu is just teenage angst."

"You rolled your eyes when you were her age too."

Izaya unlocked the hotel room door and took a swig of tea before replying.

"Call it a Orihara trait, then."

"Kururi doesn't do it as far as I know."

And Shizuo knew better than Izaya.

"I should probably pick the same thing for both of them."

"They say it's the thought that counts."

Izaya giggled.

"Yeah, right."

"Izaya-nii is real popular."

All Izaya could do was shrug. Then something occurred to him and he brightened up. Shizuo was making a habit out of watching Izaya very closely, the sudden mood swings were oddly entrancing.

"Oh and there's Sushi too! Can't forget to get something for the cat."

"Cat gets a souvenir as well?"

"Of course."

"Cute."

Izaya produced the Young Jump volume and again flipped through the pages until he reached his name.

"They really picked my idea!"

Hugging the magazine close to his chest Izaya proceeded to fling himself on bed and roll around in almost feline fashion.

"Liar Game, huh."

"That's right! Sooner or later it comes back to, 'this is Liar Game so lying is to be expected'. It can lead to some cool paradoxes. Like Epimenides, the Cretan who claimed that all Cretans are liars. Assuming it is so, then he told the truth and contradicted himself by not lying; on the other hand if he lied then what he says is not true and as such the Cretans are not liars."

"Brainy stuff again. But you gotta know what's true in order to lie."

Izaya rolled on his back as he contemplated this.

"You are right. But in real life 'truth' and 'lies' are not so neatly defined."

"Like what?"

"So much of human experience depends on point of view…it's all so subjective."

"Does that also for the information you sell?"

"I wonder. Then again, what I sell is just the liquid commodity itself, namely the raw data. What to do with it and how to interpret it is entirely up to the client."

Shizuo toyed with a cigarette for a while.

"So if you sell some guy a tip about enriched uranium and he goes off makes a bomb and blows up Tokyo it's not your fault. That kind of thing?"

Izaya put aside the magazine and sat up slowly, a thoughtful gesture as he crossed his legs and folded his hands together.

"Technically, yes. Not that I am saying I would sell that particular piece of information."

"But if you did it wouldn't be your fault."

"Sounds awful, doesn't it."

"Yeah."

"Truth, or at least telling the truth, is not necessarily the right thing. There is that famous example: it's WWII and the Nazis can banging at your door asking if you're sheltering Jews. You're not obviously going to tell them about the Rosenberg family hiding in your basement."

Shizuo hid a smile with a sip of strawberry soda. Izaya's example was formulaic enough but naming the hypothetical Jews struck Shizuo was very telling.

"And would you give shelter to the Rosenbergs?"

"I do not know. I'd be a completely different person had I been born then. I'd love to think that I would at least try to help them out but I cannot say what I'd actually do."

It troubled Izaya. His ability to invest himself in hypothetical situations allowed him to expand the scope of his experience and had been vital in handling his loss of memory but it also had its disadvantages. Very often it revealed shortcomings that were painful to face.


	165. Chapter 165

"Like you said in your shounen essay, 'protecting strangers in extreme situations often entails much more than just putting oneself in jeopardy, it means risking the painful demise of one's loved ones. Seen in such a way, a certain degree of selfishness is perhaps the closest to a moral choice even if it means allowing others to perish.'"

"Just how many times did you read that essay again?"

"Plenty of times."

Shizuo had reread it very recently, in fact.

"There is more to morality than meets the eye. Let me present a rather famous thought experience to you: imagine you're walking by a train track that is being repaired; there are five workmen working on a branch and another one working on another branch. Suddenly you see an incoming train and realize the brakes are defective as it is about to run over the five workmen. You have the option of pulling a switch that will change the train's course toward the second branch where the one workman is. The question is, do you pull the switch to save five men at the expense of one or do you do nothing?"

"I'd kick the train off track."

Izaya giggled.

"That is not an option, the experiment is meant to apply to normal people who can't just kick trains."

"Dunno…guess I pull the switch."

"Now here is another scenario. You are standing on a bridge over a train track that five workmen are repairing. Suddenly, you realize that the incoming train can't brake and will soon run over the workmen. Standing next to you is a rather fat man that if you push in front of the train would save the workmen. The question is, do you push and sacrifice him to save the five workmen or do you do nothing?"

"Hmmm…kinda tricky."

Izaya snapped his fingers.

"That's just it, both scenarios seem very similar but there is one vital difference: in the first one you're just pulling a switch, your involvement is indirect; in the second one you are physically pushing a man to his death, your involvement is direct. Which is why most people claim they would pull the switch but hesitate greatly when it comes to committing to pushing the man."

"Interesting."

Shizuo meant it, too.

"And this is where it gets even more interesting. They analyzed the testees' brain patterns as they took the test and found that in scenario one the part of the brain that was activated was connected to arithmetic and basic computation; in scenario two the part of the brain used deals with response conflict."

"Different parts of the brain, huh…"

"It goes to show just how important the human element is. But there is one option that the thought experience misses out altogether. What if instead of pushing some poor guy to his death you jump yourself?"

"Hadn't thought of that."

"I don't suppose many people would even consider the suicidal option but there is also a minority that might."

"Real small minority."

"But that's just it, human beings have this frightening way of doing the most surprising thing when you least expect it."

"Yeah. By doing shitty things."

"As well as rising above themselves for the sake of their fellow humans."

"Is thus one of those things, 'taking the good with the bad'?"

"I wonder."

"Thought you had humanity all figured out."

Izaya chuckled.

"As if."

"Could have fooled me."

Izaya yawned.

"Ah, too sleepy for deep discussion. I'm turning in for the night. Guess I'll take the sofa this time around."

"Keep the bed, it's all the same to me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

In no time Izaya was comfortably tucked under the covers and setting on the alarm. Shizuo wished he could blissfully drift asleep that easily.

"Goodnight, Shizuo."

Shizuo was left in the darkness to stare at the ceiling.

"Izaya?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you supposed we're friends?"

"Hmm…I'm not sure myself…we're not enemies anymore, at least."

"There's that."

"So yes, I guess we are friend. To some extent, at least."

Shizuo had nothing to say to this.

[Note: Izaya's thought experimente is known as the Trolley Problem:

wiki/Trolley_problem ]


	166. Chapter 166

Izaya adhered to his plan and spent most of the morning buying his many souvenirs that he ended up mailing to Tokyo as he would rather travel light. Shizuo spotted something.

"Oh look, geisha stuff."

Izaya stopped next to him gazing at a window-shop sporting mannequins dressed in lush geisha outfit.

"Geisha workshop…? 'Take a picture wearing traditional Kyoto maiko apparel'. Eh, now that's…different."

"Want to give it a go?"

Izaya shrugged.

"No thanks."

"Could be worth your while. Like, using the picture to gain favors from Erika."

Izaya's eyes grew wider then narrowed, glimmering with mischief.

"I like the way you're thinking. But I'm a guy, you know. I doubt they'll just let me doll me up."

"Only way of finding out."

Izaya half-expected them to turn him down right away but to his surprise the staff had no issues and before he quite knew what was going on he was already having his face powdered, a wig picked while his opinion about kimono patterns was asked.

"Good grief, how can anyone walk in this,"

Shizuo had been calmly waiting and now lifted his eyes to spot Izaya staggering in a bright red kimono whose long sleeves he flapped about in lieu of wings in attempt to maintain a precarious balance. The make-up transformed Izaya into a flawless albeit worried porcelain doll, the very crimson lips set in an uncertain expression. His eyes were turned downward to the high platform shiny geta shoes so Shizuo could only see the pinkish shadow shading the eyelids. There was a tinkling sound, very silvery, as a sakura colored hairpin tinkled in the massive black wig.

"Can you stand?"

Izaya looked up, long sleeved arms spread out for extra balance. Only then did Shizuo feel the full impact of the outfit. Izaya's red eyes were brought to a pitch of intensity by the kimono and his seductive allure all the stronger by his being so utterly oblivious.

"Sort of. But honestly, this is insane. It's not just the shoes, the way this thing binds the legs makes it challenge to even take small steps."

To exemplify Izaya took a tentative step.

"Looks beautiful on you."

Izaya blinked then laughed.

"I bet! Where's a mirror now,"

An employee brought a full length mirror and Izaya gasped at his own reflection. "Is that really me…?"

Izaya was even more stunned than Shizuo. His fingertips doubled in a delicate gesture as he brushed the glass surface.

"Yeah. It's you alright."

Izaya slowly rotated in front of the mirror, studying his strangely engaging image from all angles.

"But I'm a guy,"

A perky employee piped up.

"So is Saotome Taichi."

Izaya giggled, complete with covering his mouth with a wavy sleeve.

"Point taken. But I hardly recognize myself."

Shizuo recognized Izaya, what took him aback was precisely how much of Izaya's inner allure shone through the eccentric outfit. Awash in red and white, Izaya embodied the dangers of seduction. All this was on Shizuo's mind as Izaya spun, exposing a glimpse of the nape of the neck.

Normally each costumer got a single photograph for a set price but the staff was very excited over Izaya's makeover. In the end Izaya stayed for a full photograph session, a proper photograph was called, and a series of poses were rehearsed at length. Izaya was handed all sorts of props including a koto, a pretty tea set and tiny sake cups. He had to sit in formal seiza fashion for a small eternity as well as tilt his head many a time.

A highly enthusiastic photographer threw a barrage of commands at Izaya and it was all he could do to arrange his hands properly or stand gracefully, smile coyly, act invitingly. By the time they were done Izaya was exhausted and very eager to change back into his clothes. He flung himself into a chair and sighed.

"Ah, so tired…"

"Let's get out here."

Before Izaya could as much as leave the chair the manager approached him with the proposal of using the photographs for promotion.

"Eh…are you serious…?"

"We are most definitely serious. The kimono manufactory has shown interest, too."

"You want me to model for you…?"


	167. Chapter 167

"We'd just be using the photographs."

"I am sorry but I really cannot see that happening."

With great consternation the manager gave Izaya his business card in case he changed his mind. Izaya took it out of reflex more than anything else. He was still shaking his head more than half an hour later having changed into his clothes and sat across Shizuo over a cup of green tea.

"Unbelievable…surely they can find someone else? Namely, an actual woman?"

"Dunno about that."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

Shizuo made sure to establish eye contact and waiting a bit until he answered to make sure he had Izaya's undivided attention.

"You looked real beautiful, guy or not."

Izaya gave his typical shrug.

"Gee. Shizuo…you're making me blush."

And Izaya could not possibly sound more flippant if he tried.

Shizuo spotted it first and he tensed immediately. Izaya was distracted by the urban scenery so he only noticed the long black limousine once it parked alongside them. A darkly fogged window rolled down and there was Shiki, very polished in his white suit. The black interior of the car formed the perfect setting.

"Shiki-san! What are you doing here?"

"I came to pick you up and give you a ride back to Tokyo."

Izaya hesitated. It was extremely gratifying that Shiki had bothered to go the trouble but he already had planning on returning with Shizuo by train.

"I still need to pack my things."

"That's been taken care of."

Izaya was not entirely sure he liked that.

"I see."

Shiki had taken quite a detour to meet Izaya in Osaka and even more telling he had gone of his way to make sure Izaya knew it was so. It would be very easy for Shiki to camouflage this trip under the pretext of business but there was a point to be made here. Not just for Izaya's sake but for Shizuo's as well.

Izaya was very much aware that Shiki had some reason for going to all this trouble and try as he might he could not help feeling flattered even if the more rational part of him suspected ulterior motives. Izaya nearly beamed as he turned to Shizuo.

"Looks like I'll be going back to Tokyo ahead of time. See you soon, Shizuo."

And just like that Izaya was gone, swept away by the black limousine that glided into invisibility leaving Shizuo to stare after it.

"Shiki-san, this truly is unexpected."

Izaya launched into talk almost as soon as he closed the limousine door. He had jumped to the opportunity but now that he was in such close quarters with Shiki, Izaya was afflicted by a great awkwardness. Shiki did not seem inclined to conversation and the silence made Izaya doubly uncomfortable.

Shiki was taking stock of the situation at his own leisure. Having Izaya out of town had proved something of an ordeal. While it had not derailed Shiki's routine it kept resurfacing on his thoughts and always drifted closer to consciousness whenever his mind was disengaged. That Izaya was sharing quarters with Shizuo did nothing to ease Shiki, not to mention it forced Shiki's hand for clearly something had to be done.

The question was, of course, how to handle the situation. Which was what Shiki was currently contemplating. Making an issue out of things could very well backfire and only reinforce Shizuo's influence. Shiki had to leave an impression on Izaya, on strong enough to wipe out all else and it occurred to him he knew just the perfect way.

Very gently, Shiki fluffed Izaya's hair.

"Did you enjoy Osaka?"

Izaya jumped at the touch.

"It was great, loved the food and the sights."

Somehow, Izaya could not muster his usual bubbly enthusiasm. He felt slightly awed.

"Did you pick up some Kansaiben?"

"I did but I lost it already."

Shiki's hand slowly moved to the nape of Izaya's neck, fingers barely brushing but causing a thrill of run down Izaya's body.

"That's a shame. I would have liked to hear it."

"It'd be weird, talking like that in Tokyo."

Shiki knew that subtlety was of the utmost importance. Rushing would not do and so he took his time in tracing a line a line along Izaya's spine, pressing very slightly on key points.


	168. Chapter 168

"I'd like to hear it anyway."

Izaya squirmed. For a split second he was not entirely sure he even knew what Shiki was talking about. He could not account for it but he was becoming increasingly aroused. A diffuse warmth kept spreading through his blood stream, his breath grew ragged as his heartbeat picked up.

"Shiki-san,"

"Yes?"

There was something wickedly thrilling about this, Shiki had to admit. It veered on manipulation and relied heavily on Izaya being so stripped of defenses. Shiki had a controlling side to him and having Izaya not only at his mercy but so adorably clueless proved to be even more interesting than he had anticipated.

Izaya swallowed with some difficulty. He dared not look down at the erection that he feared was all too visible. All Izaya could do was lean forward in the hopes of hiding it. Dimly, he heard Shiki's voice saying,

"Should I turn on the air conditioning?"

"Sure,"

If anything it only made things worse. As the outer temperature lowered Izaya felt his skin heating up and beginning to tingle. Judging by the burning sensation on his cheeks he must be blushing furiously. Stealing a glance at the darkened glass only confirmed his suspicions, his reflection showed him a very flustered young man.

Meanwhile Shiki was back to caressing the nape of Izaya's neck then quietly running ghost fingers down Izaya's spine. Out of reflex Izaya leaned against the touch. As Shiki expected, Izaya could not tell he was being expertly toyed with. Failing to associate Shiki's ever so soft ministrations with this overwhelming sensory outbreak, Izaya blamed it on lack of sex and pent-up lust.

And Shiki was counting on this reaction. It was more than just taking advantage of Izaya's helpless state. Presently, Shiki was not against making Izaya experience some discomfort. Everything about this trip to Osaka rubbed Shiki the wrong way and that a certain measure of punishment should fall on Izaya seemed perfectly acceptable to Shiki. So it was with bemused satisfaction that Shiki noticed Izaya's hands clenching into fists, clamped lips in an attempt to suppress a strangled moan.

"Izaya?"

Izaya forced himself to focus. It occurred to him that all the puberty he could not remember was hurled at him, compressed into these instants, leaving him no time to adjust.

"Yes…?"

Shiki reconsidered his options anew. He could easy get Izaya to masturbate and it was bound to be fun to watch but Shiki would rather remain the one fully in control. Izaya's eyes were bent on avoiding Shiki's. Shiki fixed this by tilted Izaya's chin, ever so slightly.

"Do you have something to tell me?"

Words failed Izaya and there was a raspy tone to his voice as he struggled to answer.

"I don't know what's gotten into me,"

That was as far as he could go. Even to himself he sounded miserable and Shiki took pity on him.

"It's alright, Izaya."

Shiki used Izaya's name very deliberately. He cast a chaste kiss on Izaya's forehead, tasting something akin to fever. Shiki let Izaya sweat a bit before slowly running a finger down his chest, stopping to flicker the belt buckle before undoing it and unzipping him.

Izaya sighed, half in relief and half in expectation. Shiki lowered Izaya's underwear, bemused at telltale wet spot on the fabric. Once released Izaya's erect penis proved to be oozing at the tip so that it faintly glimmered. Izaya bucked up immediately as soon as he left as much as a hint of Shiki's skilled hand on his throbbing erection.

"Sorry,"

Shiki had to smile at such naivety. It gratified his sense of possession but also endeared him toward Izaya in a way Shiki would rather not contemplate.

"Look at me."

Direct eye contact nearly toppled Izaya over. Shiki regarded him coolly enough, it only added fire to the fuel. Given the balance of power between them, or lack thereof, Izaya was predisposed to be greatly affected by a somewhat aloof attitude on Shiki's part. It served as a reassurance, mixed signs would only mislead Izaya and lead to a world of pain by creating the illusion that he could possibly cross the line- the same line that unbeknownst to Izay, Shiki was dangerously close to crossing himself.


	169. Chapter 169

Shiki would have liked to drag this on a bit longer but he knew Izaya could take much more. Within a few pumping motions along the shaft and a swirling thumb along the engorged tip and Izaya was on his way to an explosive climax. Shiki produced a silken handkerchief, pumping Izaya's spurting seed into it. Whatever tenuous self-control Izaya still had was abruptly shattered by a surge of pleasure short-circuiting any residue of composure. He came in a series of spasms that had nothing of Izaya's usual graceful movement, light searing his eyes, nerves sizzling aglow.

Izaya flopped back on the seat, all tension easing into a sweet descent into afterglow. Shiki cast a glance at the soaked handkerchief before putting it away. From the thickness and quantity of the semen he could tell that Izaya had not been playing around. It only confirmed what Shiki already knew but there was denying it gratified him.

Still too busy catching his breath to even fumble for speech, Izaya failed to notice Shiki's intent scrutiny. Perhaps for the first time Shiki was seeing Izaya not as the very useful information broker or the maverick genius of disaster but as his own Izaya, a creature whose claims on Shiki's heart asserted themselves by some subterranean power.

"So, was that good for you?"

Shiki's voice and the metallic click of a lighter brought Izaya back to reality. Izaya smiled lazily. Orgasm had dissolved all prior anguish into a languor of contented bliss.

"Almost too good."

Shiki took a deep drag from a fragrant cigarette, letting the smoke coil around between them. He turned off the air conditioning and rolled down one of the windows.

"Is there such a thing as too good?"

Izaya was on the verge of saying something sappy and ruining everything. He slid back into his clothes and leaned against Shiki's shoulder, suddenly very tired. Izaya made an effort to reciprocate Shiki's ministrations but he was too spent to get very far. Nor was Shiki interested in any further sexual involvement at the moment. Gently, Shiki soothed Izaya into resting on the seat, Izaya's head placed on Shiki's knee in lieu of a pillow.

"Too sleepy…"

It suited Shiki just fine. He let Izaya drift away to dreamless comfort. Shiki held his elegant cigarette, almost forgotten, in one hand and patted Izaya's hair with the other. Above everything he thought.

Reeling in Izaya into a greater sense of dependency through sex had been a very deliberate tactic on Shiki's part. It worked to Shiki's advantage all around by providing support to an amnesic young man while at the same time making sure Izaya remained within Shiki's sphere of influence and did not become the threat he could potentially be. Shiki had counted on all this and acted on this plan with the same understated self-assurance he had in his seduction skills. But it was now all too obvious that Shiki had not taken into consideration is own reaction to Izaya's changed status. Shiki had caught glimpses of this before but never before did it present itself with such undeniable strength.

Shiki was not willing or perhaps even able of bringing to fruition the new depth of his feelings for Izaya. The line could only be crossed surreptitiously, just like Izaya had snatched had worked his way into Shiki's emotional landscape. And it was up to Shiki to find a way of keeping things that way. A challenge easier to construct than to carry out.

For once proving that ignorance was bliss Izaya slumbered on, happily oblivious.


	170. Chapter 170

On the other side of the fogged glass partition, Shiki's man had his attention as much on the traffic as on what he imagined was going on the back seat. The partition hid everything including sound but he could tell that things were right between his boss and Izaya. As one of the many yakuza Izaya had befriended he had been considerably worried about this Osaka outing. For the simple foot soldier Izaya's success relied exclusively on his being on good terms with Shiki and all were more than a bit fearful of what could happen if things took a turn for the worse.

Izaya would have been greatly surprised if he knew to what extent this army of usually tough men cared about him. Izaya's visit to their incarcerated comrade had spread like wildfire and increased his popularity tenfold. Against all odds, Izaya's human interaction skills gained him a foothold in the lower ranks of the yakuza. By doing what Izaya had always claimed to do but had never quite achieved, namely loving the human element, he achieved a power that had never even considered before.

Thus Orihara Izaya reinvented himself without always even realizing it himself.

"Celty-san! Grab that cat!"

Celty had just alighted from her bike in time to hear Izaya screaming at her right as a bundle of yellow fur dashed past her. Out of reflex more than anything else she extended her scythe and safely captured what proved to be a feisty feline before it reached the busy and deadly road.

Izaya had been running in her direction, somehow avoiding the thronging crowd and reached her now.

"Thanks! Naughty cat!"

If Celty could have blinked she would have had. Izaya stood before her, all smiles, adorned in a uniform that included cat ears and cat tail.

[What are you wearing?!]

"Oh, this? Part-time job uniform, cat café. That's where this little fellow came from, you have to be on the lookout for the crazier cats as they'll stop on nothing to escape."

[Cat café…?]

It kept getting stranger and stranger.

"At Tokyu Hands. It's a long story. I should be getting back, can I have Ginger back?"

Celty handed him the cat and immediately Izaya lifted him up.

"Now Ginger, you must thank the lady here for saving from becoming road kill. Let us not be ungrateful."

Izaya made Ginger wave a yellow paw.

[Can I walk you back?]

"Sure! Want to check out the cats? We have some adorable ones."

Celty had no interest in the cats but she was very curious about Izaya. Being one of his greatest critics she had been so puzzled by Izaya's radical changes that it made her wonder whether she knew how to judge human beings at all. She was entertaining such thoughts as she wheeled her bike next to Izaya who hummed faintly while cradling the cat.

"So how did the sushi thing go?"

[Oh, great. It surprised me.]

As much as Celty had appreciated the gesture she did not expect that Izaya's sushi proposal would actually work. It turned out Izaya was right. The workshop was easy and in no time Celty was making fairly acceptable fresh fish bits over which Shinra raved at length.

Izaya beamed.

"I told you! Go me."

[Can I make a question?]

"Sure, shoot away."

[How come you're not afraid of me?]

"Hmm…Celty-san, can you create a nuclear bomb?"

[No, of course not. Why?]

"How about long reach missiles? Drones? Nerve gas? Chemical weapons? Incendiary bombs?"

[What is the point of this…?]

"The point is very simple: only humans can make these things. Means of mass destruction that can possibly destroy life on Earth as we know it. For all your supernatural powers there is little you can do in comparison."

[Well, you got that right but I still don't get it…]

Izaya held the cat to his chest and smiled beautifully.

"When dealing with you, one is doing just that: dealing with you. But humans are a community, a worldwide one, with destructive knowledge being disseminated and produced at increasingly greater speeds. I too am part of that network. The question isn't why I am not afraid of you as much as it is how are you not afraid of us. Neh?"

The smile grew even wider. It chilled Celty. She commended Izaya to the better nature she knew he did possess and hoped against hope that his evil genius, that tendency for chaos, would not win him over. Otherwise the world might very well be doomed.


	171. Chapter 171

Izaya spun slowly on his swivel chair and mused. A full week had passed since his return from Osaka, enough time for Izaya to analyze everything as well as he could. Looking back, he was less than happy with behavior with Shiki. Even if Izaya had been aware that Shiki had cleverly manipulated him he would still be a bit deflated, as it was Izaya felt almost angry at himself.

Part of it was connected to Izaya's awareness of his lack of self-control when push came to shove but the fact that Shiki seemed to be avoiding him added a lot to his uneasiness. He had a nagging and unshakable suspicion that the whole thing had caused Shiki to look down on him as an immature hormone driven brat.

In a rare failure of assessment of human motivations, Izaya believed that Shiki's had lost interest in him for good precisely when Shiki's feelings were closer to aligning with him than ever before. It was a twist of irony to which Izaya was blind.

As a result of all this soul searching Shizuo nearly disappeared from Izaya's mental landscape.

Izaya let the chair's circular momentum wear itself out. He had just finished going through the draft version of the yakuza documentary and having approved of it, was about to contact the crew when the doorbell rang. To his surprise, there was a package for him that proved to be a futon, of all things.

A note addressed to Shizuo told Izaya that the package had been delivered to the wrong place and he a call to Kasuka confirmed it.

"I see, you meant to give the futon to your brother and send me some promotional stuff for my sisters. Someone got the addresses wrong, more likely than not. I'll drop by Shizuo's and check it out."

Which was precisely what Kasuka had been counting on, the apparent mistake being a very deliberate on his part.

Izaya rang Shizuo's doorbell and in no time the door opened.

"Were you waiting for someone or something…?"

"Kinda."

"Well, you'll have to settle for me, sorry to disappoint. Here, Kasuka-san's gift."

Izaya gingerly kicked off his shoes and handed him the fluffy bundle.

"Futon, huh."

"And it's right about time you got a new one, yours is ancient. This is quality stuff as is to be expected from Kasuka-san."

"Yeah. Got some stuff I think it's for you."

"Kasuka-san's promotional stuff, I gather. Great, the evil twins will rejoice."

Shizuo unrolled the futon and was in the process of musing over it. And noticing it was quite bigger than his old one apart from being softer and overall so much better.

"Real fluffy."

"You are not going to convert this one into the guest futon and keep on using your old wreck of a futon, right?"

Shizuo cracked a smile.

"It's like you can read minds."

Izaya made a stand, complete with firmly planting his feet and folding his arms in a most prepossing way.

"Heiwajima Shizuo, that will never do. Your brother clearly means you to sleep on this delicious futon every night and it flies in the face of reason to keep that bumpy thing that I bet is moldy by now."

"A futon is kinda like shoes, older is better cuz you get used to the shape and stuff."

"So you never buy new shoes? Just what kind of logic is that? And no, older is not better. Not to mention the fabric itself, you can see this is a topnotch futon."

"Have you tried it yourself?"

"What, this futon?"

"Yeah."

"Well, no but it is plain to see."

"Wanna try?"

"Fine, if you insist. I'll prove its amazingness myself."

And with this Izaya flung himself on the futon and rolled around some as he was wont to do.

"Looks comfy."

"Like bouncing on a cloud! Think of it as a candy cotton cloud, since you're a sugar addict."

"Can't eat a futon."

"I wouldn't put it past you."

"You're the one saying it's delicious."

"It's a form of speech. Now you try it."

Izaya bounced off the futon and Shizuo sat on it.

"My old one is better,"

"It isn't. Think of your health, Namie-san keeps telling me that assuring a good night's worth is paramount to remaining of sound mind and body. You might not even realize the strain that old mattress is putting on your body but slowly and surely it's causing damage."

"Yeah. I guess there's that."

"Besides, this one is big enough for two people. When Kasuka-san drops by you can always have him share the same futon. Everyone wins."


	172. Chapter 172

"Or next time you stay over."

"I guess."

Izaya did not sound too convinced.

"We're having this aikido competition, wanna come and see?"

Izaya blinked rapidly.

"You mean you'll be going all kung-fu on some poor souls?"

"Not kung-fu, it's aikido."

"But the part about slaughtering people remains?"

"Nah. Aikido is not very big on competition as it is, it's more like a meeting than anything else, you get to play roles and stuff."

"Eh…it's starting to sound like kinky roleplay."

"Only sounds that way to you."

"Now that's just rude. Count me in, it might be fun. Who else is going?"

"Just you."

Izaya lifted an eyebrow.

"How come? Might as well invite everyone, the more the merrier."

"It's you I'm inviting."

"Oh well, suit yourself. Just text me the location and date later."

"You going already?"

Izaya was indeed already on his way but he suddenly halted, a thought having popped into his mind.

"Shizuo, I don't suppose you're inviting me alone so that you can go all crazy during this meeting? By, say, burying me under a pile of guys."

"I won't."

"Hmm…I must say, I have some apprehension."

Shizuo made sure to look him straight in the eye.

"I can only give you my word."

Izaya's hands went into his jacket pockets and he proceeded to rock back and forth on the balls of his feet. Shizuo's unwonted sincerity bothered Izaya without his quite knowing why. Izaya broke into a wide smile.

"Why so serious, Shizuo! Text me the info, don't forget. I'll be there if I can."

"Okay."

Izaya was making his way very slowly across the aisle, his attention so focused on the rows of books that he was caught aback when he caught his name.

"Orihara-san…?"

"Oh hi there, Ryuugamine-kun. It's been a while. How have you been?"

Mikado hesitated then hesitated some more. Rumor of Izaya and Shizuo's newfangled friendship had reached him right away and Mikado half expected to see the giant looming by. At any rate, Mikado had kept an eye on Izaya's recent doings and could not help but grow increasingly confused. Sooner or later Mikado knew he was bound to run into Izaya but he assumed that Izaya would seek him out long before that. Mikado had been proven wrong.

And then one fine day he received some manju from Osaka, courtesy of Orihara Izaya. Mikado spent some time wondering if there was some hidden message, this after inspecting the package very carefully for drugs or who knew what else. To his surprise it was a mere souvenir.

"I'm fine, thank you. And thanks for the souvenir."

"Was it tasty? Everyone loves manju!"

Mikado nodded, still a bit in a daze. He had not actually eaten it.

"Very much so. Congratulations on winning the Liar Game award."

"I haven't won yet but thanks."

Mikado tried to look around just to make sure Shizuo was not close by but could not quite pull it off without being too obvious.

"Everyone's really excited about it."

Izaya laughed.

"Not half as excited as I am, believe me!"

Mikado glanced at the package Izaya held.

"'Kanji for Beginners'…?"

"I'm giving my American neighbor a few Japanese language notions. Foreigners swear by these flashcards so I figured I'd give them a go."

"I see."

Mikado could not quite imagine Izaya teaching anything to anyone. And to think his first impression of Izaya was that of a cram school instructor of the exceedingly pretty kind.

"It's a lot of fun, I'll have him reciting the Tale of Heike in no time."

"That may be a bit too much."

"Are you buying material for school?"

"Just looking around."

Izaya headed for the counter, Mikado followed and nearly bumped into him as Izaya stopped abruptly.

"'Teach Yourself Korean', I'm sold! And this one too."

Izaya grabbed two books, the Korean language one and one on braille.

"You're learning Korean?"

"I am now! Why not? Might as add another language to my portfolio. And who wouldn't like to be able to read with their eyes closed."


	173. Chapter 173

Izaya made it sound most flippant but his motives ran much deeper. While up to this point he had never considered tackling a new language or learn braille, he was driven by a need to expand his horizons beyond what his former self had known. Orihara Izaya with his memories intact could not speak Korean, if Orihara Izaya as he was now acquired such a skill he would be ahead. It gave him a sense of self-improvement and of conquest. In a way, Izaya saw it as a most enjoyable and profitable way of fighting against the dreadful hallucination that had so tormented him. Down deep Izaya suspected he was not entirely done with such bits of lunacy and he wanted to build up some defenses as much as possible.

"That's very much like you, Orihara-san."

Izaya flipped through the book and slid a glance Mikado's way.

"Now, whatever do you mean by that?"

"As in, wanting to know things."

"That much is true."

Mikado could not even begin to guess just right he was. He almost asked about Shizuo but settled for a less explosive topic instead.

"Did you enjoy Osaka?"

"It was great, loads of delicious octopus all around. But I missed out a chance of visiting Kyoto."

Mikado was very curious as to what Izaya had in mind in Kyoto.

"Is Osaka very expensive? Compared to Tokyo, I mean."

Right away Mikado kicked himself inward. It was a dumb question but Mikado was still reeling from the exceedingly pricy Tokyo lifestyle and very sensitive to such matters. Izaya merely shrugged.

"I didn't notice."

More than flaunting his wealth, this disinterest reinforced what Mikado already knew: Izaya was a very rich man. Izaya paid for his books and sauntered to the pavement with Mikado on his heels. Mikado needed to detain Izaya here but nothing occurred to him.

"Orihara-san, will you doing anything if you win the Liar Game contest? Like throw a party."

"Hmm…I hadn't thought of that."

Izaya considered it.

"I'm sure it'd be a success."

Mikado was very aware that he was going out on a limb here. He might as well invite himself to this party so great a liberty was he taking. That Izaya did not seem to mind did not mean anything either.

"It's an idea but it's too early to be thinking about it."

Izaya could imagine it going spectacularly wrong too.

"Right, of course."

Mikado had reached the end of the rope. He could think of nothing to prolong the conversation. Meanwhile Izaya was giving him some serious consideration. He had yet to tackle Mikado properly and perhaps it was time to fix that.

"Say, Ryuugamine-kun, have you had dinner already?"

"Not yet."

"Want to go grab something to eat?"

Mikado could hardly believe his luck.

"Yes, of course."

"How does ramen sound?"

"Great,"

Mikado had been thrilled at this opportunity but once he found himself sitting across Izaya on a very tiny table he found himself having second doubts. Having almost forgotten Izaya's potential for danger, Mikado was realizing all over again that Izaya was not one to be underestimated.

So far Izaya had done nothing even remotely threatening but the mere fact that he was so obviously at ease while Mikado felt himself close to flailing was enough. Izaya ordered for the two of them and rubbed his hands happily as the massive bowls arrived.

"Did you know, Ryuugamine-kun, they say that sharing meals brings people together."

"I'm sure it does, in a way."

Izaya smiled through the broth scented steam.

"In the old days there were poor souls whose job was to sample the emperor's food for poison. I wonder what they thought about the bonding power of eating together."

Mikado could not help casting a worried glance at his ramen.

"Good thing that doesn't happen anymore."

And of course Mikado was now thinking about whether Izaya dealt with poison. Izaya split his chopsticks with a loud crack and stirred the flavorful broth.

"How has Tokyo been treating you?"

It was one of those questions Mikado could not even begin to answer and Izaya was not even particularly interested in hearing it.


	174. Chapter 174

"It's such an amazing city with so much to see and do, I'm still learning my way around."

"Tokyo is so omnipresent that it is easy to forget how fragile it can be. Just in the last century it was virtually wiped out, first in the great Kanto earthquake of 1923 and then with the bombings during World War II."

Mikado blinked. Suddenly, the sheer destruction of Tokyo did not seem like bygone events from the past but an all too present possibility. So much so that he had to say something.

"Let's hope something like that never happens again."

Izaya tasted his food thoughtfully.

"It might best not to take the city for granted."

"Do you think the city is in danger?"

"It could hardly be otherwise, considering we live in one of the most earthquake prone places in the whole world. And I gather you've seen enough of this city to know there are quite a few who would gladly burn it down for the thrill of it."

Mikado grew silent and stared at his still untouched bowl. Izaya interrupted the silence.

"It'll get soggy if you don't dig in soon."

Mikado's appetite was gone but he made an effort to eat some. His chopsticks nearly snapped as he tightened his grip, knuckles growing white.

"I don't want anything bad to happen to this city."

Izaya took pity. He leaned across the table and flickered Mikado on the bridge of the nose.

"Plenty of time to be gloomy later but first it's tasty ramen time."

It took Mikado by surprise and had the desired effect. Mikado snapped out of his worrisome considerations and tried the food.

"This is very tasty!"

Izaya giggled.

"Why so surprised? It figures that I'd pick a good restaurant. One of the great things about Ikebukuro is its bargain price scrumptiousness."

"I don't suppose you have to worry about that yourself."

"True. But I've been branching more into street food as of late."

Mikado had many things he wanted to know about Izaya's most recent changes but his choice of food was not one of them. But it might serve as an opening.

"Seems like you've been trying many new things like food and other languages."

Izaya caught the drift. It amused him greatly.

"I believe in always trying to improve myself and for that I must break boundaries."

"Yes, that is important."

It also resonated with Mikado on a very personal way.

"Do you know what I'd really like to do? See Tokyo from a helicopter."

Mikado's eyes widened with excitement at the prospect.

"That would be awesome!"

For the first time since meeting Mikado, Izaya fully engaged with him.

"Wouldn't it? Just imagine it, the whole of Tokyo unfurled before you like a script."

Mikado nodded enthusiastically. By the time the meal was over and he bid Izaya goodbye, Mikado was feeling the same confusion Kadota and Celty had already experienced. Mikado knew that he did not understand Izaya, in fact he seemed to understand him less than ever, but he felt disposed to understand him. It was not quite friendship but a sense of good will that made Mikado rather uncomfortable, almost as if he was betraying his better nature. That he had brushed the dark side of the city, perhaps its darkest core, Mikado well knew but the overall sense of effervescence remained just as strong.

Mikado shook his head to banish such thoughts and made his way home resolutely enough. Izaya watched him disappear into the urban bustle that he addressed.

"What a tangled web we weave."


	175. Chapter 175

Izaya entered the arena with growing curiosity. He was way out of his comfort zone and that never failed to excite him. Izaya arrived way ahead of the time set by Shizuo precisely so that he could check out the venue at leisure. In insight it was a good thing that no one else had been invited, this way he could dedicate himself to capturing the environment without being hampered.

Izaya picked a seat on one of the back rows so that he could see everything. He was every bit as interested in the audience as in the martial artists themselves if not more. Already there were a few cheering squads assembled and banners hanging limply from the balconies running along the seating platforms.

He read through a leaflet that introduced the basics of Aikido and found himself approving. The emphasis on harmony was probably exactly what Shizuo needed and in the long run might prove very helpful indeed. There was not much on the competition proper, though, so Izaya was still a bit at a loss as to the rules. He had half a mind to ask as clearly he was surrounded by adepts but decided against it. Izaya was one to thrive on overcoming challenges even on smaller scale. Figuring out the rules for himself was sure to be rewarding.

As soon as the competition started Izaya realized that it was a pointless worry. The crowd's reaction told him all he needed to know and even with several fights taking place simultaneously he could still get the drift.

For all he had heard Izaya still expected the whole thing to be rather violent but it turned out to be almost like a mixture of dance and mock battle more than anything else. Still, he found himself engrossed almost right away.

At first Izaya had been afraid of missing Shizuo with so much going on but the moment he appeared Izaya spotted him right away. For one, Shizuo stood one by being the only blonde person in sight and second he stood out by being such an imposing presence. Izaya did not exactly how but the uniform seemed to bring out some understated dignity to Shizuo and even the very yellow hair did not jar but added to the effect. Izaya took a moment to appreciate Shizuo's calm entrance and then another to pity the opponent.

He cast a glance in the opponent's direction and his heart skipped a few beats. Already on his feet to cheer for Shizuo, Izaya found himself frozen to the floor and unable to move. He blinked furiously enough but the fact remained, facing Shizuo was none other than Shiki.

Izaya's surprise was absolute yet at the same time he realized almost immediately that he should have anticipated this. Suddenly things that had been had the edges of his awareness for quite a while shifted into focus and became all too obvious and impossible to overlook.

Izaya's first emotional reaction once the first shock of dismay had dimmed enough to allow for anything else was anger. Anger at himself for his willful blindness and anger at the two men who had forced him into an impossible position. For try as he might Izaya could not believe that Shizuo and Shiki's encounter was coincidental or that it did not in any way concern him. Above all, Izaya was angry at the thought of Shiki and Shizuo meeting behind his back for the sole purpose of discussing him.

It took all that Izaya had to sit down and not storm out. He stared intently at the ongoing combat but barely saw anything. Already Izaya was considering his options. He could hardly cause a scene and all things considered he hardly knew what part Shiki played in this. Izaya took a deep breath and unclenched his hands, only now realizing they had closed into fists. He decided to be smooth and show it was not that easy to get a rise out of Orihara Izaya.

With that said, he had to ask the people around him about the outcome of the combat, his attention being too scattered. Izaya took another deep breath and arranged a most cordial smile before waltzing over to Shiki and Shizuo who were leaving the arena.

Izaya's smile widened as he waved and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet.

"Better luck next time, Shizuo."

"Heiwajima-san did very well for a beginner."

Izaya turned to Shiki and bowed elaborately.

"You're too kind to my friend, Shiki-san."

Shizuo kept his silence throughout this exchange. No nuance was lost on him.


	176. Chapter 176

"Heiwajima-san will be a force to be reckoned with in aikido in the near future if he applies himself."

In other words, Shiki could afford to compliment Shizuo. Izaya could tell that Shiki did not seem surprised to see him here but then again Shiki was not one to display surprise. Not to mention as soon as Shiki realized who his opponent was Izaya's presence was bound to become something of a given.

"But I have to say, for all I've heard about aikido being non-violent I did not expect it to be so…graceful. It's wonderful, we wouldn't want any violence to come between us, now would we? Violence is such barbarous practice. Neh?"

There was something borderline insulting in applying the 'neh' approach to these two. Izaya was fully aware of this. Shizuo decided to finally intervene. He did so by ignoring Shiki altogether and looking Izaya straight in the eye.

"Yeah. Violence ain't good."

"Indeed."

Shiki took the opportunity for studying Izaya and Shizuo. He had not expected to face this particular opponent but the moment Shiki saw Shizuo he got a general idea of what was going on. Shiki was not entirely sure how Shizuo had figured out that they would end up fighting together, perhaps he had simply hoped the lineup would end up going that way. What Shiki did know was that Shizuo had counted on this and that Izaya was meant to witness it. As to why, Shiki had no idea and was most definitely curious.

It also amused him that Shizuo had actually taken his advice to practice aikido. In doing so Shizuo had put in practice one of aikido's most basic concepts of using the adversary's strength against themselves. And Shiki meant it, Shizuo could very become an aikido powerhouse. There was still plenty of unnecessary movement but behind it there was the beginnings of discipline and moments of clear insight. And above all there was no blind aggression or outbreak of anger. That above all was very telling.

In a battle of pure strength Shiki knew he could not possibly stand a chance. Shizuo could only be defeated within the rules. Aikido levelled them by making Shizuo's massive power almost moot and then elevated Shiki by giving him the tools to capitalize on a vast experience. On the other hand, Shizuo's abiding by the established parameters meant he had reached a personal victory.

Shiki was very aware of this. Only Izaya seemed oblivious of this. Either that or playing oblivious, Shiki did not know which.

"Why don't you give this aikido thing a go? It's pretty cool."

Izaya chuckled.

"I told you already, I'm not interested. I can already defend myself as it is."

"It's not about that. It's about, harmony and stuff."

"'Harmony and stuff', he says. Be a bit vaguer, please."

Izaya's breezy façade was cracking under a veneer of sarcasm that did not seem to at all bother Shizuo.

"'Aikido', written with the kanji for,"

"I know how it's written."

"Yeah, just saying it's in the name."

"Names can be deceptive. Just look at yours."

"Yeah. But it's something to have as a goal. Kinda like, 'become worthy of your name', that kind of thing."

"Oh great, so now you're a Zen master. What next, you'll be asking me about the sound of one hand clapping?"

"Zen, huh…dunno about that. But you know what I mean."

Izaya shrugged dismissively as if it did not at all matter what Shizuo meant or did not mean.

"'What did your face look like before your parents were born?' Any thoughts on that, Izaya?"

Izaya was almost caught aback at Shiki's voice. He made a conscious effort to appear most nonchalant.

"As expected Shiki-san knows all about Zen koans."

"Only in their most orthodox forms. I am sure your views are more original and interesting."

"You flatter me, Shiki-san."

"I speak the truth."

Izaya did another elaborate bow. It occurred to Shiki not for the first time that only Izaya could turn a bow into a mockery with such grace.


	177. Chapter 177

"For the sake of argument let us ignore all context and consider the koan alone. One had no face before one's parents were born as one did not exist. And that is the crux of it, non-existence. We find it easier to contemplate how it was not to exist before we came to be as opposed to thinking about how we shall cease to exist once we are no more. If you rephrase the koan as 'what will your face look like after you are no more' you get the same answer, you will have no face as you will not exist, but a new element is added: fear.

"It is often said that what follows life is just as what preceded it and we need not be afraid of dying any more than we fear all those eons that preceded our existence. Which is very pretty as far as consolations go but misses human nature entirely. Conscience cannot even contemplate its demise without doing some violence to itself. It is not so much not being as ceasing to be that terrifies us so."

Izaya paused to take stock of his thoughts. He had been thinking out loud and somewhere along the line the whole Shizuo/Shiki debacle receded in importance until it no longer seemed at all overwhelming or even all that relevant. Izaya felt a bit detached from his more immediate emotions as if had transcended them into a higher level of awareness.

"I rest my case, I knew you were bound to have something most original to say."

Izaya nodded absent mindedly.

"'Why should I fear death? If I am, then death is not. If Death is, then I am not. Why should I fear that which can only exist when I do not?', Epicurus. But that is the whole problem, to not exist. Is it not?"

Both Shiki and Shizuo followed Izaya's exposition very closely. Shiki found it oddly compelling, a mix of very personal anguish and high intellect. Shizuo was reminded of Izaya's brush with death and the realization that there was no afterlife. He patted Izaya's head, almost fluffing the hair.

"Your brain's gonna explode one of these days. You think too much."

Izaya shrugged like one struggling to wake up from a reverie.

Shiki had the clear impression that Shizuo had just taken the lead by making the first move, a situation that sat very ill with him. It was more than just this one occasion. Shiki could not help feeling that he did not quite know how to soothe Izaya's subtler preoccupations. It was as if Shizuo's straightforward, no frills style was precisely the balance needed to compensate Izaya's extremely complex ways.

Shiki decided to take a gamble.

"How about love?"

Izaya blinked, completely caught off guard.

"What about it?"

"Where does love stand in regards to what you were saying?"

Izaya blinked anew. Then giggled.

"I have no idea."

"Perhaps you can find out."

Izaya mused over this. It could very well be that he was missing some vital point but he could not quite figure out where Shiki was going with this. And before he could scramble for an answer Shiki and Shizuo were called back to the arena.

Izaya returned to his seat but his mind was miles away. More than anything he was puzzled by his own reaction. The sudden loss of memory had forced him into some very deep soul searching so much so that analyzing his own motives, comparing his present self with what he knew of his former existence and dissecting choices, both potential and actual, had become an obsession. The need to carve an identity made this inward scrutiny all the more pressing.

Without his at all wanting, Izaya had to work through layers of egotism in order to even perceive any relationship. He had been aware of this for quite a while but it gained a sharper relevance now. When he should perhaps be thinking about today's events as they pertained to Shiki and Shizuo, Izaya found himself fully engrossed in wondering why he had gone off on a tangent about life and death.


	178. Chapter 178

There were pitfalls to piecing a notion of self out of others' impressions, dismissing the past altogether or embracing it wholesale were equally dangerous. This Izaya knew very well. His adopted method of finding some continuity but allowing himself the possibility of change suited him much better and was something of a compromise and as such comforting but it posed all sorts of challenges.

It demanded great flexibility of action and an ever active self-appraisal. Even when Izaya acted impulsively he afterwards reflected at length in an effort to reach a sense of balance.

This balance was a fragile construction built on sheer strength of will, an achievement on which Izaya's peace of mind rested. Not always consciously, Izaya was constantly engaged in sustaining it. Izaya saw it as his one means of fighting against his past self for he could not shake the feelings that the odd hallucination was simply biding its time.

And Izaya had vowed to be prepared when the time came.

The sun drifted greenly through tree leaves as Izaya placed a pillow on the bench and helped Saki sit down. She adjusted the hat, the pink ribbon catching a glint of light.

"Nice and comfy?"

"Very. Do be careful, Orihara-san."

Izaya smiled brightly.

"It should be alright. They say you never forget how to ride a bike, I already put that logic to the test with swimming and it turns out the truism was true in that case."

Izaya had taken Saki to Ueno park where they were not likely to run into any acquaintance. It was also a wonderful excuse for taking Saki on a much deserved outing. He regarded the bicycle clinically.

"Still, there is no telling until you actually try it."

"Aye, experience is the mother of all knowledge. Here goes nothing, wish me luck."

The moment his feet made contact with the pedals Izaya knew that he could indeed still ride. His body went through the motions as if driven by some physical memory.

"Way to go, Orihara-san."

"Look, no hands! Heh, this is fun!"

Izaya pedaled in a series of loose loops, dashing between soft shadow into warm spots of sun.

"Don't let go of the handle,"

The note of distress in Saki's voice had him alight and sit next to her.

"I just had a great idea! Let's get one of those double seat bicycles and explore the city together once you're back on your feet. How fun will it be!"

It was Izaya's way of projecting a normal future for Saki, by making it seem matter of fact. By taking it for granted he made it more real.

"I would like that."

"And now, it is zoo time! Behold, I got us tickets."

Izaya produced the tickets and smiled brightly behind them.

"For real?"

"Of course! Let us go, fluffy critters await!"

Izaya helped her to the wheelchair, ever so gently.

"I didn't know you were into animals, Orihara-san. Aren't humans your one true love?"

Izaya giggled and wheeled her toward the zoo.

"Technically speaking, human beings are animals as well. To be more specific we are classified as _Homo Sapiens_: kingdom _Animalia_, phylum _Chordate_, class _Mammalia_, order Primates, family _Hominidae_, tribe _Homini_, genus _Homo_, species _Homo Sapiens_."

"Let us hope they won't put people into zoos, then."

"There was a poor pygmy by the name of Ota Benga who was kept in a zoo in the States in the early 20th century."

Saki turned around on her chair, eyes wide with dismay.

"Really? A person living in a cage?"

"In the monkey house, to be more precise. It goes to show that humans are their worst when they deny their fellow humans' humanity. It seems to be perquisite to racism and genocide and is probably at the root of all hate crime if one digs deep enough. The holocaust was only possible because certain types of humans were deemed less than human."

They had made their way into the zoo compound and Izaya made his way through the throng until he stopped next to the flamingos. He had no particular reason to pick this place but had simply wheeled the chair randomly enough. As it so often happened his thoughts occupied him more than his surroundings.


	179. Chapter 179

"Orihara-san, I want to see the pandas."

Izaya was brought back to reality. For Saki to be expressing a preference was a step in the right direction. Izaya was personally committed to encouraging Saki to develop a sharper sense of self, of making it possible for her to be her own person as opposed to being content staying in Izaya's shadow.

"Pandas it is! I wonder if I've been here before."

Izaya looked around. People milled a bit all over, rowdy families, quiet couples, when Izaya narrowed his eyes they became gradients of light blurred in a mixture of chatter and motion.

"Does anything look familiar?"

"Nothing ever looks familiar."

He felt a tide of coldness sweeping through this body. It faded almost immediately but left a tingling sensation akin to detachment.

"Orihara-san?"

"Right, pandas."

He gripped the wheelchair's handles for leverage and focused on the smooth motion along the concrete, on everything that impinged the very veritable outside world into his awareness. Izaya felt as if the many sights and sounds bounced right off him, tired eyes of animals behind bars and the shrill cry of children mixed with the equally shrill calls of exotic birds. He made a deliberate effort to push off thought.

By the time they reached the panda compound on the other side of the zoo Izaya had regained his bearings.

"Oh look, Orihara-san! There's a baby!"

Izaya smiled warmly as much at Saki's enthusiasm as at the stumbling baby panda that now tumbled down a ramp.

"They may seem very gentle and docile but those claws can be deadly!"

"But they're so cute."

"That is all part of the panda agenda for taking over the world and forcing humanity into becoming their slaves. Do not be deceived, Saki-chan!"

Saki laughed.

"Is there any animal you'd like to see?"

"Hmm…let me think…oh, I know! Aardvark!"

Saki was puzzled.

"Aar…?"

"Aardvark! Let's see where they're at, you'll love them."

Izaya checked a nearby map and in no time Saki was staring at a strange creature about the size of a pig covered in brownish fur. Its very long snout hovered over the ground as it sniffed about, two perky ears shot up from a delicate head pushed forward, the tail dragging behind. Strong claws added a bizarre note to this already odd animal, by making it look like an eccentric cross between a demented plush toy and a toy tank.

"I'd never heard about this animal, what was it called again?"

"Aardvark. We're in luck, they are nocturnal and usually don't venture out when it's this bright. They are known as 'earth pigs'."

"I'm not sure I'd call them cute but they sure are…different."

"They're plenty cute! Just a different kind of cute. Aardvarks can burrow like it's no one business, they can dig a 9 meter long tunnel in five minutes."

Saki did not quite see the cuteness but it was just like Izaya to find great interest in the unusual. It crossed her mind that part if not all of Izaya's interest in her had originated in this curiosity over deviation in human beings. Most would find it a depressing prospect but to Saki it was almost endearing. All that mattered was that Izaya saw her as useful and that her use had greatly increased with Izaya's amnesia. So much so that if she could choose she would prefer Izaya to remain just as he was.

"'Aardvarks, digging like a boss'?"

"That's right!"

Izaya's glee was interrupted by his phone.

"You should take the call, Orihara-san."

"But that'd interrupt our outing…"

"It's alright."

Izaya sighed.

"Sorry. Hello, yes that's me. Really? As in, for real? Thank you so much!"

Izaya nearly bounced.

"Did something good happen?"

"They just picked my story for the Liar Game competition! I can't believe it!"

"Congratulations! I am so happy for you."

And Saki meant it, too. There was something highly infectious to Izaya's happiness and it washed all over her like a comforting atmosphere that was precious to her. How easy it was to simply live vicariously through him, in a bout of sudden awareness Saki realized how intensely alive Izaya was. There was so much going on with him that she simply got lost in it.

"Thanks!"

Izaya smiled against the strong sun and as far as Saki knew he eclipsed it by his sheer inner radiance.


	180. Chapter 180

Izaya was looking at the city nightscape through one of the massive windows in his apartment. After a while it ceased to look a solid reality and blurred into an abstract pattern of light and darkness. Izaya found it absolutely beautiful and soothing.

Mairu's ringtone interrupted his peace.

"Hello sister of mine! That's right, they picked yours truly! School festival…? Next week, you say…I'm not sure- okay, I'll think about it. Right. Bye."

He was genuinely touched. As far as he knew this was the first time he had been invited to attend his sisters' school functions but he still did not intend to go. Visiting his former high school was too great a risk. More than any rational consideration he had a very strong feeling that it would spell disaster. He could always make it up to them by taking them to the Liar Game award ceremony.

A mood of comfortable despondency slowly stole over him. Sushi jumped on his lap and Izaya petted soft fur as he slowly spun on his swivel chair. Namie was due to arrive in precisely three minutes. Izaya keep an eye on his watch and sure enough Namie walked in just on time.

"Punctual as ever, Namie-san."

Namie walked over to him.

"Are you going to the school festival at Raira?"

"I'm not, no. It's too dangerous."

"That never stopped you from doing anything. This is a golden opportunity, you might remember something. Unless you don't want to?"

"It's not that I don't want to, it's more that I am not sure I should…"

"It would mean a lot to your sisters."

"I'm sure they'll have fun without me."

"Or so you'd like to think. There is much more to siblings than you know."

Izaya smiled weakly.

"I'm sure. But there's nothing I can do about,"

"You're wrong about that. You can spend time with them."

"True but it doesn't have to be the school festival."

"Except a school festival is an important event in a teenager's life. You may regret it."

Namie's persistence paid off.

Izaya stood on the overpass that overlooked the whole campus. A small crowd milled about, students in odd costumes promoting events, normal students and guests, all meandering between food stalls, gathering in groups then going their separate ways in a fluid motion. Bigger than life banners announcing the festival covered the façade of the building, huge characters drawn in bright colors.

Izaya watched the scenery very closely. It remained wholly unfamiliar. He had picked this initial approach from a vantage least he was visited by some very unwanted flashbacks but it seemed he need not worry. Three years crucial to shaping his personality had unfolded within these premises and yet Izaya could not invoke a vague sense of déjà vu. It was equal doses of depressing and reassuring.

Even from a distance he could feel the bustle but as soon as he joined the festivities Izaya was swept into the excitement of the moment. The air nearly vibrated with the shouts of vendors, the chatter of relaxed conversation and the occasional announcement from the loudspeakers. Izaya smelled takoyaki mingled with sweet scents from a nearby pancake stand.

It was thrilling precisely because it was so utterly unalike anything he had ever experienced. Or nothing he remembered experiencing, presently it amounted to the same. Izaya nearly waltzed his way to the school building and by the time he got there he was already munching on a stick of dango.

No recollections came flooding in even as he entered the building but he was familiar with the blueprint, having studying it in detail the night prior. He was very aware that he could allow himself to commit a blunder here. Izaya made his way to his sisters' classroom with the skipping step he often went for when happy.

Izaya had not told his sisters that he was coming to the festival as he meant to surprise them but he ended up being the one surprised once he found them.

"Izaya-nii! You came after all!"

"Kururi…what exactly are you wearing…? And why…?"

It was the kind of outfit that Izaya identified as the biker gang delinquent, complete with drop pants, a long coat, and the chest wrapped up in what looked like bandages.

"We're having a crossdressing café. Izaya-nii, you look so handsome in white and pink."


	181. Chapter 181

Izaya had opted for a radical change of look and donned white pants, matching fur fringe coat and a pink shirt underneath. Not all guys could pull it off but Izaya was a hipster through and through.

"Eh? So you decided to come after all! You don't look too bad, baka-nii."

Izaya tried very hard not to laugh but he failed. Mairu meant to make a grand entrance but in her case the biker look was just too funny.

"Heh, I don't think you even need the bandages in your case…"

Before Mairu could protest a new voice spoke up from behind her, the owner of which seeming even taller by contrast.

"Don't be mean to Mairu."

Izaya blinked. Then blinked again.

"Shizuo! What are you doing here?!"

"Got invited."

Izaya was suddenly annoyed. That his sisters had invited someone else dampened his spirits. Izaya knew he was overreacting but he could not help the stab in the heart as if his feelings had been betrayed. Just when he made an effort to connect to his siblings as such they decided to bring Shizuo into it.

"I see."

"Orihara-san, Heiwajima-san. How wonderfully to see you here."

Aoba floated into view wearing a pretty blue dress.

"Let me guess, cross-dressing café?"

"Indeed. It doesn't suit me but one does what one must. Neh?"

As ever Aoba's smile was brilliant and full of menace. Izaya wanted to reply in kind but Mairu had already latched on to Aoba's arm.

"Break time! See you later."

"Do hang around, Orihara-san. I am so looking forward to talking to you. Especially here where you are ever so famous."

"Bye bee. Don't let me keep you."

It was positively painful for Izaya to stand there and wave them goodbye. Shizuo noticed the strain to the usually perfect smile.

"Izaya-nii, will you order something?"

"Right, sure. Thanks."

He took a menu and found himself sitting at the same table as Shizuo.

"Strawberry crepe for me and Izaya. Strawberry milkshake for two."

Izaya resurfaced from incoming gloom.

"Oy, don't order for me! All that sugar will be the death of me."

"It's our special, Izaya-nii."

Izaya took a moment to gather himself. As annoyed and even offended as he was with Mairu, there was no reason to lash out against Kururi. He was aware that he tended to view his siblings as something of a unit. Part of it was their being twins, it was too easy to bundle them together, but part of it resulted from Izaya's lack of common history with them.

"Then strawberry overdose it is. It's a bit of a shame you have to wear that outfit, you'd look lovely in a pretty dress."

Kururi blinked.

"Gym clothes are better. Easier to wear."

Izaya had a sudden bout of inspiration.

"Say, nii-chan looks nice in pink and white, right?"

"So pretty I want to take you home and pat your head for hours."

Shizuo chuckled.

"Eh…right. Let us not do that. But how about I get you some matching clothes? Mairu doesn't have to join. Just you and me."

She hesitated.

"I'm not sure…"

"No pressure. Just think about it."

Izaya gave her one of his sunny smiles. It captivated every girl around. Normally, Izaya transmitted something of a dangerous vibe even without trying. It was part of his appeal and might very well be ingrained in his very identity. The pink and white clothes coupled with his apparently innocent affection for a younger sister turned him into a safe and still highly attractive young man. From the bad boy girls would skip school to hang out with, to the sweet boy who would give girls a ride in the pouring rain with no ulterior motive.

But there was much more to Izaya's present emotional involvement with his sisters. Shizuo caught it right away, perhaps because he was so tuned to siblings' interaction. He kept his silence on the subject.

"Feels kinda weird, being back to school like this."

"Bonus points for cross-dressing café. I have a disturbing feeling that Mairu was behind that brilliant idea."

"Yeah, I bet."

Izaya succumbed to sullen silence until the food arrived. His dejection ran deep and he was too deflated to put up a front for Shizuo's sake. Slowly but surely he felt pressure tightening on him. He bounced back into a perfect smile as soon as Kururi sailed into view, milkshakes and crepes barely balanced on a tray.


	182. Chapter 182

Izaya blinked as his crepe was placed in front of him.

"Er…I think you meant to pipe [兄] [older brother] but this looks more like [呪] [curse]…or is it on purpose…?"

"The piping bag burst, sorry."

Izaya stabbed the crepe.

"Thanks, it's personalized and all."

Kururi nodded.

"Made it just for you. Got to go now."

"Go get them."

Izaya waved as she retreated and frowned as soon as she was gone.

"Try it, it's real tasty."

Shizuo was already wolfing down his crepe.

"Tell you what, how about you have mine as well."

"No can do. Your sister made that one for you."

"Come on now. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Just gobble down mine and I'll smile my way into convincing her I absolutely loved it."

"That'd be lying."

"Oh gee, you think?"

Izaya topped his sarcasm by rolling his eyes dramatically.

"Making crepes isn't all that easy and Kururi doesn't have a lot of talent. So what you go there on the plate is a lot of hard work for your sake. Might as well eat it."

Izaya rolled his eyes anew but stabbed the crepe into a oozing mess that he proceeded to sample most daintily.

"So sweet,"

"Down it with the milkshake."

"That'll make it worse!"

Izaya's spluttering morphed into a smile of satisfaction as soon as Kururi dropped by.

"How is it, nii-chan?"

"Absolutely delicious."

Kururi nodded, her happiness restrained but palpable. She had to saunter away all too soon.

"That was the right thing to say."

"I thought lying was ever so wrong?"

"It depends. At times it's alright."

"And it is up you as the moral guardian to decide on those exceptions?"

Shizuo finished his milkshake.

"Nah. You know that already way better than me."

Izaya tossed a bill on the table and got up.

"Whatever. I'm out of here."

To Izaya's annoyance Shizuo followed suit. A sense of irritation kept recurring. It had little to do with Shizuo, that much Izaya knew, but being unable of pinning it down he rerouted this latent frustration toward Shizuo. He had come here to make a point of sorts to himself and that already been accomplished. Or perhaps he simply chose to think that way as the need to get out school grounds was merging with the increasing pressure.

It took all he had not to run. Unfamiliar corridors rushed past him, a circuit he must have done so many times before but he was so utterly detached from any past experience that he might have been cast away on some uncharted planet.

"They're doing a play based on The Little Prince."

"That's great, Shizuo. You can tell me how that went later, I've got things to do now."

Izaya had memorized the blueprint so he knew precisely how to reach the exit do he took a detour through a less used flight of stairs. It was with a bout of relief that he reached a landing, through a window he could glimpse the world outside.

"You don't remember, do you."

Izaya froze. Not just in the sense that he came to a sudden halt, every movement arrested into awkward stillness but in a more literal way. Cold swept his nerves and singed them raw.

"What are you talking about,"

"What more can't you remember?"

Shizuo walked over so that he could look Izaya in the eye. Against all odds they were alone in the bustling building. And against all odds Izaya was rendered speechless. Shizuo pressed on,

"I knew you've been acting weird. Is it cuz you don't remember things? What happened?"

"What are you talking about?"

Izaya tried a smile but could not bring himself to do it. A trembling crept into his voice.

"The Little Prince. A long time ago you gave me the book. You told me about the Fox and the Little Prince. 'There are many ways of hurting someone but the one that is most effective is to make someone love you. Once you become attached you become susceptible to pain.'"

Izaya opened and closed his mouth. The cold shattered into so many tiny shards.

"So what,"

"You don't remember."

I was too final to be denied. A white hollowness bloomed inside his mind. Izaya stumbled blindly and would have plunged down the stairs if not for Shizuo scooping him into his arms.


	183. Chapter 183

Izaya's body grew limp. He struggled to hold unto consciousness but it slipped away along with his dimming physical strength.

"Let go of me…"

Izaya meant it as a command but it was more of a plea drifting into silence. He barely heard his own words. Darkness closed in on him.

Shizuo waited until all signs of feeble resistance were gone before checking for vitals and picking him up. Shizuo pulled the fluffy hood over Izaya's head, protecting his privacy in this so vulnerable moment.

"Oh? Is something wrong, Orihara-san. Can I help?"

Aoba's thin smile was too full of teeth. Even if Shizuo had no reasons for being wary of him already, there was something dangerous and creepy in this apparently concern attitude. A blue dress would lend a note of absurdity in most cases but Aoba carried it with a degree of disturbing self-confidence.

"Yeah you can help by getting out of our way, for starters."

"Say, I hope it's nothing serious. It'd be a shame if something were to happen to Orihara-san."

Not quite gloating but getting close, Aoba could barely contain himself but he avoided actively antagonizing Shizuo. Aoba knew all too well that none of his intelligence would avail him were Shizuo to go berserk on him. But presently Shizuo was on the periphery of his attention that zeroed in on Izya. Aoba sensed that here could be a chance of a life time.

"Now's the kid you scram, kid."

Shizuo had no need to actually issue threat. Or perhaps he feared that he would lose it lose it completely if he put it in words. Aoba took the cue and made way for Shizuo who carried Izaya as if he did this every day. Aoba watched them pass and could not resist one final jab at Shizuo's back.

"Are you sure you don't want my help, Heiwajima-san?"

Shizuo did not even bother with a reply.

* * *

><p>"Put me down,"<p>

Izaya half-floated, half-jostled his way back to consciousness but it was a tenuous hold. The rocking motion of being carried forced him to squeeze his eyes shut as a bout of nausea attacked his senses. All he could tell was that the city was a melting vortex all around him, crude sundown splattered all over a skewed Tokyo.

"Hospital's right ahead so be quiet now."

"I'm fine,"

"You're not."

Izaya wanted to argue but he could not muster the strength. How he ended up fairly snug in a hospital bed was unclear to him but that Saki should materialize by his bedside was almost to be expected.

"Saki…"

"Good evening, Orihara-san. The doctor says it was just momentary faintness but they're keeping you overnight for observation."

"You really can tell when I'm at the hospital."

"As I told you, as soon as your name appears in the system I am immediately informed."

"Is Shizuo around…?"

"Just outside the room."

Izaya sighed deeply and curled in bed as if to slide under the covers and disappear entirely.

"Tell them to get him out to leave."

"I don't think that's possible. Considering this is Heiwajima Shizuo we're talking about."

"Ah…don't I know it."

"You should rest now."

"I don't have much of a choice, do I."

"None whatsoever. But you won't be lonely. I convinced the nurses to let me stay over."

There was just a hint of mischief to Saki's smile.

"You really have the whole hospital wrapped around your finger. It's impressive."

As nothing seemed to be wrong with Izaya, Saki allowed herself to enjoy the chance of having him all to herself in this time of weakness. Physically exhausted and emotionally drained, Izaya drifted away to sleep almost immediately. Saki stayed put and watched. If only the night could stand still forever.

* * *

><p>Izaya thought he was off the hook as he prepared to dash out of the hospital but luck was not on his side.<p>

"No running for you."

"The doctor has discharged me, I can go where I want."

Izaya quickened his pace but Shizuo kept up with him easily.

"Bet the doctor told you to take it easy."

Shizuo was of course right.

"I can't exactly relax when you're following me around like this, now can I?"

The strong midday light was something of an obstacle to a still unsteady Izaya. The doctor had ordered him to go home immediately but that did not seem likely to happen. Shizuo detained him by very lightly holding his arm.


	184. Chapter 184

Before Izaya could protest or even properly process what was happening Shizuo had hailed a cab and ushered him in. Shizuo gave his own address.

"Why are we going to you place?"

"You'll see."

With this silence descended upon them. Izaya knew that he needed to come up with a strategy but was drawing a blank. There was always the option of shutting out communication altogether and refusing to answer any compromising questions but that was tantamount to confirming Shizuo's suspicions. He could deny everything but was unsure how well that would work. And there was of course the hopeless option of actually telling the truth.

During the tense taxi ride Izaya juggled his options, minus coming clean, and by the time they arrived he had yet to make up his mind. Shizuo's apartment was all of a sudden alien territory where Izaya was at a disadvantage.

Izaya found himself standing in the middle of the all too small room, all too aware of how on edge he was. He expected nothing short of an interrogation and braced himself to face it. Instead Shizuo walked past him, reached into a bookshelf and produced a book that he handed to Izaya.

"Here."

Izaya recognized it right away, he had a similar copy of the Little Prince at home. His hands shook slightly as he took it, a sense of mystification creeping into him. It took an effort of the will to open the book.

Izaya read an inscription in a very familiar handwriting, his voice keyed barely above a whisper.

"'To Shizu-chan, from Izaya. Remember the fox. 10 years old' What is this…?"

There was a limit to how much Izaya could bluff. And he had just hit it.

"You gave it to me. When we were kids."

A ringing noise surged assaulted Izaya's ears. It passed but had unhinged him a bit further.

"It can't be. We didn't know each other back then. We met in high school,"

"You repeating what others told you?"

Only now did Izaya look up from his own beautiful calligraphy and look at Shizuo. What he saw there had Izaya take half a step back.

"That's how it went- it's what you said as well, how you met me in high school and how it all went to hell…"

Izaya trailed off. A numbing coldness was slowly claiming his awareness.

"The way things turned out it's not like I could talk about it."

Izaya desperately clung for an explanation to make sense of the chaos threatening to collapse on him.

"You're lying to me…there's no way, it doesn't make any sense,"

Izaya's hands lost purchase and the book fell. A photograph spilled on the floor from the still fluttering pages. Izaya was terrified of looking at it. His child self smiled back at him along with a glum little boy who could only be Shizuo. Izaya's legs folded underneath him. At the back of his head he almost hoped he would pass out again but life was not so convenient.

"So you really don't remember, huh."

"You lied to me. You lied- you hid this from me,"

"You're the one hiding stuff from me. How much did you forget?"

Izaya did not even hear Shizuo.

"So what about hating me at first sight?! What is that all about!"

Bordering on hysteria, Izaya jumped to his feet and nearly bristled at Shizuo. His emotional landscape was a convoluted mass of anger, betrayal and a sense of impeding dread.

"That's the fox, you see."

Izaya blinked.

"Are you making fun of me…? Is this some kind of sick joke…?"

Izaya turned around in a dawning daze. He half-expected to find that cameras were spying on him for the enjoyment of some unknown crowd watching everything online.

"In the book the Little Prince meets this fox. At first they're strangers but the fox tells him that if they spend time together, a little at a time, they'll become friends. And when that happens it'll be painful when the Little Prince leaves."

"Have you lost your mind…?"

Shizuo ran his fingers through Izaya's hair. Izaya felt chills.

"I really don't mean to confuse you but I wasn't expecting this. That was how we met. I hated you the moment I saw you but you stuck around. Until I came to like you. You gave me the book and smiled. It was happiness to me."


	185. Chapter 185

Nostalgia rang through Shizuo's voice but Izaya did not notice it. In his panic Izaya was unable of at all reading Shizuo. As a protective device Izaya withdrew into himself. He shook his head as if to externalize his denial.

"It can't be. It can't- where did this even happen?!"

Tossed into complete befuddlement Izaya gave up on keeping up a front. His deeper nature took over and sough leverage through filling the terrifying gap between Izaya's idea of his personal past and the brunt of Shizuo's revelations.

"I used to go to this park when I was little. One Sunday you were there. Just like that."

"'Remember the fox',"

Izaya's voice dropped even below a whisper. He was not aware that his hands were twitching convulsively.

"I didn't take it to heart at the time. Missed your point."

"My point…?"

"'Shizu-chan, do you know how to truly hurt someone? To twist someone up until they become a different person altogether? You spend time with them. Slowly, every day you get a bit closer. Just like the fox, you see. And then, once you have established a bond you can rip them apart through it. So remember the fox, Shizu-chan.'"

Izaya brought his hands to his ears as if to muffle the words that resounded in his mind in his own voice. He heard a gargled noise that might have been a choked sob but had no idea where it came from. Izaya squeezed his eyes tightly until it hurt as if the pressure could distract him from the buildup horror blooming within. Izaya swayed.

"Is this revenge? The reason why you saved me on that dark alley- the fox, just letting me die is not enough- first you'll make me be friends with you and then hurt me until I break…is that how it is, Shizuo?"

There was no confrontation in Izaya. He addressed Shizuo from a place of utter vulnerability.

"I knew something was different in you but I couldn't guess you've lost your memory."

Izaya's whole body shook. The import of Shizuo's words did not even reach him.

"Shiki-san was right, naivety will be the end of me…to think that I believed we could patch up things between us, that you'd get past all the things I've done to you…as if that could ever be."

Shizuo cupped Izaya's cheek with one of his powerful hands. Izaya closed his eyes.

"Izaya? Look at me."

A fleeting thought crossed Shizuo's mind. In a work of a fiction a kiss would solve everything. It would convey all that Shizuo was struggling to say, it would assuage Izaya's fears and make him understand all there was to understand. Pouring himself into one deep kiss Shizuo would form a steady connection through which Izaya would reveal himself.

But reality would not allow it.

Shizuo had to tilt Izaya's chin in order to see his eyes. What he saw therein did nothing to reassure him. It was a hollow glow against which reasons bounced back and behind it a listless resignation to some cruel fate.

"-Osaka, you asked me if we were friends..."

Shizuo had to bend down in order to catch the faintest rumor of Izaya's by now extremely low voice. Unsure of what to do Shizuo placed a sweater over Izaya's shoulders. The irony was not lost to Shizuo. So many times had he wished for Izaya to be at a loss and entirely at his mercy only to have his desire utterly distorted.

"I don't want revenge, I'm not out to hurt you."

Izaya's fingers ghosted over Shizuo's chest.

"This scar is nothing compared to what I've done to you- since we were ten, all this time- I,"

Shizuo was genuinely worried now. He took Izaya's tentative gesture as an opportunity to fold the small trembling hands in his own. It was like holding ice.

"Oy, you're freezing. Are you alright? Izaya…?"

Apprehension climbed another notch as a thin tendril of blood dripped from Izaya's lower lip. It took Shizuo a moment to realize Izaya had bitten his lip.

"All this time, all this time- can't remember anything but I didn't forget Heiwajima Shizuo, why, why,"

That Izaya spoke as if Shizuo was not even present was bad, that Izaya seemed unable of even grasping his surroundings was worse. Shizuo remembered anew that Izaya had just been discharged from the hospital and not ready to handle stress.


	186. Chapter 186

"How many fingers am I holding?"

Shizuo held two fingers in front of Izaya's glassed over eyes. For a reply he got a tittering giggle on the verge of madness.

"Justice wins in the end, justice prevails so I'll be punished…serves you right, Orihara Izaya! Get away from me!"

Izaya's wild staring past Shizuo's shoulder had Shizuo following his gaze and half-expecting to see someone else there. Shizuo was still looking at the nothing that stood there when a switchblade came flying through the air and ended up bouncing off a wall. Shizuo almost wished Izaya had aimed it at him.

"Izaya, it's alright. Everything is alright. So, let's calm down."

Shizuo adopted a soft tone that very few would associate with him. He considered slapping Izaya as he had heard should be done to hysterics but it could backfire horribly.

"'Then you shall judge yourself, 'the king answered. 'that is the most difficult thing of all. It is much more difficult to judge oneself than to judge others. If you succeed in judging yourself rightly, then you are indeed a man of true wisdom.'"

The stream of words halted and the hyperventilating began. Shizuo grabbed a paper bag and held it to Izaya's nose and mouth.

"Just breathe."

Shizuo blew very softly on Izaya's forehead. By degrees Izaya's erratic breathing pattern settled down. Shizuo watched him very closely for a while then removed the bag and held two fingers.

"How many fingers?"

"Two,"

"Good. You'll be fine."

"Doubt it,"

Shizuo relaxed if only slightly. Izaya kept his eyes on the floor but at least he was responding to his environment.

"You're better already."

A bitter chuckle. Izaya finally established eye contact. Grim resolve stared back at Shizuo.

"I can't recall anything of my past, my memory starts half a year ago. Since then- since then I've been trying to find out just who I was, who I'm supposed to be and do with my life. So I'm not the same person who betrayed you so horribly, not exactly. But I'm also not _not_ the same person. That's why you're entirely entitled to resenting me for as long as you live."

"Wasted too much time doing that already."

"I thought that I had no actual bonds in the past. But at least for a while you were my friend while I was never yours. Somehow, that makes everything so much worse. Fighting a sworn enemy is one thing, going out of my way to hurt you under the cover of friendship is…monstrous."

"It bothers you?"

"In more ways than one. And I can't even tell what my reasons were. Why did I hurt you so badly? For the lols? Pure sadism? Because I could? Was it part of some highly convoluted plan? I can't say."

"Odds are you had all sorts of reasons but my guess would be, you did it because it was fun."

Izaya smiled sadly.

"'Fun', huh. Incidentally, I have no idea what 'The Plan' is all about. There are no records of it and I can't even access most of the information I do have access to. In other words, 'Orihara Izaya' is mostly a paper tiger at the moment."

"Why are you telling me all this now?"

Izaya had regained his poise completely but Shizuo was not entirely sure he cared for his attitude.

"You can ruin me by simply leaking this information. There would be some resistance, both Namie-san and Shiki-san would fight it but only to some extent. Once it becomes clear that the damage is irrevocable, which would happen the moment someone like, Aoba-kun gets holds of this, they would cut their losses and switch over to a person more useful than I."

"Is this your idea of making it up to me?"

Izaya shrugged.

"I'm giving you the tools to destroy all that I've built. What you do with them is entirely up to you."

"I'd like to think you're doing this because you trust me but I know better."

"Once my cover is blown I won't be able to operate so I'll end up disappearing from this city. It's not that big a deal, it happens every single day and we do not even notice it."

"I thought the choice was mine? What's with this 'when' business?"


	187. Chapter 187

Izaya walked to where his switchblade was still embedded in the wall, removed it and retracted the blade in one smooth flourish.

"About this, I was aiming at myself. It seems I've become mentally unbalanced. At random intervals I'll see this hallucination. It's myself before I lost my memory and it speaks to me. So far no one other than you knows about it."

Shizuo considered him silently for a while.

"Are you telling me to use this against you- oy, Izaya!"

Izaya had knelt, head bowed to the floor.

"Heiwajima Shizuo, I apologize for all the harm I caused you. That I do not recall it does not excuse me nor does it make it away. I cannot atone. This is all I can do as the person I am now, and that is to give you the weapons to make me pay."

"Lift your head and get up already!"

Shizuo found Izaya's whole attitude to be more than a bit disturbing. He remembered Izaya had done the same when begging Shizuo to save his cat's life and that too had been jarring but this so much worse. It was a lucid capitulation on Izaya's part.

So Shizuo did not mistake Izaya's now obeying him and getting to his feet as a turn for the meek. Only now was Shizuo beginning to become aware of a wealth of pain lurking just beneath Izaya's polished surface and how much backbone it must take just to keep himself afloat.

"At any rate I should leave Ikebukuro. It's your city."

"'Make you pay', huh. Not interested. If you wanna crash and burn then do it yourself. Don't expect me to do it for you."

"All this time I've been thinking, 'ah, this can't last. I should be punished.' That's why when I got stabbed I sort of gave up. Down deep I thought that I had it coming anyway."

"You got amnesia but it's not as if your memory resets, right?"

"It doesn't, why?"

Izaya sounded vaguely curious.

"Then you should remember what I told you not too long ago. That I didn't hate you as you're now."

"I remember that, of course but,"

"But aren't you missing something real important here? I didn't forget what you did to me, I've known it all this time. And I still got along with you. Yeah, odds are I'm too dumb to know better, but that's the way it is."

"That's…something I can't understand."

"Good. As for 'paying' and whatnot, by the looks of it you've more than done that already. So let's just say we're even and leave it at that."

Izaya opened and closed his mouth silently before replying.

"You can't be serious."

"I'm serious alright."

Something like anger blazed in Izaya's eyes, cutting through the dull resignation.

"Why! What sense does that even make! Then again…why did you keep it all this time?"

Izaya picked up the photograph and studied it anew.

"Guess I wanted some kind of proof, something I could touch- some kind of proof it all happened."

"This may be the first time I see myself when I was this age…and you look weird without blonde hair."

Shock and aggression having been if not fully processed at least pushed to the side, Izaya's natural curiosity kicked it. He was aware that he channeling his thirst for knowledge to divert his emotions.

"But you can still tell it's me?"

"I can. Somehow, you're the one thing I did not entirely forget."

And Izaya did not sound too happy about it.

"Yeah?"

"It has crossed my mind, of course…that I did this to myself. Again, I do not why. But it is entirely possible I'd make myself forget. If so- if so then I did not simply wander into Shiki-san by mere coincidence."

"And you can't get your memories back."

Izaya granted him a wan smile.

"Actually, I could. At the expense of all I do remember. If I toss aside who I am now, I can regain who I once was."

"And you turned that down?"

"Ah, I turned it down, yes. I couldn't do it. Why does 'that Orihara Izaya' have more of a right to exist than I do? It's not as if he was even a decent person! Ah, that's not entirely honest of me. Even if he had been a saint and a bringer of joy to all, I'd still not forfeit who I now am for his sake. I cannot do that."

Shizuo abstained from telling Orihara Izaya that such as a stance very much what Orihara Izaya would take.

"Do you want to get your memories back?"


	188. Chapter 188

"I do and I don't. I'm afraid of what it'd do to me. Even now for all I know I've become part of the plan and am still working to its eventual fruition without even realizing. Maybe one day I decided that instead of just toying with my paws I'd throw myself on the board myself and see how far that takes me."

As paranoid as it sounded Shizuo could not even dispel Izaya's worry as unfounded.

"The plan, huh."

"There are times when I can almost glimpse the plan, or at least its essence and it never fails to scare me. I am sure it will bring much pain to many. And that's not something I want to be a part of. That much I do know."

"Kinda goes without saying but no one can live your life for you."

Even to Shizuo it sounded trite to make much of an impact and judging by the cursory nod Izaya felt the same way.

"But I have a full proof way of deviating from plan. It's not something I look forward to but if it comes to that I can sabotage it completely."

In the hindsight that the next seconds gave Shizuo he realized that he should have seen it coming. There was a silvery flourish and the switchblade materialized, its edge placed on Izaya's throat.

"Put that down,"

"Even if he predicted this he's still powerless to stop it."

There was a kind triumphant insanity to Izaya's entire stance. Izaya smiled widely, the blade did not waver.

"You're too blade happy."

Shizuo considered knocking the switchblade out or simply force him to drop it but it was risky. And unnecessary as Izaya now withdrew it with yet another flourish and returned it to a pocket.

"It's just a last resort."

"Bad idea all around."

Izaya ignored his altogether. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and smiled innocently as he opened them. Izaya held out his hand to be shaken.

"Let me try this again. My name is Orihara Izaya, nice to meet you."

* * *

><p>"'Day three, Strong Boy is here again and once more he got beaten to a pulp. Why does it always come to that, Strong Boy?'"<p>

Skinny legs, knees, blue shorts, plain white shirt, annoying smile. Shizuo became aware of these in this order. As much as Shizuo wanted to simply stomp curb the ever so aggravating kid he presently had no strength left. Just lying on the warm concrete, the sun ablaze on his eyes as he grasped for air was all he could manage. It had been another lousy afternoon for Heiwajima Shizuo, age 10.

"Thought I told you to get lost already,"

"But I can't. You see, I'm writing a summer diary about you so I have to observe you."

Shizuo sat with a wince, spat some blood and glared. Darkish hair tumbled over the forehead.

"Go observe someone else."

"What's your name? I'm Orihara Izaya, by the way."

Izaya offered his tiny hand that Shizuo pointedly ignored.

"None of your business."

"I told my name, you could tell me yours..."

"Ain't gonna happen so get lost."

Shizuo jumped to his feet and proceeded to shake the dust from his clothes.

"You know, no matter how strong you are you'll be in trouble if those cuts get infected."

"Yeah, yeah."

Izaya produced a handkerchief at which Shizuo did not even glance. Instead he dragged him and collapse on a nearby bench. Izaya sat on the other end of the bench. For a while neither spoke.

"Strong Boy, human beings will gang up against you out of a herd instinct for self-preservation. You should get used to it because it will probably happen throughout your all life."

"What do you know."

There were many things that angered Shizuo, so many he could not even begin to name them but smartasses were very high on the list. Normally at this point his interlocutors had long ago scrambled as they sensed Shizuo's rage mounting. Izaya merely pulled up his small knees and rested his chin therein.

"I told you already, I've been observing you. I am very good at that."

"Go observe someone else and leave me alone."

"I choose to observe you."

"How about I punch your face in?"

Izaya tilted his head to the side as if giving this serious consideration.

"You can try."

Shizuo did just that. It went no further than trying because Izaya dodged easily by simply sliding backwards, rolling over and landing on his feet. Shizuo took another swing and Izaya responded by skipping sideways.


	189. Chapter 189

"Stay still and let me hit you already!"

Izaya giggled.

"As if. Keep on trying, Strong Boy! You can do it!"

Shizuo growled and dashed almost blindly. Izaya neatly frog leaped him and hauled himself on top of a tree branch.

"Hey! That's cheating! Come down so I can you beat you up!"

"Okay but on one condition. When I knock you down you'll tell me your name."

Shizuo smiled. It was not friendly.

"Oh yeah, you got a deal alright..."

"Yay!"

Izaya jumped down so as to land right in front of Shizuo who immediately prepared as if to lounge. Before he could do it Izaya tripped him and sure enough Shizuo went crashing down.

"Shit,"

Izaya let him pant for a while and then crouched, offering his hand again.

"Let me introduce myself once more. I'm Orihara Izaya, nice to meet you."

Shizuo glared viciously at Izaya for a while. At length,

"Heiwajima,"

"Heiwajima? Heiwajima what?"

"Shizuo,"

"Heiwajima Shizuo! Heh, as in, 'peace'? No way, no way!"

Izaya giggled uncontrollably, the laughter ringing almost shrilly. Shizuo got up slowly.

"Got a problem with it?"

"None at all. And 'Shizuo'? Is that written with the kanji for 'quiet'? Like this?"

Izaya was already busy scribbling on the dirt with a branch. Shizuo studied the very delicate characters.

"You're missing one."

"Hm…[平和島静], 'Heiwajima Shizu'. If you don't know the last character I really can't help you here. Oh, I know! 'Shizu-chan' it is, then!"

"The hell, who do you think you're chan-ing?!"

Izaya placated him with some gesturing.

"It's okay, Shizu-chan! Here's how you write my name, [折原臨也]."

Shizuo appeared at the newly dug characters and frowned.

"Like I can read that,"

"I just told you my name…it's Orihara Izaya. Ori-hara Iza-ya."

"Good for you"

Still crouched, Izaya proceeded to rock back and forth in a weird display of well-honed balance.

"You shouldn't underestimate me too much, you know. Let's be friends, Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo was sure he could at least land a kick now but Izaya easily jumped backwards.

"Stop calling me that!"

"But we don't know the last character to your name…so I can't use it. Neh?"

Shizuo fumed for a while then reached into his wallet and flung his train pass at Izaya who grabbed it in mid-air between two fingers.

"There! There's the bloody character!"

Izaya spun around, his eyes on the pass yet neatly avoiding getting within Shizuo's reach.

"Heiwajima Shizuo, [平和島静雄]! Heh, how neat! Born January 28th. You know, giving people your personal information like this is hardly wise. One day you'll run into a bad person and pay for it."

Izaya's smile was sweet as he returned the pass to Shizuo who pocked it with a grumble.

"Aren't you going away or something."

"How about blood type? Maybe I should just cut you and find out for myself? Just kidding."

Shizuo was used to kids picking a fight although there was circle of isolation widening around him but they were never this tiny and smiley. Nor did they face him on their own like this.

"You've been stalking me for a while, aren't you afraid of me?"

Izaya titled his head to the side.

"Why should I be? It's not as if you can actually hit me."

Shizuo smirked.

"Oh really? You wanna stick around to see how well that goes for you?"

"Sure thing!"

"Don't come crying to me if you get hurt, Izaya-kun."

"Why so cold, Shizu-chan! Call me Iza-chan."

"Like that's gonna happen."

Izaya laced his hands behind his back and swung back and forth on the balls of his feet. Shizuo watched in borderline fascination as Izaya cheated gravity ever so effortlessly.

"Neh, Shizu-chan…you need be more careful with your body. At this rate you'll end up dying."

"Yeah and you'd cry a river."

"Of course I'd be sad. I'd be very sad. After all, I'm planning to have lots and lots of fun with you for years to come."


End file.
